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+--- Thread: Ocean's Breath Plateau Said goodbye, turned around (/showthread.php?tid=59575)
Said goodbye, turned around - Rodyn - January 29, 2024
Sialuk's scent was on the wind mixed with the tell tale burn of a special brand of magic. Rodyn wondered briefly why she was here. It hadn't left his mind that she may come looking for him.
She had asked nothing for taking care of his children, but she may ask this. And his name had given to her first, but she had stepped aside for Samani. And Kukutux had wanted him to be true trader.
Then the scent of Chakliux came on the heels and he felt his body relax a bit. And surprisngly he felt a bit hollow at the thought. Not because he wanted Sualuk, but simply because he didn't have Samani.
A rueful smile as he turned towards the borders for a patrol. He would deliver a haunch of deer to moonspear when he went hunting so that Sialuk and her children wre well fed.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Towhee - January 29, 2024
She didn’t know the specific trigger behind this particular bout of depression, just that the sadness rivaled some of the worst tragedies in her life. It made no sense, really, but she was a pit of despair. She tried to fill it with food, otherwise she sprawled apathetically in her tepee.
After roughly a week of this, she climbed out of her little ulaq and just stood there a while. The tepee was downright dank and Towhee herself wasn’t much better. She sniffed at her shoulder and grimaced. She certainly smelled the part of old fart.
She should’ve laughed at the thought, though fury suddenly ripped through her. Without thinking, Towhee snatched at the buffalo hide that formed her tepee and flung it, right over the cliff where the yew tree grew. The instant it went sailing through the air and out of sight, she regretted it. Rodyn had gifted her that.
Towhee looked over the plateau’s edge and saw that it had gotten hung up in a tree. There was no fetching it. She drew back sulkily, then noticed some scraps of meat where her tepee had once stood. With nothing better to do, she sat down and crammed them in her mouth, swallowing without chewing.
As soon as all the food was gone, she decided she couldn’t stand looking at the yew tree anymore. She stomped somewhere, anywhere else, eventually deciding to burn off some of these calories via a patrol. The thought was laced with a heavy dose of self-loathing which only increased when Towhee spotted Rodyn.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Rodyn - January 29, 2024
It had been a bout of days since Rodyn had seen Towhee. He knew she came amd wemt at her leisure, but he had planned to visit her small ulaq later.
He was surprised but glad to see Towhee. Evident by the smile that graced his face at her sight. Except. She looked dour.
He wondered if she was missing her husband or her children? He didn't know much about her. But he did know she'd lost her husband recently and had many children.
Hey Towhee.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Towhee - January 29, 2024
He noticed her and offered a greeting. Towhee did not react, other than to move closer to him. She thought of him and his sons, then of Phox and Heph. A lump formed in her throat. She halted a bit further back than she would normally, afraid he might smell her eau du depression.
I’m so unhappy,she blurted, apropos of nothing,
and I don’t know why.Even as she said it, Towhee realized that wasn’t entirely true.
I’m old. A has-been. A piece,she continued, seething now,
of goddamn, smelly trash.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Rodyn - January 29, 2024
She started toeards him and then to his surprise dtopped and stared at him. Despair lit up the center of her eyes and he felt his own lump form. How had one of his wolves gotten so sad and he hadn't noticed.
A gentle look and Rodyn moved forward. He held out his forelegs for a hug.
Oh Towee. Let me hug you?
He didn't care if she smelled or anything. Truthfully all he smelled was food. She had clearly been esting recently. But they could sort through these feelings after he made her feel better he hoped. Sometimes you needed that physical touch.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Towhee - January 29, 2024
Did she really believe the words coming out of her own mouth? Why was she vomiting them on Rodyn? It was the last thing he needed, or deserved. Towhee felt absolutely disgusted with herself, which resulted in her retreating from his offer of a hug. Her head shook rapidly.
I don’t think I should be here anymore, Rodyn. I’m sorry. I know I said I’d be here for you and the boys, that I’d stay until spring. I’m sorry,she repeated.
I’ll visit, once I get my shit together,if she could get her shit together…
She continued backing away, head shaking. Towhee had no idea what was wrong with her or what exactly she needed or planned to do. She thought about going to Phox; he could talk her down. But like Rodyn—and, hell, everyone else but Towhee—he had a lot going on right now. He had a life. And she didn’t want to drag him down with her into this godawful pit.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Rodyn - January 29, 2024
Ahe looked horrified. And quickly retreating. He placed his paws back to the ground and shifted forward, but only a ghodt step. He didn't want her to flee.
Towhee. Please stop for a minute. Take a breath.his voice warm and kind. He didn't really want to tackle the woman to make her stay, but he briefly thought about it. Letting her leave in this condition was cruel.
Towhee. Why do you think you don't belong here? I think around family and friends is the best palce to be while you uh. Get your shit together.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Towhee - January 29, 2024
Rodyn insisted she stop and take a breath. Towhee didn’t want to heed him, though she thought of the buffalo skin hanging in a tree and suddenly sagged into a standstill. Her eyes dropped momentarily, then flicked up just in time to catch his question.
For a long minute, she didn’t reply. She breathed heavily, awash in feelings of guilt and self-destruction. Towhee tried to collect herself a little bit and give the Alpha the consideration his words deserved. Something clicked in her head, though it probably wasn’t the conclusion he’d intended.
You’re right. I think that’s the problem. I stayed busy, felt useful, when I made my rounds. I can’t stand sitting here anymore, stewing in my thoughts and rotting away,Towhee said, pointing out her disheveled, unwashed fur.
I really thought I wanted a break but I’ve been unhappy since the moment I decided to park here. I’m so sorry, Rodyn. I made the decision for Phox and I think it was very much the right one for him. But it was the wrong choice for me.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Rodyn - January 29, 2024
She sagged in upon herself and he felt terrible for it. But he couldn't try to help if she didn't tell him why.
Clumsily he used his paws and his mouth to talk. Trying to puzzle out what he'd learned and taught himself from watching.
How about this thrn. You consider moontide home that way you have a place to just rest and exist if you need it, but you continue to travel for your family and friends helping out where you are. We are traders and that is essentially what traders do. Trade their skills to help out their packs. Would that be agreeable?
He paused both to catch his breath and stretch his paw.
Or you can sever the ties stay on a lone wolf. But you are always welcome here no call needed.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Towhee - January 29, 2024
He was more generous and patient than Towhee deserved, especially right now. It kind of made her want to cry. As of yet, she hadn’t shed any tears. She’d just felt utterly miserable, incapable of finding any joy in anything. Even eating didn’t bring her any real pleasure. Quite frankly, she still didn’t know what that was about.
In the face of his incredibly understanding offer, Towhee could only reply with,
I feel like the world’s biggest shitheel. But… thank you.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Rodyn - January 29, 2024
Rodyn knew sometimes this happened. You gor sad fof no reason. And besides pack life wasn't the same for everyone. Some didn't thrive in it. Even Rodyn had been a little unsure when he first arrived tovthese wilds.
You're not a shitheel Towhee. Just a little bit distressed. But promise if it gets worse you come find me. You can stay with mw for a time of you need it.
He wanted to hug her, but thought it wouldn't be received well at the moment l.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Towhee - January 29, 2024
She laughed a little hollowly when he told her she was “just a little bit distressed,” though she didn’t argue with him. Towhee appreciated him more than she could ever say, particularly when he invited her to stay with him. She abruptly realized she’d been wanting someone to ask her that since the day she’d joined Moontide. Everyone else shared a lodge, it seemed, and she just had her lonely little tepee (RIP).
Cringing at that thought, Towhee took a steadying breath and said,
That means a lot, Rodyn. You are one of the kindest wolves I’ve ever met, you know. I don’t mean to spit on that kindness, either, or unload all this bullshit on you.She sighed.
I need to get out of here for a bit, I think. I need to clear my head.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Rodyn - January 29, 2024
Rodyn felt a twinge of guilt at her laugh. He should have realized she was upset and sad. But in his defense he'd been a little to up in his own feelings to care. He made a promise to change that starting now. It was time to grieve a little more privately and be the leader he was supposed to be.
You can come with me anytime you want and i don't mind the unloading.
A small smile.
Alright. I'll get to work on a place in our den for you inbetween the boys and I. So when you do come back. You have home with family.
RE: Said goodbye, turned around - Towhee - January 29, 2024
Towhee wanted to apologize and thank him again. She wanted to let him hug her. But that wasn’t what she needed right at the moment. So she simply gave him a look and a nod as if to say, Okay.
And then she was turning and moving away from the plateau, barely paying attention to which direction she was going. She didn’t look back, in case Rodyn tried to hail her. She thought about him sorting out a bed for her in his lodge and was incredibly touched by the thought.
Tears pricked her eyes. She could never take him up on that. That space in Rodyn’s home was reserved for the woman he would marry next. She would certainly not stand in the way of the happily ever after he deserved but which the likes of Towhee certainly couldn’t ever give him.
Thank you for bearing with this hot mess! <3