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+--- Thread: Bearclaw Valley and heaven knows, (/showthread.php?tid=63696)
and heaven knows, - Frederick - November 25, 2024
on the borders, looking for @Milan but otherwise AW to bearclaw wolves!! maybe @Ameline or @Cole? eyes
The first party he would apologise to was the one who he had severely mistreated that day. Milan, the bearclaw woman, of which the border he stood behind belonged to.
He also thought that she might just be the love of his life, but he did not understand that yet: romantic love was not a thing of his past, not something he had experienced before his arrival to teekon. In his world, everyone had been family; of the blood kind, too. There was no leeway for any potential endeavours.
And so, this was a fresh experience for the goliath.
Tilting his white head back, he let out a long, beckoning howl. He would not be offended if the woman did not heed it, but he would probably be a little heartbroken. If she did not come, would that mark the end of whatever they had? Their talks, their friendship? Had it been more than friendship? Did Milan want more than that?
Frederick did. He did not know the word for it, but he was certain he did.
He would wait, now. Waiting for her, for any sign that maybe, just maybe, she still cared for him the way he did her. His heart was drumming in his chest, fragile and holding on for all that was dear to him. Praying that she would appear. Nervous. Sweat beads collected upon his skin. Sticking to the base of his hairs.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
RE: and heaven knows, - Cole - November 25, 2024
Cole’s ears twitched at the distant howl, the sound carrying with it an unmistakable pull. It was male—Frederick, if his memory served. A name he’d only heard in passing, yet one that had lingered in his mind for reasons unknown. Stoic as ever, Cole didn’t question why he was compelled to answer, only knew that he would.
His gait was steady as he made his way toward the source, the crisp air brushing against his fur. A Southern man by birth, he was accustomed to moving with purpose, and his approach now was no different. When the figure came into view, Cole’s amber gaze fixed on Frederick, taking in the tension in his posture and the distant expression that lingered on his face.
Frederick.His voice was even, low, as he stopped a few paces away. His head dipped slightly in acknowledgment, though the sharp scrutiny in his eyes betrayed a flicker of curiosity.
You called.
The long face didn’t escape him, though Cole didn’t point it out immediately. Instead, he stood firm, his stoicism unwavering as he regarded the other man. After a pause, his brow quirked slightly.
Y'look worse for wear.
It wasn’t pity, nor was it prying—it was a question grounded in practicality, his words slow and deliberate as always. If Frederick had called, then there was a reason, and Cole had every intention of finding out what it was.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - November 26, 2024
It was not Milan that had answered, no. It was a man, and part of him seemed to put two and two together and make the connection that this must be Cole, the nice fellow that he had been told about. A blink, squinted, almost jealous. That he could be with her, every day, within the same valley, the same pack. The same life.
All these opportunities that Frederick could not have. Not yet.
But he breathed, then, and spoke:
You must be Cole.for he knew the name of the swiftcurrent wolf. He wondered, then, if that meant Milan spoke about him, too. His heart only shattered further. But it continued drumming, breaking as it thumped against his chest, like shards of glass inserting themselves into his ribcage.
Milan told me about you.And a sorrow flashed behind river-sage eyes. A dryness to his throat and a weariness to his stance. Both rigid and wishing to sink into the ground, to become one with the dirt and the grasses and to never, ever be seen again. But the stoicism, the unreadableness of this man, it reminded him of himself.
And so Frederick would steel himself. He did not know this man well enough to let his walls down. Not the same way he did with Milan. Speaking of which:
I want to see her,he said, hoarse.
If she wishes to see me, too.But would she? After he humiliated her? After he was so cold towards her? He felt like a fool.
In spirit, he would be dragging his hands over his face with a groan, but all he could really do was reflect. Thinking, gaze distant and blurry, before he focused back on the southern man.
I fucked up.his voice came with an exasperation. His language was typically respectful, well-mannered, but was now truly the time?
I need to apologise to her. I just want to make sure she's okay.
But if she was with Cole, she was probably more than OK.
Maybe more than what she could be with himself.
RE: and heaven knows, - Cole - November 26, 2024
Cole stood steady as the younger man spoke, the weight of his words settling between them. The sorrow in Frederick’s voice, the vulnerability, was hard to miss, even with the raw edge of frustration lacing his tone. Cole wasn’t sure what to make of it at first—what kind of man was Frederick to come forward like this? And what was he looking for in this conversation?
Milana?Cole raised a brow, his voice slow and calm, but tinged with curiosity. He let the name roll off his tongue, testing its weight in the moment. His gaze was steady, studying Frederick’s face. There was a deep sadness there, tangled with something else—regret, maybe.
I don’t know much about what’s gone on between y’all, but if she wanted to see you, wouldn’t she be here?His words were gentle but firm, a truth that wasn’t easy to swallow.
There was no malice in the statement, just an honest question. Cole shifted his weight slightly, the ever-present southern drawl softening the edges of his tone.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t try, if it’s really sittin’ heavy on you. But folks make their choices. And if she’s out there, not here... well, maybe she’s got reasons of her own.
His gaze softened a little, though he still held firm.
You want to apologize, make it right, then maybe it’s on you to take that first step. But if you’re hopin’ for her to come to you...He let the words trail off, shaking his head slightly.
Might be waitin’ a long while, boy.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 05, 2024
He was right, though. Milan knew his voice, his call. If she had wanted to answer, perhaps she would have by now. Frederick blinked, then, holding back any sort of emotion that could paint his face, but something, deep, longing, swam behind distant eyes.
I suppose you're right,soft-spoken, now.
She did not want to see him. That was what he had picked up from this interaction: that perhaps he had messed it all up. Perhaps there was no more to whatever they could have had. A soft nod was all he gave. But he wanted to keep trying, to make up for his mistake. If he gave up now, then that would mean it really was over, wouldn't it?
But he met the south-man's gaze:
I do want to make that first step,he said.
I'm trying to, I just...Frederick pulled away, shaking his head. Confused. Lost for words. Inexperienced.
I don't know how. I have never had... a bond, like the one with Milan, before.A sense of trust, of companionship. Someone that he could love.
Frederick's eyes flitted back towards Cole's own once more.
I have never had this kind of bond with anyone before. It is all very new to me.And he was trying his hardest to make it work, but was he failing? He did not know.
Has she spoken to you, though? Does she seem alright?
RE: and heaven knows, - Cole - December 05, 2024
cole listened carefully, his golden eyes soft with understanding as frederick spoke. the man was clearly beating himself up over whatever had caused the rift between him and milan, and cole could feel the weight of it in his words. he took a slow breath before answering, his southern drawl low and steady, like a warm breeze on a cool night.
it's alright, frederick,he began, his tone easy and consoling.
we all stir up a wreck from time to time. life’s messy like that. what matters is you’re wantin’ to fix it, and that says a lot ‘bout you.
he shifted his weight, glancing toward the horizon for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
milan’s... well, she’s okay. just a little gloomy lately. been keepin’ to herself more than usual, kinda reclusive. but that don’t mean she’s shut the door on you. sometimes folks just need space to sort their own minds.
cole met frederick’s gaze again, a small, reassuring smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
you’re doin’ the right thing, wantin’ to make that first step. it’s hard, especially when it’s somethin’ new like this. but milan’s got a good heart. she’ll see your effort if you’re genuine.
he let his words hang in the air for a moment before adding,
don’t be too hard on yourself, alright? love ain’t always easy, but it’s worth fightin’ for.
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 05, 2024
From her den the familiar call had reached her, and for a moment her legs refused to move.
Nothing would come from feeling sorry for herself.
With a shaky sigh the doe pulled herself up, moving across the territory lacking the bounce that she had worked so hard to gain. It had hurt to feel so rejected, but it hurt her more that she felt so selfish.
Reaching the border she spotted Cole rather quickly. The man had beat her to it. She stayed back for the moment, visible but stood in a meek silence.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 05, 2024
but was it alright? there was a deep, anxious pit within his stomach that told him that perhaps, no, everything was not alright. maybe this really was the end of whatever he could have had with the doe. but he would only nod at the south-mans words.
and she was gloomy. reclusive. and it was his fault. frederick wanted to run to her, to throw himself into the valley, to her feet and apologise. to prove himself worthy of her affection, of her proximity. space, cole had said. frederick did not want to push her further away, maybe space would be good. maybe some time away from him was what she needed to eventually see him again.
yeah,was all he said.
a breath.
i hope so. i just don't want to mess it up again—i was a dick,he sighed, disappointed with himself. he brought her over to his den and then his boss showed up and he had to escort her out, but he wasn't even nice about it: he completely iced her out! wracked with guilt, he shut his eyes for a moment.
it really is.
but when frederick opened his eyes, he recognised something: a little dot of brown and ginger on the horizon. and his heart seemed to shake as it tried to jump out of his throat and sink into his stomach all at the same time. he wondered, then, if she could see him. stepping aside, past cole, he watched her. tail tucked between his legs, apologetic.
and he wondered, again, if he should go to her. if she would want to talk. hell, not even talk: if she would even want to listen. and so he would step forwards, once, twice. but that was all he could muster. he wanted to see, to hear, from her, that it was okay. that she had his permission to come towards her. to be near her.
to make this right.
RE: and heaven knows, - Cole - December 07, 2024
Cole turned his head as the faint sound of movement caught his attention. A flicker of white and soft brown—the familiar figure of Milana—emerged from the shadows, standing still as if tethered by uncertainty. His golden eyes softened at the sight of her, but a grin tugged at his lips.
Well, there she is,he said quietly, his voice warm with a teasing edge. Turning back to Frederick, Cole reached out and gave the younger man's shoulder a firm, encouraging brush with his paw.
Don’t mess it up this time,he added with a smirk, his tone light but carrying the weight of expectation. Cole stepped aside, giving the two space, his presence retreating just enough to let the moment belong to them. He cast a brief glance back toward Milana, a subtle nod of reassurance before settling a short distance away, ready to let whatever needed to unfold between them play out.
exit cole
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 07, 2024
Cole left, and now the pair were on their own.
Milan couldn't help feeling tense. A part of her wanted to scream and cry about how upset she had been, while other only wished to forget about all this and move on.
...You came.She pushed the simple sentence out of her throat tight with nerves.
She wondered what Ameline would say, what she would tell her to do here, the Regina's word's echoing in her mind a source of comfort.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 07, 2024
cole left the two of them, and for that, frederick was grateful.
he moved forwards, then, towards her, after she spoke.
i want to apologise,he replied, tone careful, studying her face, her expression. the goliath watched her, attentive, and took another breath, before he continued:
i went cold on you when i was told to escort you out ; i was embarrassed, and i shouldn't have been, because you are not someone that anyone should ever be embarrassed about.
sky-sage eyes blinked, closing for a second, two seconds, before reopening. he could only hope for the best as he continued on with his speech, trying to get all of his thoughts out before she could say anything, before she could turn him away, make him leave.
you have been nothing but kind to me, and i was a major asshole that day, and for that i am sorry ... cole told me that you were gloomy, and i hate to know that i'm the one that made you feel that way.a tone that could only be described as genuine.
milan ...and he would step further towards her, if she would allow, wishing to envelop himself within her scent, her presence.
milan, i care about you. a lot. what we have, or had, i have never experienced with anyone else. i wish to make things right between us — i don't want to push you away.with his head angled downwards, he gazed into her eyes, as if they were pools filled with treasures.
but he moved away, then.
i will not force you to forgive me ; i only want you to know that i am sorry.an almost sorrowful expression held within his gaze.
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 07, 2024
Sapphire eyes turned to the ground as she listened. Her expression remained the same, unrevealing and pitiful.
I'm not upset with you Frederick, really. We both made mistakes.She responded with a sigh, her tail curling underneath her the slightest bit.
But it did hurt.There was no denying that.
She looked to him now, searching his face.
I can't stand living like this anymore, though.Seperated, constantly looking for excuses to meet up and sneaking around borders. It was no way for Milan to live.
I want my peaceful life, and I want you in it.Was that too much to ask for?
She wanted puppies, a calm family life here in Bearclaw. She wanted to see them grow up with Ameline's litters, to cry into Frederick's shoulder when their sons and daughters eventually dispersed.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 08, 2024
tag for ref
i want that, too, milan,he said, then, pressing into her pelt, hanging his chin over her back, breathing her in. to live with her, be with her, under the moon and the sun and the rain and the snow. no 'meeting on neutral ground' or awkward escorts. just being themselves in a shared space, without the sneaking around.
but he shook his head then, pressing closer, as if she may vanish into thin air at any moment. like this was a dream that he would wake up from before he could see the ending ; a dream that would disappear all too soon.
but theres something going on with swiftcurrent's allies. @Akavir told me about a band of rogue wolves who hurt a kid, and he needs people who will go on patrol to keep an eye out ; i was chosen.
i can't leave yet — i have this duty, and i still need to find adrian. i'm sorry, milan.but he took a breath, then, and moved away so that he could look at her.
it isn't a full-time patrol, i'm on the first round, and then they'll send someone else out. i will be here with you soon.and he would rub her nose against her cheek.
we will have our peaceful live — together.
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 08, 2024
His words burned a hole in her heart. There was always a 'but', wasn't there? Her brow furrowed.
Frederick, you make me feel so completely selfish.She sighed, shaking her head.
Why is it that they mean so much to you? More than me?Her eyes were pleading, searching his.
Your brother I understand, but why can't you look for him here?
Her thoughts pooled out of her before she could stop them, her eyes welling with tears. She felt childish now.
For all she knew Frederick may never find his brother. She would never be given the life she had been promised, left waiting for him forever. She would grow old, never to have a family of her own and instead becoming bitter as she continued to raise the children of other's.
The thought only made her sob, redirecting her stare to the ground.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 08, 2024
you're not selfish,he breathed quickly, lifting his leg to brush his paw against her foreleg.
no — they don't mean more than you, milan.and he felt himself worrying, then, that he had made another mistake. but his principles, his morals were firm within himself. loyalty was important to him, and he felt he was being stretched thin between two different worlds. between bearclaw and swiftcurrent.
and he did not know. he had no answer for her, only that something deep within him guided him, told him to stay close to those that had offered help, even though it hurt milan in the progress. but before he could speak, tears begun to flow from her oceanic eyes, and frederick's heart shattered into a million pieces, watching the biproduct of his own decision. if only he had met milan first, perhaps things would've been easier.
nosing her tears away, he sighed, pulling back when she looked down towards her feet.
look at me, milan,frederick murmured, then. tone soft, almost intimate. careful, gentle, caring in all ways that one could be.
please. let me see your face.
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 08, 2024
She complied, lifting her tear soaked cheeks.
I don't want you to look at me crying Frederick, I'm a grown woman.She knew that it was alright, that it was healthy, and yet she was embarrassed all the same.
She couldn't stand to long for another, not like this. It hurt her too much, and she feared that she would hurt Frederick in turn. He spoke words of reassurance, but she felt as though she was the one who had manufactured them.
Frederick was the center of her world, the sun in her solar system. She couldn't live without him, and yet with each meeting he took a piece of her fragile heart with him. Soon there would be nothing left to take.
Milan wanted to love, and she wanted to be loved. Why did it have to be so difficult?
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 08, 2024
milan,he whispered, softly, then.
you may cry, or laugh, or rest, or panic, and i will still think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. i always will. whether you and i are old or young. sick or healthy,a soft smile.
the man took a breath, now, careful, as he was not sure whether he was over-stepping, if this was something only he could want:
i love you, milan. and ... if you love me too ... i will love you from the day our children are born to the day that they strike out on their own. when they have their own children, and when we are grey and weak, i will still love you. i will still care for you as i do today, as i do now.
another breath, sharp, gaze studious. this was the point of no return. this moment would either be his greatest joy or his harshest heartbreak. this was, quite possibly, one of the most important days of his entire life. milan deserved it, she was worth his love.
i have never been in love before ; there was no romance, nothing like this, in my youth,as the only people who ever stuck around long enough were people he was related to. no one eligible of such affection.
and there have been women, girls, more like, that i thought were pretty. but none that i cared for as deeply as i do for you.
where was he going with this? he was not sure, he simply started talking. and so he would attempt to gather his thoughts, now, ordering them as such:
i am new, inexperienced, when it comes to love. but i know that i love you, milan. and i want you to know that.and an anxiousness took hold of him.
what could she possibly say? did she love him, too?
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 08, 2024
It was comforting to know that he too, was new to this. They were both learning.
Frederick, I love you too..She responded, the tension in her stance dissolving somewhat.
I just..She paused.
The waiting, it's hard.
She let out a breath, doing what she could to calm herself.
I want children, and I want a life with you. I don't care where, I just can't go with you to Swiftcurrent Creek. Not after what happened.It was too embarrassing. She understood that he wished to be loyal to those in his pack as she did to hers, but Swiftcurrent creek was far bigger than Bearclaw Valley. He could leave and they would be fine, would they not?
You're a good man for doing what you have, and I love that about you..
But god it was getting to be a pain in her ass.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 08, 2024
tag for ref
i'll talk to @Arlette,he murmured, bringing their fur to touch once again, enveloping her with the whiteness of his own pelt.
i'll see what i can do. i don't want you to have to wait anymore. i hate it, too.maybe he could come down to the valley, and come back with something for the creek. a deer on the way, maybe.
he chuckled, then. bittersweet in its edge.
i know. you love it and you hate it, so did adrian,a harsh breath, momentary, as the words whisked away.
i wish you would come to swiftcurrent, but i understand why you won't. the valley needs you, more than the creek could possibly need me.after his first patrol, he would speak to akavir.
it would soon be time for frederick to move on.
do you remember when i called you resourceful?frederick smiled, then, face and muzzle buried within her brown fur, words close to her ear. low. only for her to hear.
it's true, you're very skilled. the wolves here rely on you, milan. you may not think it, but they appreciate you. just as i do.and he would spend another moment within her grasp, her presence. a comfort that he had yearned all too much for.
his voice was a whisper when he spoke next:
are you hungry?he wished to provide for her, to show her and those within her valley that his arrival would not be a misfortune. he was no leech.
the deer'll be weak from the winter.a fact.
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 08, 2024
She remained silent as he spoke, and in the end she was glad to move on. A gentle sigh, her frown softening.
I can't ask you to do that Frederick.Not now. It didn't feel right when she truly had nothing more to offer him.
A sigh and the shake of her head.
Can you promise that you won't keep me waiting much longer?Her eyes were pleading. She just couldn't handle it.
He had shown that he understood, now she just needed to see action come from it.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 08, 2024
he shook his head, then, chin brushing against the back of her neck.
you are not asking, milan. i am offering. i expect nothing of you, asides from health this winter. and to be healthy, you must eat.he did not think ill of her hunting capabilities, but perhaps it was the prehistoric part of his man-brain that urged him to provide.
and frederick was not sure if he could make that promise, there were still things to be done, to be organised. akavir would need to finish his own patrol, and that could take moons. he had made a promise to milan before — and he had yet to live up to it.
a sigh escaped him.
i don't know, milan,he said, then.
i can promise you that no matter how far, you will always be within my heart. but it is akavir, arlette and arric that make the decisions. i wish not to anger them, especially if i am to come to bearclaw valley. i do not want to make things tense between the packs.
but he did not want to wait too long. he remembered the man who he spoke too not long ago, wondering if he was still hanging around, wondering what would happen if frederick did not come in time. wondering if milan would be better with him.
a breath came in, then.
please, let me fetch you something.
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 09, 2024
She let out a breath, the air feeling far too heavy as it exited her lungs.
If it will make you feel better, then alright.She decided.
I could use the extra pelt.
Milan was far too tired, she only wished to return to her den now. There was still much to be done, even without her worries surrounding Frederick.
It was just getting to be all too much.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 10, 2024
a soft nod, then, and he would turn away from her, testing the air. an unease lingered deep within his chest. a pit within his stomach that did not seem to leave him. scents drew towards him, and he drank them in. deer were nearby, but he did not feel the same confidence that had strengthened him last time. nonetheless, he would move, occasionally looking back to milan to see if she would follow.
its brown pelt was clear on the horizon, now, and he stalked towards it with a hunters grace, before it shifted, having sensed him and his smell. now, the ungulate dashed away, and frederick bounded after it, coiled muscles chasing after with a firm precision, letting the worries slip from his mind momentarily as he sought his prey.
close, now. he lunged forwards, teeth dragging it back, latched onto its leg. he hooked himself into the ground, then, stilling his body and keeping hold of the deer. each part of his body was firm ; his neck, shoulders, arms. his chest, his ribs, his back. legs, even his tail sat still between his hocks. but it broke free, then, and he continued. it was weak from the snows. and so he watched as it tripped over an exposed tree root.
the goliath made his move, then, dashing forwards to puncture its stomach. he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, forcing all thought asides from the meal out from his mind. he detached, then, before dashing for its neck. a moment, two moments passed before its eyes clouded over, falling limp. a pang of empathy struck him, but he pushed it aside.
he would call over milan with a soft woof, and would aid her in removing the pelt, should she request it. part of him truly hoped that she did ; that she wanted his help.
RE: and heaven knows, - Milan - December 10, 2024
She came when he called, beginning to remove the pelt with haste. She appeared solemn.
Thank you, Frederick.The words were spoken quietly.
I'll use it for our den.
The word 'our' was still used. She still loved him, she would still wait.
The pelt taken and her portion ate, she took her leave after giving Frederick a lick to the cheek.
RE: and heaven knows, - Frederick - December 10, 2024
he watched as she worked, silent. and she would watch as she ate her portion. he would press into her touch, returning her affection with his own. but then he would watch, again, as she left. as she headed back for the borders. he would stand there for what felt like hours, long after her figure had left his sight.
frederick forced food down his throat, then. tight, sore. he ate in silence, and he would leave in silence. walking back to the creek with heavy steps.
and he hoped this would be the last time they would have to part in this way.