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+--- Thread: Kintla Flatlands aero (/showthread.php?tid=54494)
aero - Maxim - February 02, 2023
was hoping for a one-on-one on the way home, but this can be a read only if need be! <3
maxim had a list of things that he knew would await them upon return. yet he found the longer he thought upon them, the more he dreaded it all! arsenio was good and kind. warm and helping. yet maxim did not know how to handle the abundance of support from the man. tamar as well.
nor did he know if he felt prepared to return to the resting place of leo. as if he might not be able to leave it a second time.
but the mountains loomed and soon they would begin to climb the final stretch home. he reached for @Towhee with unspoken neediness of her closeness, her presence.
RE: aero - Towhee - February 02, 2023
Towhee felt particularly wary as they passed across the open flat lands. She fell back to the rear, unable to deny her instinct to protect her loved ones, especially now. Her hackles prickled as her eyes swept side to side. Her nostrils flared, constantly reading the wind for any whiff of trouble.
When Maxim dropped back to join her, she nodded approvingly and continued her surveillance. Then she actually looked at him and nearly stopped in her tracks. There was a forlorn look on his face as he reached for her. Automatically, she reached back, keeping one eye on their son over his shoulder.
Hey,she murmured to him,
what’s up? Talk to me.
RE: aero - Maxim - February 02, 2023
he wondered how she made it so easy. to pry him open and allow him to dump the contents of his heart so casually.
did she know?
in a rare moment, he opted for just ptero. figuring that jack would be too busy to read and killdeer perhaps too polite.
—it will be good to go home, but...—
he felt a special kind of clumsiness in trying to say just exactly what he felt. for his grief, as heavy as it felt, hardly seemed tangible in a way to explain.
—it will be so hard too. of course. seeing it again and knowing.—
RE: aero - Towhee - February 02, 2023
His mouth didn’t move, only his legs. Towhee sensed a certain gravity in this choice. She watched carefully as he translated his thoughts from his mind via his limbs. She sensed a tremble in his artfully signed words and grasped at him the instant he completed his thought.
Holding onto him a moment, she stared into his eyes before releasing him and replying, -It will be the hardest thing we ever do, living with Leo’s ghost.- Towhee paused, glanced around and then with muted gestures, added, -This is a turning point in our lives. I thought about the other directions we could go. I thought about leaving Epoch to do our own thing, like we talked about.-
Oh, she’d thought so many things since departing the vale. When she hadn’t been quietly conversing with her mate, son and grandson, Towhee had been lost in her thoughts for days.
-But,- she continued after a beat of stillness, -Jack has to be our priority now. And if Jack needs to go home to Epoch, then that’s what we’re gonna do. Even if it’s hard—and it will be so fucking hard, Maxim—we have to do what’s best for our son. And our future sons and daughters. If we all hold onto each other, we’ll get through this hell on earth.-
Tears brimmed, heavy drops careening down sunken cheekbones. She hadn’t eaten since the day Leo had died.
RE: aero - Maxim - February 02, 2023
living with the ghost of his daughter. how it haunted him just to hear it spoken.
yet it was the truth now. their truth. that every patrol he took would no longer involve the diligent tracking of leo, but rather her ghost trailing him. how the den would be one body less and the coldness in that space would seep beyond just bodies.
maxim knew he would not have been able to carry these things alone. that it was by the grace of towhee, jack, and arsenio — even killer! — that he had some semblance of sanity. to keep him grounded and not throw everything away.
but the biggest truth of all was spoken.
that jack had to be a priority now. that they must do things for him and his healing. he wondered if his son might hold a spot where maxim had in that place. if he might lay in the place arsenio had spoken of making. how the thought of his mourning son possibly rooted to the spot was enough to break his heart.
tears pooled in his own eyes. tired and half-closed. there were no words for the abundance of love he had for towhee in these moments. nor any actions, in truth.
so he only reached out in hopes that he might hold her while he attempted to compose himself. knowing that time was limited as is if they wished to keep steady pace with the group.
perhaps, if he squeezed his teary eyes hard enough, he could see that peaceful future on the horizon. future sons and daughters.
RE: aero - Towhee - February 02, 2023
He wept too. Maxim pressed against her, clearly wanting to cling to her a little longer. Towhee gently maneuvered so she could throw her forelegs around him and guide his head below hers, tucking it under her chin so his weight rested against her throat and chest. She smoothed her paws up and down the ridge of his spine as she tucked her muzzle in close to his ear and just held him close. She breathed with him, hoping her heartbeat soothed him.
No parent should ever bury a child. She thought again of all the little ones she’d lost through the years. It wasn’t the kind of thing that would grow easier with experience. But Towhee knew for a fact she could get through it. Maxim didn’t know he could survive it. He hadn’t lived it yet. So she would be there beside him every step of the way until life guided them out of this shadow of death.
RE: aero - Maxim - February 02, 2023
she held him and he relented in all ways. was it a few minutes or a few hours? it felt like both all at once. time had paused and forgot to take him with. he only wished that when time paused, it had forgot to take leo too.
he knew he'd be haunted every day. even if it lessened. even if that peaceful future came and they carried on as they would.
she'd still be there raising the furs on his nape, tugging at his heart. it would never go away.
he shifted some, reluctant and yet knowing. they had to continue on their way home and they still had far too much to speak on. even if words felt like the impossible.
—i just hope that jack finds what he needs when we return. that is the most important thing right now.—
paws signed shakily, before he raised a forelimb to wipe at his face.
RE: aero - Towhee - February 02, 2023
He pulled away to repeat her own words back to her. Towhee nodded. Perhaps this would become their mantra, at least for a little while. Their remaining children would take priority.
Jack was at the top of that list, of course, but there were pups growing inside her that needed consideration too. And that wasn’t just sentimentality speaking. She hadn’t fed herself in days, much less paid any attention to her special diet. And now she’d put extra demands on her body by running so far from home.
-The first thing I’m going to do when we get back,- Towhee said after gently wiping the tears from her husband’s face, -is go to Saffron Grove and eat the pile of mushrooms I left in the cave there.-
She laughed, though it was a wet, melancholy sort of sound. Towhee just wanted him to think about their unborn children and know she meant to look after them by taking care of herself. After she ate a meal and slept in her own bed, she knew she’d have to go see what the Galanises had prepared for them.
-I love you. Let’s go home?-
RE: aero - Maxim - February 04, 2023
fade? <3
he laughed with her, a small soft sound. tired and worn. it would be good for her, he knew this. yet it seemed so far removed from everything! so...normal. perhaps that was what he needed.
—i love you, too. let's.—
he was prepared to amble back up with the small traveling band that was their family.
and do his very best to think of all the normal things he could do to carry on.