blue willow had gone to visit peregrine, and presumably tell him of the arangement that herself and lasher had agreed upon. the gamma had not accompanied her; it was a conversation between deep friends, and the wounds rent in his heart had not yet healed. for the foreseeable future, he would not have visited the caldera.

but in his pursuit of a rabbit-bevy, a familiar and masculine scent caught his senses, and lasher halted at once, nares flaring in surprise — and swiftly the keen knife of sorrow hurt him, though he moved on dragging steps toward the border nevertheless.

peregrine waited there quietly, and lasher drank in the visage of his former lover, gaze trailing wistfully over the powerful shoulders and muscular body he had loved countless times over. peregrine, taltos murmured, drawing near with the ghost of a smile upon his face. you are well, i hope?

there was a raw tension between them; lasher at once both wished to sweep peregrine into a long-desired embrace, and curse him for throwing aside the plateau, and, he felt, their liaison. however, that was water beneath the proverbial bridge; lasher nodded in the panther's direction. i am well. he did not reiterate what blue willow had told her companion — no need to dredge the blood out of a freshly opened wound.

please, come over the borders, he invited quickly with his next breath. slipping headlong into the role of pacifistic host, taltos stood aside and waited patiently for peregrine to accept or refuse his offer.

there were, of course, reasons to refuse: the gamma included himself in that number.

the vulgarity with which peregrine responded quickened lasher's heartbeat; he had heard it interlaced with loving words before, and tears sprang unbidden to his eyes, even as his body ached for the blackfurred devil. there was no question that he simply wished to succumb to their twinned desires, even consummate them here, if the mood so took them.

but he would not dismantle what he had built with blue willow so lightly. the lovely healer knew that it was a revolutionary union into which she entered, but lasher saw no reason to remind her of such.

lifting his chin, he proffered a gentle smile to the man, digging his toes into the loam as if that would halt his forward march. how is fox healing? perhaps it was a harsh jab that would come of his words, but lasher felt he must slice through the want mounting swiftly between them before things became tangled and chaotic once more.

at the other's reaction, lasher's own ears folded, and he took an involuntary step forward, wanting with a sudden desperation to correct his words and soothe peregrine's obvious hurt. their responses to one another had become a stilted parody of a conversation, but it was understandable, yet when the devil asked of events at the plateau, knowing clearly what it was would transpire in the coming months.

i love you still, peregrine, the gamma exclaimed suddenly, softly, which was not the answer to the man's inquiry but was what he wished to say all the same. yet he made no move to approach the devil; he had spoken out of turn, and his gaze soon fixed itself pointedly upon the earth.

he longed for peregrine; not touching the panther was a sword through his innermost heart, and his mouth trembled openly as peregrine first pled, then spoke with the light of understanding. yes, was the mere word he could muster through choking sorrow, but when it had lifted momentarily, he spoke again. it would be unbearable to love you only in hidden moments, to know that there will forever be obstacles to our union. i am proud, peregrine, yes! he cried hoarsely, but i do not think it unwarranted to desire love untainted by resentment.

why did you leave me? he demanded suddenly, anger flaring as tears began their slow cascade along his cheek. you threw it all aside; your rule here, your companions, your family. me, he continued, well aware he sounded selfish, though taltos was well past all care in that respect.

i loved you as i have loved no one else, peregrine, and you — here he bit off his words briefly, a sob rising in his throat — and i cannot give you children, but i would have attempted each day to please you, to bring joy to your heart. i am not a jealous wolf, but i shall not be mistreated.

a long silence followed, during which he slumped heavily to his haunches, head reeling with the magnitude of his own outburst. i am sorry, peregrine. i do not wish you harm. he gazed toward his lover, for the man would always be such to him, and a pained sigh escaped his lips. we are to be fathers, you and i. we will find solace in our children, and the continuation of life. but even as he spoke, lasher knew the sentiment was futile.

the pleading in peregrine's voice hurt lasher deeply, for he knew he had hurt the man deeply, opening the wound that surely was not yet healed, as it was not for taltos. he was silent, tasting salt upon his lips, and when it came his turn to speak, he drew a shuddering breath and found he could not.

the salt in the soreness of the laceration, he knew, was himself and blue willow. dimly he noted the look upon the panther's face and nodded dumbly. junior is pursuing her trades, developing into a fine and fierce young woman. saena has found her voice, which is a well thing, lasher blurted, his words stumbling over one another in their attempt to lock peregrine to the ground where he stood. pura is here. he is silent; he rarely speaks, but he is existent, and ty — she has fled us. a quarrel drove her, i believe.

he did not force the necessity of the conversation regarding himself and the healer; he had already bludgeoned peregrine once. he need not do it again.

they had moved on to things not mundane, per se, but more important perhaps than their own sorrows. lasher nodded. i do not know the details, but i believe it was between the three sisters over something or another. he had not pressed for he was unsure where to start, though he had sought ty himself. i have been looking for her, and i believe junior may have, as well. the assumption was that she was with you, but i see that is not the case. i will travel to the sunspire myself tomorrow.

in some way he felt as if he had failed tytonidae, though the fade-furred girl did not come to him for solace, either. taltos was just presently coming to know junior and saena, though he despaired of ever coming to acquaint himself with pura.

briefly his gaze flickered to peregrine's own, noting the worry there.

the earthen servant shook his head ruefully. i heard of it only recently, he admitted with an ashamed expression flitting across his face. peregrine's withdrawal of his title sent a sharp glissade of fresh agony cascading through his mind, but he did not correct the man.

at the other's suggestion, taltos drew a breath, murkwater eyes meeting the emerald gems set in the panther's face. yes, of course. i would love to see the beautiful pups that yourself and fox create, also. i know i will care for them as i have come to care for the older children, he said softly. after all, they are a part of you.

nor will i, he answered, putting into the back of his mind the remembrance to pass on peregrine's wishes. the snows might separate them, but the memory of this meeting would not, and all at once lasher wished he had not restrained himself, but given into the lust of their bodies.

he watched the devil depart, and, with a heavy heart, turned back into the embrace of the woodland, his heart ravaged once more, and self-loathing rising with bile into his throat.