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Firefly Glen Return service requested. - Printable Version

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Return service requested. - Towhee - April 26, 2023

As much as she needed this little getaway, sleep didn’t come easily to Towhee, especially in these unfamiliar surroundings. She kept watch through the night, then set off around sunup to patrol the area and maybe even scrounge up some breakfast. She wasn’t a great hunter, though she could scavenge with the best of them.

The scent of carrion drew her into the neighboring glen. Towhee found some remains so far gone, she couldn’t even identify them. She couldn’t feed that to her family. She backed away from the mysterious carcass, rubbing her nose, her eyes raising to catch on the nearby mountain.

Surely it wasn’t too early for a wake-up call? Towhee’s signature howl rose into the late April morning, very likely scaring her young grandchildren from their beds on the mount. “We’re staying in The Heartwood, if you want to come visit!”

She swiveled to walk that way and rejoin @Phox, @Jack Snipe, @Sable and @Towhee Jr. If they hadn’t been awake already, they probably were now! But Towhee paced herself, just in case someone from Moonspear showed up to join her…

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 26, 2023

bargin in here anyways

It took Fennec a bit of time to get down the mountain, but the Glen was still fairly familiar ground. Aspects had changed but the overall scenery hadn’t significantly and she made better time as she left the mountain behind her.

Fennec was eager to catch up with Towhee but something gave her pause. It was the same thing that had affected every interaction at Moonspear - the desire to isolate herself and cut off anything and anyone who might want to speak with her. It was overdramatic and irrational but… she was often both of those things. It didn’t change the fact that those feelings existed.

She forced herself to go anyway, approaching where she thought the howl had sourced from to her best approximation. Eventually, if she wandered enough, she would cross Towhee’s path and her mother would grab her attention. Until then she reveled in the quiet.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 26, 2023

She kept glancing over her shoulder as she meandered back toward the adjacent woodland, so Towhee noticed Fennec almost as soon as she ambled into view. She promptly dug her heels into the ground and pivoted, sweeping toward her blind daughter.

Fen, you’re gonna have to forgive me for saying this, Towhee mumbled when she reached the pale woman, nosing at her cheek, but damn, you are a sight for sore eyes.

That was a loaded statement. She knew it. Fennec would certainly pick up on it. But for a moment, Towhee just reveled in her eldest daughter’s company, tail waving away the inevitable breaking of bad news.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 26, 2023

As soon as Towhee swept up to her, Fennec leaned in to give her a hug. It wasn’t the most enthusiastic motion but it was definitely tight, and she held it for a moment, breathing in her mom’s comforting and familiar scent. It was mingled slightly with Epoch, but it was also definitively her own. Something in her unwound just a fraction.

I’d say the same but whoever makes sayings like that apparently had a thing against blind wolves. I missed you, mom. She said after she’d pulled back a bit. She knew Towhee wouldn’t catch what she said if she was hidden in her fur at the time.

There was news to share, and yet there wasn’t, because what had really changed since she left? Not much. So Fennec fell silent, uncertain of what was worth updating on and hoping Towhee had come with some update in mind. Social call or not.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 26, 2023

Towhee savored the particularly tight embrace, even as she wondered if there was a reason behind it. She gently moved back to look into her daughter’s face, her mouth pulling into a thoughtful moue. Not for the first time, Towhee wondered what had brought Fen (and Killer) here, though there was no resentment attached, just concerned curiosity.

Is everything okay? Towhee asked. Touching a paw to one of Fen’s, she added, I saw Caracal the other day and he said you and Killer ended up joining Moonspear.

When they’d left the vale, they’d said they were setting out to build their own thing. They hadn’t wanted to answer to anyone else anymore. Something must’ve happened to waylay that dream. Towhee suddenly wondered if her rejection had poked holes in their plan. Don’t flatter yourself, she scolded inwardly, though a tooth nibbled at her lower lip.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 26, 2023

Fennec sighed, then flicked her tail in an instinctually dismissive manner. She’d asked herself the same question but at the time, all she wanted to do was stop and be somewhere. It’s fine. I thought that was what Killdeer wanted, but as soon as we came across this place, he asked to join up. I guess he changed his mind, and I just… I don’t know. There didn’t seem to be a point in arguing, and he wants to be close to his dad.

She’d tried starting packs before and failed miserably, so pushing the idea herself was useless. Killer seemed happy here and she was happy if he was. She didn’t know if she’d ever find a place that actually felt like home anyway.

It’s fine, she repeated, then looked to change the subject. How’s Epoch? And, kids, yeah? Probably good to get confirmation before congratulations.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 26, 2023

The world around her faded momentarily as Towhee’s eyes fixed on Fennec’s lips. She hung on every word out of her daughter’s mouth and tried to pay close attention to the shifts in her expression too. There was an air of resignation about her, for sure.

Towhee would love to pick Killdeer’s brain about his change of heart, though she saved that thought for later. Fen inevitably shoved the spotlight over to her mother, the casualness of her question causing a little stitch in her chest. That was right, those two had missed the birth.

This won’t matter one bit to you but I totally shat out a perfect miniature. She’s called Towhee Jr. There’s Sable too. They’re with me, actually. We’re hunkered down in The Heartwood for a few days so we can visit with all of you… mountaineers.

That was meant as a playful joke, of course, but it came out sounding strained as Towhee finally prepared to steer the conversation into dark waters. She drew in a breath through her mouth, then exhaled noisily through her nose.

We’re also here because I needed to get away. Maxim poofed into thin air a couple weeks back. I searched for a few days but there was nothing. Just nothing.

There was a lot more she could say—almost all of it speculative—but Towhee just didn’t want to get into it. She did give Fennec a moment to process, though as soon as the news sank in, Towhee hoped to flip back to her kids. Maybe Fennec could come with her to meet them.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 26, 2023

Shit, mom. I’m sorry. Fennec was definitely surprised by the news, the announcement of kids a little overshadowed by Maxim’s apparent disappearance. She huffed out a disbelieving breath, then added a little darkly, Not even I was jaded enough to call that one. That sucks.

She expected her relationships to go ass-up but she hadn’t expected her mom’s. They’d seemed so happy, but then again… she’d thought she was happy a number of times. Turns out sometimes wolves lie, especially to the ones they claim to love. Her mind turned to Penn, then shied away from it. Right.

I’m sure they’ll be fine, but I know that doesn’t help. It never mattered that much to me, no matter how often I convinced myself it was the only thing that counted. She remembered the days after Bronco disappeared, how rough it had been. Sometimes no answers was the worst fate to be handed. At least with Germanicus there had been closure right away.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 26, 2023

She sighed at Fen’s condolences, nipping at the fur of her cheek to let her know she appreciated them. Towhee knew both of her eldest daughters had been through something similar and could definitely empathize. She hated that for them, though every little bit of camaraderie from her support system made her feel a tiny bit less bereft.

They’re young enough, they might not remember him very well if he doesn’t come back, Towhee found herself agreeing, a lump in her throat choking the words a little. But we have your dad. He was already a parental figure anyway but he’s really stepped up since. Jackie too.

An errant thought struck her: did Fennec know about Leona? Towhee wasn’t going to ask. She really didn’t want to dwell on the fact that she’d recently lost half her natal family. She’d escaped the vale to get away from this particular flavor of emptiness and strife.

If you’d like to meet them, I’m headed back that way soon. But if you just wanna hang out and talk for a while, I wouldn’t mind that. I don’t really want to talk about Maxim but anything else is fair game. Maybe you can tell me what Moonspear the remix is like.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 26, 2023

Yeah, that’s fine. Fennec couldn’t help wondering if her mom actually meant it, because Fennec had absolutely wanted (and needed) to talk about Bronco at the time. The smart thing would have been to say that, but instead she’d done the opposite, self-destructing all over the Caldera in a mess that seemed to keep paying her back.

She had to assume her mom was smarter than that. It wasn’t hard to be.

I can. She shifted uncomfortably, then figured as long as they were being honest, no use hiding that one either. She might have said it before, but fuck it, Towhee asked every year and every year Fennec felt like shit for letting it pass. At least an explanation would mean they’d know it was her damage and not them. I’ve been shit about it for a while, I know. It’s just hard, wanting something and knowing everyone else gets it but you. It’s not a good excuse, but it just reminds me. Every year it’s worse.

She didn’t want to get into it, since her issues were long-standing and Towhee’s were worse and way more recent. She’d been barely a sister to any of her siblings aside from Fig, and after what she did to him? She didn’t expect she even had that.

Meerkat’s probably better company. We could always call her, Fennec thought a little sardonically. If Towhee wanted to focus on the positive, her elder daughter was probably not the best bet.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 27, 2023

Towhee didn’t follow Fennec’s admission at first, her brow scrunching in confusion. It wasn’t until her last sentence that it actually clicked. She was talking about puppies of her own. It immediately kicked Towhee back to a time when she’d thought such a prospect was impossible for her. She would never forget that sorrow.

I know we touched on this once but that was when we were both subjected to Mereo’s rules, Towhee said slowly, so remind me: what’s your take on single motherhood? With the right support system, it’s doable. Ask me how I know, she said, painfully wry.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 27, 2023

Fennec laughed a small, quiet laugh that sounded more miserable than genuine. She really wished it was that easy.

I can’t. That’s why I didn’t ask Germanicus. It would have been nice if he’d offered to keep his word, but I would have spent the whole time wishing he was there. Casual doesn’t work for me. She had turned it over a dozen times or more, tried to convince herself it was an option. But in her heart she knew.

Unless she found someone she could trust, Killdeer would be the only child she had.

So it’s not a good excuse, anymore. I have to get over it. I have to stop letting it get in the way. She smiled, the expression full of frustration for herself. Towhee deserved better than that and, honestly? So did Meerkat. Seal hadn’t cared one way or the other. He was just a kid who deserved to know his family.

I’m glad you can. You deserve it, and so does dad.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 27, 2023

Part of Towhee wanted to gently push Fennec to reconsider because she really thought her daughter might find it suited her better than she thought. But she would take that “I can’t” at face value and respect Fen’s position, no matter how much she would love more grandchildren.

Picking up on Fen’s latest thread, she said, I’m usually ‘never say never’ but I’m not sure I will, after this. Wouldn’t it be kind of fitting if Towhee Jr was my last? Your dad, though, she moved on quickly, happy to seize on something a bit lighter, he’s been putting himself out there, meeting ladies and going on dates. I still think romance is masochistic but I’m totally going to support the shit out of him when he gets another chance at a family.

They really ought to go say “hi” to him and the kids, though Towhee was in no hurry now. She always enjoyed an opportunity to sit down with her loved ones, one-on-one, and really dig deep into a conversation.

Do you think you’ll do that too, then? Look for someone else? Towhee wondered.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 27, 2023

She’d had enough that Fennec could understand that too. A part of her thought she’d be happy to just have one more chance, just so that this time she could actually celebrate and look forward to it. She’d never been able to have the positive experience of a happy expectant mother. Only herself to blame there.

Good for him. She was glad to hear it, though her thoughts aligned more with Towhee. It didn’t matter how much she wanted it, it was almost impossible imagining herself letting someone in like that again.

But the answer was of course more complicated than that. If she could talk to anyone about it openly, she could talk to Towhee. Penn joined Moonspear. When we met, he told me he had been interested. But he’s never stuck around, and he’s just like the others. He left and was too afraid to be honest about why. I don’t know it that will ever change. Or if he even still knows who I am, after everything. The second part was something she’d mulled a good many times. Was he still interested, after the last time they’d spoken? With all the ways she had changed?

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 27, 2023

It took her a couple seconds to place the name, which was funny considering he was family. To be fair to Towhee, she couldn’t even keep track of all the Redhawks, much less the Blackthorns. In any case, she did cobble up a mental image of his face, though she honestly couldn’t remember a whole lot about him otherwise. Oops.

Honestly, it didn’t sound promising, though Towhee was looking at the situation through a very jaded lens at this point. She didn’t have to tell Fennec to be careful and guard her heart. Towhee honestly couldn’t decide if she was happy her daughter was still open to the idea, like her dad, or if she thought their optimism was a little bit insane. Masochistic, indeed.

I hope it works out for you, Towhee said, which I’m aware is kind of a lame thing to say. But I hope you give me a pass because I’m definitely not in the right mindset to be dispensing relationship advice. My current take would be ‘fuck that shit to hell and back,’ for example.

Towhee rolled her shoulders and cleared her throat, gazing off into the distance in the direction of Bramblepoint. Being here with Fen triggered some sort of dim memory, though it was way too old for her to parse. It had something to do with gardening, though, she was pretty sure. That made her think of another of their more recent conversations.

Have you started a new garden on the mountain? Towhee asked, frowning thoughtfully even as the words left her mouth. Can you garden on a mountain…?

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 27, 2023

Fennec snorted. It won’t. That’s the problem. I know it won’t, so honestly, it probably isn’t worth trying. She didn’t have the optimism her dad had, and if she didn’t think she could trust Penn already, chances were slim that would change. Towhee had echoed her thoughts exactly.

Which probably wasn’t the healthiest, but she knew her mom was at least being honest. They’d learned the same lessons by now. She hadn’t intended to give the impression of optimism.

Haven’t tried and don’t plan to. It’s not the place for it. And I’m tired of leaving gardens behind. Every time I start to treat a place like home, it goes to shit. Maybe it’s superstitious, but I’d rather not ruin another one for Killer. Fennec gave another short laugh, this time a little more genuine. Shit. We’re just overflowing with good news and positivity, aren’t we?

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 27, 2023

That’s almost poetic, Towhee observed wryly, ‘I’m tired of leaving gardens behind.’ Maybe for your next act, you should try being a bard.

She was kidding, though another one of Fen’s phrases stuck in her brain too. “Every time I start to treat a place like home, it goes to shit.” Towhee hated that her daughter felt that way because she knew that pain. It was pretty similar to how she felt toward the vale right now.

Epoch was like heaven for a while, she mused, and now it’s hell, so I think I get it. It’s not just Maxim or even Leo, either. A new pack of warriors moved into the canyon, right under our noses. And when we were traveling out this way, I definitely smelled markers near the lake. It’s getting really fucking crowded around there.

A huge sigh gusted out of Towhee, the mere mention of Tikal riling her. And as her jaw set, she suddenly wondered what would’ve happened if she hadn’t told Fen and Killer “no.” Would they all be living somewhere together, one big happy family like her grandson wanted? Would Maxim still be around?

Apropos of nothing, she slammed a fist against the earth and yelled, FUCK! And immediately felt bad for her outburst, so she quickly said, Shit, sorry, to Fen, who probably hadn’t seen that coming.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 27, 2023

Not a chance, unless someone wanted a poet who only had the worst sort of poems to share. It wasn’t exactly inspiring content.

She couldn’t relate to feeling crowded, but she could sympathize with feeling out of place or like home no longer fit. She’d tried to hard to make the caldera work, the Emberwood happen, and then Mereo into something more permanent and suited to a family. She was done.

Towhee’s outburst startled her, but she wasn’t upset. I don’t know if it gets better anymore. I don’t think it does. Maybe the trick was just settling for what you could get and ignoring the bullshit that bothered you. At least that way nothing was disappointing.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 27, 2023

If the sudden ebullition startled her, Fennec didn’t appear fazed. Towhee exhaled through her nostrils and ducked her head, missing the pessimistic remark as she tried to breathe through the sudden fit of rage. She rubbed a paw down her face. Anger was better than misery, she supposed.

Do you want to do something with me? Preferably something physically challenging? Towhee asked suddenly, looking around for some inspiration. Maybe we could try climbing that? she suggested, pointing at Nimbus Summit and telling Fen, The mountain sort of next door to Moonspear. We can go see your dad and the kiddos afterward.

She really didn’t want to take this wrath back to her brother and children. She could work it out, supposing Fen was up for any of it.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 27, 2023

Mountain climbing wasn’t something Fennec made a habit of alone but she replied with a near immediate Sure.

It wasn’t any more dangerous than the Moonspear and with Towhee there she’d have a guide. Someone to watch and at least be there if she fucked up; something she’d do her best not to do, of course.

Fennec would let her mom take the lead and fall in step alongside, slightly behind, silently just as eager to work out some of these feelings. This conversation had left her drained emotionally - but it had also left her tense as hell. It would be good to get her mind distracted for a while.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 27, 2023

Fen agreed, so Towhee pressed her snout against her pale shoulder and began guiding her toward the nearby mount. It looked like any other, though its flattened summit reminded her of the caldera. She paused at the foot of the slope to survey it, glanced over at Fennec, then started to climb.

By the time they reached the shelf at the top, Towhee had aspirated much of her anger. Breathing heavily, she turned to look at the eastern vista. After taking a moment to admire the views and catch her breath, she turned and padded in a southerly direction, nudging Fennec to follow her.

There’s a lake down there, Towhee told her blind companion. I wonder if… But she didn’t complete her sentence, trailing off with a quiet, Hmmm.

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 27, 2023

Fennec was exhausted as well by the time they reached the point where Towhee paused. Even following she had to be careful, checking each step before she took it and making sure her balance (and footing) held.

She knew what her mom was getting at instantly, but all she felt was a wave of exhaustion as Towhee proposed yet another strange place. No doubt surrounded by impassible mountains, a new spot to learn, a new cage to hold her and spit her out when it was done.

Fuck that. No.

It was an instant, and visceral reaction that surprised even her in its intensity. She didn’t want it. She didn’t want a mountain, or a fucking lake, or a god damn fucking canyon.

There was exactly one place she wanted. She would never have it.

We should get back, Fennec replied, passing over the prompt entirely. Before it gets to dark. Killer is going to wonder where I’m at. It wasn’t false - but she also suddenly really didn’t want to deal with her mom’s leading questions. This was ground they’d walked before and it never seemed to end anywhere but inevitable disappointment.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 27, 2023

Towhee didn’t fancy herself a scout, though she’d traipsed through this region enough times to have a rough map in her head. Did this lake empty into Broken Antler Fen or even Lake Rodney? She pondered whether there was enough time to investigate, shooting a questioning look over at Fennec just to catch her answer before she could say anything.

Yeah, okay. Do you still wanna come back to The Heartwood, see your dad and my crotch fruit? If you need to go to Killer, that’s fine. You two can always swing by later. We’ll be there for a few days…

RE: Return service requested. - Fennec - April 28, 2023

We can go now. Killer could visit later, and if Fennec didn’t go now she knew she wouldn’t. It would be too hard for her to convince herself to once she’d hidden herself on the Moonspear again.

She would let Towhee lead the way back down to the Heartwood where the rest of their family waited.

RE: Return service requested. - Towhee - April 28, 2023

Killer aside, Towhee knew it might be a lot to ask, given what Fen had told her earlier. Although she couldn’t imagine Fennec would outright refuse, she would understand if she deferred or even opted out entirely. It would be a bummer for her eldest to miss out on meeting her youngest—and catching up with Phox—though she needn’t have worried, because Fen opted to go with her right now.

Pleased, Towhee waved her tail and touched her nose to a pale cheek. She turned and began to pick her way down the shady mountainside with Fennec in tow. She was pretty damn tired by the time they hit even ground. She halted to catch her breath, dark snout pointing at her daughter.

Hey, I’m glad we got to hang out today, just the two of us. I’d like to do it again before we leave. Anyway, they’re just this way. Stay as long—or short—as you like, Towhee said, leading the way to her family’s campsite.