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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me (/showthread.php?tid=5490)
You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Blue Willow - October 28, 2014
[size=small]Ebony you can join in if you like :)[/size]
It was with mixed emotions Blue willow had set out the day before for the Caldera. She was not sure how this meeting would go and she actually had wanted to bring @Lasher along, but felt it would be too painful for him. She had offered him the chance none the less, told him if he wished when she was leaving he could meet up with her. She felt in a way she was betraying Atticus, but for once she was being true to herself, and it was a strange feeling. It really was, and it was one she was not used too. She had always promised herself that she would only have children with someone she loved, but time was not on her side. She was three years old, soon to be four and she had no mate, no children and she honestly did not know if she could love as much as she had loved Atticus, so the point was almost moot. So she had made a difficult decision, but one she did not regret. This way she could have the children she always wanted, and Lasher could have children too, something to shower his affections upon, for the man was full of love to the brim and he deserved to be able to share it.
It was with trepidation now that she neared the Caldera and she sat down at the edge of the border. It had been a week or two since she had been here, she honestly could not remember. The days were a blur and blended together. She had looked for Atticus until she couldn't anymore, and his trail had run cold straight down onto the sharp bluffs, there had been no broken body at the bottom, but there had also been no backwards paw tracks, so he had not returned the way he had come. She sat there swishing her tail back and forth, she would call for @Peregrine soon enough, for now she just simply wished to sit for a moment and gather her thoughts, because this was going to be a hard conversation, but not as hard as telling him she had failed as a healer, she hoped at least.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Peregrine Redhawk - October 28, 2014
Since receiving the news about his brother, Peregrine had withdrawn, keeping to himself for the most part. It had been a few weeks now, however, and he was coming to terms with it. He felt ready to throw himself back into pack business, starting with seeking out each of his pack mates individually and checking in with them.
Before he could find the first wolf on his list (Finley), Peregrine instead found a surprising but not unwelcome visitor plopped at his borders. "Willow?" he called, striding closer to her, a look of consternation on his face. "Is there any news?" he asked a little breathlessly, wondering if there had been any developments in his brother's mysterious disappearance.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - RIP Fox - October 29, 2014
w/permission from Danni ^__^
Curious as to what Blue might be doing here, Fox heeded the call for Peregrine. Her ankle was feeling back to normal, though her rib still ached when she stretched it the wrong way. She saw Peregrine first, and decided to stay far enough away not to be a nuisance or seem like she was intruding, but still within earshot. A part of her wondered if there was news of Atticus. Maybe Perry's theory had been wrong after all, and Willow was here to tell them that he'd been found alive and perhaps even well.
From her viewpoint, Fox simply observed, ears pricked forward to listen to the conversation unfold and her back legs folded neatly beneath her. Fox's perception of Blue Willow was still a strange one, considering they had almost always been at odds, but the young Alpha didn't really have any reason to be angry with her, so she wasn't.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Blue Willow - October 31, 2014
Blue wagged her tail at the sight of Perry coming forward, and gave him a small smile. She also made a nod at Fox who came soon after, though she did not come overly close. For a moment Blue wondered at it, but decided it was really none of her business. At Perry's questions she frowned, No I'm afraid not. I followed his trail to the sheer cliffs, and it stops there. However, there was no body at the bottom, nor was there a trail back it just ends...I don't know what that means. We can't unfortunately continue to look for him actively as winter approaches though I still do and Dante and Lasher on occasion. She grew quiet, pensive. She wasn't sure how to even begin this conversation.
So she just jumped right into it. Perry I'm going to be 4 in spring. I am not getting any younger and I will never love another again like I loved your brother. However, being a mother has been what I have always wanted. Lasher has offered again to sire a litter and I have accepted this time. We will not be mates in the sense that most are, we will mostly just be co parents and good friends. I would love for you to be involved with them. And I wanted to tell you myself, because you are my best friend. I know this is rather a selfish decision, and one i usually don't make, but for once I've decided to do what is best for me. She grew quiet and stood there with her eyes on her friend, a little worried about his reaction, while at the same time standing firm behind her own beliefs.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Peregrine Redhawk - October 31, 2014
Peregrine remained utterly oblivious to his mate's proximity; all of his attention was focused on Blue Willow. When the word no left her lips, he felt his heart fall from his throat to the pit of his stomach. He listened, nodding mutely. He couldn't decide if the lack of a body made it easier or harder. He yearned for closure. Without it, there was always room for hope and that was a bittersweet struggle.
Before he could dwell on that long, Blue Willow blurted her plans for the upcoming spring. Although the two repetitions of Lasher's name made Peregrine's heart sting, a small smile curled over his black maw. He was happy for her. He had been supportive of this idea since the beginning and his feelings hadn't changed, even with the breakup. He loved Blue Willow like a friend and Lasher as more, even if they couldn't be together anymore. And while he supposed it was a bit soon after his brother's disappearance, they were only planning, not actually doing anything yet.
"Why do you look like you're waiting for me to bite off your head?" he asked with a gentle smile. "I'm happy for you, Willow. You'll be a wonderful mother. By the time they're born... I imagine Lasher and I may be able to be friends so that I can be involved with the pups," he added with a crooked arc to his smile. He pressed his nose to her cheek.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - RIP Fox - November 02, 2014
As usual, Blue began with a drawn-out speech about something or another, though Fox made no move to leave. Instead, she listened lazily about Blue's quick move from Atticus to Lasher. The thought made her lip twitch as she fought back a snarl. If Blue had really loved Atticus, she would have gone after him. She would not have given up until she had found him. Instead, she would have a litter of bastard children with Lasher. If Fox and Blue had still dwelled in the same territory, such a thing would never happen. This only confirmed that her decision to leave had been the right one. She did not want to live (nor rule) in a pack where such things were allowed.
Not only was Blue moving on quickly, but so was Lasher. Not even a whole month had passed since he had gone back to the plateau and left Peregrine heartbroken. Even though Fox had attempted to make it work, Lasher had never even given it a fair chance. He could have stayed here, in the caldera, and made amends, but he refused. And now he would father bastard children with Peregrine's best friend. That, Fox thought, was some fucked up shit. But she held her tongue, surprised when Peregrine sounded happy for them. Her thoughts were kept to herself, sitting silently behind Peregrine.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Blue Willow - November 02, 2014
[size=x-small]My thoughts are in no way that way about Fox, lol but I figured a little juiciness should be added. I can't remember if Blue was told bout Haunter or not? so if I need to change that I will.[/size]
Has she been privy to the thoughts that ran rampant upon Fox's tiny head, blue would have been quick to stand up for herself and her choices. She also would have pointed out that Fox had no right none at all to say a word to her about her choices and the father of her children. Simply put Fox herself had certainly moved her tiny little self into the plateau and Peregrines den and between his legs, days after she had lost her home and abandoned her packmates as Ferdie had said if it were to be true. So no she had no right to say a word to Blue and it was a good thing she did not. As it were though Blue did not know what the other was thinking so she had no need to defend herself, though she would have done so. And had she been told such things, she imagined it would be the end of a friendship that had bloomed since she had moved to this area. Because frankly she would not have any time for anyone who put her down, when she had done nothing to them, nor their mate especially when he would stand by his mate above her no matter what she did.
Blue looked at Peregrine and gave him a small smile. Because I was expecting you to, Perry. Not only was I your brother's intended, who Gods I wish I still was, but Lasher was yours. She grew quiet then and looked down unsure what else to say or what to think. It was not an ideal situation, and it was one that she never would have thought she'd be in, but Lasher would make a good father, and he was very close to her, almost like another best friend next too Peregrine.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Peregrine Redhawk - November 02, 2014
He drew in a sharp breath at her words, then released it slowly. He became aware of his mate's presence then and cast her a quick, slightly awkward smile. Like Blue Willow, he couldn't read her thoughts, though he could easily imagine what they were. He was secretly glad she didn't have any say this time around.
"'Was' being the key word," he acknowledged a bit sadly, his smile even more crooked now. "You know I was supportive since the first time it was proposed. My feelings haven't changed. See, I can be selfless," he quipped rather weakly, his tail waving gently to and fro.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - RIP Fox - November 02, 2014
Fox only ever told Fitz and Peregrine. :3
Even if Lasher was no longer Peregrine's, it made it seem like Lasher no longer cared for his former lover. Mere weeks had passed since they had parted ways, and already he was promising himself to somebody else. It was a dick move in Fox's opinion, though she held her tongue. Unlike Blue and Perry, she wasn't involved. And since it took place outside of the caldera, she didn't have any say in the matter. Of course, if she had still been there, things would have been quite different. Idly, she wondered if Blue and Lasher would have gone off to start their own pack if Fox and Peregrine were still around. Because gods knew that Fox wouldn't have allowed such atrocities in her home.
But how was Blue no longer Atticus's betrothed? Because he had gone away? She wasn't even certain of his death, she'd said that much. If there was any hope of him coming back, surely she would have waited. It had only been weeks since his disappearance, and already she was moving on and eager for children. If anybody was a selfish bitch, it was the "sweet" Willow that stood before them. Fox wanted children more than anything in the world, but at least she meant to go about it the proper way. She would have no bastards born just because she wanted them; it wasn't the right thing to do.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Blue Willow - November 02, 2014
I edited it we are good. Sorry about that I honestly couldn't remember if she was told or if I had just read it :) sorry if i offended in some way.
Blue knew far too well how badly Lasher missed and loved Peregrine, it was evident in his every word and whim and if Fox was far too stupid to notice that or even care well that was on her, not Blue. Blue would not have left, but she would have probably been ousted for telling Fox where to go, if she had known that Fox felt so strongly about it.
Blue had wanted to wait for Atticus, but time was not on her side. It wasn't and frankly she would have agreed with Fox it was selfish, she had said so herself in the very beginning of the conversation. But she did not know Fox's thoughts and therefore could say nothing else.
Blue chuckled at his words and then looked over at Fox, then back at Perry. You have always been selfless Peregrine for those you love. Blue was aware that her words could be taken badly, but she had not meant them in such a capacity. She had been merely telling the truth.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Peregrine Redhawk - November 03, 2014
"Not true," he disagreed quietly, though he didn't press the issue. He did press his nose against her neck, then placed his muzzle by her ear and said quietly, "You have my blessing, Willow."
He drew back. Louder than his previous words, the Alpha announced, "We're thinking of naming one of our own after my brother." He smiled softly. "Probably as a middle name, in case you wanted to claim it for a first," he added.
His voice trailed off there. He would have loved for Blue Willow to stay a while and perhaps have that long overdue look around. But Peregrine knew it wouldn't happen with Fox there. He couldn't say he wanted his mate to leave, exactly, but he did regret that her presence meant it would likely cut his friend's visit short.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - RIP Fox - November 03, 2014
No worries! I know keeping IC/OOC knowledge separate can be tricky. :)
As they spoke, she still couldn't shake the feeling that Atticus wasn't dead. No body had been found, and he hadn't acted the same way that Haunter had. But maybe... well, maybe he had. Both of them had come out of their coma-like states for a time, and both had gone shortly thereafter. Maybe it was just a silly feeling, like the kind that did not mean anything at all. Whether or not Atticus was still alive would not make any difference to her, so she figured it probably wasn't worth putting too much brain power into thinking about.
She wondered if Peregrine would insist on having their children play together. The thought made her stomach turn, but she hid the emotion carefully (something she'd become a little better at these days). The last thing she wanted was for her children to be associating with bastards. Fox wanted to raise her children in a way that they would never have to rely on such taboos like Blue and Lasher. No, her children would be raised right. If they wanted to have multiple lovers, that was one thing, but illegitimate children were off-limits in Fox's book.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Blue Willow - November 05, 2014
Blue smiled at him and shifted her weight. She tilted her head and then looked at Fox and then back to Peregrine. Wondering if the fiery she wolf would say anything, so far she had just stood there with a stoic expression on her face. Blue could only wonder what she was thinking and most of it she imagined was not pleasant. Though she was no angel either in that capacity. It was a shame really, but something about the fox colored wolf made fur rub the wrong way. She could honestly say until Fox she hadn't really ever been too incredibly cruel in her thinking.
I think that is a wonderful testament to his memory Peregrine. I do not know what we will name them or anything yet. But thank you. She backed up and looked down and sighed I need to be getting back Peregrine. It was wonderful to see you again Perry and Fox have a good day. Then she turned to head back towards home.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - Peregrine Redhawk - November 05, 2014
Just like that, she turned and left. Peregrine stood and watched until she disappeared from sight. He then turned to face Fox and regarded her silently for a moment. Truthfully, Peregrine did have some reservations about his friend's plans, though she had once proffered unconditional acceptance and support and he would only ever give her the same. Besides, his qualms were entirely personal and not really worth mentioning to anyone aloud. He could work through them himself.
And he didn't particularly want to know Fox's thoughts on the matter. He intuited that they were highly negative. So before one could ask the other, Well? What do you think? Peregrine instead said, "I'm hungry. Let's fetch something to eat?" Before his mate could reply, he took off at a sprint, hoping she would come running after him.
RE: You can hate me if you want to, but it won't break me - RIP Fox - November 05, 2014
Fox nodded politely to Blue Willow before she turned and headed back to the plateau which Fox had once called home (even if it had never felt that way). Perhaps some wolves were never meant to get along. Maybe, years down the road, they would all look back on this and think about how petty they had been to one another. Not that Fox could ever see herself doing that, but who knew what the future would hold. It was full of unexpected events, that much the young leader had gathered.
She had no desire to express her opinions to Peregrine, if only because she knew it was a point on which they would disagree. When he mentioned grabbing some food, she wagged her tail and bounded after him, eager to put some warm, fresh meat in her belly.