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+--- Thread: Mount Apikuni And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose (/showthread.php?tid=54635)
And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Reyson - February 11, 2023
Tags for reference
A breaking and a sundering. That was what it felt like. When the knowledge of what had transpired broke down upon him. Reyson could do nothing but stare off into space. He should have seen the signs they were all there.
Meadow's constant talk of the Imperator, keeping him at arms length. If she wanted Imperator why didn't she just tell the scarred soldier. No instead, they had betrayed and finally broken the man. Reyson could have spoken with both. HE was not a wolf against sharing, in some cases, but to just do it behind his back and to demand so much of him, personally. It was unfair.
He hoped that part of them felt guilty, and yet he also hoped that they could find happiness. Perhaps if he was not involved. He wondered if they would even realize that they had finally succeeded in breaking the career soldier. Perhaps it seemed miniscule to many. He would be called foolish he knew this, but it had been the final straw in a life full of a tapestry of hurt, these scars wouldn't show on his body. No.
He had watched his parents torn apart in front of him, then he had been taken with no time to grieve and thrown into the same carnage he had just witnessed. he had been forced to fight and bleed and die for soldiers that cared nothing for him. Then those he had loved, Renaud, Amity, Rook, he had then watched as they to were torn apart in front of him. Three loyal wolves that stood with him, that refused to leave him. That he couldn't save. He had swallowed the pain, he had tightened it's reins, He hadn't given in. He had come here.
Found a place he belonged. Then he had been shoved in a viper's pit of wolves that were like the ones that had killed his renaud. Wolves that felt they deserved more than they were given. And he had found a small pinprick of happiness, only to find out he was second best and she clearly had never loved him. Not once. Her pretty promises and her questions. Demands of him. And she had thrown it all way. That was a big enough betrayal.
But the worst was that of commander and soldier. A man he had respected who also made demands. No procreating without marriage. A man who had known how Reyson had felt and took what he wanted anyway. That was the biggest pain.
He could tell Lady Fennec, but what good would it do. That would bring more dishonor and there was enough. So he could leave this world as quietly as he came in it. He had told @Arsenio @Tamar where he'd be going, he hoped they would understand, but he needed space. Without a backward glance he headed towards the mountain. What would transpire there. He didn't quite yet know.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Killdeer - February 16, 2023
In his patrols, he stumbled upon the wolf that had spilled so much of himself one time—and the bond hadn't grown.
But through neither fault of their own.
Reyson,Killdeer called out, watching the fiery wolf from a short distance away. He knew he'd gone to Epoch, a sister pack—but now he was here, and looking anguished.
Are you okay?
He stood, waiting, breath held somewhat and grimace held tight against his muzzle.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Reyson - February 20, 2023
Not sure if he knows about Germanicus yet. So being vague for now <3
Reyson hadn't sought out Killdeer more than that one time. He had passed him in lines. He had seen him at borders. He knew he belonged to a woman that he deeply respected, who would possibly share this pain eventually, but he wouldn't be the one to tell her or her son, what her new husband had done. So he had to fight to keep a neutral expression on his face, for possibly the first time in his life.
No i'm not, but it involves wolves that should speak their own truth. Another scar to a tapestry of hurt. It will fade eventually. I hope.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Killdeer - February 24, 2023
all good!
Again, Reyson spoke of hurts Killdeer couldn't possibly understand. All he could do was listen, and nod solemnly, face fixed upon the warrior's wearied countenance.
I'm sorry to hear that,he replied slowly.
I can. . .listen, if you want me to. If you wanna talk about it.
He didn't quite feel like doing anything else—a mixture of curiosity and empathy, he supposed.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Reyson - February 25, 2023
Reyson frowned in thought.
I have been courting someone. I have been faithful, because she asked me to be and because I don't much like the kind of hurt that causes. Today I found out she hasn't been. And with someone who I respected, as well as who is also attached shall we say, to another.
Large body shifted.
Everyone is telling me that I should forgive and forget, because i love her and I am inclined to agree, accept. I can't quite get past the I'm not sure if it is sadness or what it maybe. It also doesn't help that she was harmed while her and her paramour were otherwise engaged.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Killdeer - February 26, 2023
Reyson might as well have been telling the same story that his mother had been. His ears tilted forward, and the look of faint surprise in his gaze was belied by the scowl stretching his mouth.
Are you talking about Germanicus?Killdeer asked.
That son of a bitch,he added, very sotto voce, a growl gathering in his throat like distant thunder.
Then he remembered himself.
Oh, uh, sorry. Long story there, too.He tried to focus on what Reyson had said about his own situation—it wouldn't do the man any good to bring his and Fennec's grievances into the mix.
I suppose, if you love her, it would probably be best to forgive,Killdeer went on.
Has she done this kind of thing before? Maybe it was just a one time mistake, you know? Everybody does something stupid, sometimes.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Reyson - February 27, 2023
The younger male filled his face with darkness and scowled. Reyson didn't know how to take it, though he then surmised that the boy and Fennec knew. Good Germanicus had told him. It was about time. He hadn't wanted to say anything for fear of it.
A stern nod.
I am. I didn't want to say anything at first, for Germanicus needed to own up to his own mistakes. I'm glad he did. Though sorry that it hurt Lady Fennec. That was unfair and unjust of both Germanicus and Meadow.
He shook his head.
No need to apologize. I would get angry for my mother too, were I in a similar situation.
She hasn't, but she has never trusted me not to do it to her. I can forgive the action, the pain all of it. The hardest part I have is all i asked for in the entire relationship was honesty. I wouldn't have stood in her way, were she to prefer someone to me. At least before Lady Fennec became entwined.
Reyson shook his head.
But are you okay? you seem to be upset by this too?
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Killdeer - March 01, 2023
He held his tongue this time, listening to every word Reyson had to say. It wasn't until the man had finished that he'd pipe up again—and he'd tried to keep a blank face throughout.
Tried, anyway.
Geez, I'm sorry, dude,Killdeer replied, shaking his head.
Nah, I'm okay. I mean, I'm pissed off about it—my mom hasn't had the best luck in relationships. But I'm definitely not as upset as you should be.
Meadow. The name of Germanicus's paramour. He filed it away and made sure he'd never give her the time of day.
It sounds like you both don't trust each other,he went on, trying to parse the story as best he could. He hadn't ever been in a relationship himself, but he could pretend, at least.
But you love each other, right? That's important. Maybe you both should go somewhere else and work on the trust.
Just like Ma and I, he thought to himself, but swallowed down the words.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Reyson - March 01, 2023
Reyson lifted a shoulder.
It's not your apology to make. But I appreciate it all the same.
Reyson sighed.
Yes i gathered that from brief conversations with your mom. I hold her in high regard. Probably had more respect for her than Germanicus even before this.
A small sad smile.
I have run the gambit of emotions lately. Now I am just tired.
Reyson met the gaze of the youth.
I did trust her, absolutely, intrinsically. I never would have imagined this would happen.
Well being that she was attacked during their encounter by the lynx, the Imperator killed. She will not be going anywhere for sometime. If she even wants too.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Killdeer - March 01, 2023
He smiled ruefully.
She's great. She deserves a lot better. She deserves everything.
More information about the relationship—he tried to hone in on every word—Imperator killed. . .
Imperator killed?
Oh, um,Killdeer responded, feeling incredibly awkward.
He's—alive. He survived. He's back in Mereo. Did you. . .think he died?
Oh, jeez. Here he was about to start World War Wolf, and all for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Reyson - March 01, 2023
Reyson nodded in agreement. He believed she did as well. One of his probably only friends in the wilds.
Reyson felt a laugh roll from his lips and then he laughed harder. He shook his head, and held up a meaty paw.
No he killed the lynx. Sorry I suppose my words ran together there.
Reyson gave another soft chuckle and shook his head then pressed his muzzle down.
I apologize I wasn't laughing at you I promise.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Killdeer - March 01, 2023
Killdeer was probably the least likely to be offended by someone laughing at him. He laughed at himself all the time. Confusion rose up at the initial chuckles, but once the explanation came, he was laughing along with Reyson, shaking his head ruefully.
No, please, laugh at me,he replied, eyes squinted half shut.
Totally misunderstood you. Sorry!
Well, at least that wasn't so awkward. And a dangerous lynx was dead, so. . .even better?
He let his chuckles fade away into the breeze, gathering his breath and smiling at the man.
I really hope you can fix things with your girl,he said, sincerely.
Trust me. . .she's better off with you than Germanicus. And if she picks him, then whatever. You're better off without her.
He meant it.
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Reyson - March 01, 2023
At least the youth was able to laugh at himself. Lady Fennec was a very good mother, and the proof was in front of him. For a moment sadness curled into his chest, at the thought that she would not have children this year. When she probably had wanted them. It was unfair and he wanted to throttle Germanicus.
Reyson smiled softly.
Thank you. We shall see. And.
He took a deep breath and looked over the boy.
I know it would probably hurt your mom to see me, while the wound is still fresh, even though I had nothing to do with it. The reminder though. Can you please tell her I wish her the best and I hope to see her gain someday. And she deserves the world don't settle for less?
RE: And girl, you find me right where I am, you're the one thing I can't lose - Killdeer - March 08, 2023
He nodded, his eyes warm as Reyson spoke of his mother. He felt the same way—always had. And he was glad to see others saw what he saw.
I will,Killdeer promised.
Thanks for saying that. She won't believe it, but it's true.
He sucked in a breath, then let it out with a sigh.
I should get back to my duties,he said, the last word colored with a cynicism that had never been there before. It was hard to serve a guy that had so utterly lost his trust.
But, if it kept the others safe. . . After all, they were innocent in all this.
I hope you can mend things with your girl,Killdeer said.
Take care, Reyson.
Would he see the kind, tortured man again? At least, he thought as he departed for the canyon, Reyson lived in Epoch. He could always get the lowdown from Towhee.