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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera i've seen this one before. (/showthread.php?tid=7506)
i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
Fin and I have no patience @Elwood <3 LOL GOOD LUCK
It was quite possibly the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life, deciding to return to the Caldera. In truth, she actually had little choice in the matter at all. She was not the young, carefree wolf she'd been years ago (..more like year, really). She had responsibilities now, and loyalties that she was not about to break. Certainly not on behalf of some piece of trash man. Her time away had done much to clear her head of the overwhelming sorrow. She'd had her breakdown, and with Finn's help had eventually pulled all of the pieces back together and locked them tightly back up in her heart. And with that, there was nothing else to do but to go home, no matter what it cost her.
It was with a hardened heart that Finley crossed back into the pack's threshold. She fully anticipated that it was likely the horndog himself that she'd run into first - it always was. The thought that she used to find that cute left a bitter taste in her mouth. She hadn't completely decided what she would do when the inevitable happened. After all, what right did she have to be angry with him? He didn't really belong to her. He was free to boink whoever he wanted. What did she care anyway?
It suddenly occurred to her that she was growling while she walked. She knocked that off the moment she realized and shook her coat to free it from frost. She needed to collect herself, so she dropped onto her haunches to catch her breath. It wasn't her intention to remain where she was for too long. Being idle gave her mind too much freedom to wander to places she didn't want it to go.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
Hoo boy...
Grimm and Finley were the farthest things from Elwood's mind at the moment -- not only had he come across some strange, likely deranged canine near Big Salmon Lake, but something horrible had happened to Somnia. He had been loathe to leave his injured friend's side, but he wanted to stock up some food for her. She likely wouldn't be hungry for a while -- not after the unspeakable things that had happened to her -- but the worry-wart of a wolf wanted to be prepared.
He ranged towards the borders, hoping to catch something fresh. If that wasn't feasible, he would settle for taking something from one of the community caches. Before he had the chance to start tracking anything, however, an all-too-familiar figure swam into his line of vision.
Finley was sitting near the borders, and from a distance Elwood couldn't see her cloudy countenance. His heart leapt into his throat at the sight of her; after discovering what had happened to Somnia, he had worried that something similar had happened to his co-Beta. But he would soon find out that Finley was suffering from a different ailment...and that his actions had been poisonous.
"Finley!" he called out, his tail waving as he trotted towards her. He wasn't as chipper as he normally would have been, as he intended to tell her about Somnia, but as he drew nearer he could feel the anger radiating off of Finley's body. He slowed his pace, brows knitting together in concern.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
just remember that I still love you lol
Fin could hear him approaching, but didn't move. Even when he called out her name, she didn't budge. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear her mind. Unbidden, the image of him climbing onto her came again into her mind. This time, she let it stay. When she opened her eyes again, it was to let one single tear slip down her cheek. That was it, the last one. At least, that's what she told herself. And Finley did have a way of being impassably stubborn about these things.
"So should I congratulate you?" she said without turning once he sounded close enough. Her gaze remained dull and empty as she stared at a single point on the ground before her. If she had known about what had befallen Somnia, then maybe she wouldn't have even approached the subject. But Fin was self-centered, and she missed the tone in Elwood's voice that suggested she needed to hold her tongue. That was besides the fact, though, for it was too late now. Those five words were all it took to open the flood gates, and Fin wasn't closing them again until all of her anger was spent.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
<3
She didn't turn to face him, which surprised him. But he kept moving forward, an ominous feeling rising from the pit of his stomach. What had happened to her? Had she run into the same wolf that Somnia had...?
When she finally spoke, her voice was flat and cold. It pierced him like a knife, stopping him in his tracks. It wasn't necessarily her words -- in that moment, his bewilderment didn't allow him to remember Grimm -- but he had never heard her speak in that tone before. He wanted to close the gap between them, but something held him back.
"What do you mean...?" he called out cautiously, unsure of how to proceed.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
There was trepidation in his voice, which simply gave Finley a sense of vindictive pleasure. Let him be worried. Let him squirm. It was nothing compared to what she'd been through. He'd broken the walls, made her face nightmares she hadn't looked at since she was an innocent yearling (yeah, she really had been innocent once, folks!).
"On your mateship, with Grimm," Fin replied coolly, turning to set her cold gaze upon his face, "Unless you were just fucking her for fun." Her gaze bore into his, a clear challenge. She was usually polite enough to avoid direct eye contact with others of her species, but Fin's mocha gaze did not waver once from Elwood's gold. Let him feel challenged, let him feel threatened. It didn't bother Fin one bit.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
Confusion only hung in the air for a few beats, before Finley snapped a response. Her words stung, veritably biting him as they passed her teeth. His brows shot up in surprise and his heart plummeted to his feet. What...? How did she...? Had she seen...?
He did, indeed, squirm under her hardened gaze for a moment, his mouth feeling uncomfortably dry. What were the odds that Finley would have found out about Grimm? There were only two answers: either the black-and-white she-wolf had been running her mouth, or Finley had somehow seen them. Thinking back, Elwood tried to remember if there had been a suspicious rustling of the bushes -- but the edges of his memory were blurred by the adrenaline that had pumped through his veins at the time.
Self-pity and guilt were quickly replaced by a hotter emotion, however. What did she care? She didn't want him -- in fact, she had essentially told him to keep his distance, as far as their hearts were concerned. He wasn't angry -- not yet -- but he wouldn't allow her to belittle him or criticize his actions. "Why does it matter?" he asked calmly, carefully keeping his tone level and meeting her gaze.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
She saw the way her words hit him, saw the shock wash over his face along with the confusion. Let him ask how she knew, do it she dared. But he didn't, instead he pulled himself together and posed a perfectly normal, reasonable question. Why did it matter?
Fin felt her eyes narrowed into slivers. Why did it matter? Why did it matter? Could he really be so stupid, so blind? She felt her heart aching as though each word was another knife stabbed deep within it. The fact that Fin hadn't even realized it until she saw him mount the black bitch was far from her mind. He should have known. The fact that he had no idea, that he'd just done whatever his stupid dick told him to was all the ammo she needed to be pissed as hell at him for what he'd done.
"I suppose it doesn't really," Fin replied, bitterness upon each word, "I just thought better of you I guess. My mistake, apparently." It was ever so hypocritical. It wasn't as though she hadn't had any one time flings in her lifetime. Hell, she'd had a bunch. But still, she hadn't done that knowing someone had feelings for her. And he should have known, Fin was still determinedly believing, he should have known.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
Frustration welled within Elwood, fueled by Finley's reply. She continued to spit at him like an angry cat, her eyes all but boring holes into him. And he just stood up straighter, determined not to let her tear him down. All they really needed to do was communicate -- there were so many emotions bursting at the seams -- but neither one of them was willing to set aside their ego at this point. It was a battle of wills, and Elwood wasn't going to let Finley win.
"I guess you were wrong, then," he said stonily; he didn't appreciate the way she criticized his character. In the back of his mind, a tiny voice cried, "You deserve this!" but he silenced it quickly. He didn't deserve this -- not to be yelled at and treated like a cretin. Not by his best friend. Not by someone he...
His heart skipped a beat, then he swallowed hard. For an instant, his facade flickered. Gritting his teeth, he glared at her, his tail giving a predatory lash behind him. Then, after a long silence, he spoke in a much lower voice. "What did you expect?" Did you expect to lead me on forever? To never let me in? For me to keep letting you run away every time we got too close? Yellow eyes screamed with words that he wouldn't say; couldn't say.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
"That much is obvious," Fin spat at him like venom. Silence fell between them then as she turned away, fuming but trying to keep herself under control. She wanted to lunge at him, but not in the cute friendly way she usually did - more in the I-want-to-smash-your-stupid-face-into-the-ground way that would satisfy her anger and frustration. She sat there though instead, beginning to wonder if maybe it was time for her to just walk away. She had more that she wanted to say, but it didn't seem like there would really be the opportunity...
But then, Elwood made one for her. She felt the fur along the back of her neck prickle in anger at his words. She shot him an angry, incredulous glance. "I expected you not to be fucking manwhore!" she barked at him irritably, "I mean, do you even know her? Outside of her first name and how wide her vagina is??" She bristled at him, but didn't yet rise. She knew they weren't the true reasons she was mad, but she wasn't thinking clearly enough to try and get her real point across. She just wanted to hurt him, as vindictive and cruelly bitter as it was, she just wanted him to feel the hurt that he had inflicted on her.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
She had a good point this time -- he didn't know Grimm. He didn't know the first thing about her. He didn't know her favorite color, or her preferred meal, or even that she was smitten with Peregrine. But it was because of something she had said about Finley that Elwood had gone through with it -- and the words still echoed in his mind. "Everyone else is doing it -- probably even Finley!"
It wasn't a good excuse, but it had been enough to set a spark in Elwood's heart and mind. She was so determined not to let him get close -- there had to be an explanation. And in that moment, Grimm's reason had been as good as any. If she was sleeping around with someone else, then of course she wouldn't be interested in him.
"That's beside the point," he spat, his voice for the first time growing heated. And then, he spoke without thinking. "If you care so much about me -- about what I do -- about who I spend my time with...why didn't you tell me?" The words fell flat, landing heavily between them. He took a physical step back. Through the haze of his anger, he could feel something rational trying to surface. If he kept this up, he would surely lose her -- she ran away at the drop of a hat. It was a shock that she hadn't already left a trail of pawprints. And suddenly, Elwood was afraid.
His expression softened, but he didn't let his guard down just yet. "It was a mistake. That's all it was -- it was stupid. And I'm sorry that I hurt you," he said, the fire leaving his eyes.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
Her eyes widened at is accusation. Why didn't he tell her? What kind of stupid ass question was that? Actually, it wasn't stupid. She was just angry and determined to be offended because there was so much more anger and hurt left in her. She wasn't going to let him off the hook, not even after his gaze softened and an apology left his lips. This fight wasn't over.
"Why would I need to tell you, Elwood?" Fin retorted with a growl, pulling herself onto all fours and facing him fully, "Why would I need to pull you aside and say 'oh hey, El, it would really piss me off if you decided to be a total douchebag and start banging your way through the ranks just 'cause you're bored'? You're supposed to be my friend, and part of being my friend is not being a disgusting asshole that just fucks whatever he wants without considering other peoples' feelings!!"
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
He winced as she flung more hateful words at him. His resolve was weakening; he didn't know what to say to her. There was no tactful way to say, "I'm sorry that I fucked another girl, but I'm in love with you." Saying that would make him look like even more of a douchebag, so he held his tongue.
"Is that what a friend is?" he said quietly; to him, her definition of a friend sounded like she expected a lot more out of him than she would of anyone else. A friend would have scoffed at his stupidity, made fun of him for making Grimm honk like some kind of rabid goose. A friend wouldn't have taken this so personally...
But he didn't voice his thoughts. He looked at her solemnly, preparing for her next rant. It was well deserved, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
Elwood was apparently taking the quiet route in this shouting match, which was fine by Finley. It gave her more time to wildly fling about her ill-thought out insults and half-assed accusations. It was possible that once this was over, she'd look back and feel ashamed of herself for the things she'd said to him. But at the same time, so ill-equipped to deal with such situations was she that she was just as likely to think every angry word was somehow justified.
"What were you thinking, El?" Fin replied, ignoring the whole 'friend' thing simply because it had caused her to hesitate, and thus it would be a detriment to her to pay any attention to it at all, "Does this pack mean anything to you at all?" Immediately upon saying it, she rolled her eyes and scoffed viciously at him. "Oh, of course not, how could I be so stupid?" she spat, "Of course you don't give a shit about what banging a subordinate might do to the pack 'cause, I forgot, once Spring hits, you're out of here! To hell with the consequences, right, when you've got one foot out the door already, who cares what happens when you close it?"
And there we ran into another problem, another sore spot between them - the simple fact that Elwood had never even fully committed himself to the Caldera. For all Fin knew, he had just been screwing with her this entire time. She was just some game he played, some sadistic game that he would just up and abandon the moment the snows thawed and he could set off on his own again, searching for his "sister". More like some other cunt to wreck.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
Elwood braced himself, but his preparation wasn't enough for what came next. This time, she struck him where it hurt -- and he felt anger brewing in his belly once again. She accused him of having no concern for the pack and its members, which may have been a valid argument three months ago -- but how could she think that now? He was the Beta male, destined to be "Uncle El" to Fox and Peregrine's children, and had protected the Redhawks with tooth and nail on more than one occasion. A low growl rumbled in his throat, and he didn't try to stop it.
"Are you serious? Are you serious?" he seethed, taking a few steps towards her as the silver hair along his spine stood in a ridge. "I'm not going anywhere, Finley. And what gives you the right to say any of that to me? I have been here for this pack more than you have in the past few months -- you keep running away." When he had first arrived at the caldera, it was when she was missing after her bear hunt. Since then, she had taken off multiple times -- it didn't matter that she was an outrider and a few of the instances were for valid reasons.
"You're reckless and irresponsible. You can't face your own feelings -- you run away from them. At least I can admit when I'm wrong," he snarled.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
If it was even possible to do so, FIn felt her eyes narrow into even more vicious slivers as Elwood began to spit his own attacks right back at her. It was very unexpectedly, although she was very naive to think that at all. Of course he would defend himself. Elwood had never been a spineless little puppet - he'd always had his own ideas, his own feelings, his own pride. And Fin had done nothing but piss all over those things upon running into him that day. Still, it made Fin angry and offended to hear such words as though stung dangerously close to the truth.
And yet, he left her speechless. It was so hauntingly accurate what he said about her, she didn't know how to respond except to growl weakly at him, "As though you're any better." She snorted in frustration and turned her gaze away angrily. Her mind reeled against what he'd said, trying to find a way to negate him, to prove him wrong, or at the very least, to justify herself against him. But she came up with nothing, and so she said nothing. Just sat and fumed.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
For the first time, he seemed to have left her without a response. She was clearly still pissed, but her retort was lacking the venom that she had possessed earlier. Elwood had a smug moment -- where he would have liked to stick out his tongue and say something immature -- but he stood and stared at her through narrowed eyes.
He let her stew for a few seconds, then he took a deep breath. "I'm not. I'm not any better," he exhaled. In his mind, he was exemplifying what he had just said -- that he was able to admit his flaws and that he wasn't perfect and, yes, he had screwed up. But he was sorry.
"So what now?" he finally said after a long pause. How would they proceed? Had he officially ruined everything? He had built a life in Redhawk Caldera, but Finley had been there first -- would he need to pack his bags? He looked away, studying the landscape behind Finley, but his gaze slowly found his way back to her. Is there any way to fix this? he thought, his heart hammering against his ribcage.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
The longer Fin went without saying another, the harder it was for her to come up with a way to get back into the conversation. She still felt angry, and in her experience, the only way to get rid of such emotions were to expel them either verbally or physically. But there was nothing else she could say to him. He knew she was mad, he knew why, and she knew there was nothing he could say or do that would fix this. Not then, anyway. So it seemed they were at a stalemate, which Fin accepted with a deep breath and a stubborn stare down at her paws.
"I want you to leave," Fin said finally after the silence stretched into minutes between them. Her voice shook as she spoke, and unbidden the tears came to her eyes just as a lump formed in her throat. She hated this, hated every word. And yet, she could see no other way. Her faith and her trust in him were gone. In any other scenario, she would have run for her life from this madness, but she couldn't. The Caldera was her home now, Peregrine and Fox and their future litter her entire life. It was bitterness that inspired her words, but her instinct for survival (no matter how flawed it may be) that pushed them forth from her tongue.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
"I want you to leave."
The words rung in his ears, echoing endlessly until he could hear nothing else. His jaw slackened in disbelief. That very thought had crossed his mind only seconds ago, but coming from Finley's mouth it was suddenly unacceptable. He wouldn't. He couldn't. Not over this. Not in the middle of winter -- did she care if he survived?
There was no way that Peregrine and Fox would stand behind her. Was there? He was doubting everything, but he reminded himself that this was Finley. She was bluffing. She had to be.
So he met her tearful gaze, steeling himself against the sorrow that was evident there. And he uttered a single word.
"No."
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 09, 2015
Fin felt his gaze turn to her, cold and resolute. As much as she wanted to shirk away from it, she steeled herself against it instead. Slowly, she lifted her eyes to his, despite the tears that swelled in her stubborn, empty stare. She hated herself. She hated this. And she loved him. She loved him. If it weren't for that simple and aggravatingly true fact, they would never have been standing there having this very conversation. She loved him. And that's why he needed to go, because love and ruin were the very same thing in Finley's mind. Sending him away was self preservation at its finest, and as misguided and... well, [i]stupid as fuck[i] as it was, Fin simply had no idea what else to do to survive.
"I want you gone once Fox's pups are born," Fin persisted, trying her best to keep her voice from cracking, "I won't let you be with them, let them grow attached to you just so you can break their hearts once Spring comes and you decide to leave." She lifted her head and tail as she spoke, determined and defiant was she in her statement. She knew he would argue, knew that he would persist, but she sought to end those arguments before they could even begin with the final nail in the coffin.
"If you refuse, then Fox and Peregrine will know of how you tried to mate with a subordinate in order to stake your claim against their alphaship with a litter of your own."
RE: i've seen this one before. - Elwood - February 09, 2015
He was stunned. There was no other way to describe his reaction to Finley. He let the words hang in the air; he was expressionless. She prepared herself for an argument, but it wouldn't come. Everything that she said was wrong, wrong, wrong -- assumptions and lies and blackmail. All things that he never thought she was capable of saying -- but that was where he was wrong.
He didn't know who she was. Maybe he never had. This was beyond anything he could have ever expected, but he wouldn't give her the validation of seeing his world crumble.
Without another word, he turned on his heel. His paws carried him away from her -- from their friendship, from their romance, from what could have been. And he didn't look back.
RE: i've seen this one before. - Finley - February 10, 2015
FInley watched as he turned and left without a word, and immediately she knew that she had crossed a line that she could never come back from. In spite of her resolve to have cried her last tear over him, she set free to ones that had piled against her eyelids as she crumpled to the ground, just as he disappeared around a ridge. She felt as though her entire body was being ripped into pieces. She tried desperately to keep them together with the thought that what she'd said had been for the best, that everything she'd done was to preserve the well being of them all. She hadn't acted selfishly. She hadn't acted cruelly. She hadn't just made the greatest mistake of her life.
But she had, hadn't she? In spite of the realization dawning on her ever so slowly, Fin was paralyzed from the pain of his last look at her, that look of deep betrayal that had been written all over his face as he'd turned and walked away from her. It was just like when Finn had walked away, only times infinity. She wanted to leap to her paws, to chase after him and apologize and tell him that she loved him, she loved him, for god's sakes, she loved him. But, she didn't. She remained right where she was upon the ground, crying gently into the crook of her arm as she curled even tighter into a little ball and hid her face with her tail. It was there she would stay, hating herself for every horrible mistake she'd ever made that had lead her to this moment where they'd come to the grand finale of her failures.
Hawkin was right. She was an idiot. She didn't deserve love. No matter how hard she tried, she would always screw everything up, she would always hurt the ones who meant the most to her. Eventually, Finley would lift her head and pull herself to all fours and set off into the night with one single thought in her mind - she was the one who couldn't be trusted; she was the one who would ruin everything. It was stupid of her to try and settle down and make a real life for herself. She was a curse to everyone she met, and a burden she would push upon them anymore.