+- Wolf RPG (https://wolf-rpg.com)
+-- Forum: In Character: Roleplaying (https://wolf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=5)
+--- Forum: Archives (https://wolf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11)
+--- Thread: Firefly Glen I wish you well, but desire never leaves (/showthread.php?tid=55501)
I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Fennec - April 11, 2023
purposefully vague! To work around joining things
It was late afternoon as Fennec broke away and walked the familiar path leading to the old den. The sound of a waterfall rushed past, drowning out most of the surrounding noise, but no scents were apparent to have claimed or visited this place recently. It seemed to be as vacant as she’d left it.
Most of this place was the same, really. Fennec stood at the entrance a moment, breathing in the stale earth, before heaving a slight sigh and sitting down. Her ears flicked, but she likely wouldn’t hear anyone approaching anyway.
The place was the same but everyone in it was gone. Meerkat hated her; for the first time, she wondered if her sister had known all along. For all Fennec knew, Bronco had painted her as the wife he couldn’t love but who forced him into staying with her regardless. Maybe that was why she refused to ever acknowledge her. Bronco was gone, dead to her as anyone could be. And the rest of them were either scattered or actually dead. For most she barely remembered their names. Pretty shitty of her, actually; no wonder they hadn’t wanted her back.
Fennec’s ears flattened and she turned, curling up in the entrance with her muzzle facing out towards the ledge. This would have been a stupid spot for kids anyway; the mist in the air was refreshing, but the sheer drop off that ended in a pool and, most likely, a river wasn’t anything to even bring a family near. This den really had been a stupid idea from the start.
The start, and now the culmination, of a series of failures. Every single one felt worse than the last.
And now Penn had to show up, confessing feelings. Feelings she had definitely returned on more than a few occasions, but feelings she didn’t know she could trust him with now. Still; how long would he stick around, if she didn’t? She fucking hated that she cared. But she didn’t know, and the idea that he’d get tired of waiting both scared the fuck out of her and satisfied her feelings that inevitably this shit was going to end badly.
She couldn’t avoid it forever. Fennec wasn’t worried about being honest. She just didn’t know how she was going to trust anything he promised or said. What was the point, until she figured that out?
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Meerkat - April 12, 2023
She didn’t quite know what to feel when @Njord told her what—rather, who—he’d witnessed at the borders. Meerkat relaxed outside the ulaq, watching the girls play, and wondered what Killdeer looked like these days. Certainly he wasn’t a chubby little baby any longer. He would be around two years old now.
When the pups slowed down for a nap, Meerkat tucked them into the den and summoned @Stingray or another sitter to keep an eye on them. Feeling more than a little nervous, she climbed down the mountain to find her older sister’s scent near the borders and follow it wherever it led her.
The scent disappeared into the glen. Meerkat walked slowly into the neighboring territory, her anxiety ratcheting up a few notches. This place was full of memories from the era before so much had fallen apart. She swallowed and steadied her breath, determined to find Fennec and have a long overdue conversation.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Fennec - April 12, 2023
Sitting here moping wasn’t going to get her any closer to answers, but she still stayed a little longer. She was torn between two options - confrontation or avoidance. The first would always be more attractive for its ability to resolve things more quickly, but resolution could oftentimes mean “ruin”. Was it worth the risk?
Everything always had to be so complicated. There was really no difference between ruining things now and ruining them later, except ruining them now would save a hell of a lot of trouble. Maybe that there was the answer.
Fennec stood up and began to head back the way she came, leaving the den to its unclaimed fate. Maybe some creature would find it and use it at some point. This place had nothing left for her.
The waterfall was still too close for her to hear Meerkat approaching over it, but she was on a collision course with her sister as she doubled back anyway. Likely, unless she announced herself, Fennec would get into near-impact proximity before noticing she was there.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Meerkat - April 12, 2023
She spotted Fennec, who was walking right toward her. Meerkat knew her sister couldn’t see, though she (wrongly) assumed she must’ve detected her presence anyway, perhaps with her ears or nose. She halted to let Fen close the gap, only to see her veer slightly to walk right past her.
Was Fennec deliberately ignoring her? Meerkat supposed it made a kind of sense, though she was still nonplussed. Her lips parted and her head swiveled to follow Fen’s trajectory. Finally it occurred to her that maybe Fen didn’t know she was there.
She had no desire to spook her sister, so Meerkat said quietly,
Hey, Fennec? It’s me, Meerkat.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Fennec - April 13, 2023
Meerkat’s voice was still startling and Fennec jerked sideways momentarily before remembering how limited the ground was here and freezing in place. Thankfully the shock of it lasted only an instant before she recognized the voice, but her surprise didn’t lessen. What was she doing here?
Fuck. Sorry, I didn’t think anyone was here.Fennec let out a breath and let her heartbeat stop hammering.
Hey.
It wasn’t the warmest of greetings, but she was caught off guard by this unexpected encounter. Think of the devil? She wondered if her sister was as surprised, and if that surprise was a welcome one or not.
Probably best if she found that out before saying much more. She’d have no real reason to stick around and chat if Meerkat was hoping to come here and not be bothered.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Meerkat - April 13, 2023
Meerkat’s ears flattened guiltily at Fennec’s reaction. Her sister really hadn’t picked up on her presence and she knew that was her fault. She also felt bad for assuming Fen might be purposely ignoring her. She should’ve announced herself.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,she said, ears sliding forward and head raising as she peered into her sister’s face, familiar as ever.
And that isn’t the only apology I owe you,Meerkat acknowledged in the next breath, though before she dove into all that, she wondered,
How are you, Fen?
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Fennec - April 13, 2023
That was interesting, and certainly not expected. Fennec had accepted at this point that she didn’t really factor into any sibling’s life save Fig, and after fucking that up royally, she had resigned herself to only having herself to blame on most of it. She’d never done anything to deserve a cold shoulder, but she wasn’t exactly an ace sibling when it came to being around and available.
Meerkat’s words hinted that Fennec’s previous assumption was wrong, though - otherwise she definitely wouldn’t have mentioned any apology. Unless Towhee had set the record straight? Who the fuck knew anymore.
I’m fine.She replied automatically, before her lips twitched up in a slight curve.
Is a lie, but all of it is bullshit no one can really do anything about, so I’m managing. Thought I’d reminisce on old times, but I guess it’s hard to remember the good in a place like this. That why you’re here?
Not something she expected, but she couldn’t really judge, all things considered.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Meerkat - April 13, 2023
The first two rang false in Meerkat’s ear, though Fennec soon elaborated. Her sister insisted she was managing and there was nothing anyone could do to help, though naturally Meerkat felt that innate desire to reach out to her sister and support her through this “bullshit,” whatever it entailed.
I’m here because I was looking for you,she admitted, chewing her lip.
I wanted to apologize for my behavior the last time we saw each other. I know it’s been a long time and I still can’t really explain it but… I’m sorry. Neither you nor Killdeer deserved that.
She paused to gather her thoughts. Although she’d just said she’d behaved inexplicably, Meerkat did want to attempt to provide an explanation. Fennec deserved that effort, at least.
At the time, I had no idea you and Bronco were linked romantically. It blindsided me. I’m not trying to make excuses, I just felt some kind of way about it. I guess I was jealous but it was more than that. I was particularly close to Bronco at the time, or so I thought. But he never told me he felt that way about you and—boom!—you two were having a baby together. It made me feel as though we weren’t as close or that I didn’t matter to him the way I thought. I don’t know. Like I said, I’m not sure it makes much sense.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Fennec - April 13, 2023
The reasoning was even more unexpected than the apology. She wasn't interested in holding grudges, though there was definitely a distance between them that might not have existed otherwise. Maybe Meerkat was interested in fixing that; maybe she just felt guilty because they'd all be in Moonspear now. It didn't really matter either way. Fennec hadn't been planning on bothering her.
Don't feel too bad. He didn't, so in the end, you knew him better than I did. He just couldn't face up to telling me.Fennec flicked her tail, the icy razor lining the words the only indicator of the anger that lay beneath them. It was probably healthier to let it go but at this point, she didn't care. She'd take that grudge to the grave.
I don't really get why that had to affect us, but whatever your reasons, it's fine. You don't owe me anything.It had hurt her feelings pretty badly at the time, but that was years ago now. She was the last one who should be getting tilted about a sibling bouncing out on her. She'd pulled that shit way too many times herself.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Meerkat - April 13, 2023
“He didn’t,” Fennec said, among other things. But Meerkat was hung up on those words for a moment. Only slowly did it dawn on her that Fen must mean Bronco hadn’t felt that way about her. Naturally, she wondered what had happened between the two of them, though she wasn’t sure if she dared ask. There was something very telling in the blind woman’s tone.
Fen’s blunt comment made her heart sink a little. Meerkat wished she could explain herself better but she knew it was a lost cause. She’d already rambled enough, so she just nodded in chagrined acknowledgement, forgetting Fennec wouldn’t see it. She supposed her sister hadn’t really accepted her apology, though she hadn’t rejected it either.
I wouldn’t mind a fresh start,she said after a momentary pause.
Moonspear is a good place for starting over and rebuilding. You brought Killdeer with you, didn’t you? Njord said there was something else with you guys. Who, if you don’t mind my asking?
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Fennec - April 13, 2023
Just as much as Fennec yearned for some kind of friendship, somewhere, she also found herself unable to believe any of it. It was just as likely Meerkat was simply trying to make nice out of some sense of obligation. On some level she despised the feeling, but it also wasn't something she could control at the moment. Trust was pointless until someone actually proved they gave a shit.
You really don't need to do that. I'm not looking to upend your life, or for any kind of support. Killdeer wanted a home near his dad and this is where we ended up.Fennec's ears twitched back.
You have a family here. I'm not expecting this to be like the Caldera. I'll be fine, and so will Killer and Penn.The words felt wrong, but she finished them anyway, allowing the last of them to answer her question.
She didn't need anyone worrying about her, or Meerkat suddenly feeling sorry for her and taking up Towhee's mantle of emotional support. She just wanted to be done with everything for a while.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Meerkat - April 14, 2023
Meerkat wondered if her questions came across as platitudes or small talk. She didn’t intend them that way, though Fennec’s resistance made her bite at her lip. Of course she wanted to insist she genuinely cared and wanted to support her sister, though Meerkat didn’t want to push Fen’s boundaries.
Okay,Meerkat replied, trying hard not to show the mild distress she felt at Fen’s frank words,
well, you’re welcome to visit us anytime. I’d love for my kids to meet you and Killdeer. I’m glad you guys are here.
She wondered if her nephew would want anything to do with her and who Penn might be (she did not presently recall their brief meeting years ago). Meerkat would seek them out sometime soon and find out. In the meantime, she took deep breaths. There was still part of her that wanted to say so much more, to insist they could rebuild and otherwise express her reassurance and support. It was difficult to suppress that urge.
I need to get back to my ulaq. But my door’s always open to family,Meerkat repeated.
See you later, Fen,she added, forcing her feet to move and walk back toward Moonspear.
RE: I wish you well, but desire never leaves - Fennec - April 14, 2023
Right. She took the out as soon as it was offered, which only reinforced for Fennec that providing it had been the right move. She wouldn’t bother her, not when it seemed the only reason she’d offered was some kind of family obligation. She was so tired of wolves forcing themselves into caring about her, then dropping her like a rotten fish the instant something better came along.
Fennec sat down and listened to her go, but didn’t leave just yet. She wasn’t ready to go back, and the silence hung a little heavier now around her.