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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you (/showthread.php?tid=5915)
I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Blue Willow - November 20, 2014
Umm since Finley and Blue still has an open thread I'm going to be vague...assume that Blue followed anyway to make sure she made it safely? I can delete this too no problems I just have some muse for Blue so :)
Blue had followed Finley only to be sure she made it home safe, though Blue wanted to call out for @Peregrine. Talk to her best friend, share her news. She imagined he would not be happy to see her. She stopped and watched as they had a reunion and then with a small smile she turned a bit away's from the Territory line, but followed it.
She would have to take a rest soon, she would find a shady tree and take a nap away from the Caldera's borders. She wasn't entirely sure what she would even say if she had seen him. If she would say anything at all. Junior had begged her not to tell him about her wounds, but truthfully, it bothered Blue not to be able to tell him. But she supposed that it would be moot to even talk about it. There was entirely too many hurt feelings on all sides. Though she wanted to apologize to him, on behalf of Junior. The girl had clearly acted badly.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Peregrine Redhawk - November 21, 2014
She was right: Peregrine wasn't happy to see her. Seeing Blue Willow reminded Peregrine that he was never allowed to visit her, nor the pups she surely carried, along with everyone else at the plateau. Although he had told Dante that his borders were open, the black Alpha was already rethinking this decision and the Healer's presence only served as a painful reminder of that. It was nothing personal, of course; he loved her fiercely. Dante had taken a pair of scissors to their friendship, though, severing the heart strings that tied it together.
For a long time, Peregrine ignored her. He made sure Finley was safe, settled and comfortable. Even then, he didn't approach. He thought about refusing to go to her at all. At length, however, the Alpha male couldn't do that, not to his pregnant best friend. The very least he could do was tell her what was on his mind, then remind her that it was her Alpha that was the cause of it all.
"Willow," he said quietly when he neared the svelte black beauty. His eyes combed over her slightly curvy sides. "You know I'll never get to meet them now. They will grow up not knowing their uncle." Peregrine grimaced, his eyes dropping to his paws as anger and hurt swept over him. "But I'm happy for you... and Lasher, of course," he murmured.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Blue Willow - November 21, 2014
Blue had noticed right away that Perry had seen her and to say that he broke her already broken heart a bit was not a lie. He ignored her and she supposed it was only deserved, though she had done nothing to mar the friendship. And as far as she had known Dante hadn't either, as Dante had not told her that there had been a fight yet.
So with heavy heart she continued walking doggedly near the borders but away sniffing out a scent of something to eat. She wouldn't be able to eat it all of course, and probably lose most of it when it came back up to land with a splat on the ground. But at least she could get some nourishment from it. She also wanted a shade tree soon, she was tired. It was a bone deep, exhaustion and she knew it would get better, but right now it was not fun.
Blue looked at him confused Why won't you get to see them? You are allowed in neutral Territory? And we are allowed here? And in time the border's will be open again to you with an escort I believe, that was one of my ideas and it seemed agreeable to all? She was confused now, unsure what exactly had happened. She was also upset and it was clear in her body language a bit agitated, that she didn't know exactly what was going on.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Peregrine Redhawk - November 21, 2014
Peregrine blinked at Blue Willow's response. "They won't be able to leave the den for weeks, the plateau for months," he pointed out to her. "And they won't be able to come anywhere near this far for a long time to come, Willow. Let's be realistic." He paused, considering her last statement. "Nobody mentioned that to me. Dante certainly didn't. He made sure I knew I wasn't welcome anywhere near the plateau."
He could see that the conversation was upsetting her. He wanted to reach out and offer a nuzzle. He stopped himself. It was better if they took a step back from one another. As far as Peregrine was concerned, their packs were enemies. After all, there was an animosity between their Alphas and he was banned from the premises of the home he'd led for the better part of a year. Of course there was bad blood now, per Dante's decree.
"I can see you're upset. I'm sorry, Willow. Blame your Alpha. This was all so fucking unnecessary. He's a goddamn piece of shit. Because of Dante, I feel like trying to maintain my relationships at the plateau will be next to impossible. Maybe it's just the hurt and anger speaking but... that's how I feel right now." He shifted his weight. "How do you feel about all of it? Do you agree with him...?"
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Blue Willow - November 21, 2014
Blue frowned I am being realistic. You won't be able to meet them when they are first born, but you will eventually is what I meant. Peregrine there was obviously a miscommunication somewhere, because as far as I know you are allowed near the plateau just not in the plateau at least not right now.
Blue blinked quickly darn those hormones and the crying she felt coming. She wanted to sob and cry and scream and yell, she knew she was being hormonal. However, she also knew that she would be upset even if she wasn't pregnant.
Blue frowned Don't blame it all on Dante Peregrine. Yes he could have handled it better i imagine, but you could have also it sounds like. And it was a decision we all made, not just Dante. Him being the way he is, is just taking the fall. Blue frowned in though and then spoke I don't like it Perry I don't like it at all, but I also think it was necessary. Peregrine a lot of it had to do with Junior and some decisions's she's made, that she has made us promise not to tell anyone about and we have to respect that, as hard as it is to do so. Blue bowed her head ears laid back in clear dejection, she didn't know what to say, she couldn't tell him about Junior she had promised not too, but she dearly wanted too. Perhaps it was a mistake to come here, maybe she would damage this relationship even futher by not being able to tell him the truth.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Peregrine Redhawk - November 21, 2014
"Oh, all right. I'll get to see them someday," Peregrine said in a sarcastically upset tone, though he bit his tongue before he could say any more on the subject. It made his heart sore that anyone would think that that was any consolation. He had wanted to see them the day they were born (or at least as soon after as possible), not wait months. He wanted to able to visit them freely beyond that. But if it didn't mean anything to Blue Willow and Lasher, he supposed it shouldn't mean anything to him.
The news that Blue Willow supported this hurt Peregrine's feelings more than he had expected. "This is such bullshit. I'm glad you're letting a teenager rule your lives over there. Seriously, why is she behind all of this? Why does she have such sway? By the way, I'm really fucking sick and tired of you guys being all mysterious about what's going on with her. It's... it's nasty of you. Just tell me what's going on with her already. I love my daughter and I want the best for her. And maybe if you just tell me it'll shed some light on this whole shitty situation."
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Blue Willow - November 21, 2014
WEll I hadn't planned on her telling him the truth, but she just so hormonal poor girl.
Peregrine's words cut deep into Blue's heart and a small gasp escaped her maw before she could bite it back. She had never been treated so poorly by the man she called her best friend. It had been a hard decision they had made and it had hurt both her and Lasher as well as Dante. Couldn't he see that, clearly not.
Blue Willow's eyes flashed and the tears fell like rain but she made a step forward angry and upset and sad. She began to speak angrily and she imagined she would regret the words that came out of her mouth when she was done. Peregrine! Don't you sit there and swear at me and tell me I'm nasty and all of the above. When I'm merely trying to be a good healer. You're daughter tried to kill herself because you didn't come to see her! Because you would rather speak with Lasher and myself and Dante and Finley than her, is that what you wanted to know! Well does it make you feel better now Peregrine! I've had enough of all of you acting all high and might and uppity when everyone else has problems too! It took a lot for all of us to make this decision do you know that, we debated and spoke about it and we were honestly not sure what to do! We did the best we could with what we could. And you sit there getting angry at us when we are just trying to make sure she stays alive, we almost lost her Peregrine we almost lost her! It took all my skill to keep her alive. Then when we would mention telling you it was a veritable crap show as you would so elegantly put it. She asked us not to mention it, and frankly I can't blame her, I wouldn't want to tell someone that about myself, especially someone that used to be my hero. Blue shook her head and backed up the sobs racking her body like nobody's business. Her hormones running amok. She kept her head bowed as she fought to gain her composure back, absolutely furious at herself and the whole business.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Peregrine Redhawk - November 21, 2014
The news that Junior had attempted to take her own life hit him like a freight train. Blue Willow continued to rant at him and he listened, the blood draining from his face. He blinked blankly a few times. When she stopped screaming at him and stood there sobbing, he remained quiet.
"My daughter tried to kill herself. She almost died. And no one told me. No one told me. Then they got angry with me for not understanding? My daughter tried to kill herself. And nobody told me." He knew he was babbling, not making sense. But this information was a game changer. "Nobody told me that my daughter tried to kill herself because of me."
He sucked in a breath, held it. "I didn't know." The words were barely audible; he might not even have said them out loud at all. Suddenly he heard an echo of his friend's words ringing in his ears, on repeat: "Well does it make you feel better now, Peregrine! Well does it make you feel better now, Peregrine! Well does it make you feel better now, Peregrine!" He would agonize over this situation and these in words in particular for a long time to come.
"You should go. Go back and take care of Junior. Tell her I love her and that I'm sorry. I won't bother her again. I won't bother any of you ever again," Peregrine said in a hushed, almost mechanical voice. "I failed as a father, a leader and a friend. It's best if we just part ways and don't look back. It will be better for you and your new family too. I love you, Blue Willow. I love all of you. That's why I'm going to let you go."
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Blue Willow - November 21, 2014
Blue Willow knew her words were hurt him, and that was the whole reason she had not wished to tell him. Because she knew he would take it exactly as he was. She shook her head hard trying to stop the flow of tears, so she could choke out some words, anything, but it was like a constricting vice was there holding her voice hostage.
Blue sniffed, the tears still pouring down her eyes like rain. that is exactly why we didn't tell you Peregrine.She was calming down, but his next words caused her pause and she got angry again and shifted a growl rumbling in her normally kind voice and throat.
You think that will make it better Peregrine? You are going to just leave all of us all over again? Just like Atticus did? And Amelie and Hawkeye? You are going to use the excuse that you love us, so you're going to let us be? When in truth that would hurt worse than if you continued to talk to us and help to heal the bridges that you burned? Honestly Peregrine I don't know what to say, other than I think you and Junior are both acting silly. Oh I caused some problems so i'll just run away, that's foolish absolutely foolish. When you cause a problem even without meaning too you should try and fix it, not run away. She got quiet and shook her head I will leave for now Peregrine, but I'm not going to give up on you that easy even if I have to hoof my pregnant self here ever so often I will be back, and I will check on you and I will love you anyway.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Peregrine Redhawk - November 21, 2014
This reminds me of Edward and Bella in "New Moon," lolz.
"Yes," he answered her simply after her rant, repressing any urge to counterpoint anything she'd said. He felt queasy and as if his bones had evaporated. "Please go, Blue Willow." Perhaps his stubbornness and lack of real response would piss her off so badly that she would change her mind about trying to come back. He hoped it did. Because it would be a waste; even if she came, he wouldn't. Her or anyone else from the plateau.
"Goodbye," was the only other thing he added. Although he controlled his expression, his eyes spoke for him: Goodbye, my sweet friend. I love you. And I'm sorry.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Blue Willow - November 21, 2014
I've never seen it or read it...so
Blue knew how stubborn he was and she snarled softly, Perry you better be here when I come to the borders because if you aren't you will rue the day I can be just as stubborn as you.
Blue choked back another sob and then turned with a soft Goodbye for now Perry Tears streaming down her face her green eyes sad and filled to the brim. Right now she just wanted to go home and sleep and curl up for a few days and cry. But it wouldn't happen, it hadn't happened when her father had died, or when Atti had left and it wouldn't happen now. She had too many responsibilities it was time to put her game face on.
RE: I have a lot to say but i'll keep quiet cause i love you - Peregrine Redhawk - November 21, 2014
He said nothing. He felt terrible for letting her cry, for not comforting her. But his was like the Midas touch, only instead of turning everything into gold, he turned it into a nightmare. Better to keep his distance and let her real friends and pack mates comfort her. He knew Lasher would do a good job. And surely it would turn his former lover against him, yet that was for the better too. Because Peregrine would never see them again, nor their children. Nor his sister, his kids. Nobody from the plateau.
"Sorry. But it's for your own good... for all of your sakes," he whispered to himself once Blue Willow turned away. He did the same, retreating along the borders. He forced himself not to look back.