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+--- Thread: Dragoncrest Cliffs But what to put with my heart (/showthread.php?tid=54203)
But what to put with my heart - Chacal - January 17, 2023
With all the wounded in their pack, tracking down both her sister and brother was relatively simple. She brought some fresh kelp with her when she visited the boys, and gestured to her siblings when she caught of them in passing. They needed to share words, as much had come to pass.
Once they were alone, she heaved a sigh as she sat. Neither @Mireille nor @Sobo had been there when Rusalka had been besieged by Shardik those years ago. The presence of another wolf-killing bear in their area was an echo of those times.
”My brot’er, my sister…It seems we should ‘ave a talk.
A new menace ‘as come to our shores, I worry we be stalked.” She said with a gentle shake if her head.
”I want to know what you t’ink should be done,
I want no lives lost to dis one.”
RE: But what to put with my heart - Mireille - January 17, 2023
mireille was grim. she had not seen njord come back, but now chacal called for them. arriving, she offered a low chuff and nudge of her muzzle to each of them.
this was their first meeting, wasn't it?
rapid blinking affected her emerald eyes a moment; she slanted her gaze toward the ground and thought pensively about her sister's words, her request for advice.
"we be needin' to lead it away. maybe de mountains. maybe — we could trap it t'ere. crush it."
falling stones. falling trees. the mountains were not her area of expertise.
this was their first meeting, wasn't it?
rapid blinking affected her emerald eyes a moment; she slanted her gaze toward the ground and thought pensively about her sister's words, her request for advice.
"we be needin' to lead it away. maybe de mountains. maybe — we could trap it t'ere. crush it."
falling stones. falling trees. the mountains were not her area of expertise.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Sobo - January 17, 2023
Sobo knew little about bears.
He knew about wolves, though. He knew their strength was all in their numbers. He knew a pack of wolves could take down anything.
So when Mireille mentioned the mountains, he shook his broad muzzle.
Dere be too much risk in dat,he thought.
Suppose it catches us before we get it dere? Or we get caught in de crosshairs?Leading it away was an attractive option, but a temporary measure at best.
He knew little about bears, but if it was anything like a shark, it would know where bloodied bodies lay. It would return.
Dere is no path wit'out risk,he said gravely.
But we have de advantage here on dis terrain.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Chacal - January 17, 2023
loves you both.
When Mireille nudged her Cheek, she felt reassured- until her sister offered the same solution Njord had instinctively come up with. Lead the bear away. While it would have pleased her to see the bear crushed in stone, she knew they were agile even on craggy mountain passes. Sobo was more cautious. He echoed her own sentiments.
”I am torn, between dese choices,
But am grateful for your voices.
I do believe we be more safe ‘ere;
We cannot predict what a bear will fear.”
She hesitated. And gritted her teeth.
”I want it gone, but I see no safe way,
It be a tough decision we make dis day.
Per’aps…We let de pack ‘ave a say.” She suggested.
”However…Dere be another t’ing I must put in motion-
An’ dat be Njord’s demotion.
‘E bolted after de bear, straight to where it was last.
He challenged me, bared ‘is fangs when I asked,
For ‘im to leave it an’ return.
He seeks revenge, at any cost,
Even if it means ‘is life be lost.
He would leave his wife, his wounded son, an’ all of us,
To satisfy his bloodlust.”
RE: But what to put with my heart - Mireille - January 17, 2023
<333 loves u back!
sobo moved to disagree, and mireille might have been annoyed except that it was — sobo.
she drew a breath and nodded resolutely at her brother. she might have given another fantastical suggestion: of backing it toward the sea and drowning it there, but that would take all of them, and four were mending or on the mend. "yes. we should call the pack," she agreed. bears had marked their history before, she knew. maybe their mothers or even njord could offer some insight.
and besides, it turned out there was another reason for this meeting.
mireille was surprised to hear her da's name in chacal's singing tone.
and by the end of it she was even more confused.
bared fangs? that didn't sound like him! challenging — chacal?
panic started a steady burn in her belly, panic and maybe a syrupy hurt, because she didn't believe it and yet she did, of course she did. and the panic was for the anger that burned through her throat next: "i cannae believe you be fuckin' serious," njord's brogue rising ironically through the cadence of erzulie's speech.
"why? one wolf? he is just one? what is in his head?" rage, red. "he knew what just happened here, wid — why?" challenge? her sister? his leader?
and now, hurt. she searched her sibling, willing chacal to say more. a demotion? had she ever seen something like that happen before?
why did he want to die? her mouth opened but nothing more emerged.
she drew a breath and nodded resolutely at her brother. she might have given another fantastical suggestion: of backing it toward the sea and drowning it there, but that would take all of them, and four were mending or on the mend. "yes. we should call the pack," she agreed. bears had marked their history before, she knew. maybe their mothers or even njord could offer some insight.
and besides, it turned out there was another reason for this meeting.
mireille was surprised to hear her da's name in chacal's singing tone.
and by the end of it she was even more confused.
bared fangs? that didn't sound like him! challenging — chacal?
panic started a steady burn in her belly, panic and maybe a syrupy hurt, because she didn't believe it and yet she did, of course she did. and the panic was for the anger that burned through her throat next: "i cannae believe you be fuckin' serious," njord's brogue rising ironically through the cadence of erzulie's speech.
"why? one wolf? he is just one? what is in his head?" rage, red. "he knew what just happened here, wid — why?" challenge? her sister? his leader?
and now, hurt. she searched her sibling, willing chacal to say more. a demotion? had she ever seen something like that happen before?
why did he want to die? her mouth opened but nothing more emerged.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Sobo - January 17, 2023
This, Sobo could understand.
Maybe it was because the natural inclination of man was to protect, to guard, and he was a man as well. They might not look at him the same way they looked at outside men, but the truth was, he understood that pride all too well. The difference between Sobo and Njord was that he was not foolish enough to act upon it. He had, after all, been raised by two mothers with a wealth of disdain for the arrogance of men.
He probably t'inks he be protectin' us all by goin' after it alone,he supplied, but followed it up with a disapproving sniff.
What it says is dat he does not trust de strength of Sapphique.Which was funny considering it was Sapphique that raised his sons while he was off failing to be a father. It was not so surprising he had challenged Chacal in the throes of his misplaced passion, but Sobo's muzzle wrinkled with distaste all the same.
It seemed Njord wanted to prove himself unfit for the blessing of fatherhood for a third time. The taste of rotting ash filled Sobo's mouth.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Chacal - January 17, 2023
Mireille’s surprise was warranted. Her brow quirked at the foul language, but she did not chastise her sister for her emotions. She detested being the bearer of this news. She knew Sobo might accept it more, as he had severed his affinities for the man but Mireille…She fumed.
”He remembers de bear from years ago,
An’ how it devastated our pack so.
I was only a child den, but still,
I remember the day it came to kill.”
Trauma. She would forgive him for having what she felt was an irrational response. But history, she felt, would only repeat itself if another wolf fell into the bear’s path. She shuddered at the thought of seeing Njord torn apart the way Raleska had been.
”He does not ‘ave faith in de strength of the pack-
Nor does he have faith in me.
He accused me of bringing dat man back,
To set his teeth upon our pack,
In de same way de woman may ‘ave led de bear,
As if we chose to lead dem here.
An’ yet ‘e runs off in search of a bear,
No sense in his eyes, only madness dere.
Den he said he would not come home,
Unless we left de woman out on her own-
Set dere, wounded, to wait-
Nothing more Dan bear bait.”
She shook her head.
”We ask de pack, to share deir voice-
But we deny Njord any hand in de choice.”
If he was as mad and frantic as he was before, he could corrupt their meeting and incite panic. She would not grant him an opinion at all.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Mireille - January 17, 2023
how could sobo be so calm!
but she reminded herself, as chacal did herself, that their brother did not see njord as da. and that she was alone in her possession of a father, foreign to their ways.
her red ears wilted; mireille did not possess the energy to present a fake appearance, not to her siblings. and so she listened to the more chacal said, where not only had njord challenged her days after the freshwater man, he had tried to wield it against him.
she knew about that bear too. how her mothers had not tried to go against it one at a time but together, and they had been willing to flee as well.
and then that njord — yes — that he had, trying to demand that the newly torn woman who fought for her life in their home should be thrown out.
for him.
the young obsidian nodded quietly, but when she raised her head it was with a seething anger in her green eyes. "maybe dey should judge him too."
hurt and hurt, that she had called him da when his first sons did not, that she had tried to love him in whatever sense of daughterliness toward a father she knew. but she knew chacal felt shame over the man that mireille had fought. for njord to take that and twist it back was not a forgiveable thing. "he cannae take sword away," she mumbled, dashing at her sudden and angry tears, "if he be t'inking it. i will not let him." but it was a girlish anger and strive for control over brothers that would grow into men and who might be like — not hers. not her brothers.
but she reminded herself, as chacal did herself, that their brother did not see njord as da. and that she was alone in her possession of a father, foreign to their ways.
her red ears wilted; mireille did not possess the energy to present a fake appearance, not to her siblings. and so she listened to the more chacal said, where not only had njord challenged her days after the freshwater man, he had tried to wield it against him.
she knew about that bear too. how her mothers had not tried to go against it one at a time but together, and they had been willing to flee as well.
and then that njord — yes — that he had, trying to demand that the newly torn woman who fought for her life in their home should be thrown out.
for him.
the young obsidian nodded quietly, but when she raised her head it was with a seething anger in her green eyes. "maybe dey should judge him too."
hurt and hurt, that she had called him da when his first sons did not, that she had tried to love him in whatever sense of daughterliness toward a father she knew. but she knew chacal felt shame over the man that mireille had fought. for njord to take that and twist it back was not a forgiveable thing. "he cannae take sword away," she mumbled, dashing at her sudden and angry tears, "if he be t'inking it. i will not let him." but it was a girlish anger and strive for control over brothers that would grow into men and who might be like — not hers. not her brothers.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Sobo - January 17, 2023
Sobo was disgusted. It simmered behind his two-toned eyes more violently with every charge Chacal leveled against Njord. Not only had he challenged her, but he suggested they leave a helpless woman out to die.
As bait.
He not be t'inkin' wit' his head,Sobo decided, who up until now held no love for his father but at least believed Njord to be a decent man. A man who respected women. A man who was grateful for the opportunities he had been given, when there were others even more deserving who desperately yearned for those opportunities but might never have them.
He not be t'inkin wit' his heart,he added, because if he was, then Njord would not be prepared to leave his wife a widow and his sons fatherless.
Maybe it be time to remove de t'ing he do be t'inkin wit',he said with a glimmer of teeth. It was only half serious. That would be punishing Meerkat as well, and no matter how Sobo felt about her or her poor taste in men, she did not deserve that. Still. To think Njord would take the gift of fatherhood and the gift of forgiveness both and throw them aside like it was meaningless, like it was a given. That rankled Sobo much more than he expected it would.
His eyes softened on Mireille. He did not care for Njord's sons nor would he speak up to prevent the man taking them, but he knew his sister had given chances where Sobo had not. The betrayal must cut deeply.
De pack judges him,he agreed.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Chacal - January 17, 2023
She felt guilty, now, for having brought this grief to her sister. It was a burden she had brought back when she had herded Njord home. He was alive- but he would suffer, as would those who held him dear.
Sobo, on the other hand, seemed strengthened by the validation- and yet was still graceful in his sister’s presence, aside from the remark about castration. His eyes gentled and softened. He likely knew even more than Chacal how much anguish it was to life faith in a father figure.
They seemed agreed. The pack would weigh in on what was to be done with the threat of the bear, if it was still nearby…And then Njord’s fate would be decided. She sighed and nodded.
”Den it is decided. De pack will meet,
An’ toget’er, de answers we will seek.
I wonder, though, if first we should call Meerkat.
She be his wife- she ought know were dese decisions be at.
She should know dere still be welcome for her,
Stingray an’ Swordfish among us here.”
She wanted Meerkat to be in the know- rather than surprising her with that news publicly. Affairs of the heart were not to be made into a public spectacle.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Mireille - January 17, 2023
mireille was miserable, but the way that her brother and sister regarded her, took her words into account, heartened her aching soul. the urge to go and scream at njord was great, but of course she would not.
the jade's joke make her snort in surprise, a chortle cutting out before she nodded. maybe she was not kidding. perhaps not da but definitely the next one. there had been enough disrespect.
"yes. meerkat should know she is not de one being judged. she has been not'in' but good to us an' to dis pack."
njord still guarded her, perhaps. she thought on what chacal had said, how it might be early to feel so — changed.
but what if his wife wanted mercy? mireille chose to let the moment decide her when it came. she glanced at sobo with a watery smile.
the jade's joke make her snort in surprise, a chortle cutting out before she nodded. maybe she was not kidding. perhaps not da but definitely the next one. there had been enough disrespect.
"yes. meerkat should know she is not de one being judged. she has been not'in' but good to us an' to dis pack."
njord still guarded her, perhaps. she thought on what chacal had said, how it might be early to feel so — changed.
but what if his wife wanted mercy? mireille chose to let the moment decide her when it came. she glanced at sobo with a watery smile.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Sobo - January 17, 2023
So they were decided. Sapphique as a whole would choose what to do about bear and Njord both.
He had naught else to say, only nodding his agreement to letting Meerkat know first. It was possible she would beg for mercy and forgiveness for Njord, but the man had been given more than enough of that and was still ungrateful for it. He had the gall to challenge his leader! The one who welcomed him back despite his neglect!
Sobo knew what he would say if it came to that, but he was under no assumption he would be part of that conversation at all. His presence would not bolster Meerkat's confidence nor did he trust himself to keep his mouth shut if she did plead, and so he suspected it would be kept among women.
He looked to Chacal and Mireille for signs of further discussion, but made ready to leave so they might call upon Meerkat without him.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Chacal - January 17, 2023
Her heart felt like lead. They had yet to iron out the details of repercussions- the fine details would sting like needles. And she would have to reckon with accepting whatever the majority of the pack saw as being fit for both issues. It was not an enjoyable way to start the year; they would have to remedy these things, and ground themselves again. Find things to look forward to.
She assumed Sobo might also wish to be present for the conversation with Meerkat, but when he stirred, she gave him a nod and a smile. Perhaps it would be better for the conversation to be among the women, though Sobo was not regarded as being any less of a being for being a man. Appreciation shone in her doleful eyes.
She heaved a sigh, and reached out to Mireille, tentative and worried still that her sister might begrudge her for bearing the news. Then she sent up a call for @Meerkat.
How it was possible now for her heart to feel like lead and tremble like a bird’s wing simultaneously was beyond her comprehension.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Mireille - January 18, 2023
mireille regarded her brother with the same sort of expression. like her he was a child of njord, but unlike her he had shed that shadow of paternity until it seemed only the salt and the beating lwa had become his father. as the sea was to her.
part of her didn't want to be here for this either. she could hardly deal if meerkat began to cry again. it was not dislike, it was the fact that mireille was already overwhelmed by what had happened, had kept happening, and the worst was still to come.
swallowing hard, she looked with love to her sister, no grudge in her emerald eyes.
and she waited dolefully for meerkat to arrive, straightening her shoulders and trying to appear more than the disheveled, tear-stained girl she was.
part of her didn't want to be here for this either. she could hardly deal if meerkat began to cry again. it was not dislike, it was the fact that mireille was already overwhelmed by what had happened, had kept happening, and the worst was still to come.
swallowing hard, she looked with love to her sister, no grudge in her emerald eyes.
and she waited dolefully for meerkat to arrive, straightening her shoulders and trying to appear more than the disheveled, tear-stained girl she was.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Meerkat - January 18, 2023
Meerkat couldn’t help it; her whole body clenched at the sound of Chacal’s summoning howl. She kissed her sleeping son’s head and left the roja den, plodding toward the Tanzanite’s voice. Her legs felt like jelly and her stomach trembled, though she stared straight ahead, a resolute knit to her brow.
Her heart pounded against her ribs when she saw Chacal and Mireille waiting for her. Meerkat could only imagine the things running through their minds. She closed her eyes and drew a breath, her own thoughts racing. She then made herself walk over to them, the set of her shoulders speaking of both despair and determination.
Njord told me about the bear and the woman, what happened between the two of you… and I beg you to reconsider what I confided to you not long ago, Chacal. I can’t be the cause of enmity in the ranks. And Njord and I, we’re a packaged deal… for better or for worse. After Fish heals and the danger is past, I think it would be best for everyone if we leave Sapphique.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Chacal - January 18, 2023
Chacal stilled herself in the silence. She wondered what the pack might decide, when asked about the bear, knowing that there was a chance that perhaps they would back the decision that Njord had made. Mireille, too, had offered the same notion, so she had to wonder if her choice would be over-ruled by the majority. She did not like that there was the potential for sides. Furthermore, she had to wonder where Mireille might place her vote. With one decision, she could fracture the image of the leadership being a united front. But that was Mireille's decision to make- and by asking the pack, she was asking for everyone's input. She would not coach her sister's vote.
Sapphique would not be led by tyrants.
Meerkat did not absorb the contention that Chacal felt for Njord, and so her gaze was gentle when she first caught sight of the wary woman approaching. She inhaled softly; she could tell by the way Meerkat moved that she was doing her best to build up her confidence- something that Chacal welcomed in a woman. But she was disheartened, knowing that this stemmed from her duty to her husband. Whatever Njord had said to her, it had made her tense. She did not believe that Njord was a liar, but she did know that he was binding his wife to himself and the anchor he'd grabbed on to when he'd chosen to risk his own life, and the pack's safety as well.
She admitted that she would prefer to leave, over whatever repercussions she thought they had in store for Njord. But even without knowing what had just been discussed between the leaders, Njord sought to abandon ship rather than face the repercussions of his actions, taking Meerkat along with him. She knew Meerkat had contemplated moving long ago, but she thought perhaps she'd had a change in heart. She was disappointed, and frowned softly. It spoke of their lack of faith in the strength of Sapphique, to flee. It told her that Njord's pride could not withstand a demotion as a repercussion of his actions.
Still- this seemed to be what Meerkat wanted. The rest of the pack would not need to have an opinion on the matter, if this was her decision. She glanced to Mireille, and then back to Meerkat.
"Heal your son, den go.
If Fish wish to stay, den it be so.
He will not bear 'is fat'er's woe.
De same be true for Ray.
I 'ave spared Njord 'is life-
others 'ave done less, and were given more strife,
as it is, he now owes us two lives
we may call for dem someday.
De pack will 'ave a meeting at once.
You an' Njord, you do not come."
The pack had decisions to make. And this quarter of the Sveijarn-Corten family would not attend.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Mireille - January 18, 2023
when meerkat appeared, mireille looked up.
and was disappointed at once.
for a moment her eyes were open, vulnerable. hurt, all over again. when chacal spoke, the obsidian found that she did not say the things that mireille would have!
fish.
she imagined her little brother in the cold, wherever njord had chosen to drag them, outside a pack of over twenty strong! and at last her anger showed, tensing in the pretty lines of her face, the cold emerald sea of her stare.
"swordfish be your son, but he be my brot'er," mireille seethed, bidding herself stay physically calm for the sake of this meeting. "your husban' disrespected de leadership of dis pack on purpose an' insulted our ability down to demands dat were not his to make."
her voice would have been a monotone were it not for the vein of barely reined rage pulsing in the shadowed places of each word. "i agree wid chacal. stingray an' sword can decide where dey will stay." they were young, but infants no longer. if meerkat wanted to show this weakness in being bound to a man, then let her sons come to manhood now. today.
package deal! mireille wanted to spit. instead she did not; she only sat taller and colder with nothing more to say, an iron front for the pain and fear that frothed like bitter waters inside her.
her eyes wanted to waver, to turn to chacal, but she did not.
the pack would judge. they would not be present for it.
and was disappointed at once.
for a moment her eyes were open, vulnerable. hurt, all over again. when chacal spoke, the obsidian found that she did not say the things that mireille would have!
fish.
she imagined her little brother in the cold, wherever njord had chosen to drag them, outside a pack of over twenty strong! and at last her anger showed, tensing in the pretty lines of her face, the cold emerald sea of her stare.
"swordfish be your son, but he be my brot'er," mireille seethed, bidding herself stay physically calm for the sake of this meeting. "your husban' disrespected de leadership of dis pack on purpose an' insulted our ability down to demands dat were not his to make."
her voice would have been a monotone were it not for the vein of barely reined rage pulsing in the shadowed places of each word. "i agree wid chacal. stingray an' sword can decide where dey will stay." they were young, but infants no longer. if meerkat wanted to show this weakness in being bound to a man, then let her sons come to manhood now. today.
package deal! mireille wanted to spit. instead she did not; she only sat taller and colder with nothing more to say, an iron front for the pain and fear that frothed like bitter waters inside her.
her eyes wanted to waver, to turn to chacal, but she did not.
the pack would judge. they would not be present for it.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Meerkat - January 18, 2023
She knew they would be angry. Meerkat understood that, had prepared for it, but it was still very hard when they unleashed that ire on her. Her shoulders hunched but she did not interrupt, did not make any attempt to defend herself or her husband, even when Chacal threatened Njord’s life.
Yes, I mean for the boys to decide for themselves,she agreed quietly.
Meerkat wanted to apologize. She wanted to thank them. She wanted to say a thousand other things. But their rage muted her. It also crushed her resolve to dust. The only other sound she made was a harsh breath as she began to cry.
Head bowed, she waited to see if they would say anything else before she returned to Swordfish’s side.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Chacal - January 25, 2023
Twin pillars of hard earth, they sat, watching Meerkat break down. Chacal had words she wished to say, but she knew she could not speak them without her voice cracking. She watched the mother weep with eyes blurred by tears. She fought to keep them back, tilted her head back so the tears might disappear into the corners of her eyes. She did not want Meerkat or the boys to go. She wished with all of her heart that Meerkat could change her mind, and stay with them- but she could tell the woman's mind was set. She was just as stubborn as the proud sirens before her.
It was only after Meerkat left that Chacal eventually exhaled, her breath ragged and her words fraught with conflicting emotions of anger and grief.
"Dey be Borgoña once more.
Dey will live in de shade until dey go.
But god.....I do not wish it be so."
She cracked, finally. The pressure and grief weighed in and dealt their cards in the forms of hot tears that streaked down her cheeks, dashed away furiously by her forepaw.
RE: But what to put with my heart - Mireille - February 01, 2023
chacal's grief sparked mireille's anger and her own fresh tears. meerkat had felt like a sister. she had embraced her da's wife like a relative. like a woman of their own.
and njord — why hadn't her love been enough? was being a man truly all that mattered? who cared if sobo and loko avoided him! he had a family of his own and a daughter who —
no. he did not.
her eyes at last dried and she cleared her throat, supporting chacal as much as she could with words and presence and her own shoulder. "mwen panse ke li dwe konsa."
everyone could make their own choices. meerkat cast her lot with njord. and njord was a man who no longer respected them.
mireille was ready to move forward without them.
and njord — why hadn't her love been enough? was being a man truly all that mattered? who cared if sobo and loko avoided him! he had a family of his own and a daughter who —
no. he did not.
her eyes at last dried and she cleared her throat, supporting chacal as much as she could with words and presence and her own shoulder. "mwen panse ke li dwe konsa."
everyone could make their own choices. meerkat cast her lot with njord. and njord was a man who no longer respected them.
mireille was ready to move forward without them.