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+--- Thread: Northstar Vale choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver (/showthread.php?tid=54026)
choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 10, 2023
I went with continuation.. hope that's okay!
Exhaustion had taken her, her emotions in an absolute torrent the moment she and @Reyson had drifted away from the others to find seclusion. She wanted to cry—had cried, in silent intervals—trying her best to hold the soft sobs in and hoping Reyson would not notice the tremble in her tiny frame.
And so when she led him to a copse of trees in the vale, she finally stopped, feeling her heart hammer in her chest, knowing he would have so many questions—so she did the best she could to delay those, unable to bring the words forward right now of the danger she had apparently placed her pack in—she questioned him instead. “Tamar said you…. You were hurt. Reyson?” Her voice soft, her composure hanging by a thread—her honeyed eyes sought him now.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 10, 2023
Fine with me
Reyson had seen her tiny frame shake. Had her the stifled sobs and he had been unable to do anything for her. So he had followed. He had a million things running through his head. And the stinging of his face and head didn't help. He'd have time to ask her what was wrong.
She turned to look at him and he reached to pull her close if she'd allow. A hmm deep in his chest.
I had a episode and was caught in bad memories. I ran through some brambles and some thickets. Bloodied my face. It will heal. Maxim found me talked me out of it. Then Tamar found me when I was looking for you.
He frowned and looked her over.
What's wrong love?
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 10, 2023
It was impossible to meet his eyes with her own and pretend to be okay—steeling her nerves and feigning contentment was near impossible in this moment, despite the years experience she had doing so. So she allowed him to pull her to his chest—not just for the comfort it presented her, with his scent and warmth enveloping her, but this way, she could not feel as shamed that she could not look to him now. Not when shame wracked her completely.
She was not done questioning him—ignoring his own curiosity for the moment. Unable to respond. “What triggered your episode?” Her voice was barely above a whisper—she had an idea. Tamar had told her. Had she caused this, as well?
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 10, 2023
Clearly his tiny healer was having a rough go of it. He didn't know what was bothering her. It had something to do with Tamar and Arsenio and the Pharaoh that much he knew, but he couldn't help her if she didn't tell him.
A bone weary sigh worked his way from his throat.
Akashingo. I never should have gone. Once I got there, it was clear I couldn't trust anyone. Everyone had a different agenda. They were all trying to talk to me about different things. And each one had a different story or word to say. And they didn't like that I chose not to use their fellahan's services.
Reyson shifted and lay his head along her shoulders.
Add the paranoia of not being able to trust, to not sleeping because i was fearful to turn my back on any. I was exhausted by the end of my tour. And then I got home and Fennec and Germanicus acosted me at the borders to demand answers, albeit nicely. And it was just a lot of things in a little amount of time.
He didn't blame the leaders of Mereo for wanting to know what he was doing. However, it would have been kind if they could have waited a day or so for him to get sleep.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 10, 2023
Akashingo—the place she had been to had been grand, certainly. It wasn’t a life or culture she wished to inhabit herself—could never picture spending her life preening at others, or looking to be pampered and lavished upon… Her wants were so very basic and simple—and somehow she could still not grasp them, it seemed… For the fear of the loss that was expected to come with it.
He made a point to note to her he would not use their services, and she recalled idly the non-committal way the Pharaoh had spoken of such a thing. He had wanted her to believe Reyson was indeed enjoying himself and the many pleasures the land and people offered—that was where she had felt a puppet… But the reality of it all had struck her.
“Fennec?” Germanicus was within Epoch borders—it unnerved her, somehow—and she scowled. “Did Germanicus follow you here to get an answer? What do they want an answer about?”
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 10, 2023
Reyson had hated Akashingo. It was opulent and rich and there was nothing taht he liked about it. he was much like Meadow, preferring the simple things. The way of life that he could exist quietly. He could be called if he was needed.
Reyson had not been telling her of his choice for praise, perhaps it was a little bit of a small letting her know moment. But really they were clearly upset about him not using the services offered and provided. He didn't see why it mattered, but it did to them.
She is Germanicus's new wife and Imperatrix of Mereo. I believe that is the title. No Germanicus came because Maxim went to get him after my episode, so he knew where i was and if he could possibly help him, being a soldier of war too.
Reyson took a deep breath.
My future. They asked me if I was planning on staying in Mereo. And I told them that if you didn't want too, then no. I'd go whereever you wished. And Meadow I know how you're going to think. So please don't think that I am giving up anything for you. I'm not. Just please don't worry about that. I don't feel obligated or like I have too. It's my choice, if that is what you want to do. Besides I'm tired of being asolider and war and these memories. I want some peace. I want to just be a fighter when I must, not because it is my duty and my job.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 10, 2023
Fennec. Germanicus’ new wife.
Oh.
She nodded against him, feeling a strange numbness grasp her for a moment. She tried to link the mourning Imperator with a wife now—the man who had seemed so broken-hearted over his previous wife… and who Meadow had dared to find alluring. Her attraction to him had been instant—and of course, one-sided.
Lítið dádýr. To believe she could ever be loved—would ever be chosen above another.
And then the man before her did choose her—above all else… and something inside her broke with the thought of it, and no longer could she contain the tears or the tremble of her form as she wept. “I don’t even know if I’ll have a home here or even deserve it for you to stay here, Reyson,” she blubbered—her sobs breaking up her words more often than not.
Tamar had promised her no repercussions—but how could there not be?
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 10, 2023
[quote="Meadow" pid='554784' dateline='1673402309']
Fennec. Germanicus’ new wife.
Oh.
Had Reyson know of her attraction to Germanicus. Reyson wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't have been hurt by it. Not that it happened. Attraction was natural. You found other's attractive, but what you didn't do was leave the one you claimed to love for an attraction. But he would have been upset that she hadn't felt fit to tell him of such a thing.
She began to tremble and the furst of his chest grew wet.
Meadow?
He bent to her whims and cradled her tighter, trying to lick the tears away or anything to keep her from sobbing, because the weeping was ripping out his heart.
What do you mean? Lady Tamar when I spoke with her, was absolutely fearful for you. She didn't tell me why, just that she was. I assure you. Whatever you are worried about, that is one thing you needn't be worried about. Even Aresenio was quick to offer his aid to you.
What happened to hurt you so? Meadow?
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 10, 2023
Like a river dam bursting she could not stop the flood. The look of horror and sadness on Tamar’s face was something she could never forgive herself for—the tears that had wracked the woman as she had relieved her past.
“Tamar… she… she lived in Akashingo once and she was able to leave. And the Pharaoh… He questioned me—about my home… my pack…. And I told him. I told him their names. I didn’t know…. I didn’t know they hid from him! But now he knows… And the gifts he sent back… for me to give them… He knew what it would truly mean to them.”
She slumped further, writhing away from Reyson now, his touch making her feel even more unworthy. “I need to fix this—the fear in her eyes, Reyson it was too much. I did that to her. I never should have…” Her breathing was quick now, her eyes bright, still avoiding his eyes.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 10, 2023
Her crying grew even more intense. His heart was breaking. His own eyes wet, but he held it in. What was he to do. He simply held her as best he could.
Reyson felt a shifting and the hatred for Pharaoh grew ever larger. That beast would die sometime soon, and Reyson hoped to god it was either by his teeth and claws or someone he knew and he could watch the life leave the bastards eyes.
Reyson caught her and drug her back.
First of all stop punishing yourself. You didn't know Meadow. You didn't know. Can you feel bad yes, but you didn't know they were in hiding. Secondly, nothing comes from hiding. And you can't fix this on yourself. There are too many players in the game. The pharaoh is a snake, a viper, and you can't do it alone. It is also clear to me that they don't blame you. That was clear in the way that Arsenio talked to you. I assure you meadow, both Arsenio and Germanicus know what kind of wolf that beast is. They know you aren't to blame. And Tamar made it clear to me she felt the same way.
His voice cracked. The pain there.
Meadow you gotta start trusting yourself a little. You gotta stop doing this to yourself. You are amazing and sweet and kind and that bastard took advantage of it. You did nothing wrong. Please believe me.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 11, 2023
“Arsenio hates him—Tamar told me as much. And once he sees how she is….” He’ll hate me, too, she wanted to say, but she bit the words back—even tasting the copper on her tongue from doing so. She tried to quiet herself—Reyson was so eager to comfort her and she wanted to placate him. A paw lifted to dry at her cheek, her eyes staring miserably to the ground.
She had given the man her leaders and friends had run from a direct location of where to find them. “What if I go back and…. And tell one of them that my pack has been disbanded. Maybe one of his servants will tell him… and he will believe it?”
She blinked, a light frown pulling on her features—the wheels in her mind turning.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 11, 2023
Reyson gave one low growl just to get her attention while she spiraled.
Enough, Meadow. Please just listen.
he backed up and looked her over.
He won't hate you. He's not that type of wolf. And frankly they should have told you. This is no ones fault, but Pharaoh's okay. This is on him. They left because of him. He twisted your words and probably gave you some god awful drink to dull your senses so he could get answers from you. This is not your fault.
Reyson shook his head.
Absolutely not Meadow. he didn't touch you this time, but whose to say he won't next time. The pharaoh takes what he wants and it was clear by the look in his eye that he wanted you. Even if he didn't say anything. Trust me. Why do you think I got so angry and scared?
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 11, 2023
He backed up—after shushing her, and finally, she did look to him—with her chin jutting upward and a fierce glare upon her countenance. “I can’t even blame the drink, Reyson… He just… He asked me questions for information that I wouldn’t have withheld from anyone.” And was that not the problem? Naive little Meadow—so trusting, and the downfall wouldn’t even be her own, but potentially those she loved.
And then he huffed at her, determined that the Pharaoh had been interested in her, and she snorted in disdain and amusement, her low mood spiraling even more so, and not for any logical reason. “Reyson, you assume much about when a man wants me. You don’t like him—with good reason. But he had opportunity and he didn’t. Besides. I wouldn’t even need to see him. I just need to put the idea in one of his… border guards or his servants.”
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 11, 2023
Reyson shifted and returned her glare.
Exactly Meadow, because Arsenio and Tamar didn't tell you. They cannot blame you when you didn't know it was not okay to tell. And you need to stop worrying about them getting angry.
Reyson stared at her dumbfounded, his face growing pale beneath the fur.
You wanted him to show interest in you?
Her wording confused him. The way she said it, almost as if she had wanted him to try something. Just because he hadn't tried something hadn't meant he didn't like her. Reyson saw the lust there, knew the look. And now a crushing feeling was on his chest.
Meadow do you really think that is the best thing.
Reyson took a deep breath and another, pushing the crushing feeling down, down.
Let's look at this logically.
So the Pharaoh knew who it was that you spoke of and he kept asking questions to get answers, correct? So he knew exactly what he was doing and that you didn't know of the history there. So that speaks to a man that is cunning, evil and willing to do whatever he wants to get the information he wants. Do you really think he would listen to his guards or his servants? A man with such a cocked up feeling of importance? All it will do is get you killed or hurt. You want to do something. Then let's go back to Epoch and talk to Tamar and Arsenio or you talk to them. That is the only thing that is going to make you feel better.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 11, 2023
She stared at him—incredulity revealing itself upon her features, as she tended to show her emotions on her sleeve. Reyson thought she wanted the man to show interest in her? Jaw agape for a moment as she thought of her words—she couldn’t grasp where he got that idea. “No,” she hissed, tail lashing behind her. “I said I think you see things where there are none. But thank you for the assumption.”
What had been concern only an hour ago with Tamar had turned to fear, grief and now anger. It was a myriad of emotions and she held them to her chest, feeling suffocated by it all.
And so the two glared at one another.
She stood up abruptly—shoulders squaring. “I need to go for a walk. I need to… to think.”
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Reyson - January 11, 2023
Reyson shook his head.
They say you are an ass when you assume, so clearly i fit the bill at the moment.
He was trying really really hard to pay attention, but jesus she was cute when she was pissed. He had to take another deep breath for an entirely different reason, but you wouldn't be able to tell as always.
Reyson sighed and nodded.
I'll be here when you're done thinking. Be safe.
He wouldn't make her stay if she didn't want too. As mad as she was, it was stupid to do so. If she'd allow he'd give her a gentle nudge on the head and then find a place for a nap.
Because his emotions had run the gambit and he was exhausted and tired and sad. He would probably have another episode this evening and it made his stomach churn.
RE: choke this love 'til the vein starts to shiver - Meadow - January 11, 2023
From quaking with grief and sadness, she was now practically fuming. He practically deflated before her—like a kid who’s favorite balloon just popped. There was a sting of guilt that came with that—she had meant to find him to comfort him, not to find herself in a ridiculous argument.
And yet she needed the space—had to take in what had just happened and steel her emotions.
She allowed him to nudge her on the head, but she made no move to reciprocate. Stony, she turned, silver form fleeing into the foliage of the vale, seeking solitude for her thoughts and to weigh her heavy heart of all that had transpired.