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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera life (/showthread.php?tid=51705)
life - Eljay - June 29, 2022
all welcome, but maybe @Bronco ?
Things were well in Brecheliant; fairly peaceful, all in all, and the Auspex felt content. He could feel his body aging, though — this year had been rougher on him than those before. It seemed like things were going faster, now. He couldn't keep up with his children as well when they played; already, the young ones were getting faster than him. Eljay hated to admit that he was getting old, and he had hidden it thus far, but now he was beginning to accept these facts to himself, and he could not help but wonder if he'd be able to father another litter in the next year; he might not be able to help as much as he'd like, and be more dependent on the pack; a thought he disliked.
Redhawk Caldera brought many memories back to Eljay. While it had felt good to reclaim it, and while it felt good to father this year's children at the Blackthorn den, Eljay's mind also drowned in thoughts of youth; his parents, his uncle and aunt, and of course Towhee and Niamh.
The caretaker wandered the pack's borders in a rare moment of silence while he tried to push these old thoughts of nostalgia away and focus on the now. His gait was slow; either because he was enjoying the walk, or because his body did not allow him to move much faster.
RE: life - RIP Bronco - July 01, 2022
Bronco had come back from his visit to Sapphique a few days ago, and had spent his time dutifully working a bit overtime reinforcing the boundaries. His mind was still a whirl from the whole experience; from the stranger he’d met along the way to seeing Meerkat for the first time in so long. Time really did pass too quickly.
It felt like it was time for him to call out and find out how Killdeer was doing- and if he could get leave from his home in Mereo, perhaps come to Brechelient for a weekend. He considered these things while he roved along, pausing and lifting his head when he heard another wolf coming along in the opposite direction.
He woofed softly, to catch Eljay’s attention, and padded toward him. At one point in his life, Bronco had challenged himself to find a way to get Eljay to come out of his shell. Now, though, he understood why Eljay was so reserved and poised.
RE: life - Eljay - July 07, 2022
At Bronco's nearing Eljay smiled. It was good to see the man back in the Caldera. He'd meant to seek the man out, and it seemed fate was helping him along in that.
Good to see you,he said with a soft smile as bronco approached and woofed at him.
How is it to be home again?Eljay wasn't too sure where Bronco had been in the meantime or why he'd returned, but it had to be good to be here again for him, surely.
RE: life - RIP Bronco - July 07, 2022
Home.
Home had been so many different places for him, he’d forgotten what exactly home was meant to be. Was it the place you were born, a place you’d lived, the place that had the most family or the place that you slept at nigtt but? From the Copse to Moonspear to the Caldera, to the Glen and on and on the list went. He struggled visibly with the question but pulled himself around with an ashamed smile and a shrug. This place, for the time being, was home. It likely felt more like home to Eljay, who he thought had been born here, who had family here, and who lived here.
”It’s nice here,” He said. He hoped it wouldn’t bother Eljay that he wasn’t more enthusiastic about labelling the place as “home.” It was as close as he could be to Mereo, so he could visit with Killdeer without getting in trouble.
”I appreciate you guys taking me in.” he said. ”I, uh…Didn’t make such a good impression on the big guy in charge at Mereo, so…” He said. Something inside him felt obligated to explain why he was at Brechelient. ”That’s where Killdeer is. And Towhee.” He said, though he figured Eljay might already be aware of that. ”Have you uh…Have you gone up that way? Met the whole…Sergeant or whatever the guy in charge is called?”
RE: life - Eljay - July 11, 2022
It seemed the question brought forward a lot of feelings. Eljay frowned; he hadn't meant to put Bronco on the spot like that. Soon it became evident that to Bronco this place might not be home as much as it was to Eljay. As a matter of fact, it seemed almost like the only reason Bronco had joined was because he had not been accepted at Mereo.
Still, though, hearing that Killdeer was there Eljay understood it well enough.
Killdeer is welcome here too, if...If that's what they wanted, too. Towhee, he supposed, too, but it was a lot harder to think about.
I'm sorry, I wasn't aware. I actually didn't even know they were there. So uh, no, I haven't been up there to meet anyone.Eljay, as always, was not that aware of what was going on in the rest of the world. He was clearly a bit embarrassed about that, though not ashamed.
RE: life - RIP Bronco - July 12, 2022
He nodded appreciatively at Eljay’s welcome but uttered a bitter, hollow laugh. ”Ah ya know. I appreciate that, and I’d have him here in a minute but…He wants to be there.” He said. Killdeer had been raised in an environment that encouraged him to be independent, and nurture his self-confidence. ”Kids,” He sighed, with a defeated shrug.
Bronco had been hoping that Eljay’d met Germanicus, and that perhaps he might also be leery of the commander for his militant style. It was still a relief to know at least that Eljay and Germanicus weren’t best friends; that might’ve made things awkward.
”Well…I wanna believe Killdeer is in good hands, but I’m not so sure about the whole…Military pack thing.” He said, with a soft shake of his head. ”I just don’t like the idea of him being drawn into some war or something, or…Brainwashed into liking violence and fighting.” It didn’t seem possible for anyone to rattle Killdeer from his good instincts and friendly nature- but Germanicus, somehow, seemed like he could have that effect on anyone, if he wanted to.
”Then again, I probably would’ve done the same thing when I was younger. I went to train with Hydra in Moonspear, but it wasn’t like…I wasn’t trained for the purpose of battle, just how to be a good guardian. And even that’s ridiculous to me nowadays because I couldn’t fight someone if my own life was on the line.” He said.
He’d been staring off into the distance as he talked, seemingly mindlessly. He seemed to snap back to reality when he admitted that truth about himself that suddenly made him feel very self-conscious. He blushed and dipped his head in an apology. ”Sorry, I’m…Rambling.” Eljay hadn’t even tried to coax the admission out of him, but for some reason, he felt like the right wolf to talk to.
RE: life - Eljay - July 16, 2022
Ah,Eljay said with a nod as Bronco elaborated. He knew too well; immediately, his mind was drawn back to Elfie, who'd left and had then gotten in an accident. Weejay lived elsewhere too, though Eljay did not mind that as much. He was grateful that Sylvie, Hymnal and Roswell had stayed, though.
I get it. I've never had that urge myself when I was young, but it does seem many kids like to strike out on their own.Eljay wanted to say he hoped Killdeer would be back, but honestly he didn't know the young man well enough to make such assessments so he kept it to himself.
Bronco further elaborated on the pack. A military pack? War? It didn't sound good, and Eljay could imagine why Bronco was so worried. He frowned thoughtfully.
That does sound like quite something.Though Eljay himself didn't think that positively about Moonspear necessarily, he had never seen them as a warring pack necessarily (just.. aggressive and opinionated; but his opinion was formed largely by how Towhee's friendship with them had driven out Wraen from the Firebirds).
I understand your concern, and I don't mind listening at all. There's no need to apologise,Eljay said with a soft, reassuring smile.
It's hard when children make their own choices and we don't always agree with those choices...Again, he couldn't help but think of Elfie.
RE: life - RIP Bronco - July 18, 2022
Eljay understood- perhaps that was why Bronco instinctively invested so much trust in him- the same way he’d felt so easy talking with Wraen. He hadn’t truly felt safe confessing anything to anyone in such a long time, and it suddenly felt as though a sealed cupboard had been opened and the truth was finally able to spill forth, like tiny treasures stored safely long ago.
”I wish I’d known when I was a kid just how much stress it causes parents for their kids to go wanderin’, or that there was some way to get that through to our kids so they…I dunno. They’ll understand it someday.” He said with a smile, though it never truly reached his eyes and it faded the more he considered that fact. He knew Eljay’s eldest children had also A sudden, intrusive thought struck him and he blurted it out loud.
”I wonder if my Dad would’ve been…” Once he caught up with his thought, he trailed off. He felt the corners of his lips jiggle unexpectedly, so he drew in a breath. ”Did I ever ask you…What he was like, when you were a kid, or growing up?” He asked.
RE: life - Eljay - July 26, 2022
Eljay had always been such a homebody, so for him it was even harder to empathise with children running off. He'd only left home willingly when he was two years old, and only because he felt that he was a bother to everyone in the pack at the time. Eljay nodded as Bronco said it, though. He certainly wished that they did understand.
Usually when it's too late,Eljay said with a sad smile. He was quite happy that Sylvie, Roswell and Hymnal had been such stay-at-homers; it made him feel truly blessed. Even Weejay had just gone to the Frosthawks, which was alright; at least she wasn't wandering around the wilds, potentially getting hurt.
At the mention of Bronco's father, Eljay frowned. He thought back; he hadn't known Uncle Colt until he was an adult, at least; maybe like three years old? Four? It was all a bit blurry for Eljay, but he remembered that his uncle was a good man. Not a very emotional man, but good. A lot like Finley, actually, in many ways.
He was a good man. Helped me out a lot when I was insecure.He remembered being halfway on his way to Wildfire's Copse when it was just formed when he had a panic attack. It was his uncle who had found him, and when Wiffle had shown up he'd joined Eljay at the Copse.
I just... He was taken away from us so quickly. I know it must've been so hard for you — you were still so young. The last time we talked, he really tried to console me about Wildfire's death, but I... I barely even talked to him.It was clear to see on Eljay's face that he was remorseful of that. He felt so bad that they hadn't been able to have a last talk. He really wished that he'd at least been able to say good-bye; thank Uncle Colt for everything he'd done for Eljay.
RE: life - RIP Bronco - September 01, 2022
Too late. That comment stuck with him; he only hoped that history wouldn't repeat itself, and that his son might grow up without a father. A distant one was one thing, but at least he could contact his son with relative ease, whereas he could only find some sort of contact with his father through the memories that others had of him. And those wolves were becoming fewer and fewer as well.
Fortunately, Eljay remembered him, and his memories were fond. It choked Bronco up a bit to hear that Colt had been a good influence on Eljay. When he mentioned the name Wildfire, a stream of early memories came to him. Living in the Copse, where he'd been born- the visits Eljay had paid to the young family, despite bearing something Bronco hadn't really realized until now had been the hangdog expression of a wolf pushing his way through grief. Doing his best to smile upon others who had both a partner and children, when he'd been left a widower with two young children. He was glad to hear that his father had tried to help Eljay through his grief, and could forgive the man easily for not receiving that advice whole-heartedly at the time.
"I'm sure he understood, what it's like to know how it feels to lose someone...So he'd forgive you for, y'know, not bein' in the best spirits." He said. He'd been told a bit about his father's life, previous to his marriage to Niamh, and knew that there had been a loss there. "Wildfire was Elfie an' Weejay's Mom, right?" He asked, trying to piece together some of his earliest memories.
RE: life - Eljay - September 12, 2022
Eljay smiled appreciatively as Bronco said that surely, Colt had understood. It was true; if Eljay were to offer advice to anyone undergoing what he did with Wildfire, then he would understand as well if they would not receive it well, especially from a man standing by the side of a loving woman who was there to help him raise his children. It gave him some solace; he had never really thought of it that way.
Thanks,he said softly to Bronco, smiling.
I'd never thought of it that way.It made perfect sense, though, and put his guilt to ease. Colt had been a good uncle; it was unfortunate that their time together was cut short, just like how he would've been an amazing dad to Bronco had he truly had the opportunity to see his son grow. He'd be proud of Bronco today, surely.
It hadn't occurred to Eljay that Bronco might not know Wildfire. Eljay forgot how old he was getting, sometimes. He nodded.
Yes. We'd only just gotten together just before they were born. And then she got ill and passed away quickly and suddenly.It felt like a matter of days to Eljay, even though that was probably because it had taken him so long to realise that something was so terribly wrong with Wildfire.
I guess that's why it was a lot worse. Even though we grew up together, it felt like only then I got to see her in a new light, and we never had the time together to get to know each other as these new wolves we suddenly saw each other as.The missed opportunities and missed growth were perhaps worse than the pain of all the good memories.
RE: life - RIP Bronco - November 19, 2022
Bronco knew the weight of guilt, and carried it with him regularly. Learning when to remove a layer of it was something he too was trying to work on, though somedays it seemed a bit harder to let go. Talking to Eljay made him feel like he was home, even though he didn't have an exact definition for what that meant. It wasn't that he reminded Bronco of a place, or a particular point in his life- he simply showed Bronco that a peaceful life could exist. One where giving care was a default, where kind words shared freely, and where a compassionate, empathetic ear would always listen.
So for someone like this to have experienced losing the wolf they loved, it made Bronco's heart twinge with pain for the man. He could remember Eljay being sad. He vaguely recalled going to try and cheer him up, once- but he wouldn't have understood at that point the true profoundness of grief yet, or known how to console him. He felt his cheeks grow warm, as if threatening to supply his eyes with tears. "That...Yeah, that sounds like...It'd be hard to forgive." he said. "It's not like anyone can choose when it happens, but sometimes, you can kind of reckon with it...If someone's lived a long, full life, gets to play with their grandbabies, see their children become leaders, live their own lives..It's a bit easier to forgive death for taking them if life gives you enough time to know them, love them, and....Hold onto them...I mean, it's never really long enough, when you really love someone...But losing someone too early just...It feels wrong, and there's really nowhere to direct that injustice, and no way of fixing it, you know?" He felt Eljay would understand. For Bronco, Colt had died far too young. Primrose....Primrose was a loss so cruel and untimely that he still believed that that was had made his mother go mad. He'd become quite sombre. He gazed at the ground and thoughtfully crossed his forepaws. "It's not fair, sometimes."
RE: life - Eljay - December 06, 2022
Bronco's mood seemed to worsen as the subjects grew so dark. Eljay wanted to leave space for these bad subjects as well, though, because sometimes it was important to speak your mind about them. He nodded as Bronco said that it could be unfair when someone was taken away so early. It really was, and the worst was that it seemed almost everyone had to deal with it sooner or later. Eljay had not been in a place to deal with it at the time, and he often wished that his uncle Colt, too, had lived long enough so that he could've thanked him for all his support some day — now, perhaps — when he was finally in a better place again.
It isn't,Eljay agreed solemnly to Bronco. At least they had each other to talk to these things about — for that, Eljay was more grateful than he could express in words.
we can fade here, unless you want to continue? :)