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+--- Thread: Kintla Flatlands This woman is my destiny (/showthread.php?tid=8556)
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This woman is my destiny - Saēna - March 22, 2015
Phantom Hollow. @Luke
A few days had passed since Junior visited the Plateau, and Saena was still mulling over her sister's idea. It was so easy to imagine starting over fresh, putting all her bad memories and the plateau's poor discipline behind her, and leading the way she wanted to lead... but imagining was one thing. She couldn't help feeling like no one would want to follow her, and that was, perhaps, more depressing than the state of her home at present.
Feeling pressured and unsure, the female left the plateau in the early morning. She was alert as she padded through the frost-covered grass with her stumpy tail at half-mast and her ears alternately turned forward and back. Though there was no news of cannibals recently, Saena wasn't convinced they were gone. The last thing she needed was yet another injury at their teeth.
Before long, she found herself in a dark, gloomy locale. It was almost as though the sunlight, which was bright moments earlier, was duller here. Quirking a brow at the sky, Saena stared for a moment, then snorted, shook her head, wrote it off as an effect of the mountain's shadow, and proceeded deeper into the hollow.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - March 22, 2015
If Luke could, he would sleep right in the water, hell he would live in it and become one with the fishes. He would be a wolf fish. As it was he hesitated to ever leave its side, not out of fear but out of preference. If water was so far away he could not smell it and get back to it rather quickly he was not a happy camper. Except, he actually probably was happy regardless, but still, he would be looking to return to the water as soon as possible. Fortunately, the next scent to catch his attention happened to be drifting right along the river, and he did not have to stray from his precious water to follow it. At this rate, the sociable wolf would not make much headway in his exploration, so busy was he seeing out all the wolf scents to say hello.
The female was easy to spot in the relative darkness of the woods, her white coat contrasted against the shadows and dark colors of the tree trunks, and her rust colored points were a contrast to her coat. Luke found himself marveling at her rich markings as he approached. "Why, I almost think that red is a better compliment to a white coat than blue," he greeted warmly, his tail wagging and a welcoming smile on his lips.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - March 24, 2015
Soon she was plunging through a dark wood, and the gloom seemed more welcoming than mysterious. She kept her head up as she weaved around trunks, though soon her attention waned and she was moving on autopilot. When a pale figure suddenly appeared out of nowhere and spoke to her, she practically jumped out of her skin and her hair lifted instinctively along her back.
Feeling ruffled, the Blacktail forced her fur to lay back down and exhaled forcefully. "Where did you come from? You scared the shit out of me!" she accused. Her tone held a note of irritation, but it wasn't truly meant, and as soon as her heart rate started to settle down, she twisted her ears back and muttered, "sorry, I just wasn't expecting you."
That's when she noticed his nose. Unlike her own black nose, his was... different. Knitting her brows, the yearling stepped forward, craned her neck and sought a better view of his nose. And, yep, there it was—a tinge of blue. "How'd you make your nose look like that?" she asked, settling back to a neutral posture and trying to keep her eyes off of his peculiar proboscis.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - March 24, 2015
"No problem," Luke offered a reassuring smile, taking absolutely no offense to her words. It would not be out of character for him to sneak up and scare someone for a laugh but that had not been his intention with this girl. Usually he left his occasional pranking to friends rather than strangers, whose reaction you could never quite depend on. The white wolf's tail continued its amiable wag as she scrutinized his nose more closely, which in the shadows of the woods could appear dark enough to trick those who only quickly glanced into thinking nothing was different about it.
The blue-nosed wolf laughed warmly at her question. "With blueberries," he joked with a sportive smile, taking pause before offering the real explanation. "I was born with it," he began, "and these," he said as he lifted a paw to show her his matching pads, "and this!" and then stuck out his blue tongue. Luke was used to this game when he first someone, and had no problem getting it all in the open by showing off all his unique points.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - March 27, 2015
There was a brief moment where Saena took Luke completely seriously, and the little stub of her tail began to wave as she prepared to ask him where she could find these so-called blueberries. Her markings were already pretty unique, but having a blue nose would make for a better conversation starter. Then Luke explained that it was something he was born with. Try as she might, the young female couldn't suppress the disappointment that leaked into her eyes and drooped the corners of her mouth. She was quick to bounce back when the older male lifted a paw and stuck out his tongue.
"Woah," she said, studying his tongue and poking out her own to gaze at it with crossed eyes. Hers was bright pink, and her pads were black; nothing exciting about either of them. "So were you born with special powers or something, too?" she blurted, ending her sentence with an urk sound as soon as her brain processed what she'd asked. Mentally bonking herself on the head, the female quickly amended with, "you don't need to answer that, that was stupid."
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - March 28, 2015
Luke could not help but laugh again as the girl stuck out her own tongue and attempted to inspect it, her crossed eyes undeniably comical, and her follow up question was equally as amusing to the lighthearted male. Despite her saying he did not need to answer, he did so anyway because he did not mind at all. "I have an uncanny ability to surprise people and provoke conversation," he grinned. For better or for worse, others were often taken aback upon the discovery of his strikingly colored nose, and then seldom could resist making a comment or asking a question about it. Luke saw it as a natural gift of an icebreaker, but it could be a catalyst for conflict too.
"But look at you," Luke said, turning the tables in a warm way. "How did you get your ears to look like that? And where'd your tail run off to?" He queried playfully. His blue nose was remarkable, but her red points were not far off on the unusual but attractive scale.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 02, 2015
"You don't say," teased Saena. It was only natural that such an abnormality could spur a conversation out of nothing; it had done so here. Her absentminded gaze passed over the gloomy trees that surrounded them as she searched for a new topic. His voice pulled her easily back from her search, though, and reminded her that she was unique as well, but in different ways.
With no means of seeing her own reflection, Saena often forgot that her markings weren't commonplace. "My dad was red," she said, her tone nearly dismissive of Kisu's memory, "but I'm not sure where the pattern came from. He was a pretty normal looking wolf. I never saw my mom, though." It was easy enough to conclude that Pied was the source of her unusual spots and of Pura's freckles. It might not be that simple, though. Genetics were tricky and far beyond the fathoming of a wolf like Saena.
"The tail, though, that's easier. A dog ate it." She realized this sounded ridiculous, and so she tacked on a good-natured, "literally, ripped it off and ate it." Okay, so she hadn't seen Dogmeat eating her tail, but she wholeheartedly believed that every dog was a cannibal, so it made sense that the bushier half of her hind end hadn't gone to waste.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 02, 2015
She had Luke's full attention as she explained that her father was red and may be the source of her markings. "Well the red looks good on you," he commented with a sincere smile. It was a bit flirty (Luke was known to be flirtatious) but he genuinely meant the compliment. The combination of red on white was stunningly beautiful.
But his face became one of blank disbelief when she commented about her tail. "A dog?" he quirked a brow, turning his head to the side slightly but his gaze was still upon her face. He had expected that she had been born with a short tail, not that she half of it torn off by some vicious dog. "He must have been a real treat to be around," Luke chuffed, following up with "Did you kick his ass?"
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 05, 2015
Luke's compliment was, astoundingly, the first she remembered ever receiving about her markings. If the adults had remarked on them at her birth, they hadn't done it in living memory since. If strangers had noticed them upon meeting her, then they hadn't been forthcoming about their opinions. In fact, Saena frequently forgot about her appearance and how unique it was because nobody ever commented on it.
Maybe due to naivety or maybe due to gullibility, Luke's ability to notice and comment on this seemingly unremarkable feature of hers immediately endeared him to her.
"Thanks," she said, surprised to hear a weird, unfamiliar girlish flutter to her voice. Her ears even twisted questioningly as though that sound had come from someone else. Lightly shaking her head and pushing away her confusion, Saena returned her attention to Luke and laughed despite the horrific memory of losing her tail. There'd been nothing funny about it, or about Dogmeat. "I thought he was dying," Saena revealed, "pushed my luck too hard. And no, I didn't. I ran like a scared baby." Remembering what FitzDutiful had said about dogs being different sizes (or had she made that up?), she quickly said, "this one wasn't tiny," in case she came off like a giant sissy to Luke.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 06, 2015
hehe I almost used that picture for Luke! You did a nice job turning the ears red. What technique do you use to paint colors onto wolves if you don't mind sharing? I usually start with the color-replace brush and adjust from there for the look I want. edit: can you change the prefix of the thread to Phantom Hollow now that it's been added to the list? That way it can be used for exp :)
"You're welcome," he replied, smiling. The blue-nosed wolf always appreciated someone who could accept a compliment without arguing against it as many, or the more insecure, were inclined to do.
Luke was curious to know how this girl had pushed her luck. Did she attack the dog because it appeared weak? Or had she tried to lend assistance, getting too close to a hostile creature? Though he wanted to know he hesitated to ask, thinking it to be a bit too unmannerly to press for a more detailed account from someone he had just met. He chuckled softly at her ammendment that this dog had not been one of the smaller breeds. It was not an assumption Luke had made at all, for one thing he believed that "Tactical retreats have their place." He grinned and waved his tail. She need not worry about judgement from him.
"My name is Luke, by the way," he commented. "I don't believe I caught yours?"
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 12, 2015
It depends on the picture, for me! For this one, I started with a Multiply layer set to around 70% opacity, drew on coppery brown circles around the ears and under her eye, cleaned it up and used the Smudge tool at 3px and 1px to blend the circles in, then I duplicated the layer and set it to Colour. Sometimes it makes the edge of the ears look odd, so I tend to use the Smudge tool on the edges of the original photo itself to help blend that a bit better. And I used the Clone stamp set around 7px or so to take out the bottom jaw. Usually I just mess around with Layers 'til something looks half-decent!
"I guess you're right," Saena said with a grin, although her eyes shared her doubts. Maybe as a wild wolf and therefore a superior canid, she should've been able to fight off a dog. Maybe she was a coward for running away, although Luke certainly didn't think so. Saena didn't truly believe it, but she wasn't really a fighter. If necessary, she could probably hold her own like any other wolf without any formal training (it wasn't really needed), but it was something she actively sought to avoid.
If nothing else, she was glad that Luke didn't judge her for it like she sometimes judged herself. Maybe she would've been able to save her tail if she'd been braver, or maybe she'd be dead. It was hard to say how wildly Dogmeat could fight if he had to.
"Oh, sorry," she said, feeling flushed that she'd forgotten the most basic etiquette there was: introductions. "I'm Saena Blacktail, from Blacktail Deer Plateau," and then, in case he thought that naming herself after her pack was sort of weird or presumptuous, went on to add, "I was born there, so that's why."
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 12, 2015
Well you certainly found a nice combination of effects. :) You're right though it depends on the picture. I have a base color, for example, that I start with for painting Luke's blue nose etc, but depending on the lighting in the picture I usually have to adjust the hue and saturation levels after. I use a lot of burn, dodge (or overlay layers) and color replacement brushes though when working with different colored fur. The smudge tool is not something I often touch. Funny how everyone finds their own combinations lol.
Luke quirked a brow and offered a lopsided grin as she answered, introducing herself as Saena Blacktail despite the fact that what was left of her tail was clearly as red as her beautiful ears. She explained that she was named after the plateau pack where she was born, which Luke found somewhat amiss. Most took the surname of their parents but that did not seem to be the case here. Either way he passed no judgement, regarding her with the same friendly warmth as before. "My family surname is Bluenose for some reason," he joked. "Are you sure you weren't born on a Redtail Plateau?" he grinned.
It seemed the plateau pack had quite a few wanderers, Luke was coming upon members of that pack every other day almost. "I've met a few of your packmates," he commented. "I showed Mordecai how I fish and Osprey was telling me quite a few stories about ghosts," he chuckled.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 18, 2015
Saena couldn't stop a well-meaning laugh, both at Luke's surname and the proposed name of her birthplace. "No, but I so wish," she told him, flicking her stub back and forth in good humour. "The place is named for the deer that live there. I don't think there are any red-tailed deer." She didn't need to guess to know that was true, at least on the plateau. Whether they existed anywhere else was a mystery to her. She tried to imagine what their tails might look like, but found herself drawing a blank.
"They're good wolves," Saena told him when he mentioned Mordecai and Osprey. She had no complaints about the former, and though her relationship with the latter was far from healthy, she found merit in Osprey's ways. True, she would've killed the other bitch before allowing her to breed within the pack's ranks and would've usurped her position if given half the chance, but her aunt had found a way around that, and her cleverness was too hard not to respect in a begrudging way.
"Although I'm thinking I won't be there much longer," Saena mused aloud then. It wasn't the first time she'd spoken about the possibility of her departure, but it still felt like a brand new idea. "It's a good pack and they're good wolves," she repeated, as if to convince herself, "yet I don't think I want to stay."
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 18, 2015
"Well, you could always get hitched to some Mr. Redtail," Luke chuckled, assuming that Saena like most wolves would take the surname of her mate when the time came. Though he was familiar with blacktail and whitetail deer, he had never heard of redtailed deer either, but he liked the image that came to mind when he thought of them. It briefly caused him to think of the blue-footed booby bird that Peregrine had spoke of, and he wondered if there were other blue-marked critters out there somewhere.
The white wolf nodded in agreement, he had only just met the pair but they seemed like good wolves to him too, and Luke was generally a good judge of character. When Saena said that she did not think she'd be in the pack much longer, his curiosity was thoroughly piqued, and he let out a soft oh?". She said the plateau pack was a good one and repeated that her packmates were good wolves. So what, wondered Luke, would be the reason she wanted to leave? She was a young girl, perhaps she sought better status or a place of her own, as many young wolves dispersed from their birth packs for this reason.
"There's a big world out there," he said with a smile. "Nothing wrong with wanting to get out and see it, or find your own place out there. That's what I am doing, I was born quite a ways up north." If asked he would have said the same about his pack: that it was a good one and its members were good wolves, but that he did not want to stay. Granted, it took a nudge of encouragement from his mother, but he never looked back.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 18, 2015
Luke's joke was so abrupt that Saena giggled girlishly. "Where would I even find a Mr. Redtail?" she asked, shaking her head. She thought most wolves must have a sensible surname, and that Blacktail and Bluenose were hard to come by. They were fabricated to suit the owner, most likely. "Maybe when I find something out there that catches my eye, I'll name it Redtail something-or-other and then name myself after it," she suggested instead, knowing that was an easier feat than finding a male with Redtail for a last name.
On that subject, Luke assured her that her decision wasn't unusual and revealed that it didn't differ much from his own. "Oh?" she wondered, "are you thinking about founding a pack, then?" She was undecided and so had no intention of trying to convince Luke to join her as a subordinate, which left lots of room for her to be interested in his cause.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 20, 2015
Though the joke had gone on long enough, Luke could not help one more quip. "I bet there's one living on a Redtail Plateau somewhere," he laughed, and then nodded in approval as Saena commented that she could name her own place Redtail-something and take its name. "That might be easier." If the blue-nosed wolf was looking for a new name, no doubt it would involve water in some fashion, but as it was he was content if not completely unconcerned about his surname - he had never really gave it much thought. It was perfectly suitable and it held no negative associations with it.
"I'm not sure," Luke answered. "I could join up with someone, or I could start something new, but I won't know until I do it," he chuckled. Many were asking him about his future intents and he had been giving them all the same answer: that he did not know and would go wherever the river carried him. "I kind of like the surprise of not knowing," he shared. It was commonplace for folks to fear the unknown and worry about the future, but Luke did not. He looked forward to whatever lay around the corner, the adventure of a spontaneous life. "Do you think you'd like to be Alpha someday?"
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 23, 2015
Redtail Plateau. Maybe the place she found would adopt that name. It was narcissistic, she thought, to call the entire plateau after her own red tail, but that was the only way it would make sense. That birds with red tails existed escaped her memory, and naming it after foxes would only turn her against the territory. Although her father's mate was definitely not a fox, she bore the name and was as bad as one in Saena's haughty opinion.
"You live so in the moment," Saena commented, gathering that from his uncertainty of his own plans. She was definitely a planner herself. She couldn't remember ever having done anything overtly spontaneous. "I couldn't do that. I need to have some semblance of a plan before I begin, otherwise I don't know what to aim for." Luke's philosophy could very well mean he never disappointed himself, though. There were perks to both.
"I think I will be," Saena said confidently. "If not of my home pack, then of a pack of my own creation. I want to lead like my parents before me did." Blacktail Deer Plateau was a good, strong pack once. It was a good, strong pack to this day, but the things its leadership stood for had drastically changed. She wanted to become the founder of a pack that was like the old plateau, but it was clear from her current standing as a plateau wolf that she hadn't entirely figured it out yet.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 24, 2015
You live so in the moment. Luke bobbed his head and smiled broadly. No truer a statement could be said of the blue-nosed wolf then that he did not focus much attention on the past or the future, that his energy was devoted to making the most of the day he had been given. "Each day is a gift," he said, tail waving behind him. "That is why they call it the present," he winked, knowing very well it sounded a bit cheesy. "The past can't be changed and I might not be here tomorrow, so I try to make the most of now." It was meant as a comment on his line of thinking, but it was sage advice too. Luke had nothing against planning or having something to aim for it just was not his style, just like his impulsive and carefree ways did not suit many others.
"Atta girl," he grinned, appreciating her show of a strong character, but his ears perked noticeably when she mentioned that her parents had been leaders. "You're not Peregrine's girl are you?" he asked inquisitively, recalling that Peregrine had lead the plateau before founding a new pack on the caldera.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 29, 2015
It was unlikely that Saena's lifestyle would ever change significantly, but she appreciated the wisdom of Luke's words all the same. There was a grain of truth there. Maybe she couldn't fathom a life of living by the minute, but that didn't mean it wasn't the best way to live. Every wolf had their own way of doing things—hers was to plan ahead, to let her ambition guide her—and every wolf could learn from another's routine. With that in mind, she planned to give his strategy a whirl some time in the future, when she could afford to put aside plans and live in the moment for a day or two.
His question surprised her so much that her ears popped upright in alarum. "Yeah," Saena said immediately, followed by a hesitant, "no. Sorry. I don't really consider him family anymore." Even in the following month when she would visit Peregrine and apologize for her cold behaviour, she would never really call him "dad" again. It was a relationship they'd jointly severed. "He kind of left us behind and hasn't come around since, so... yeah."
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 29, 2015
Luke caught her off guard with her question, and she surprised him by her answer, though his expression only widened subtlety to show it. Peregrine struck him as an attentive father and dutiful leader, so it sounded strange to the blue-nosed wolf to hear that his offspring did not think of him as family any longer and explained that it was because he had left them. But although he was curious, Luke was not one to press for information from someone he barely knew when the subject was as potentially sensitive as this one. He preferred instead to be freely offered any details, which often he was for it was typically apparent that he was a non-judgemental and willing listener. So in response he bobbed his head and ushered a simple "ah," leaving her open to speak more or change subjects, whichever the red-pointed female wished.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - April 30, 2015
Part of Saena preferred not to speak of Peregrine, but a bigger part of her relished the opportunity to show others how imperfect he really was. Luke obviously knew her father or he wouldn't have brought him up, but she doubted the blue-nosed wolf knew what, or who, Peregrine had left in the past. His life with Fox defined him now, but he was not the perfect wolf that many believed him to be.
"My mom and he split up," Saena explained, spurred by Luke's open exclamation, "and not long after he found a new mate. The Alpha female of the plateau stepped down so she could lead beside him, but she convinced him it wasn't good enough, and he left for her. He left his friends and family at the plateau. He called a meeting to say a very hasty, very informal goodbye. He apparently didn't have time to give us, his kids, a proper farewell. The worst part is, he told us she was very badly hurt, but I saw her a week later when I traveled out there to find out what the hell he was thinking, and she was fine." That she was bitter about this still was very evident in her tone. That she hated Fox to this day was indisputable and easily inferred from that brief synopsis.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - April 30, 2015
Saena chose to share more about Peregrine, and as she did so she had Luke's unwavering attention. He listened with the utmost of patience, and her lingering bitterness of the past was not lost on him, so evident was in her tone and diction. Certainly it did not sound like the dark Alpha had done right by his plateau family when he left to start a new family at the caldera, and the blue-nosed wolf could understand then how Saena might not consider him family any more for it. But Luke's judgement was reserved for his own experience, not someone elses, and so although it did not please him to hear this history, it would not change how he thought of his companion.
His expression was one of warm compassion when he responded. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and although the words were a cliche they were sincerely spoken. "All I can say is it's not much fun to let yesterday darken a new day," his tail wagged gently. Saena might not stew on her bitterness but it was there, and Luke knew it was better to let it go. "For better or for worse, everything we go through shapes what we become and, well, you seem like a strong and ambitious young woman with a promising future." Luke gave her a friendly wink. She was but a yearling, but the white wolf was certain he was looking at a future Alpha at the helm of her own pack with the respect of her followers. She did not appear to possess the immaturity of youth that some had, she seemed very seasoned in fact.
"If Peregrine had been Mr. Perfect, maybe you would have turned out to be a spoiled brat," he joked, reaching out to affirm his jest with a companionable nudge to her shoulder.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - May 04, 2015
She both agreed and disagreed with what Luke next said. On one hand, she was a living example of how holding on to destructive thoughts of her past could lead to trouble, but on the other hand, she wasn't ready to forgive her father for abandoning his family for a new one even if his abandonment had made her who she was. Not yet.
"Maybe," Saena half-heartedly agreed. She didn't believe she would have grown up a spoiled brat even if Peregrine had stayed at the plateau. The Redleaf-DiSarinno had never been one to spoil his children, although Junior had been his definite, obvious favourite. There were wolves at the plateau even now that believed Saena and her siblings already were spoiled brats simply for acting out when their entire world flipped upside down, too, so even if she hadn't been raised spoiled, it was all about perception in the end. Maybe Peregrine staying would have turned her into a more civilized wolf at an earlier age, or maybe she would've retained childishness and been less civilized now. It was impossible to even guess.
"It's just hard to forgive," Saena finally said. "You make it sound easy to leave the past behind, but he traded us for his new mate. It's hard to handle even now. It's hard to forget that." She still not-so-secretly blamed Fox for all of it, and not-so-secretly despised her, but she kept that from Luke. It made her sound petty and childish and she knew it.
RE: This woman is my destiny - Luke - May 04, 2015
Luke bobbed his head gently. "I understand," he said, and he genuinely did. Luke could not sympathize having never gone through that experience - he had left on his own accord, departing from two dedicated and loving parents - but he could empathize. "And I know it's not easy," he continued. Luke had certainly learned to live more in the moment, but it was not without continued effort did he keep himself collected and happy in this lifestyle. If he was shaken from his nonchalance he had to take a few moments and focus to regain his balance.
"I can imagine how hard that was and still is to swallow. But holding on to bitterness and anger hurts you, and only you." Luke's lips twitched into a brief but gentle smile, his gaze warm upon Saena. Perhaps she could not forgive Peregrine right now, or ever, and that was okay, but if she could allow herself the peace of not harboring those negative emotions, she would better off for it. Luke felt he had said enough, however, perhaps too much. "I hope I am not smothering you in my cheesy wisdoms," he chuckled softly. "I may not know you well but I feel for your hurt."
RE: This woman is my destiny - Saēna - May 07, 2015
"I know that," Saena said softly, but firmly. She'd lived long enough to know that holding in her bitterness over Peregrine's abandonment was destructive, but she couldn't help it sometimes. She couldn't imagine truly forgiving him, so there was nowhere for her lingering sadness to go but inward. It was like a cancer on her heart, but not one she hadn't learned to live with. "I know. You're not smothering me, it's just... knowing I need to and actually being able to drop it are very different things."
She chewed on her lower lip for a second, then finally said, "thanks for understanding. I didn't mean to get into that shit, it's just... yeah." She didn't have an explanation for it. Sometimes Saena had to just blurt things out. It was a trait that carried over from her youth, her penchant for gossip and talking behind other wolves' backs. She tried hard not to do it, but always came back to the same issues again and again. She had more daddy problems than she really believed, which she sadly let onto inappropriately.
"How do you know him?" she asked, eager to move onto something else, even if it still resembled talk of her father in a fashion. It didn't involve her, which made her feel much less vulnerable about it.