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+--- Thread: Moonspear Ordinary World (/showthread.php?tid=58366)
Ordinary World - Wraen - November 04, 2023
Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly.
The autumn storm raged in the Moonspear, when Wraen appeared at the foot of it. The peak looked just as majestic and unreachable as it had the very first time she had set her eyes on it. For a moment she could feel the warmth of that summer evening, where among the lights of fireflies she would meet Charon, the old partiarch of the Ostregas that would rise to rule the mountain with iron grip for many years to come. A place, where she would make her first friendships, which would go sour later. A pack, whose people and their traditions Wraen would never be able to call her own and would eventually make her break up with them. And in a surprising twist of fate - this would be the same family that would bring Arcturus in the world. The one person she had actually come to look for.
I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio
Still, I can't escape the ghost of you.
Dear reader, you see, afterlife was not really a life in the sense we understand it here. It was a state of permanence, where time was limitless and therefore ceased to be important. Where many worries and troubles of the realm of the living were no longer felt so acutely. Wraen had left the Earth content. She had had a long and eventful journey for five whole years. She had had more happy moments than sad. And, while she knew that there would be very important people left to mourn her, a failing body was not something she could will to stop. She had left with the knowledge that Maia would have Eljay to lean on. She had left hoping that Arcturus would find the resilience to continue life without her. To have only good memories and fulfill that other dream of his. She thought that in her absence he would see more clearly that there was still so much to live for.
What has happened to it all?
Thought I heard you talking softly.
The autumn storm raged in the Moonspear, when Wraen appeared at the foot of it. The peak looked just as majestic and unreachable as it had the very first time she had set her eyes on it. For a moment she could feel the warmth of that summer evening, where among the lights of fireflies she would meet Charon, the old partiarch of the Ostregas that would rise to rule the mountain with iron grip for many years to come. A place, where she would make her first friendships, which would go sour later. A pack, whose people and their traditions Wraen would never be able to call her own and would eventually make her break up with them. And in a surprising twist of fate - this would be the same family that would bring Arcturus in the world. The one person she had actually come to look for.
I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio
Still, I can't escape the ghost of you.
Dear reader, you see, afterlife was not really a life in the sense we understand it here. It was a state of permanence, where time was limitless and therefore ceased to be important. Where many worries and troubles of the realm of the living were no longer felt so acutely. Wraen had left the Earth content. She had had a long and eventful journey for five whole years. She had had more happy moments than sad. And, while she knew that there would be very important people left to mourn her, a failing body was not something she could will to stop. She had left with the knowledge that Maia would have Eljay to lean on. She had left hoping that Arcturus would find the resilience to continue life without her. To have only good memories and fulfill that other dream of his. She thought that in her absence he would see more clearly that there was still so much to live for.
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is the life that I recognize?
(Gone away).
Therefore, while away, she had not thought of him much at all. She had convinced herself that he would be fine and that eventually they would meet each other again. Arcturus also had not been the first person she would seek out, when miraculously she had found a way to connect with the reality and the people she had known. Because... just in case he had created a new life of his, she did not wish to interfere. That would be unfair to either him or, whoever his mate was now. For she was sure - there must have been a girl out there, willing to build a dream house with him, capable of making him happy in the way that Wraen would never been able to. However, Towhee's question that she had not been able to answer then, had stayed with her. What had been the happiest time in her life? In the beginning there had been a blissful inability of hers to sort out and find anything specific, because she too had been still learning the ropes of this reality. Now things had changed. The longer she spent time here, the more memories and emotions came back, the more like a wolf and less like a ghost she felt.
Therefore, while away, she had not thought of him much at all. She had convinced herself that he would be fine and that eventually they would meet each other again. Arcturus also had not been the first person she would seek out, when miraculously she had found a way to connect with the reality and the people she had known. Because... just in case he had created a new life of his, she did not wish to interfere. That would be unfair to either him or, whoever his mate was now. For she was sure - there must have been a girl out there, willing to build a dream house with him, capable of making him happy in the way that Wraen would never been able to. However, Towhee's question that she had not been able to answer then, had stayed with her. What had been the happiest time in her life? In the beginning there had been a blissful inability of hers to sort out and find anything specific, because she too had been still learning the ropes of this reality. Now things had changed. The longer she spent time here, the more memories and emotions came back, the more like a wolf and less like a ghost she felt.
But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find.
You see, memories stirred emotions and in an ethereal being, who had been disconnected from them for so long, it was overwhelming at first. They were strong and she felt them in every molecule that her soul now was. She remembered the warmth of the eyes in the color of molten gold. The black pelt that had felt so silky and soft to her touch. The quiet presence, in which she had been safe from any storm. And that first smile. Unsure and stiff in the beginning. He had not been used to smiling all that time ago during their first encounter. And then, how slowly and gradually she no longer had to tease out of him. He did it on his own accord and it had suited him so much better than the solemn expression and grim determination. Had she ever told Arcturus that? They had talked so much and at such a length, that she may have not mentioned it at all. Too busy on lecturing him on, how to live his life better, and leaving so many little, but important things unsaid.
And as I try to make my way
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive.
Happiest memories... and yet... among the voices she had heard, who had either summoned her or created a pull towards them, his were not among them. He had not been in Brecheliant and Wraen did not want to believe that he would have forgotten her or worse felt such resentment for her passing, that he would not think about her at all. After all - hadn't they been so similar in overthinking things? Would he really lock out two years - life-changing, hard, but nonetheless the most interesting - years completely? Therefore she had to know. Had to find out at least something to hold on to. Even if it meant causing chaos in any present life he might have created here. Moonspear had been an obvious choice, because she had always known that despite all the arguments and painful circumstances that had made him leave his birthplace, a piece of his heart had always stayed there. And she liked to think that she was that other piece of heart that had kept him rooted outside. Even if he was not there, she would have to find something to search.
Passion or coincidence
Happiest memories... and yet... among the voices she had heard, who had either summoned her or created a pull towards them, his were not among them. He had not been in Brecheliant and Wraen did not want to believe that he would have forgotten her or worse felt such resentment for her passing, that he would not think about her at all. After all - hadn't they been so similar in overthinking things? Would he really lock out two years - life-changing, hard, but nonetheless the most interesting - years completely? Therefore she had to know. Had to find out at least something to hold on to. Even if it meant causing chaos in any present life he might have created here. Moonspear had been an obvious choice, because she had always known that despite all the arguments and painful circumstances that had made him leave his birthplace, a piece of his heart had always stayed there. And she liked to think that she was that other piece of heart that had kept him rooted outside. Even if he was not there, she would have to find something to search.
Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart.
Moonspear greeted her with scents and sounds of life reborn, yet as she walked among the strangers she did not see any familiar faces. No resemblance, no trace of the one face she was looking and longing for dearly. Disappointment grew, when she realized that her search was futile and she perched down on a ledge that offered a view over the valley. Where are you? She thought. Distance was not a problem for a ghost, but even for an ethereal being searching every corner of the Earth would take time. Then her eyes drifted to the star-clad sky above her, remembering that Arcturus had once said that star-gazing was his favorite thing to do. What if... she stood up, sensing rather than hearing a faint sound in the vicinity. She disappeared from, where she had been and reappeared at the bottom of a ravine, where among scattered bones of many beings she could make out some that belonged to a fellow wolf.
What is happening to me?
Moonspear greeted her with scents and sounds of life reborn, yet as she walked among the strangers she did not see any familiar faces. No resemblance, no trace of the one face she was looking and longing for dearly. Disappointment grew, when she realized that her search was futile and she perched down on a ledge that offered a view over the valley. Where are you? She thought. Distance was not a problem for a ghost, but even for an ethereal being searching every corner of the Earth would take time. Then her eyes drifted to the star-clad sky above her, remembering that Arcturus had once said that star-gazing was his favorite thing to do. What if... she stood up, sensing rather than hearing a faint sound in the vicinity. She disappeared from, where she had been and reappeared at the bottom of a ravine, where among scattered bones of many beings she could make out some that belonged to a fellow wolf.
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
(Gone away).
Wraen sat in silence for a long time. She could not be sure, of course, but there was no other explanation for Arcturus's silence. Gone was the imagined happily-ever-after life, shattered to pieces, leaving her wondering, what had happened to him and when. It dawned to her that she might have misunderstood him completely. He had been a man, who did not make empty claims and he had been very admant (stubborn even) to keep his word. When he had expressed his love for her and she had rebuffed it, believing it to be a passing thing, he had meant it. When he had let her know indirectly that his life dreams meant little, if she was not in them, he had meant it. Yet she had insisted that having a family was a more valuable dream than throwing away his life for a barren spinster. After all Kukutux had said nothing that Wraen had never thought of herself. She had just proven it to be true and, despite her promise for enjoying one day at a time with him and not letting anyone spoil their shared happiness, deep in her heart she had always believed that they were running on borrowed time. That she was not worth it. Yet - standing here and now - she realized, how wrong she had been.
Papers in the roadside
Wraen sat in silence for a long time. She could not be sure, of course, but there was no other explanation for Arcturus's silence. Gone was the imagined happily-ever-after life, shattered to pieces, leaving her wondering, what had happened to him and when. It dawned to her that she might have misunderstood him completely. He had been a man, who did not make empty claims and he had been very admant (stubborn even) to keep his word. When he had expressed his love for her and she had rebuffed it, believing it to be a passing thing, he had meant it. When he had let her know indirectly that his life dreams meant little, if she was not in them, he had meant it. Yet she had insisted that having a family was a more valuable dream than throwing away his life for a barren spinster. After all Kukutux had said nothing that Wraen had never thought of herself. She had just proven it to be true and, despite her promise for enjoying one day at a time with him and not letting anyone spoil their shared happiness, deep in her heart she had always believed that they were running on borrowed time. That she was not worth it. Yet - standing here and now - she realized, how wrong she had been.
Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Fear today, forgot tomorrow.
Wraen did not have many regrets about her life before, but it was a sorrowful realization that in the end it was not other people, who destroyed your happiness. You did it on your own. It was surprising really that with all her skill in imagination she had never been able to let her heart climb over that invisible wall called "traditions and expectations" and see a full and complete life by Arcturus's side. And it seemed that after she had passed away, he too had not been able to imagine a life, where she did not exist. And now he was somewhere up there among billion of souls and there was no way she would be able to find him. It had not felt so important before, but now she knew the name of the emotion that had it all - moments of great happiness and joy, sorrows and regrets, frustrations and anger, desperate longing. It had been an easy and calm existence there beyond the veil, but returning to that and forget everything would be herecy now.
Ooh, here besides the news
Wraen did not have many regrets about her life before, but it was a sorrowful realization that in the end it was not other people, who destroyed your happiness. You did it on your own. It was surprising really that with all her skill in imagination she had never been able to let her heart climb over that invisible wall called "traditions and expectations" and see a full and complete life by Arcturus's side. And it seemed that after she had passed away, he too had not been able to imagine a life, where she did not exist. And now he was somewhere up there among billion of souls and there was no way she would be able to find him. It had not felt so important before, but now she knew the name of the emotion that had it all - moments of great happiness and joy, sorrows and regrets, frustrations and anger, desperate longing. It had been an easy and calm existence there beyond the veil, but returning to that and forget everything would be herecy now.
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk.
She sat down and looked up at the stars, her gaze searching for a particular one, but in the end she addressed them all. "Arthur, wherever you are, I hope you are happy there," she paused and swallowed, remembering, how happiness had never been a consistent part of his life and how he had had to learn it in a way. "Universe and stars are amazing, but it might get a lonely place sometimes," she went on. "I have created a little pocket of universe of my own - a safe and warm place, it is very beautiful and I wish you could see it," she told and fell silent again, searching for the right words. "It does not truly feel like a home without you being there," she said. Was this it, was it enough? Bronco had mentioned an unfinished business - had she tied it up?
Any world
Is my world.
For Wraen the very word "love" did not come easily, because the concept was sacred to her. You did not throw it around, you said it only, when you meant it. It was a bond and a promise. While living there had been hundreds of reasons, why she had never told this to Arcturus and it was an irony of fate that one needed to die to understand that none of them had been good enough. For love had always been there. A seed thrown in from that very first time the cheerful hag from the hills had met the solemn and naive boy from the mountains. And it had grown despite all the rational and logical and stupid reasons, why it should not happen. All the obstacles put by customs and traditions, and angry relatives and friends, and misunderstanding, and so many, many things that did not matter. Had never truly been big and important enough to matter.
Wraen had always considered herself to be the wiser and older in their relationship and she now knew that at least in this instance Arcturus had understood and known a very simple and obvious truth that she had always refused to see eye to eye. Love was just as easy as breathing. As a master story-teller she had wished to tell the story in, what she had believed to be right. As a ghost she understood that there was no perfect story. You lived the one that you were given. "I love you, Arthur," she said quietly. Just four words and they made all the difference. "Find me," she called out to him through the worlds, universes and stars. "I will wait for you."
Every world
Is my world.
She sat down and looked up at the stars, her gaze searching for a particular one, but in the end she addressed them all. "Arthur, wherever you are, I hope you are happy there," she paused and swallowed, remembering, how happiness had never been a consistent part of his life and how he had had to learn it in a way. "Universe and stars are amazing, but it might get a lonely place sometimes," she went on. "I have created a little pocket of universe of my own - a safe and warm place, it is very beautiful and I wish you could see it," she told and fell silent again, searching for the right words. "It does not truly feel like a home without you being there," she said. Was this it, was it enough? Bronco had mentioned an unfinished business - had she tied it up?
Any world
Is my world.
For Wraen the very word "love" did not come easily, because the concept was sacred to her. You did not throw it around, you said it only, when you meant it. It was a bond and a promise. While living there had been hundreds of reasons, why she had never told this to Arcturus and it was an irony of fate that one needed to die to understand that none of them had been good enough. For love had always been there. A seed thrown in from that very first time the cheerful hag from the hills had met the solemn and naive boy from the mountains. And it had grown despite all the rational and logical and stupid reasons, why it should not happen. All the obstacles put by customs and traditions, and angry relatives and friends, and misunderstanding, and so many, many things that did not matter. Had never truly been big and important enough to matter.
Wraen had always considered herself to be the wiser and older in their relationship and she now knew that at least in this instance Arcturus had understood and known a very simple and obvious truth that she had always refused to see eye to eye. Love was just as easy as breathing. As a master story-teller she had wished to tell the story in, what she had believed to be right. As a ghost she understood that there was no perfect story. You lived the one that you were given. "I love you, Arthur," she said quietly. Just four words and they made all the difference. "Find me," she called out to him through the worlds, universes and stars. "I will wait for you."
Every world
Is my world.
Lyrics by Duran Duran "Ordinary world". Tribute to Lauren and her fellow Arcturus and all the wonderful threads these two had together. I read them all today and it was such an emotional trip down the memory lane. Thank you!