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+--- Thread: Dragoncrest Cliffs Till my dying day (/showthread.php?tid=50915)
Till my dying day - Rosalyn - April 16, 2022
maybe @Jorunn? I don't think we've had one!
When Rosalyn returned, she was disoriented. Her initial rest brought some measure of clarity with it, but it didn't return the knowledge of Val to her. Nor did it fix the sense of unease that seemed to have pervaded along with his arrival. The inconsistencies were getting harder and harder to ignore, the more glaring and alarming they became. This one was the worst by far.
She carried it with her away from the den and to the shore, where she settled down, hoping the waves would help her to sleep better. Instead they brought her a nightmare.
She dreamed of Raleska. Her daughter, broken and bloody, staring at her with accusing and long-dead eyes. There were no words, but when she woke with a small cry, she remembered. Valravn. He had been hers. How could she forget?!
She should find him and apologize. Rosalyn shook with the memory of those eyes and the guilt that threatened to overwhelm her, but she didn't get up just yet to do so. She had no idea how to even begin confessing to this. There was no way to explain, it seemed, that would not destroy her.
RE: Till my dying day - Jorunn - April 16, 2022
jorunn was no stranger to the edge of sapphique, where their claimed land met their treasured waters. and she was no stranger to unusual sounds, sounds that demanded some bare minimum investigation.
a small cry. not the kind that filled the den of slumbering babes.
it would not take her long to find the form of rosalyn, and jorunn felt something weigh her down at the sight of the woman. heartache perhaps. she could not pin it directly beyond that.
rosalyn,she murmured softly, approaching with a gentle look on her face.
RE: Till my dying day - Rosalyn - April 17, 2022
Rosalyn had refused to accept what this might mean and would continue to do so for as long as she could. While she struggled to find a way to explain it, she knew that some excuse was the only option. Because there had to be one. This would not be her reality.
Jorunn's expression caught Rosalyn and immediately set her on edge. They had rarely spoken before, and she knew that her wife enjoyed the woman's company. But the last thing she wanted to see was a reflection of her own shortcomings in the sympathy of a packmate.
Erzulie is not here.She replied curtly, choosing to remain reclined as she was and looking pointedly out at the sea.
RE: Till my dying day - Jorunn - April 17, 2022
shameless emotional dump post :v
immediately, jorunn felt only the searing hot ire of a wife. she had never felt such ravenous shame in her whole life. enough for once kind features to fall into an almost stunned look, as if her chest had been kicked by the springing jump of a doe.
i am not here for her.
she admitted, tone washed into a neutral state. jorunn suddenly aware of every shortcoming she may have ever had in sapphique and so very desperate to hide it behind her own stoic face. a look that was not nearly as trained as the steely one of rosalyn.
perhaps it was stupidity, perhaps it was the need to prove some outlandish point. she would sit herself down as well. eyes turned out to the sea.
she only now thought of how many times she had wished in late nights to occupy the bed of—
hush.
we do not have to talk of the bad. we do not have to talk at all. i only ask to stay.
an offer to perhaps build something in silence, if rosalyn did not turn further knifed words against her.
RE: Till my dying day - Rosalyn - April 17, 2022
She was being unkind. She recognized that and even felt a touch of shame, but her expression did not warm until she said that they did not need to speak. Only then did it soften, slowly, as she nodded. Fine.
The distraction, and the company, were welcome. She didn't know anything of the struggle that Jorunn was feeling, but she knew her wife better than any other creature on this earth. She knew her words and she knew what the spaces between those words meant. The things she left unsaid sometimes were even louder than those she spoke.
And Rosalyn had her suspicions.
She is fond of you. And you do a lot for her. Thank you for that.The statement was genuine, but as she listened, Rosalyn turned to study Jorunn from the side.
She would not pry into her wife's heart; she knew better than that. But she was tired, and she was tired of seeing the worry that seemed to follow Erzulie as a shroud. If there was anything that could lift that burden, even for a night... she would see her have it.
RE: Till my dying day - Jorunn - April 17, 2022
she did not know what to do, but it seemed she had briefly appeased rosalyn nonetheless. perhaps it was... unintentional. the woman's sharpness and mention of none other than erzulie.
but it did not cease.
you do not need to thank me,she admitted softly, eyes briefly flickered from the sea to rosalyn.
i would do what you need, too. you should only ask.and it was the truth, even if the need to appease rosalyn came from a different crevice of her heart.
this time, as her gaze lingered still on rosalyn, it was with a soft curiosity.
what could possibly appease a surely knowing wife?
RE: Till my dying day - Rosalyn - April 17, 2022
This was not a conversation that Rosalyn planned to have with Jorunn at any point in time. But now she found herself tempted, as the woman made her offer. There was no favor she wanted from any of them aside from the respect she was already given. Her struggles were her own to overcome.
But there was something she could do.
This talk had begun because her wife was a safe topic of discussion amongst the minefield that was the rest of their family. Albeit only from Rosalyn's perspective. She didn't see anything to indicate much from Jorunn's side, any signal that she might return whatever Erzulie might feel.
But there was no danger in being open here. Even if the feelings did not exist on either side. At least then they could choose, rather than the stupidity that was the alternative - stepping around her own perceived feelings about the matter. Her only hesitation was in that she felt her wife should already know better.
I have everything that I need. But I worry about her.This was the part that she did not like confessing.
She has our family, and we will always have one another. But you give her something simple.Despite the nonchalance, she felt a welling of grief at this statement. As much as she wished to deny it, this simplicity was no longer a reality that she could give.
Our marriage is not something small enough to be threatened by other affections. We've always been open about that.She was able to smile as she said this. It was something that she was honestly proud of, and it seemed much more real than the insecurity that plagued other mateships.
If it isn't something you want, then keep being her friend. If it is, then as a favor to me, follow it. If she is holding back as I suspect, she's doing it for the wrong reasons.
There was a chance that this was an overstep and that she was meddling where she was not wanted. It was so slim, however, that it was well worth the risk. If she was forced to become a burden on her wife, she refused to become the kind that would bear her down, away from the things she wanted. She would make herself a stepping stone instead, as often as she could, as well as she could.
RE: Till my dying day - Jorunn - April 17, 2022
she listened, unwilling to break any string of word that rosalyn wisely spoke in these moments. part of her wondered if this was truly meant, but even in whatever plagued the older woman, she still seemed sincere and serious.
then jorunn wondered if this was a fever dream.
what if her eyes opened and she was back in the bypass? full of strangers and full of a heart of noble deeds with the thought of erzulie plaguing her. or maybe she would stir and find herself at the start of her life once more. nothing but a babe near a mother's side with a head full of dreams.
or perhaps it was real. sapphique had shown her love and love again in a hundred different ways. now sapphique showed her love once more. in the blessing and understanding words of rosalyn, who opened a door that jorunn had been poorly attempting to lock.
i have seen and heard the strength of your union,she started with softly.
i did not want to step between, but as you say, you two are stronger than that.
and it is true. i want to give her affections and simplicity.why hide now that the door was open? when she looked upon rosalyn there was no more guilt. merely an almost teary eyed thankfulness. to be seen and be heard by the one she perhaps feared most through all of this.
so i will follow it, as your favor.
a soft smile as she blinked her eyes clear and hastily looked back to the sea.
it was funny, she thought, how she had said she had not come for erzulie. yet here they were, speaking of the favored woman and the softness between them.
RE: Till my dying day - Rosalyn - April 17, 2022
It was hard for her to imagine that anyone would pass on the chance. So hearing that Jorunn confirmed it did not surprise her. It was different that she was a woman, when they had only ever shared one another with men, but she still failed to find any jealousy within her for it. It would be a deeper connection, perhaps, but there was nothing that could supplant the years of her mateship. She trusted that.
Her only regret, maybe, was how she spoke of such things as a bystander. It reminded her of her age and how heavily the years had fallen on her. There was a time when she might have looked upon Jorunn similarly, and perhaps flattered herself to think it would have been returned. She could no longer envision it.
Good. I suppose you'll have to decide if it ends up being enough. For some it wouldn't be.Njord came to mind, but he'd found happiness with another quickly enough. Perhaps to the detriment of his children, but that was a situation for another moment. Jorunn at least would not have that problem.
I hope it doesn't offend, but I'm not worried about being replaced.She said this with a slight laugh behind the words, but she did not mean it as an insult. She just wanted it to be clear that her mind would not change, and she would not suddenly shift to jealousy one of these days.
Jorunn was young, but she was also kind. Clearly she had put some thought towards Rosalyn in her dealings with Erzulie, something that amused her with its lack of necessity, but also endeared her to the woman more. She was honest and perhaps having her around more would do some good even outside of her wife.
RE: Till my dying day - Jorunn - April 17, 2022
would it be enough?
in these precious, private moments with rosalyn it certainly felt like enough. it felt like the universe had opened up before her, a new light shining upon her. but she knew it was still a fair thing to wonder.
for now, she could not speak on it.
jorunn's features cracked with further warmth at the honesty of rosalyn. a small, light laugh of her own.
i do not think i could be a replacement for a woman as you.it was the truth. jorunn was not the same woman that rosalyn was, she would never fill the type of position of the ruby no matter what.
i do wish to know you more too, rosalyn.she admitted softly. it was a shame that it took the bloom of erzulie for them to bond further, but jorunn would not dash the opportunities that had been presented.
RE: Till my dying day - Rosalyn - April 17, 2022
me neglecting all my other threads but I LOVE HER so much ;.; this thread is so good
The words did not sound like an empty platitude meant to make her feel a part of anything she wasn't. She had never felt sidelined in Sapphique except perhaps in a few hard moments of her transition. But she certainly felt less visible these days, more a feature of the land than a part of the life that coursed around her. New beginnings thrived around her and she had held no part in any of them, not even the ones she called her own.
It was nice to hear it said genuinely and without concern.
Is there anything in particular you would like to know?She almost didn't offer, but the conversation was worth continuing. It was dangerous to open a past up for review when she had so few real answers to offer. Some days she seemed to barely know herself anymore. The fear of that was muted, however, on a clear day like today. Whatever she asked, Rosalyn would manage it.
RE: Till my dying day - Jorunn - April 17, 2022
very much the same here ;; this thread has been my motivation all day
it was good to be welcomed, it was good to be seen by clear eyes and to have her invitation accepted.
you are a warrior and traveler, no?another smile. this one came easier and warmer. perhaps rosalyn could see where this was headed.
i bet you have many stories, perhaps you would spend the daylight with me and tell me some of them.
it would be improper to dash away so swiftly and getting to truly know somebody took time. why not start now?
RE: Till my dying day - Rosalyn - April 18, 2022
It occurred to Rosalyn belatedly that she had opened a door for Jorunn and then stepped in front, delaying her before she could enter it. The woman didn't seem bothered, but Rosalyn noted it anyway. Perhaps she shouldn't keep her long.
I was. The mental correction was automatic. It felt needlessly morose to say the words out loud, but the distinction was heavy, especially in the latter title. She was certainly no traveler now.
This question was harder than she expected. Rosalyn was silent for a moment, searching for any moments that stood out, any stories that she remembered well enough to be worth telling. Past Sapphique, and even partially within it, most things were fragmented. Portions missing, things out of line... but there had been moments.
She no longer remembered the pack's name, it's founding or its members... but she remembered the bear.
I can tell you the story of our first pack, how it fell and how we came to be here. It is not a happy story, but it has a better ending.Clearly - Sapphique was the eventual outcome. Everything they had suffered had led to this.
She spent the next length of time speaking about their struggle against the bear and her wife's bravery (and skill) alongside her. The search for a new home, then the founding of a new pack. The name came from somewhere.
Rusalka.A pack that eventually would become Sapphique, when the men were cast down and the cliffs were claimed.
While vague in parts, it was mostly true. After she told it, she would share a bit more time in the woman's company, then excuse herself with a smile... freeing Jorunn to go seek others.
fading here, if you like! They'll have to have another sometime for sure <3