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+--- Thread: The Sentinels You said you're leaving, you're going away (/showthread.php?tid=57080)
You said you're leaving, you're going away - Bridget - July 24, 2023
loose in timelines, tag for reference, just to get her something up to date ^^; open to anyone
Bridget did not force her treatments on @Reverie, but she intended to keep her promise and stayed in the area just in case she was needed. She’d done all she could but in the end it was always their choice whether the medications were worth it… and sometimes they weren’t. Still, she wished she could have done more. There were things they could try if Reverie wished, but the woman had made it clear she didn’t want to, and Bridget hadn’t tried to push the issue. She understood.
The question of what next lingered on her mind but she didn’t have a plan for where she might go after this. Maybe south. Maybe north.
Just probably not back, yet. She didn’t think she was ready.
Bridget made her way through the leafing forest with uncharacteristic quiet. She could tell there’d been a fire here some years ago though the growth had recovered considerably. More would probably grow now, out of the ashes of the old. Pretty cool how a forest could come back stronger from something devastating. We’re the same. We just need the seeds, she thought with a small smile as she glanced at the ocean edge.
North, probably. There was more she hadn’t seen up there.
RE: You said you're leaving, you're going away - Reverie - July 26, 2023
She'd realized that she would need to speak to Bridget, though Reverie could hardly hold herself together long enough for any kind of conversation. Nonetheless she went to her, trembling, eyes red-rimmed from crying.
I'm leaving soon,She said quietly as she came up behind her, voice breaking just a little.
I - Lestan and I - I just have to leave.
It was over. That was the truth, the one she couldn't bear to speak aloud. She loved him and it was over. And it wasn't the end of the world, but it was a darkening; everything cast into shadow, as it had been at Swiftcurrent Creek, but somehow it was worse this time because she knew. How could she tell Bridget that? How could she even bear to think about it? She couldn't, she couldn't.
RE: You said you're leaving, you're going away - Bridget - July 26, 2023
Bridget could immediately tell, when Reverie appeared before her, that Lestan had spoken with her and that it hadn’t gone well. She’d known this conversation would happen but it wasn’t her place to share the things he’d said to her or to try and speak for him. She didn’t know the pair well enough to get involved so directly in something that was private for the two of them.
Instead she wordlessly opened herself up to hold Reverie if the other woman needed it. Sometimes there just weren’t any words a friend could say… Bridget was reminded, minutely, of Teya’s struggles with Reyes. At least this was simpler than that, though the heartbreak looked the same.
Where will you go?
RE: You said you're leaving, you're going away - Reverie - July 26, 2023
There's an island,Reverie said, pressing into Bridget's embrace and feeling only numbness.
My brother lives there. I'm going there.
I - I told him I wouldn't wait for him. If he left again,She confessed next.
And maybe - maybe that was selfish, but I can't stop thinking - he always says that he needs to be away from me, to be better. To be stronger. And that's not a good thing, is it? That's not - healthy.Reverie sucked in a breath. It felt freeing to finally say it out loud, to finally acknowledge that their relationship was not healthy.
And I think it's me. I think - I'm the problem. It's always the same, with everyone, and the only common theme is me. But he won't even admit it,She frowned, still unable to understand why he blamed himself even as he grew frustrated with her, and then angry, and then — done, entirely.
He says that it's him. But he was happy before me. And I - I never have been. I just don't understand how he can blame himself.
RE: You said you're leaving, you're going away - Bridget - July 27, 2023
Bridget embraced Reverie warmly, patiently letting her get what she needed off of her chest. There was so much guilt. Both she and Lestan seemed determined to drown in it, but there was nothing healthy about that. She was glad that Reverie recognized it, even if her perception was (understandably) skewed. Life would be a lot simpler if everyone could just see things objectively but of course, the world rarely worked that way. Emotion was a hell of a persuader.
Wanting space isn’t necessarily unhealthy. But a lack of trust is.Bridget replied gently, no part of her statement pointed. She saw this lack in both of them.
Sometimes fixing that trust means compromising, and showing that you can respect the things they need, even when those things hurt. Love is sometimes something we have to work at, but it shouldn’t be something we constantly have to chase. It’s okay to be unsure, and to be scared to lose them. It’s easier, and healthier, to trust they will do what they feel is right for them. Even if it means choosing a different path.Familiar pain, an ache that added some distance of experience to her voice. Maybe she said too much, but it was too close a hurt to her heart for her to not speak to it.
It’s hard for us to see faults in the things we love. So we put it on ourselves.This one was a little pointed, and she said it with a small knowing smile. Clearly they were both guilty of this.
RE: You said you're leaving, you're going away - Reverie - July 27, 2023
Reverie shook her head, frowning.
He doesn't trust me. Or respect me, I think. Not anymore,The more she spoke aloud, the more settled she felt. There was less grief in her. Relief was beginning to take its place in full.
I - I have limits, you know? And I tried to tell him that. I tried to tell him that I can't wait for him again, but I think - I think he just thought I was trying to control him. He didn't take it seriously.
And then I told him that I would wait for him,She said bitterly, hating herself for it now.
Because - I can't handle losing him, either. That's going to break me too, I can feel it. I - I don't think I'm - worth being respected, when I'm with him. I try to stand up for myself, and I try to stay true to myself, but in the end I always throw it away for him.
And now - I don't even know if he wants me. He was so angry,Reverie let out a breath.
I don't know if I want him. I'm so relieved. I'm just - relieved that I don't have to try to explain anymore, or ask questions and only get non-answers.She paused, and laughed slightly.
The funny part is, I still don't know why he was angry. I still don't know why he's upset with me. I just know that he is, and he won't say it.
Maybe... this will be good for me,She added after a moment, shifting slightly away from Bridget's embrace to think out loud.
I always thought that - things would be different with Lestan, because he never thought I was a problem the way everyone else does. But he still ended up hating me for it - the way everyone else does. Maybe this is what I need to finally change something.
RE: You said you're leaving, you're going away - Bridget - July 27, 2023
It was all a lot, but the optimistic resolve was a good start.
There’s nothing wrong with needing different things,she summarized as Reverie pulled away. It didn’t matter how much they loved each other; it their needs didn’t align then they weren’t meant to be.
Some wolves wanted a family. Some didn’t.
She didn’t think that Reverie was right, and felt she assigned intent to Lestan that was not there, but it wasn’t her argument to make. She wasn’t necessarily wrong either if she felt the things she did, and if there wasn’t any trust, their perspectives would be poisoned.
I think, personally, that you’ll be fine. You’re stronger than that. Life is worth more than one wolf, no matter how much it hurts to lose them. The world is a big and beautiful place. You may find something better, or you might find yourself understanding him more after some time. Either way, you’ll be better off then than now.She wasn’t saying anything really that Reverie hadn’t, but she hoped the affirmations were welcome.