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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera to pronounce apathy (/showthread.php?tid=7148)
to pronounce apathy - RIP Fox - January 27, 2015
For my beau, @Peregrine. Let's say this is near their den, midday.
Peregrine hadn't been seen for a day or two, along with Magpie and Finley. At least she knew what the latter two were up to. At least they had gone off and told her to her face, rather than slinking off, dragging another party into it, and running away from their goddamn problems like children. How could he be like that? It was frustrating to no end, and while Fox knew that the bond between them would mend, she also had a good feeling that scar tissue would remain behind. Whether or not that made them stronger or weaker was to be seen.
Perhaps she would not have felt so slighted if she had not been carrying his goddamn children, but she was, and he knew it. Was this what had happened between him and Hawkeye, really? Fox shook her head and bit down harder on the bone she'd been working on, trying to recall what had split them up. More importantly, would there ever come a day when Fox didn't wonder about what that relationship had been like? “Focus,” she said, her word slurred by the large bone in her mouth.
Hawkeye had nothing to do with this. Peregrine was at fault, and when he decided to come apologize, Fox knew that she would forgive him. She always had, and she always would.
RE: to pronounce apathy - Peregrine Redhawk - January 28, 2015
Peregrine shook the frost from his coat (and his bones), then set off on a patrol to wake up and clear his head. Today, he planned to finally track down Fox and talk to her. He no longer felt as angry, nor like he would say something he didn't mean. He didn't know what he would say, though. He didn't want Magpie in his ranks, though it was Fox's selfish and thoughtless behavior that really bothered him the most. He would have been doubly agitated had he known she planned to run out two of their pack mates without even consulting with him. Why did she neither get nor listen to his opinion on important pack matters? It wounded his feelings and his pride and reminded him of the days when Hawkeye had treated him like an inferior Alpha.
He finished his circuit and began to climb. Peregrine decided he would ask for an apology, unaware that Fox felt he should apologize for taking the time and space he needed to avoid a blowout. His heart thumped in his chest as he ascended toward their den. The smell of fresh marrow hit his nose and, strangely, turned his stomach. Apprehensively, he moved forward until she came into view. At first, his face was hard as he looked at her, though it softened somewhat as he slowly, silently, came to stand over her.
"We need to talk," he said quietly. Realizing the ominous choice of words, he elaborated, "You really upset me, Fox. That's why I needed some time. We're supposed to be a team, equals, and you definitely didn't treat me like your equal the other day." His voice remained low but even, with undertones of both anger and hurt weaved into it.
RE: to pronounce apathy - RIP Fox - January 28, 2015
It's so hard to write for Fox when she's being this stupid/selfish. I'm not like her at all, and I have to go back and rewrite everything three times over. Damn my logic!
Movement and the rustle of the snow caused Fox to look up from her bone. She dropped it onto her feet, laying in the sphinx position as she had been. Then, she licked her lips apprehensively. While Peregrine needed only a day or two to calm down, Fox was more of a week or two kind of gal. She held grudges far longer and stronger than her mate, which was one of her many downfalls. Not only that, but she had a hard time believing she could be at fault for anything, ever.
He strode forward, coming to a halt near her, and began to talk. What she expected, what she wanted was not what he gave. Instead, he accused her of not treating him as an equal. She fumed. "And you did?" she blurted, the venom more thick in her voice that she would have liked, "Seems like you made the decision not to let her back without consulting me." Magpie was her problem, her mistake, and she wasn't going to let Peregrine fuck it up again. She'd promised her sister a home, and she wasn't about to go back on that promise.
RE: to pronounce apathy - Peregrine Redhawk - January 28, 2015
The venom in her voice stung him. Peregrine took a step backward. Once more, he was painfully reminded of the way Hawkeye had treated him. He had always pardoned her, chalking it up to hormones. He reminded himself that Fox, too, was pregnant. He didn't think it gave her an excuse to treat him poorly, yet maybe keeping it in mind would help him keep a level head and offer his partner the benefit of the doubt.
"I truly didn't think you would feel differently," he said, voice shaking slightly. "And we genuinely didn't—don't—have space for her, so how should I have known you would completely disregard that? I was thinking of our pack's well-being. It wasn't just personal, although may I remind you that it is you that owes Magpie a debt, not me or this pack? You put our existing pack mates and our pups in jeopardy by taking her on. You put Magpie before the entire rest of your family.
And you put her before our relationship as equal partners," he added after a steadying breath. Now, his voice sounded distinctly more hurt than angry. "You blatantly—blatantly!—overruled me. You went against me even though it was perfectly clear how I felt on the matter. How should that make me feel, Fox?" Peregrine demanded. "Because it makes me feel like garbage."
RE: to pronounce apathy - RIP Fox - January 28, 2015
OMG you two, be nice. ;-;
He railed into her—hard—and Fox felt her gut twist. Whether that was the pregnancy or her reaction to him, she did not want to know. Denial was one of her "best" qualities. "Magpie is family!" Fox protested, her voice louder than it had been previously. (Was this turning into a yelling match?) "I, she—" Fox broke off, her emotions running so high she could barely think straight, let alone talk in a comprehensible manner. "She's my sister. My real sister." Half, but that was a minor detail, and the backstory was too much to explain right now.
She didn't answer his question. Instead, she offered a back-handed apology. "I'm sorry you stormed off before she even got a chance to explain herself. Before you even took a goddamn second to weigh the situation like you should have. Did you know she thinks of you as a father figure? And this is how you treat her?" Magpie did not have a father, not truly, and Perry had been the closest that she'd ever gotten. "She thinks you want to kill her, so you got your stupid wish. She's gone to The Sunspire, and I doubt she'll ever come back. I sent Finley to escort her." Nostrils flaring, Fox stared at him for a few seconds, then went back to furiously gnawing on her bone.
RE: to pronounce apathy - Peregrine Redhawk - January 28, 2015
Now there was volume as well as venom. Peregrine took another step back. Disagreements were an inevitable part of a marriage, yet he had hoped to talk to his mate, not have a yelling match. It made it difficult to give her words proper attention, when all he could focus on was the fact that Fox was flinging them at him like flaming knives.
He hadn't known about their relationship, of course, but by the sound of it, neither had Fox when she had gone right ahead and made her decision. Peregrine wanted to point this out to her, yet Fox didn't give him the chance. She railed on him about how Magpie thought of him as a father. Clearly, Fox felt this obligated him, which was ludicrous. Her barb about killing Magpie made him visibly flinch. For whatever reason, he thought of Junior attempting to kill herself. How had this spiraled so out of control so quickly?
When Fox returned to the bone, Peregrine felt completely dismissed. He experienced a moment of rage. It balled up in his throat and he swallowed it like a gob of acid. Once more, he felt severely disrespected. Why couldn't they have an adult conversation? Why did she need to scream at him? If this was some sort of test of their marriage, he wasn't at all confident that they were going to pass it.
"I can't have another relationship like this," he said after a long pause. He wanted to turn and walk away, yet that hadn't worked out well last time, had it? Peregrine remained rooted to the spot, staring mutely at his young mate.
RE: to pronounce apathy - RIP Fox - January 28, 2015
*squishes them together so hard*
Fox froze when he spoke, the bone still between her jaws, mid-bite. Her heart sank, her blood ran cold, and she suddenly felt much smaller than her already small self. Peregrine was the one thing that had been consistent for so long. Ever since she'd come to the Teekon Wilds, he had been there. First in enemy capacity, then frenemy, then friend, lover, mate, and now he would soon be her co-parent. The sickening realization of this, and the way she had been yelling at him finally washed over her. "I can't have another relationship like this," echoed in her head over and over and over and over. It meant she was acting like one of the wolves she hated most.
She couldn't think of anything. Her mind was a blank, save for those the words that echoed in her head. Fox dropped the bone, sprung to her feet, and crashed right into his chest, pressing her head into him with a weak whine. She would make it up to him. Somehow, someway, they would make this work. They had to. The children were coming no matter what, and it simply would not do if they were squabbling like this. Fox would do better. She would actually work for it. She couldn't lose him. The children couldn't come into this world, into a broken home. Fox would rather die and take them with her than live that life.
RE: to pronounce apathy - Peregrine Redhawk - January 28, 2015
:')
Half a second later, Peregrine realized those words were just as ominous as, "We need to talk." He didn't mean them that way. He didn't know what he meant. He just knew he couldn't go through with Fox what he had gone through with Hawkeye, where she had treated him like crap and he had just let her walk all over him. He knew he wasn't perfect but he didn't think he deserved that. He wanted a partnership, built on equality and mutual respect. He—
Fox came crashing into him so suddenly that it knocked the wind out of him. For a split second, Peregrine thought she was attacking him and made a strange choking sound. Then she whined and it dawned on him that she was hugging him, not attempting to maul him. He was still surprised, though he reacted instantaneously. A long forelimb rose to pull her even closer (if that was possible) and he rested his chin atop her head with a sigh that was more about his inability to breathe than any particular emotion.
"You are nothing like Hawkeye," he said, too quietly for her to hear even with her ears on either side of his mouth. Louder, he said, "I'm sorry if I hurt or upset you, babe." Fuck his pride right now. That whine had pierced him straight through the heart. "I love you. I just... we had a communication breakdown. It happens. We can work it out." His clutch on her tightened and he kissed the soft fur between her ears once, twice, three times.
RE: to pronounce apathy - RIP Fox - January 28, 2015
He mumbled something that she couldn't hear, that she honestly didn't want to hear. She suspected that it was him telling her to leave, to go away, that he no longer wanted her around. Peregrine spoke again, and Fox assumed he was just repeating what he had mumbled before. With anybody else, Fox would have told them to fuck off long ago. Probably right when they had come crawling back. But Peregrine and she were bonded. She would not leave his side until the day she left this earth, and she was certain of it. And everybody knew how stubborn she could be, once she had her mind set on something.
"I love you, too," she said, feeling her hot breath against his fur. Sure, there were times when they frustrated the hell out of one another, but in the end, Fox knew that nothing could break them. Regaining some semblance of composure, Fox took a step back, wobbling a little bit as she did so. The added weight gain of the forming pups was starting to affect her movement, little by little. "Maybe... would you ever give Magpie another chance?" she asked, her voice brittle and soft.
RE: to pronounce apathy - Peregrine Redhawk - January 28, 2015
When she took a wobbly step backward, he almost reached out and snatched her back. She spoke, her formerly hot voice now soft as silk. Peregrine could see that this really meant a lot to her. Well, if Magpie was actually her sister, he supposed it made sense. He tried to put himself in her shoes. What if it was Osprey? Wouldn't he bend over backward and make exceptions for her and forgive her should she make a mistake? Actually, hadn't he actually done that already, when she'd departed the plateau at the worst possible time and he'd gone on to welcome her back with open arms?
"I can see it means a lot to you, so... I'd like to give her another chance." He almost specified that she would only get one more chance, yet it would seem so petty and he was trying to be selfless here. "But we're already running at max capacity. What do we do about that? Unless... have you seen Mikael or Tempest? I'm pretty sure they ran off together. If they're gone, then... well, there's room for her."
There was something else he wanted to address, before he forgot. "Magpie is, for all intents and purposes, my sister-in-law, not one of my kids. I'll treat her that way and I'm going to ask to be treated the same. No offense but... just because she thinks of me as a father figure doesn't make me her dad. The only ones allowed to call me 'daddy' are these guys," he finished gently, nudging Fox's baby bump.
RE: to pronounce apathy - RIP Fox - January 28, 2015
Peregrine relented, allowing Magpie another chance, and Fox's tail waved back and forth a few times to show her delight. She shook her head when he asked if she had seen Mikael or Tempest. Good riddance, she thought, though she did not say as much. It was easier if they just disappeared. Fox wanted to ask him how he decided on this arbitrary number, but decided against it. It was probably just one of those made-up rules or some instinct kicking in. They did have pups on the way, and they didn't need more mouths to feed. The land could only sustain so much, especially in these colder months.
"That's between you and her," Fox replied, her voice still quiet and soft. She was fairly certain that Magpie didn't actually think of Perry as her father (no more than she thought of Fox as her mother). Fox believed that her sister merely needed a male role model, and Peregrine had been there for a short time. When he nudged her belly, Fox smiled for the first time since he had left.
Everything was going to be okay.
RE: to pronounce apathy - Peregrine Redhawk - January 28, 2015
Based on the way she had flung Magpie's view of him in his face earlier, he partially expected her to grow angry with him again for not accepting his role as the yearling's father figure. Fox didn't seem overly concerned about it, though, which was a relief. He reminded himself that she'd said those things in the heat of an argument and she had probably never meant them anyway.
Truth be told, he found the whole idea of being Magpie's role model slightly offensive and repugnant. Despite his words, he would not immediately warm to her like he would a sister. He would tolerate her, if only because it would mean so much to Fox, and give her an honest chance to redeem herself in his eyes. It was more than she deserved, he felt.
"I'm sorry I missed a few days with you and them," the Alpha lamented softly. "I didn't mean to storm off or run away from the problem. I was legitimately afraid I would say or do something I didn't mean. I wanted to cool off before I came to talk to you, have a level head and all that. It was both a good and bad idea, in hindsight," Peregrine mused thoughtfully before he shrugged and touched his cool nose to the corner of his mate's eyes.
"I really did miss you. The entire time I was away, I could never get warm. Isn't that strange?" His eyes danced a little as he regarded her small, pretty features and held her flat gray gaze.
RE: to pronounce apathy - RIP Fox - February 06, 2015
I'm such a neglectful spouse. *pats*
"Very," Fox replied, pressing herself into him once more. All she wanted right now was to curl up into a ball and keep Peregrine close at hand for the rest of her days. Sure, they had their differences—she did not expect that to change—but they were bound by nature, and they would soon be bound by their children. Those little bundles of joy would come into the world kicking and screaming, Fox knew. She had no doubt that they would test their relationship further, but she also knew that they would prevail in the end. Fox was bound and determined to keep their family together, no matter what.
"You want to take a nap with me?" she asked. Between her pregnancy and the stress of arguing with Peregrine, she was exhausted. "I'll be sure to keep you nice and toasty."
RE: to pronounce apathy - Peregrine Redhawk - February 06, 2015
Nah. :)
He welcomed her embrace, as well as her invitation. "That sounds like the best thing in the world right now," he murmured, nibbling her ear. Those nights alone had really been awful. He never wanted to sleep alone again... and he wouldn't, he decided. The next time he and Fox had a spat, he wouldn't run so far away for so long. It just wasn't worth it. Besides, it wasn't just the two of them for much longer...
Peregrine might have proposed a more vigorous activity (because what wasn't better than makeup sex?) but he was truly exhausted, as was she. The moment their mismatched bodies twined together, he passed out with his head over the gentle slope of her growing belly.