he wanted to marry @Nazli.

it had been his first true wish, predicated on their status as peasantry from the rich dark earth. while he had been we'eb and she only a fellahin, senmut had found it easier to approach, to find his footing. to speak — once — of the marriage priests were permitted to make once they had grown high in the holy ranks.

but she had always belonged to makono, both in girlhood and in pharaonic rule. 

and then —

but he did not speak that note. he would not.

the rift between he and nazli had widened, until she remained servant and he now stood to inherit the Horus Throne if Ma'at moved for him in this way. 

senmut breathed no word of this for his queen. instead he allowed her jeweled features to swim within his eyes, the exquisite kohling of her knowing eyes to hold him as the thrall he was. "reward nazli if she returns to us," he said at last, not daring to draw from this closeness with his eternal ruler unless she bid it so. a shiver bit his flesh, for she was divinity made flesh and he was only a man of mud.

"give her a rank that is permanent, great one. a place of status that is all her own, unattached to any marriage she might make in the future."

he had not protected nazli as priest. he could not protect her from pharaoh as husband. this must be what was given, what he requested. "and it must come from you, great one," senmut exhaled, the taste of the air between them tinged with salt and the unspoken sorrows which nazli had borne in her own loyalty.