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+--- Thread: Swiftcurrent Creek Found a martyr in my bed tonight (/showthread.php?tid=54975)
Found a martyr in my bed tonight - Reverie - March 06, 2023
Just another development thing because I want to write out some of the stuff that wouldn't make it into other threads as Rev improves <3
There was nothing easy and nothing beautiful about the battle Reverie now fought; with herself, with the world, with every reckless desire that had grown into a blind and willful need over the last months. She wanted to run. She wanted to be free. Each day when the sun began to set, she felt that pull. Eventually it would manifest in the faint sound of fluttering wings, in flashes of gold at the corners of her vision. Tonight was worse. Reverie was trying to sleep, trying quite desperately. She kept very still at Lestan's side, and she buried her face in his fur until the sound of so many birds flying all around them was muffled by his heartbeat.She cried. Quietly, softly. Lestan was asleep, so she felt safe in her tears. She wondered why she had done this to herself. More than anything, Reverie had wanted to be true to herself in her new life. She felt now that she was not doing that at all, that she was giving up everything she'd ever wanted — for someone she loved. The exact fate she had fled The Gilded Sea to escape. The reason she'd run from Everett and then again from Tybault. She did not want to run from Lestan... but she wished that he could have kept his promise. That he could have been different from the rest. They all wanted the same thing from her; they all wanted this, to trap her, to suffocate her...
Reverie took in a slow breath, and it was his scent that filled her lungs. She relaxed, and realized only afterward how tense she'd been. She thought of how the moonlight would have cast the valley in haunting silver-blue, how crisp and cold the night air would feel against her face. It was too warm here, too soft in a way that made her skin crawl. But Lestan was here and asleep, and he would worry if she left him, and surely he wouldn't want her to wake him and drag him from the Creek at this hour either — so Reverie swallowed the feeling and tucked herself a little closer, if that was even possible. Eventually sleep found her.
She felt no happier in the morning, but she felt calmer. A small seed of peace stirred in her chest. She knew that she could have roused Lestan, could have turned to him for support — but Reverie had meant it when she told him that she didn't want him to fix her. She would try to be normal for him, yes; that still meant that she would fix herself. It was not entirely on her own terms, but that didn't change the fact that this would always be her battle to fight, and hers alone.
And for the first time, she felt that it might be winnable.