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+--- Thread: The Sunspire through the dreams and disasters. (/showthread.php?tid=6116)
through the dreams and disasters. - Summer Ostrega - December 03, 2014
So, this was what being a year old felt like. Summer walked slowly through the woods, following the distant sound of the falls that echoed between the trunks of the trees. His gaze was cast ahead of him without really seeing it, so deep in his thoughts was he. Even in his distracted state, he still artfully leaped over and around the old and rotting obstacles that littered the floor of Eldershade Grove in his path. He had spent a lot of time in that forest in the days that had shortly preceded that one. He was becoming very familiar with the old trees and the paths that wound between them.
A whole year of life, and Summer somehow felt quite certain that he had not spent it in a way that his father would have approved of. Not only had he allowed his anxiety and depression to get the better of himself even when he'd found a loving and safe pack to take him in, but he had fallen victim to addiction and had shirked all of his responsibilities to them. And while he worked hard to make up for it now, he still could not help but feel that it was too little too late, and worst of all, Dhani would have agreed.
His dark paws finally led him to fallen tree that stretched across the top of Afterglow Falls. Summer's bright eyes swept across it, making sure the surface was safe and free of frost. He found only the soft glow of moonlight upon it, so he leaped up onto it and walked steadily across until seating himself in the very center. Summer heaved a sigh as he slid down onto his belly, allowing his front paws to dangle off its edge towards the steep drop into the pool far below. At length, Summer laid down his head upon them and gave another heavy sigh, drowning in his thoughts again while a light snow fell softly upon his thick obsidian fur.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Jace - December 15, 2014
Can we forward date?
Long limber limbs of black and shadow took the dark boy from his resting place. He restlessly paced to and from, unable to sleep and unable to eat, pretty much unable to do anything. He had failed in a number of ways. He hadn't been a very good beta. He hadn't kept Summer safe from himself, even though he had promised to take care of the youth. He hadn't protected his sister and she got hurt again. He hadn't kept loyal to Ferdie and now he was gone. And leaf that there hurt way too much to even think about. What else could he possibly manage to mess up?
Jace started to jog hoping to work himself into a lather. Run until his limbs were tired and his mind was quiet. As he ran he came across the falls and he stopped for a moment as a small movement and sound caught his eye. CHuffing gently he stood at the edge crystalline blue eyes studying the wolf in front of him. He waited not sure if Summer would want to talk to him or not.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Summer Ostrega - December 17, 2014
Sure thing!
Summer didn't notice his friend's approach until Jace was asking for his attention. Even then, he didn't realize who it was until he had set his sunlit eyes upon him, and only then did his hackles relax along his spine. Looking upon the man then caused another wave of shame to rush over him like a wave of wind across his deep ebony fur. His ears splayed backwards against his skull and he lowered his gaze to the frosted bark upon which he laid.
"Hey," was the young wolf's only response, his tongue too tied in knots by the guilt he felt in his chest. It seemed both sons of thru Spire had shame wreaking havoc on their consciences that night.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Jace - December 18, 2014
Jace saw the hackles raise across Summers back, but it didn't bother him. After all it was dark and he was black and besides that he would have done the same thing had he not seen who was approaching. Jace saw him bow his head and it ripped apart the emotional scars afresh. Surely Summer blamed him right, he had told him he would take care of him and he had done a piss poor job of it.
Jace gave a crooked smile boyish and self conscious. Hey Summer. How are you doing my friend?
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Summer Ostrega - December 19, 2014
Summer had no idea that Jace was feeling a guilt similar to his own. The idea that the man was feeling ashamed due to some foolish notion that he had failed the yearling would have struck him as absurd. It was the Ostrega who'd failed Jace. There was not a doubt in his mind about it.
The question the former beta posed was a loaded one that Summer didn't quite know how to answer. In truth, he was feeling like absolute shit for a whole slew of reasons. And while he didn't particular want to unload all of that on his friend's already heavily weighted shoulders, there was something he could do to perhaps lessen some of both of their burden.
"So-so," Summer replied after a moment, pushing himself up onto his haunches. He gazed downward again at the river falling beneath him, pondering his next words before turning back to Jace with sincerity and humility in his voice and on his tongue. "I want to apologize for being such a failure to the pack these past couple of months. I have no excuse. I let other less important things get in the way of my duty and I regret it deeply. I want nothing more than to put it behind me and devote myself fully to the well-being of the Sunspire again, in any way that you need me to."
He gazed solemnly at Jace's paws, waiting for the stern words he knew well that he deserved.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Jace - December 24, 2014
Jace felt many things and guilt was the most prominent. He needed to ease that guilt in order to move on and perhaps step back up to Beta some day.
Jace would not have been burdened anymore than he already was. He had been born burdened and he would stay burdened for the rest of his days. It was the way of things for him, it was his reality.
Jace chuckled softly in kindness. Your apology is accepted. I owe you one as well, i should have been there for you more, perhaps helped you gain your trades or teach you things. So I am sorry too. I was too lost in my own world and my own problems to help anyone and it is for that reason I have stepped down from the beta position. You will do well Summer perhaps even take my place some day. Then he grew quiet again and looked at the youth.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Summer Ostrega - December 28, 2014
The response he received from Jace was not the one the yearling had expected. He expected to be reprimanded for his actions, to be told how he had done wrong and how it had hurt the pack. He had expected at least a stern tone of voice, but he received none of these things. He received kindness and respect, and an apology in return.
To say Summer was surprised would have been an understatement. He was stepping down as beta? For a moment, he didn't know what to think. He was torn between sympathy for the man and frustration. What would stepping down do? The words he said about Summer one day taking his place were lost upon him as suddenly, the teen felt his temper rising unbidden.
"Jace, there's a whole pack to help me earn my trades and my father taught me everything he possibly could before he left," Summer responded slowly, "You haven't let me down at all, you haven't let anyone down. So why would you do that now by stepping down?" There was a bite to his words that he hadn't wanted to be there, but the young wolf couldn't help himself.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Jace - December 29, 2014
In retrospect Jace should have reprimanded him, should have told him he endangered himself and those around him. But the simple fact was that Jace too felt responsible and he didn't want to yell at the youth, when he shared some of the blame. All of them did really, they were a family they were supposed to take care of each other. And maybe Jace had a warped sense of family, but that is what it was to him.
The hackles rose along Jace's spine in return to the sharp retort that came from Summer's maw. He stared at him with icy blue eyes and spoke sharply, I haven't let the pack down perhaps, but I have let myself down. I am doing this for me as well as other things Summer. My sister was almost killed by a cougar, so I am stepping down to care for her. Our caches are running low, so I am stepping down to fill them. I have had too many arguments with some of the subordinates and that is not good leadership. I need to get my head back together. I did not say I was staying down, I simply said I was going to step down for now. I have already spoken with Amekaze and she has agreed to allow me this little bit of time. I will be taking the rank back up in as little as a couple of weeks. So perhaps you see this as a betrayal and that is your right, but I see it as a growing and learning experience for me so Ican be a better leader.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Summer Ostrega - December 29, 2014
The youthful boy in Summer saw the hackles rising in irritation along the former beta's spine and told him to stand down and ask for forgiveness for speaking out of turn, but the alpha wolf in his heart roared and forced him to stand strong and bold against it. His eyes narrowed as he listened to Jace defend himself, absorbing every word and rolling them over critically in his mind. He understood the reasons, could see them all clearly in his mind. And they all simply looked to him like excuses and a clear lack of respect towards the very rank itself.
"Why step down, though?" Summer asked, working hard to keep the chill from his voice although the disapproval was there, "You don't need to give up being our beta so that you can look after Vienna or so that you can hunt. A beta's job is to take care of the pack, which would mean doing both of those things. The rank is more than just a title, it's a commitment and it's an honor that you shouldn't just cast aside and then pick back up whenever you want to. You agreed to be the pack's beta and if you can't serve the position in the worst of times, then how can you ever claim it at all?"
He paused, mulling over his words and making sure to keep his temper in check. He didn't mean to anger his friend, but he just couldn't stand the thought of saying nothing. As quickly as he could, he broke his silence, not wanting to give Jace the chance to start arguing with him just yet.
"Jace, I don't want to make you angry or to offend you," he continued slowly, "I just don't like what you're doing or why you're doing it. I know you, you're only stepping down because you feel guilty for the things that have happened to our pack and you're taking that blame on yourself when the fault isn't yours. If anything it's more mine than yours. I'm the acting Warden for this pack when you're away, it was just as much my job to make sure Vienna was safe as yours and the only reason I wasn't was because I was away being selfish and stupid. That's why you are the beta, because you see the pack's troubles and you selflessly take the blame and the responsibility for fixing it."
Perhaps Ame would allow him to step down from his rank, but Summer never would have. He adored the pack's leadership and respected them both immensely, but neither of them were the kind of leader he would one day be. He would learn from that, take guidance from them and strive to emulate them in many ways, but he would never be them.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Jace - December 30, 2014
Jace was not disrespecting any rank, he was trying to make himself a better leader. He felt the failings personally and yea maybe that made him dumb or ridiculous, but that was the type of leader he was.
Jace's lip curled back at his next words the words cut a little to close so all he knew to do was get defensive and fight back. Mask the hurt from the youth before him.I stepped down so I can become a better leader, as far as I am concerned I failed and I do not deserve that title right now. If you have such a low opinion of me Summer why not make it known before now. I am doing the best that I can. I did not treat you with disrespect or cruelty when you were chewing on shrooms, yet you can't find the decency to try and give me a little respect. That's not fair. Jace shifted and moved forwards just a little bit, anger chiseled on his face in cold hard lines.
He snorted To late for that apology Summer you have already offended and made me angry. He laughed dryly It's not my fault? I was the beta Summer, the beta! It was my job to make sure that you didn't do those things. It was my job to make sure that you did your duties when i was not there. And I didn't, yet you say the fault is not mine? WHen I was supposed to make sure that you did those things? That was my job. He sighed and hung his head fighting for control over his emotions. They were raw and pushing at the edge of his control. look Summer. I'm sorry alright. I'm sorry that you are disappointed by my choices and that you find me unworthy of your respect and what ever else. But it is my choice, mine not yours and I already spoke to Ame she was understanding and yes she said I ddin't need to step down that I was fine, but I felt like I was failing as a beta. I'm sorry if that bothers you but it's the truth. He lifted blue gaze and stared at Summer. He didn't want to fight with the youth, but he could and he would if Summer saw fit to flay him alive with physical force as well as his cutting words.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Summer Ostrega - December 30, 2014
Though Summer had meant nothing as an insult, he found himself not surprised when Jace took it all as such. He knew his friend's temper was a highly combustible one. The Ostrega's often was as well, but he employed some of the tricks his father had taught him on how to stave off a panic attack now in order to keep from losing his own temper. He had not wanted this to dissolve into a heated argument, and although Jace seemed already too far gone in his anger, Summer was determined not to sink with him.
It was odd, listening to him rant. He had never before realized how low the beta's self-esteem was, for why else would his mind jump to the conclusion that Summer had always had a low opinion of him? He felt a ripple of anger slide down the length of his spine as the man spoke of Summer's chewing on shrooms as though it were some sort of recreational sport, but he found his center again and calmed his bruised nerves. Jace didn't know what Summer had been through and what had truly happened, nor was the boy about to tell him in the midst of their dispute.
Summer didn't move as Jace took a small move forward, hardly flinching from the motion at all when he probably should have. Jace seemed not to notice his defiance as he scoffed and continued with his rant. Again, Summer had to bite his tongue. This time his words would have been driven by sheer bitterness for he'd never attempted to apologize for what he'd said, nor would he. Perhaps it was merely youthful arrogance, but he was sure that Jace would see the wisdom in his words once he'd calmed down.
It was with a steadying breath that the boy centered himself before he again poured over his thoughts and carefully chose his words. He would not hide that he wasn't happy with the decision Jace had made, but he knew that the beta was not in any state to be pushed too much farther lest his emotions fully get the better of him and he lash out physically.
"Jace, I never said that I have a low opinion of you," he said with a heavy and determined sigh, "I would think that my encouraging you not to let go of your rank would have shown that my opinion of you is actually rather high. Much, much higher than yours clearly is." If there was any point he would not give up on impressing on his friend it was this one. The rest could fall by the wayside for now, as what Jace had said was true. Ame had given her blessing already, so what was done was done. There was no sense in arguing further on it. "I know that the decision is yours, but as much as you will insist on making this one, I'm afraid I will insist on disagreeing with it. I suppose we both will need to just deal with it."
With that he fell silent as there was nothing more left upon his tongue. In his mind and in his heart, yes, but that was not a conversation he ever hoped there'd be a need to share.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Jace - December 31, 2014
The tricks that Summer thought of, though Jace did not know his thoughts. They did not work for him, he had gotten a pretty good handle on it mostly as he aged. Maturity added more control to his ways, but he still had moments when it was like a chained animal. Jace was not so angry as he was hurt, but he wouldn't admit that. Firstly he had not clue how he would admit such a thing and secondly he was far too stubborn to do so anyway.
Jace did not know why Summer had chewed on mushrooms, and in his ignorance perhaps he had chosen the wrong words. But how was he to know unless the other told him. He would, or par to say he already had forgiven the boy for it. And mostly he just brought it up in a way like a shield. Lash out on the one doing the lashing.
As unfortunate as it were they were both still very young. And in their ignorance and in all their piss and vinegar, they were both arrogant and haughty. Even though they both were not trying to be. They were the untouchables after all being young and full of vigor.
Jace listened, but didn't say anything. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it with a click as he was unsure how to say anything. So rather than cause any more damage to their friendship he kept the words to himself. yes I suppose so. he didn't know what else to say and he merely stood there with a dumbstruck look on his face, unsure where to go from here. What could be said to mend the bridges he may have just burned?
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Summer Ostrega - January 01, 2015
<3
It seemed they were at an impasse and as young and foolish as they both were, they did at least both recognize the stalemate. Summer turned his gaze down to his paws, he too uncertain of how to proceed. He knew their conversation was at an end and they couldn't really move forward without the heavy weight of their prior argument upon them. But how to part? In no way did Summer consider any bridges burned between them. He had perfect faith that Jace would move past his anger in time and maybe they would never even need to talk about this day again, the apology would be silently understood between them. But that was his youthful naivety, believing that all wounds could be healed merely with time and that consequences didn't exist.
After a few moments of silence, Summer sighed deeply and pulled himself up onto all fours. "I have things to attend to," he said, lying through his teeth in the second he began to speak, but by the end realizing he hadn't been lying at all as Ty's face swam in his head, "We'll speak again soon, I'm sure." He lifted his gaze a bit nervously to Jace's face, ready to turn and leave in the opposite direction the moment he gave the cue.
RE: through the dreams and disasters. - Jace - January 02, 2015
Jace didn't say anything just watched him go. He turned the opposite way and intended to find something to vent his frustration on. One wolf he had though would at least respect his decision had been Summer. But even he felt it was not right to do. He shrugged, it was his decision no one elses and it was his choice. They could grumble and complain all they wanted, but he needed time.