Eshe left her den for the first time since her acceptance into Swiftcurrent Creek. Although she was still in the midst of her heat, she was growing restless and felt the need to distract herself and walk off some of her pent up energy. She headed in the direction of the stream with a bundle of lavender in her mouth. Rhe water would mask some of her scent until she was able to deodorize, and then she would roll in the mud, and then roll in the flowers she carried. Her gait was slow—as though she was shouldering the weight of her thoughts.

She placed the bundle on the shore once she made it, and glanced around before stepping into the shallows. There was somebody nearby—whose scent she had smelled on several occasions—and she spotted him upstream dunking his head in the water. She was impressed by how long he was able to hold his breath, and she watched as her emerged and began to take deep and steady breaths.

He was attractive from what she could tell—his body strong, his fur lustorious, and although she looked at the back of his head, she was confident he was handsome as well.

"Stop," Eshe told herself as she turned her attention away from  Arrick and towards the bottom of the stream and began to shovel some mud.

When Arric turned around and collected himself, Eshe felt ashamed. Although she couldn't confirm why he looked as irritated as he did, she assumed it had something to do with her condition. This motivated her to work faster, and she began to fling mud onto her underbelly as he approached.

"Hi, I'm Arric. Beta." He said, introducing himself. So this was who Akavir warned her about.

"I'm Eshe—Kappa," but he probably knew that. "Sorry for my appearance. I'm just trying to make myself presentable." Her forepaw hovered above the water, and she gestured vaguely towards her abdomen.

"It's nice to meet you," Eshe added, splaying her ears, averting her gaze, and tucking her tail between her legs.

Arric made Eshe feel a little better, but not enough to unfurl from her submissive stance. "I appreciate you saying that," she replied as a shy smile pulled at the corner of her lips before she hesitated for a beat. "I just ... don't want to be a burden to the pack—especially since I'm so new."

"Its better to hide it so I can go about my day and start working on my passion project." She wondered if Akavir had told him about the garden.

"I get it," Eshe said with an amused snort as she lifted her gaze to his chin. "And I do want to have kids," she added, thinking of the insecurities that had been gnawing at her lately, "But ... I'm not anybody's mate or ... you know ... in the right situation to bring children into the world."

"I've always wanted a big family—just like my parents had ... but I'm starting to believe that's all just a dream I'll always be chasing." She shrugged. "Especially now since I'm past my prime" The one time she'd taken a chance it had backfired spectacularly, and she wouldn't try that again.

She was happy to change the subject. "I want to form a garden to keep and stockpile helpful herbs," There was a twinkle in her eye as she remembered the lush plot of land she'd found. "I'm a medic and a bit of a hoarder of medicines—you can never have enough on hand." 

Eshe understood what Arric was saying, but it was something that she didn't agree with.

"I was raised differently," she explained, carefully crafting her response with a hesitant pause. "My parents have been mates for years now, and they've been the example and standard of how I always wanted to live my life." She felt self-conscious for admitting this when she had so desperately wanted pave her own path and flesh out her own beliefs. Was that what she really believed? She wasn't sure.

All Eshe was sure of was that in that moment, it felt like she was regressing back to the narrative and fantasy that Rannoch and Liffey had created. "It might work for others ... it just ... doesn't work for me."

Arric's remark about his father strengthened Eshe's smile. "Your father also didn't have a uterus," she reminded him; childbearing was different when you were the one growing the children.

"I've been meaning to find her," she said when he mentioned the pack's medic. "Is there any chance you could connect us?" She had felt anxious about asking everyone she met if they were Arlette, and would feel more comfortable being introduced.

"I actually didn't know that," she said when he told her about the reed-fluff. "I haven't been working with them for long, and thought that the fluff was just something you tore off to get to the good stuff."

"Is there anything else about reeds you can tell me?"

"You're not wrong," Eshe admitted quietly as she glanced down at her mud-covered paws. "It just ... makes me feel like there's something wrong with me," she admitted, wriggling her toes against the ground. "You know? Like, there are so many wolves out there that are happy and raising families together ... why hasn't it happened for me?" She knew that he wouldn't have an answer. "I mean, right now I'm covered in mud—but this isn't normal for me," she said, chuckling nervously. She knew how irrational and immature she sounded, but it was how she felt.

When he asked about the introduction, she shook her head. "Another time," she requested. "I don't want to meet her looking like this."

Arric thought that Eshe was pretty [/i]and[/i] intelligent? She held one of her forelegs with the other, feeling suddenly girlish as she glanced away.

She snapped back to attention when he offered to introduce them. "I-I will," she said quietly, still reeling from the compliment.

"If you'll excuse me, I should get going," she said as she dropped one arm and then took a step back. He was doing all the right things to convince her that they could make some children, and she wasn't sure how long she could hold off her increasing desire.

"T-Thanks," she replied as she tried to wrangle her temptation. "It was nice to meet you too, Arric."

Then, as she didn't want to test her luck any longer, Eshe returned to her den and stayed put for the rest of the day.