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+--- Thread: Stone Circle who am I to say (/showthread.php?tid=54346)
who am I to say - Taktuq - January 25, 2023
Jealousy clung to her like the heat scent that now filled these wilds.
Taktuq had never yearned for children. In springs past, she had seen them as blessing - but blessings for others. Blessings she had no thought to bear nor raise nor enjoy as sons and daughters of her very flesh. But something shifted this spring, and she sat near the Pilgrim Stone in quiet thought.
Bjarna would be too young to understand. Ethan too new to motherhood. And the others? Oh, she longed for her mother! No one here had the years to think in ways she had not.
Except, perhaps, one.
The idea dawned and rested between her shoulders, but the weight felt light, right. Soon she lifted a soft note, and called out for @Gunnar.
RE: who am I to say - Gunnar - January 25, 2023
Gunnar heard the call and moved towards it. His body felt pretty good today. He felt it was probably because the bite of cold wasn't as bad as it normally was, or he had just moved around as much.
He knew he was no longer a young man, but he was also not a doddering old fool either. Intent to forget all of his life. Though he shook his head, that was a much too harsh thought, all too often when you grew to his age, you couldn't control how your faculties went. And he thanked all the gods everyday , that a lively spark still danced in his slate grey eyes.
Taktuq.he spoke quietly upon arriving and offered her the kindest of smiles. And then he would wait.
Is she in heat or simply talking about the other women being in heat?
RE: who am I to say - Taktuq - January 29, 2023
Just talking! <3
She turned back to sky watching as she waited for Gunnar to come. Who had her mother talked to about these things? Taktuq couldn’t remember her grandparents from any of her childhood days, and assumed they were dead, or just very far away. Had Nanook known her mother? Or had she died, too, before she’d had more than a few days to breathe?
Gunnar spoke her name behind her, and she jumped a little, but settled swiftly with a smile and a turn his way.
Oh! Salutitsinik,she giggled at her own surprise, cheery eyed, thoufh her heart hesitated with uncertainty now. Would a man even wish to advise on these matters?
Gunnar…her ears tipped back,
have you ever had children, a family?
RE: who am I to say - Gunnar - January 29, 2023
Okay i wanted to check because if she were, Gunnar wouldn't get so close to her to be respectful. Thank you. <3
Gunnar had not had his own mate or children. Though some of Sanja's if not all could have been his, which pained his old heart that they were scattered, Sanja was gone, but it did not good to dwell on it. She had made it clear she wanted nothing from him, but the means to make the children. So he couldn't argue, that he had any right.
He settled to his haunches, based on her reaction and the look on her face. She was going to speak with him on heavy things.
Yes. I grew up with siblings, a mother, and a father. had many friends. And Bjarna is like my own daughter. It is also entirely possible that the children Sanja brought into the world could be mine, but she always made it clear. It was she that would raise them. Why do you ask?
RE: who am I to say - Taktuq - February 18, 2023
Taktuq listened with ears tipped forward and gaze gently set on Gunnar’s face. He described a glimpse into a longer life than she had ever yet lived, and she wondered if many years from now, she might sit in similar shoes, hearing the same words she had spoken given then for her to answer. She wondered what she might say.
Would she say she reared children with a father who knew them? Would she say she used a man for the convenience of conception, without her children ever knowing who?
Well… I hunted with Ethan the other day,she said, and her ears slicked again, a little sheepish,
and I saw that she is pregnant. And I feel… I don’t know. Jealous?it felt silly to say it out loud. Taktuq glanced away.
It’s silly, I know. And impractical. And I have never wanted this before.
So what changed that made her want it now?
RE: who am I to say - Gunnar - February 18, 2023
She listened well. He appreciated that. It was nice to know his words weren't falling on deaf ears.
He smiled at her.
It's not silly and i think if it is something you want, both Bjarna and I would be happy for you.
Gunnar sighed.
I think somwtimes we go through life nd we don't realize we want somwthing in life until its staring us in the face. Perhaps this is your stare in the face moment?
RE: who am I to say - Taktuq - February 18, 2023
His smile eased the worries that lingered in her heart, and his encouragement, even more! Her tail swished across the light dusting of snow - a single stroke of her greater contentment.
Thank you, Gunnar,she said with a small dip of her head.
Perhaps this moment for her was this thing that he described. If she hadn’t seen Ethan pregnant, would she have felt these same stirrings to have what she had, too? Perhaps before, it simply wasn’t time. Perhaps she was ready now.
Or at the very least, maybe she could be.
It may be,she offered with a smile as the sun of her thoughts,
Have you ever had moments like that?He seemed to speak from some deeper sense of knowing, but maybe she was just reading into things.
RE: who am I to say - Gunnar - February 18, 2023
She seemed to find his words agreeable even pleasant. And that was all he wanted in his older age. To make sure that those around him were happy and healthy and stayed away from evils of the world until they must be subject to them.
You're welcome.
He had a few times like this, and he could understand the longing in her heart for little ones. he himself had felt this stirring, but he didn't think this would ever be in the cards. So he adopted those that needed a father figure instead. Bjarna, Reverie, who now carried his last name as her own.
I have. One that comes to recent memory is my arrival back into the teekon. I have been a lone wolf for most of my life. And when I arrived back here. I felt the longing to join a pack and die in a pack. It was new to me and it was ready for it.
RE: who am I to say - Taktuq - February 18, 2023
Taktuq wondered what it must have been like for Gunnar to be on his own for most of his life. Even though she had left Easthollow before she was even a yearling, she'd always had her aunt to watch over her, and later, Atautsikuk, and the different packs she had settled with in between. Wanderlust had taken her from place to place but had never left her on her own for very long. Always stolen by the want for others, for that longing to be useful to someone beyond herself.
I am glad you found Kvarsheim. This pack would not be the same without your wisdom to guide us,and she meant it, truly so - though she wondered aloud,
what made you choose to wander alone for so many years? Was it hard becoming a wolf of the pack?
Would it be hard for her to give up her freedom to become a mother of many? She would not be able to travel as much, see as many things. She knew of the changes motherhood brought. Yet what was it that kept her from settling in the thought?
RE: who am I to say - Gunnar - February 18, 2023
He had to be careful how he worded what he was to say. He thought perhaps he shouldn't share all of his reasons. One of the biggest had been that he had felt a bit apart of his family having not known his real father, but Ragnar had saved him. But he had died so young.
Well thank you. I am glad i found it too.he enjoyed his place here. He enjoyed his pack mates. They were small, but doing well. It was nice.
He frowned.
A series of misfortunate events really. When I was very young my father was killed by another and my foster sister, was killed by her real father. It affected me quite badly. My mother was extremely depressed and reclusive after father died. Then the pack I joined with my foster sister Saena. It was burned to the ground when a forest fire came. Then we were upon the mountain and there was inter pack fighting. Finally, I just set on my own. Returned my mother to where she had grown up and just traveled.
He didn't worry that Taktuq would give up anything fo her children. She would, but once they were old enough she could travel again. In some cases even take her children with her as they aged. They would be well learned, well rounded babies.
RE: who am I to say - Taktuq - February 18, 2023
At first, his story felt familiar, as though she was watching her own life play out through another's eyes. Two parents gone, one to death and the other to the depression that followed. She had never faced the death of a sibling, even though her brothers had scattered after Siarut had left. After Easthollow fell. Somewhere in the chaos of that all.
But from there, she saw the trials of a longer life, of a wolf with many hard years behind him. And she understood why he had chosen the life he had lived, and was all the more amazed that he had chosen to end his days in a way of life that had only given him so much grief before. Taktuq prayed that Kvarsheim would offer the peace he sought.
Thank you for sharing that, Gunnar,she had few other words to give him, but would offer him a small touch of her nose against his shoulder if he allowed.
It means a great deal to hear what you have seen, yet to see what man you have become.
She had another thought for him, one she wasn't sure how to share. But better to speak and know the answer, than to keep quiet and assume what she thought would be clear.
Would you... ever want to be a father again? I... would want a man who is good like you to sire mine, and I would want them to know the man who gave them to me. If a family who knows you is something you would like to see before you die... it is an offer I give to you.
RE: who am I to say - Gunnar - February 18, 2023
ooh how sweet. I would love to tie two old families together.
Gunnar had lost so many in his life. Almost all his siblings had been gone by the time he was 1 years and a half. His mother so off in her own head. She could barely function in society. She did good by him and his siblings that were around, if they sought her out.
There had been many reasons for his path of a lone wolf. The even bigger reason being he had wanted solace from hard living. Solace from sadness. He had gotten it, but now as he aged he thought at what cost. Though he had learned much and he could offer these younger wolves a good life and easy life.
He took the touch and briefly shared one with her. To know he appreciated it. Then he gave her the space that was only proper for the two. Respectful as he always was.
Surprise colored his expression and he blinked steel gray eyes. For a moment unsure what to say. Not that he hadn't just done such a thing with Sanja, but Taktuq was so young. But was she really that much younger than Sanja. No they were similar in age.
He weighed his options. If that was what she wanted. He would offer what he could bloodline and a last name to be proud of. That he could do. He dipped his muzzle and nodded, before answering.
He looked her over and then nodded.
If that is what you want. I will do this. I can also give you the name of Lodbruk old in the teekon. But I do want you to know if you find someone that you want to share a life with or the like. Please let me know. I will not stand in the way of that.
RE: who am I to say - Taktuq - February 18, 2023
<3 me too!! It seemed like a thing Taktuq would do <3
She received his touch with gratitude. Respectful, as he always was. Another reason she had decided he would be well suited to sire a family, to bear children before he died — blood children — who knew him and might carry on the honour of his nature and his name through the generations to come.
His surprise came at no surprise to her. Did he think she should chase someone younger? But she did not think much of romance nor the game of cat and mouse she had watched some couples play. Their lives were short, and there was time for happiness - but she would find joy in the children she’d bear, and in that sense of knowing that the man she chose would truly raise her children well, for however long he had with them.
Still, she hadn’t expected his agreement! She lifted her eyes, and a soft smile touched her face.
Thank you, Gunnar. It would be an honour for them to bear the name of Lodbruk.She could not think of anyone she’d met who she’d ever felt a spark with, who’d she’d ever fallen in love with, but she dipped her head with a little laugh and promised,
I promise I will let you know these things, if they happen.And what a strange thing if they would, in so short a time!
RE: who am I to say - Gunnar - February 18, 2023
<3
Gunnar had been raised by a father who gave respect when it was earned, but still felt a strong urge for respect and taught all his children this. Their mother reaffirmed such beliefs and gave them the manners with the respect. Well-rounded.
The old warrior mostly thought in terms of would she really want someone who was old, past his prime. He was no young buck. Granted in his day he had been a wild child. A viking. Warrior and strong. He had scars taht showed this. So he supposed in a way, he wore his life there. It would give any child a strong backing. But to say he was honored was an understatement.
Gunnar chuckled and dipped a muzzle to her head with a gentle touch. Then with warm eyes he moved. The topic at hand he felt was at a close.
Did you find good things while you roved?