Did other living beings have the same questions about life as Esma did?

She wondered this, having settled down atop the only rock on the long sand dune, and observing curiously the bustling life beneath the water. It had happened a short while after - small fish were the first to appear, swimming first cautiously then curiously around her submerged forepaws. Some were so brave to nibble at her nails and fur, but scurried away the moment Esma moved her limb. Then she caught sight of a little crab, crawling on the seabed and she leaned closer to inspect a rock that was covered in green sea-weed and mussels. Small air bubbles were rising up to the surface. 

She had always been aware that there were lives lived paralell to hers, but never had she been so aware of, how universes could take different shapes and sizes. The fish certainly did not worship the bear gods - for them a creature of that size was nearly unimaginable. But, what did they have instead, then? Esma closed her eyes and hummed, trying to imagine this. But the only thing that came to mind... or ather person was John. He had told her that his God was looking over him. Could it be akin to this? His god being the giant Esma was now and his faithful servants as tiny as fish and other life appeared to her in the pools?

She made a not to ask him this the next time she met him. But for now - she opened her eyes again and continued to observe. 

Esma would often get lost in her own thoughts and detach herself from the world around her. Sometimes a very vivid or particular image would consume her so much that it would feel just as real to her as the dimension she actually lived. This also meant that she would sometimes get into a near-dangerous situations and only the survival instinct kicking in the very last moment would save her.

Therefore no wonder that she did not catch sight of the cinammon coloured potential threat sneaking up on her. She noticed her only, when the sound of movement momentarily snapped her out of the daydream world and made her look around. Briefly her gaze met with that of the stranger's and then she yelped and jumped. Hackles raised and in a defensive position she eyed the other girl distrustfully, completely unaware that another pair of eyes was observing them from the distance. 

It was a very simple question, but Esma did not have enough vocabulary to express everything that was on her mind. For her thoughts were more about a sensation and visuals than actual words. Yet she sensed a genuine curiousity in the other person, so - instead of shying away and mumbling something incoherent - she pondered on the matter for a bit. 

"The world. Within... a world," Esma replied. "That it is different for each and every living being. My whole world is... this," she beckoned to the surroundings. "But for a bug the whole world might be this single rock," she placed one of her paws atop the rock she had been lying on moments earlier.

"My mom worships bear-gods. I think that they are the bigger things," Esma suggested, though only know did it occur to her that she had never asked her mother, whether she had actually seen Atka and Sos. Like in flesh and blood. Not just as an idea. 

"Maybe it was the crab god... or a king. In stories kings sound kind of big," she added. "What is a val?" she asked, feeling genuinely curious. 

"I would not know. I have never heard of gods being referred to as female," Esma answered, realizing that she had never asked her mom about this. "Or male. I do not know, if they have a gender at all. Or any use for it," she shrugged, looking expectantly at Sobeille. After all there was a lot the Riverclan girl did not know about the world of gods - hence - she had set out in the world to find out. It could be that her companion knew the answer.

"Maman? What is a maman?" she asked next, because this word was just as foreign to her as the val had been. At least now she knew that "vals" were people, who were annoying in Sobeille's pack.

For a moment there Esma was tempted to mimic Sobeille's accent and was about to begin with my maman... only to cut that thought short, stop and think. "Her name is Ash Paw," she said, carefully choosing her words. "She is a healer," had she also been a leader too, Esma did not know. Anything outside the small family circle did not concern her at all. 

"She worships bear gods," she added. "I do not know, if she does it well or not," she remarked, so focussed on attempting to form her reply the way Sobeille had that the silliness of that last sentence was lost to her. 

"Yes. Sos and Atka. A white bear and a shadow bear," Esma explained, glad to share something she knew, only to realize a moment later that she had no idea, which bear was which or what each of them were. "Ash Paw left little gifts for them on the altars in order to ask for favours," she added. 

"No. I am from Riverclan," she told, feeling puzzled by the unease in Sobeille's voice. "What is Bearclaw?" she asked. 

"Mother left food and herbs, and said prayers," Esma explained, not revealing that is some cases she had returned to the makeshift altars and stolen the food. In the beginning she had feared a retaliation from the gods themselves and had spent a many night, having nightmares of bears coming to fetch her. But as the days passed and she lost the count of days she had gone to snack on the food, no bears appeared. Rather than taking this as a proof that these gods do not exist, she assumed that they had far more important things to do than to care about one scrawny wolf-pup.

"I do not know, what they like. How can you know, if you have never seen them and asked them?" she shrugged and responded with a question of her own. Maybe Sobeille knew a trick or two about life that Esma did not. There was a lot she did not know.

"It could be," Esma agreed. "But I think that the god the offerings were meant for no longer lives there," she went on, suddenly inspired by a particular thought. "I think that a god does not live, where it is no longer worshipped or believed in. If my mother stopped to bring offerings to the altars they would be just like anything else. A tree. A rock. A pond. Or a cave," she said. 

"I think that you do not go to places to find god. I think... that you have to find it within yourself first," she finished and fell silent, because this was an entirely new realization to her. A summary of, why - up until now - she had not found the god she had set out to find it.