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+--- Thread: Wheeling Gull Isle in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven (/showthread.php?tid=56635)
in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Dinah - June 28, 2023
forgive the long ass post i have a lot of muse lolol but AW if u feel like dealing with a sad puppy, could also be RO
Dinah Redhawk was a lover of God.
It was a love she felt she was born with, one that consumed her every waking moment, one that followed her! Before she ate every meal, she gave thanks to Him and asked Him to bless her family's feast with His golden beacon. Before she slept at night, she pleaded for Him to watch over her little sleeping form, and she thanked Him for doing so at the first light of dawn. It was nearly compulsive, the enthusiasm and fervor she had! And it made her feel so proud when Mama and Daddy shared the love with her.
They spoke of His grace, His strength, His kindness. Mama sang her hymns and Dinah often joined her when she could. Daddy prayed with her; she started to learn the words to the hymns, the scripture, and her little heart grew bigger with love for God every day.
That was, until four little muppets arrived.
And what scared her about this so much was that their very presence almost made her question Him.
It frightened her; a fear that seeped into her little bones when the thought even crossed her mind. She was taught to trust Him, to believe Him, to love Him. Everything has a reason! Every life has purpose! Every soul has an opalescent core, a beautiful rimlight that shimmers and shines. Never question Him. She hadn't before, so why was she now?
She wished He would speak to her. She wished He would tell her why these darklings were here! Why did her brothers, her Mama, her Daddy, Gramma Towhee, Uncle Ev— all seem to love them so effortlessly, but not her? Why did no one care about her anymore? Was she too old? Was she ugly? Was she mean?
She felt as if, maybe, she missed some kind of memo. She felt as if God had excluded her from it on purpose.
And it angered her. It angered her so greatly that He would not speak to her! And she hated that she was angry with Him; she hated it so much! She hated everything!
And on this night, she slips out from between a sleeping Judah and a snoring Simeon. Carefully, slowly, she exits through the lip of the den and seeks out her favorite rock to rest upon. It took her one, two, three, four — four tries, but she scrambles atop it, plopping down with a milkbreath huff. Readjusting, she sits up tall with her gaze tilted to the glow of the moon, and silently, she apologizes to God.
in-post edit: changed the date on this for the night of the 27th, before the thread with abel
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Simeon - June 28, 2023
He'd been asleep until something had shifted beneath him. Dreaming of something he now forgot in these waking midnight hours. Something far gentler than Juju's cries stirred him this time. A missing of sorts, a sad absence of warmth.
Dinah.
Simeon blinked away his groggy eye-smears of sleep and looked for her among the hordes of sleeping siblings, but he couldn't see her familiar Dee-like shape anywhere in the shadows of the den. Which meant he would have to look outside.
Easing himself out of his Judah sandwich with care, Simeon tiptoed around his sleeping denmates until he had a clear path to the entry. Only then, he bounded - quietly, of course! - into the fresh summer air, where crickets chirped and stars dotted the inky sky, and Dinah's dark shape sits tall on a rock and gazing up.
Ami's words stirred in him and he hobbled up to join her. Dinah spent a lot of time praying - and Simeon, well, he prayed, but sometimes got distracted - but he didn't think he might be a distraction when he placed his paws on her rock and looked up to his sister, still looking towards the sky.
Hey Dee,Simeon said with the curl of a smile,
you prayin'?
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Dinah - June 28, 2023
i know they're unitarians but i'm defaulting to catholic prayers bc it's all i know
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
She had been on the third prayer when Simeon had approached her.
When she turns back to the sky, her face falls; big eyes turn downward at the corners, lips scrunched in a scowl. She wanted to cry again, and she knew this by the burning feeling in her jaw muscles.
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
She had been on the third prayer when Simeon had approached her.
Yeeeeeeesssss?she drawls, and it sounded almost as if she herself was questioning it. And then, shifting so she can face him, she pats the empty space beside her so he can join her, should he desire to.
When she turns back to the sky, her face falls; big eyes turn downward at the corners, lips scrunched in a scowl. She wanted to cry again, and she knew this by the burning feeling in her jaw muscles.
I think God's mad at me.
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Simeon - June 28, 2023
Ah ha! Simeon doesn't say it, but he's sure he knows what's going on! Dee must get distracted while praying, too!! Suddenly he doesn't feel so bad about his own mind drifting -- or at least, not as guilty. Dee is already the epitome of what he thinks his faith should be, and he admires her for it. Her love for God, how much she talks about Him, how much she seems to think about Him! He loves God, too, but he finds his expressions wanting. A little too graceless, a little too quick-tempered when his buttons get pressed... even though he tries to be a good brother to all his little siblings.
Simeon's grin broadens when his sister beckons him up, and he gives his butt a little wiggle before he launches himself up to join her - sneaking in a scrunch of his nose against her cheek in proper greeting!
But there is still something so sad about her. It's a shadow that twists her mouth and slants her brow the way Juju does whenever he starts to cry, only this one is deeper and scarier, almost.
With tall ears, Simeon listens.
Well, sort of.
Mad at you!he says, almost too loud, and he shuts up to a whisper and a duck of his head,
at you? Why?
As far as his judgment went, God couldn't be mad at Dee! She hadn't done anything to make Him upset! ... had she? God couldn't be mad with Dee; Simeon had only ever seen her love Him.
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Dinah - June 29, 2023
He asks why she thinks God would be mad at her, and it was a good question. One she didn't entirely know how to answer right away.
Because, truly, she didn't know why He would be. She loved Him so deeply, so devoutly, so honestly and proudly; her very place on this planet was a gift from Him! And Simeon's presence felt so natural, so normal, so nice. It almost made her forget her troubles for a moment all too short-lived.
But she thought of the darklings again, and she thought to herself that He must be cross with her. There's no other explanation.
I don' like our new siblings,she mumbles, sheepishly pulling herself into a pout.
an' I don' know why. So I think God forgot to tell me to love them.
It was an honest display of emotion, a somberness she had held within the chasm of her chest for days now. And before she knows it, the waterworks begin, silent tears that darken russet cheeks.
I don' think Mama and Daddy love us anymore.
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Caracal - June 29, 2023
Caracal jerked awake from a dream where all his teeth had fallen out and he’d had to resort to drinking animals’ blood just to survive. He was exhausted, though he couldn’t fell back to sleep after that. He wiped at his face, then peered groggily around the den and noticed two of his children missing.
The older four were given pretty free reign to wander the island, though their parents preferred if one of the grownups kept an eye on them. And they weren’t supposed to go out late at night, regardless. Heart thumping worriedly in his chest, the exhausted father pushed onto his feet and exited the den.
He found Dinah and Simeon talking quietly on the former’s sunning rock, probably still warm after the hot June day. Caracal didn’t catch anything they said until he crept a little closer and overheard, “I don’t think mama and daddy love us anymore.”
That Dinah would think this even for a moment instantly broke her papa’s heart, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he stood there in bereft, careworn shock.
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Simeon - June 30, 2023
Simeon doesn’t notice papa sneak up behind them. His ears and eyes stay fixed on Dinah, who says words he never expected to come out of her mouth.
His first instinct is to argue, but he caves to his second. For once he listens to that stirring inside him that says to close his mouth and comfort her.
And he does.
He holds her against him and lets her cry into his fur. Oh, she’ll snot him up for sure! Smear boogers all around. But he is the biggest brother to every one of the pups and he feels that crash against him like waves against the sea work rocks.
But he can’t hold his tongue forever.
I know they still love us,he says to her, and will let her find comfort in his boyish rumblings like he still finds comfort in the way mama’s chest feels when she sings,
an’ I know God still loves us. He din’t tell me to love ‘em, either, y’know? But Ami says we have lots to teach ‘em. So maybe He din’t need to tell us with a BIG, BOOMING voice,he whisper shouted, still careful to keep his voice soft, but also wanting Dinah to smile again, to laugh,
maybe He told us to love ‘em through papa an’ Ami,his little tail beat the earth,
an’ maybe you just… missed it a little,he shrugs, and grins,
I do that lots.
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Dinah - July 13, 2023
i thought i replied to this but apparently i did not! i am an idiot i am so sorry SOB
Maybe He told us to love 'em through Ami and Papa.
Blinking away the tears from stained glass eyes, her little face nestles into her brother's shoulder. She is safe here. There are no darkling children, there is no doubt of Mama and Daddy and God. There is only Simeon and he is her brother and he is here.
They are not unlike each other, in a lot of ways. They understood each other; eldest and youngest, both bearing their Daddy's name and the splatters of russet that trace back to a great-grandmother they will only know in death. Simeon has Daddy's eyes, his inflection, his smile. He was the caregiver, the strong arms, the shoulder, the rock. Dinah's rock.
They were the most like Daddy of all the children. The two left behind when Kai swept Judah away in his soot-black arms.
I do that lots, he says, and Dinah understands.
I think yer right,she mumbles, voice garbled and nose runny.
sometimes I think I miss a lot of stuff. Or like I'm no one's favorite. I'm just kinda... here.
And then, a look; a worried expression cast in the shades of midnight, and a change of subject from the flighty mind of a little girl.
Kai kinda scares me too.
RE: in the summer of 07, i was sure i'd go to heaven - Caracal - July 13, 2023
Caracal considered sweeping in there and reassuring them just how much he loved them. But the kids hadn’t noticed him and he found himself frozen, listening to their whispered exchange as Simeon comforted Dinah. He dispelled her doubts with words of wisdom beyond his years.
The tears fell, salting Caracal’s cheeks as he quietly withdrew. He needed to collect himself a bit before he broached this topic with his little girl. In the meantime, Dinah was in good hands with her brother, a lamb safe with her shepherd. The eldest boy was a minister in the making.
Caracal slipped away down the beach, letting the sound of the pounding surf soothe him as he meandered in the dark.