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+--- Thread: Lion Head Mesa life doesn't always go my way (/showthread.php?tid=54030)
life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 11, 2023
Taking some liberties~ If anything is incorrect let me know and I'll edit!
Lessons with @Sokha were commonplace now.
Nazli did her daily duties also; she spent her morning with @Senmut in prayer, aiding him in whatever way was asked of her, and then the afternoon tidying storerooms or cleaning the wellspring. Then she would have dinner, quickly, and spend the evening in Sokha's company or @Sayf's, as they took turns answering her questions and tutoring her in all things passion-related.
They had yet to cross the line with her. Perhaps they saw how awkward the storied lessons were for her. It was an eventual thing she would have to face: these more physical lessons, the carnal quality of her new role within Akashingo. As the lessons moved along and the nights transitioned one after another, Nazli knew she had limited time — and regardless of what was taught to her through stories, her anxiety grew.
This evening, she was pacing in her quarters. Word in the corridors and among the other fellahin had spread that Queen Treva had left on a trip, and there was gossip that @Makono had vanished; but even with the turmoil of these rumors, Nazli could only think of herself.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 11, 2023
senmut thought of her also.
having graduated from we'eb to priest, the majority of his time was spent with akhtar or nala or pharaoh. he still sang the prayers but often he sang now with the priestess of Hathor.
and yet he had not forgotten nazli.
he came across her lilac form by accident today. senmut had come from the serpent and just stepped away from another servant after a vigorous toweling. "nazli," the man said softly, face softening into a smile. he had come to see her, after all. "i brought you this." a piece of rare blue stone, found beside the river.
having graduated from we'eb to priest, the majority of his time was spent with akhtar or nala or pharaoh. he still sang the prayers but often he sang now with the priestess of Hathor.
and yet he had not forgotten nazli.
he came across her lilac form by accident today. senmut had come from the serpent and just stepped away from another servant after a vigorous toweling. "nazli," the man said softly, face softening into a smile. he had come to see her, after all. "i brought you this." a piece of rare blue stone, found beside the river.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 11, 2023
The figure at the door who called to her was not fellahin, but priest; she had not expected him and was surprised to see Senmut standing there. Moreover when he presented to her a gift!
The stone was the bluest thing she had seen in ages.
Oh! It is -- wonderful.Nazli was breathless. She accepted this gift with a humble dip of her head and swallowed down the good feelings that such a thing would bring her.
Sokha had spoken of men giving gifts. How to receive them, how to repay.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 11, 2023
her eyes and voice evinced joy. "take it," he urged. "it will make a lovely decoration for your rooms."
the ones she had taken far from the crown prince, or been compelled to take. senmut dropped his eyes. "would you like to walk with me to prayers, on the roof?" the young holy man asked with hope.
the ones she had taken far from the crown prince, or been compelled to take. senmut dropped his eyes. "would you like to walk with me to prayers, on the roof?" the young holy man asked with hope.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 11, 2023
You cannot deny them, you know.
One of the many lessons played on repeat for Nazli now, in her head. She heard one voice or another telling her the truth of her station: that she couldn't ever say no to a man now, not really. Things were expected of her. Even if that man happened to be priest.
Her answer came quickly, as a slow nod and a demure look at the ground — say more with less. It was enough of a prompt accompanied by Nazli stepping aside as if to escort the man back to the corridor; he could take the lead from there.
How has your um, work been?Take interest in their interests, someone had told her. Nazli did not know Senmut now worked with a priestess.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 14, 2023
it seemed each time they met, nazli gave less of herself.
now that senmut had seen pleasure, now that he truly understood, he found himself wholly unable to ignore what she would soon undergo.
by turns he was worried and jealous. for all his faults ramesses forced none of his fellahin; by the accounts he had heard, those summoned to the divine ruler were well-treated.
but he did not think those things would comfort nazli now, and so senmut returned to himself and blinked. the path was narrowing, then it would widen, flaring into the huge roof of the mesa. "it has been great! i am to paint another wall and write one, no, two new hymns to teach the princess toula."
now that senmut had seen pleasure, now that he truly understood, he found himself wholly unable to ignore what she would soon undergo.
by turns he was worried and jealous. for all his faults ramesses forced none of his fellahin; by the accounts he had heard, those summoned to the divine ruler were well-treated.
but he did not think those things would comfort nazli now, and so senmut returned to himself and blinked. the path was narrowing, then it would widen, flaring into the huge roof of the mesa. "it has been great! i am to paint another wall and write one, no, two new hymns to teach the princess toula."
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 14, 2023
Painting!
What will you paint?
Another scene of the pharaoh no doubt? Perhaps an image of his likeness and the Queen, or even the Crown Prince ascending? That thought bordered on treason, so she kept such specificity to herself.
The hymns would no doubt be beautiful. Senmut had a week before the queen would return with Toula; would he be ready then?
If you need someone to practice your hymns with, you need only ask.Eyes bright upon him.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 14, 2023
"i have not yet decided," he said softly, though his mind was now upon such rooms.
"perhaps you might help me choose, nazli," senmut said, offering her a small smile.
thankful that the talk of singing had brought something living back to the girl, he nodded eagerly. "will you hear the first now? please, sit here. it is — unfinished."
senmut shut his eyes and took several breaths, before the clear piety of his voice rang.
you gatherer of lotuses,
holy child of Iset,
the goddess has seen you;
she smiles upon you.
let your heart be filled with joy!
and your mouth filled with honey!
let your — and here his voice trailed away.
"unfinished," senmut said, but his eyes were on nazli.
"perhaps you might help me choose, nazli," senmut said, offering her a small smile.
thankful that the talk of singing had brought something living back to the girl, he nodded eagerly. "will you hear the first now? please, sit here. it is — unfinished."
senmut shut his eyes and took several breaths, before the clear piety of his voice rang.
you gatherer of lotuses,
holy child of Iset,
the goddess has seen you;
she smiles upon you.
let your heart be filled with joy!
and your mouth filled with honey!
let your — and here his voice trailed away.
"unfinished," senmut said, but his eyes were on nazli.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 14, 2023
Nazli listened. She hoped to be of use - as that was her role, to be used in whatever way was necessary - and yet, as she heard the hymn she found herself swooning through each piece of it. Her mind emptied except for the voice of Senmut.
She did not know the deeper meanings of the things in the hymn. The lotus, the honey, if there was any meaning to it. She recognized the name Iset from some of Tavina's teachings from long ago. The sound of Senmut's voice came to an abrupt end.
It is lovely,she heard herself murmur, and then she let out a small chuff of laughter.
I do not know if I can add to it. A heart, a mouth, what else is there to fill?
A womb, maybe. Her face burned.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 14, 2023
senmut stared at her face until he found himself and pulled his eyes away.
if makono was only pharaoh, he could ask to marry nazli. she would grant it, he knew. he felt. despite their —
"the words will come to you," he heard himself say, distantly. "all things come through Amun."
if makono was only pharaoh, he could ask to marry nazli. she would grant it, he knew. he felt. despite their —
"the words will come to you," he heard himself say, distantly. "all things come through Amun."
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 16, 2023
Nazli did not think of herself as creative. She was a workaholic, and a people-pleaser, but nobody had trained her in the arts of any kind. She only knew pieces of hymns from what she'd heard from Senmut, and did not know any deeper meanings. But she did not want to disappoint him either.
Thinking quietly to herself, she recited what Senmut had already spoken aloud, over and over. She closed her eyes and tried to feel for the right words, her brow scrunching, her nose crinkling just a smidge as if she were trying to dredge up a physical thing from the depths of her mind, or maybe her heart.
Her face relaxed as she said,
Let your mind calm, such as the... sky, in the daylight?
As her eyes opened, she focused at once upon Senmut - and then let out a small girlish laugh!
I am sorry, that wasn't very good!
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 16, 2023
his bright eyes seemed almost radiant now.
"yes!" he exulted, so pleased that she joined him in this hymn.
"let your mind calm as the skies in daytime," he sang, fixing it to the rest of the lyrics. his gaze was soft. "thank you, nazli."
"yes!" he exulted, so pleased that she joined him in this hymn.
"let your mind calm as the skies in daytime," he sang, fixing it to the rest of the lyrics. his gaze was soft. "thank you, nazli."
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 17, 2023
He was happy! Beyond what she had been trained, on some deeper level, she was glad for that. Glad to have been of use and to see him beaming with such pleasure. If this was what it meant to be a fellahin now, she would welcome it. Why couldn't she help with rhymes and things more often? It did not feel like work the way other chores did.
She smiled upon him.
What is it like to be hem?
It was an odd question, but after a moment she elucidates:
I do enjoy helping with your prayers, and being there for the sunrise. And you are so devoted to your work.The same way she had been devoted to her own, in the past. Now things were changing and Nazli wasn't sure she could be her usual dependable self; but that was a misgiving she couldn't fully voice.
Is it something you chose?
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 18, 2023
senmut felt the floral radiance of her smile and blushed softly. "I enjoy when you are with me also, nazli." voice earnest.
what was it like? and then another question. senmut paused a little while and saw how he might be able to give two answers in one telling.
the priest looked out across the reaching red land, illuminated by the cold winter's sun.
"i was born very poor into a tiny village in upper aswan. we were peasants. fellahin." it pleased him a little, to share this with her but to now be in an exalted place where he could bring her finer and more beautiful things.
"the priesthood of any god or goddess is supported almost entirely by offerings of food or any precious thing. in a city, there are more inhabitants to bring offerings. so stronger priests. happier gods. but in a place such as where i was born, the priests are lean as the lowest worker. less to give, even when it is all you have."
senmut paused, chuckled. "forgive me. I am getting to your answers."
"now, in every village and city there is a priesthood school, where boys are sent. if your parents have enough to pay tribute, then every quarter they offer it to pay for your education. not every boy can be sent."
"some are given."
"my father and mother had too many children to feed in the middle of a famine. i was born alone. because they did not think they could keep me alive, they gave me to the priests. this was more common than you might believe. a child given into priesthood would be bound to the gods forever. he would not go home again."
senmut paused and a comet of pain passed through his expression and was gone. "so i went to school." a soft smile. "i learned all the names of the gods and how to record a message sharply in my mind. i learned long histories and later, older incantations."
senmut tried to wrap his long-winded recollections. "i went from that small priesthood school to a larger one, and after that a nobleman took me on as his scribe. i did not think it would be so fulfilling. but to reach out and to feel the essence of Amun — it is the greatest pleasure and deepest peace."
what was it like? and then another question. senmut paused a little while and saw how he might be able to give two answers in one telling.
the priest looked out across the reaching red land, illuminated by the cold winter's sun.
"i was born very poor into a tiny village in upper aswan. we were peasants. fellahin." it pleased him a little, to share this with her but to now be in an exalted place where he could bring her finer and more beautiful things.
"the priesthood of any god or goddess is supported almost entirely by offerings of food or any precious thing. in a city, there are more inhabitants to bring offerings. so stronger priests. happier gods. but in a place such as where i was born, the priests are lean as the lowest worker. less to give, even when it is all you have."
senmut paused, chuckled. "forgive me. I am getting to your answers."
"now, in every village and city there is a priesthood school, where boys are sent. if your parents have enough to pay tribute, then every quarter they offer it to pay for your education. not every boy can be sent."
"some are given."
"my father and mother had too many children to feed in the middle of a famine. i was born alone. because they did not think they could keep me alive, they gave me to the priests. this was more common than you might believe. a child given into priesthood would be bound to the gods forever. he would not go home again."
senmut paused and a comet of pain passed through his expression and was gone. "so i went to school." a soft smile. "i learned all the names of the gods and how to record a message sharply in my mind. i learned long histories and later, older incantations."
senmut tried to wrap his long-winded recollections. "i went from that small priesthood school to a larger one, and after that a nobleman took me on as his scribe. i did not think it would be so fulfilling. but to reach out and to feel the essence of Amun — it is the greatest pleasure and deepest peace."
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 18, 2023
He answered her questions with a story, and Nazli was more than happy to listen. His voice soothed her; she had learned to relax to the sound of his hymns, or to his singing, and so this was no different. The story went as far back as his boyhood and then farther, to his parents, to his people.
She was stunned to learn he was once fellahin. That he would be given up was not so shocking, as it only made sense, and to Nazli who thought it a blessing to be anything else, she saw the value of this priesthood. If she had only been so lucky - perhaps Tavina would have given her over to one!
From school to school, learning, sounded like quite the adventure. The girl was envious of his opportunities and failed to see the pain that spread across his face, awed as she was by the retelling. That Senmut had been places, done so much with his life already, and had come here to be with her —!
That last thought shocked her the most, for it came so suddenly and with such a sense of possession, her eyes dropped a moment.
—but to reach out and to feel the essence of Amun -- it is the greatest pleasure and deepest peace.Senmut concluded.
It is not what you chose, at first, then. But you are... happy?She spared a look at him, and could not meet his eyes at first. She traced her gaze across his jaw, his shoulder, unable to focus as she thought aloud.
If you had not been given away, you would not be here with me. I... I think my life would be very different without you in it.
Oh, she felt stupid! The usual awkward flush overcame her face but it rioted down her throat and Nazli thought, surely, her fur was turning as red as the scarlet sun!
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 18, 2023
"i am happy. i could learn for ten years and still not encompass the full knowledge of our spiritual realms."
senmut, ricocheting in reverence and nazli speaking to him, telling him that her life would not be as it was without — him
senmut felt at last seen by her, at last beheld and comprehended as her eyes moved gently over his features. he dared not look at her, lest the moment be shattered!
if she was a flame, he was the sun: the hem grinned almost helplessly into her smouldering countenance. "i have little complaint with my life. how fortunate that we should be together in this moment!"
senmut, ricocheting in reverence and nazli speaking to him, telling him that her life would not be as it was without — him
senmut felt at last seen by her, at last beheld and comprehended as her eyes moved gently over his features. he dared not look at her, lest the moment be shattered!
if she was a flame, he was the sun: the hem grinned almost helplessly into her smouldering countenance. "i have little complaint with my life. how fortunate that we should be together in this moment!"
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Nazli - January 18, 2023
He did not laugh at her or otherwise take notice of how flustered she'd gotten, from what she could tell anyway, and in fact looked elated by her words. How fortunate it was, yes! How good, that they should know one-another and find kinship like this; Nazli had few she could call true friends, and finally was seeing Senmut as someone she could trust as much as the Crown Prince. She was allowing herself this — for as long as she could.
There came a slim body moving deftly towards them. Nazli did not see them, but the sound of feet upon stone caused her ears to turn; before she could say what was on her mind, the peace she'd found with Senmut was broken by the appearance of another fellahin.
They said something to the effect of, he calls for you now, by name.
Nazli believed they spoke to Senmut at first, and was glad to have someone else take the attention off of herself, and her burning, and her feelings — but as she noticed after, the fellahin spoke to her!
Come, girl! We must have you prepared—And then before Nazli could do much but look at Senmut, she was being urged away! She realized then what was happening, and who it was she was going to meet — and briefly, she felt an intimate sort of fear that played across her face, before it was buried deep.
There was no time for more than an apologetic glance, a bow, and a hurried gait away.
RE: life doesn't always go my way - Senmut - January 18, 2023
the moment of sunflowers and unsaid things was an illusion. for through it came another, dissolving the clouds and the soft words clinging to his tongue, meant for her alone.
she was called by name. come, they said, and still she did not notice until a moment later. senmut saw the trepidation creeping across her face and found himself helpless and worried and prickled with a guilty jealous thorn.
breathing hard, he turned away and then closed his eyes, facing into the darkening sky; a song to Hathor, for love and surety and pleasure, a gift for her, to soften the fate from which she could not be saved.
she was called by name. come, they said, and still she did not notice until a moment later. senmut saw the trepidation creeping across her face and found himself helpless and worried and prickled with a guilty jealous thorn.
breathing hard, he turned away and then closed his eyes, facing into the darkening sky; a song to Hathor, for love and surety and pleasure, a gift for her, to soften the fate from which she could not be saved.