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+--- Thread: Blacktail Deer Plateau I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come (/showthread.php?tid=8811)
I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Osprey - April 09, 2015
It was one of the first true warm spring days, when the sun not only shone, but it was actually warm. Osprey had found a little hillock that offered her a better view of the surroundings and there with her eyes closed and muzzle turned to the wind she caught the various scents and smells it brought with it. It had been difficult in the beginning to accept the fact that she could not give in to the wanderlust and be free to go, wherever she wanted. She missed her daily little journeys through the flatlands, the thrill of the hunt and, what it felt like to run with ease, without feeling any pain. But she had got used to it, because, where she could not go, her mind traveled, drawing maps, sceneries and areas before her eyes. This kind of wandering was not that bad in the end.
Osprey snapped out from her daydreams, when she felt the pulsating pain in her abdomen. She sighed, got up to her feet and slowly began to walk back to the place she had prepared for the newborns. Just few days ago she had mustered up the courage to approach Blue willow and apologize for being a stubborn fool. Mending things with her friend turned out to be easier than with Dante, because, even though she was sad and a little cross at Osprey for seeking help so late, she could sense that all was forgiven and almost forgotten, when she got healing plants for her aching joints and bleeding nose. There were some other questions and things a mother and a mother-to-be discussed and with a promise to call, when the time was near, they parted as good friends.
She had begun to feel the pain that came and went at irregular intervals early in the morning. Knowing, what it meant and wanting to save worries for Dante, she had kept quiet and seen him off in a more cheerful manner than usual. At the back of her mind she had felt a little guilty for not being entirely honest, but she knew that this time she had to make the journey into the unknown by herself. By the time she had got to the safe place that she had dug underneath a fallen tree, the pain was so immense that she had to lie down and rest. After a while she managed to crawl in her makeshift den and wait.
Osprey had been told that it could take hours before all of the puppies were born, yet it seemed to her that the whole event - though painful and exhausting - was over a lot more quickly. She didn't have to think much, what to do, when the first cub was brought to the world. Instinct as old as the wolfkind itself directed her actions, while she removed the amniotic sac, bit the cord and with gentle licks cleaned the tiny body of the little one and at the same time aiding it in taking the first breath of air here. It was easier with the next ones - her movements were quick and more confident.
When the pain had ceased and she had cleaned herself, Osprey could look down at the four little wolves to-be - two boys in the color of a sand, a girl with a black pelt and a boy, who was the only one to bear her colors. She thought, how strange it was to see these innocents, that had brought her so much unhappiness and fear in the beginning, here and now as little people with faces, with souls and a future waiting ahead. The very idea of, how big her responsibility for them was, was frightening and yet... she had been raised to accept a challenge and not be a coward. In a way this was a beginning of a different kind of adventure.
It took her a while to realize that something was wrong. While the world around her kept going - the sounds of the forest filling the air - this place was very quiet. Oddly enough she thought of an old tale about the very first wolf the god had made. Out of clay, it then had stood there, unmoving, unfeeling, until the god breathed life in it. As she gently nuzzled and sniffed the four, she understood that these were those clay figures, empty shells and that she could not give them life, even if she wanted it, for she had no divine power to do it, because she was just a wolf.
It was hard to accept the defeat, even in the face of the harsh reality. Slowly she got up to her feet and retreated, all the while keeping her gaze fixed at the four little things that had been in this world for such a short time and now weren't anymore. In the following weeks her rational mind would try to reason that maybe this was for the better, that they were spared from an unhappy fate, that there would be more resources for Willow's children to grow strong, that this after all had been... what she had wished for. There would be room for doubt and numerous questions, ponderings of what could have been, if...
Yet now all there was left was a grief for losing something very important and dear. It was odd, how one's mind worked, for she had not wanted to have kids in the beginning, had been miserable and stressed, but at the same time she had never hated them. Only feared that she would not be able to love them enough in order to protect them from the shadow of her sin. Blue had said that it would take one look at those faces and everything would seem different. She had been right and Osprey almost wished that she had not. The more she thought of the opportunities that were lost, the people and friends the four would never meet, she understood, how very much she had wanted to share this world with them. That there would be no shortage of love and affection, that all of it was already there, waiting for them...
And now nothing. She was at loss, what to do now. What people did in these situations, really? More than ever she wished that her mom was there, not to tell her, how to go from this point on, she would figure out this herself somehow. Just be there. She thought, as she began to move and gather the soft moss that covered the fallen tree like a thick blanket. She didn't fight, when tears began to well up and roll down her cheeks, she kept working and in the end her children weren't lying on the bare, cold ground anymore. What was meant to be their first home, now was their grave, where they appeared to sleep peacefully, side by side on the soft bed made from the moss and first spring grass.
It was time to burry them, but the exhaustion finally took over and Osprey had no strength left for that. She sank to her haunches, her head hung low, looking at the ground, as the tears kept coming and she expressed her grief in quiet sobs. There was a sudden change in the winds and one gust in particular brought a very familiar smell with it. Osprey raised her gaze to meet the one of her mother's. March Owl was standing mere feet away from her, regarding her kindly and tenderly, maybe a little sadly too. And out of million things Osprey wanted to say to and tell her mom, at this very moment there was only one that really mattered. "Keep them safe," she whispered.
This was the borderline for her, this was, where here time stopped, where the past belonged to the death and the future did not exist. Osprey lied down and curled up in a tight ball. The weather had changed and as she felt the first raindrops on her face and muzzle, she wished that with the same ease the rain could wash away the dust and dirt, it could also take her misery and pain away.
@Blue willow , but theoretically anyone, who knew that Osprey was expecting and who would happen to be nearby.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Blue Willow - April 09, 2015
Blue Willow did not know where Osprey was, she did however know roughly when her friend would have her children, and it was soon. She also knew that as stubborn as her dear friend was, she would have those children without a lick of help. It took Blue hours to find her friend, and by the time she had found her, the rain was coming thick and heavy. The air was full of blackness, and it hung over them. Just as something else did, when she finally saw the lovely pelt of her friend.
Sniffing, she smelled blood and sadness, and unused milk and it made her nervous. She rushed forward to touch her nose to Osprey's head. She looked near her belly and found nothing. She looked about her in fear, then her eyes fell upon the little bundles hidden from view. Gently, cradled in the bough of a fallen tree. The grief that siezed her, was just as if they were her own little bundles. She felt her own tears hot and heavy roll across her silken muzzle, and with a sigh she curled around her friend, and curled her tail around the little ones.
I am so sorry Osprey. This is not how i wanted this to end. She placed her muzzle across her friends back if she would allow. And she would share in her grief, as if it were her own. In a way it was, they were children of the plateau, despite how they had been born, and who their father was. They were family regardless, and it was a painful loss for all.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Osprey - April 09, 2015
It felt like Osprey was seeing the world from a shell - her body was there, lying unmoving as the rain soaked her coat wet, while her spirit had retreated to the darkest corners of her mind, hiding away from the truth and trying to make it's ice cold hands warm, by holding them to the dwindling candlelight that was called hope. It was few days ago, when she had spoken with Peregrine, when she had made amends with her friends, it was then she had for the first time dared to believe that everything would be fine in the end. The road to the realization that she had many friends, who cared for her, if she only let them, had been long and rough. It was only the last days, when she had set her pride aside and understood that she did not have to fight alone. That for a long time she had had a supporting and loving family here at the plateau.
When Blue willow found her and came to lie beside her, Osprey was grateful that she did not ask, why and how everything had happened. She would have no answer and just looking for it would shatter, whatever confidence and strength to move on was left. Because, who was to blame, if the children were born dead, if not the mother? The cold seeped through her skin and she began to shiver. This simple thing suddenly reminded her that there was a job to be done, she got up to her feet and cast a distressed glance at her friend. "We have to burry them. So that they are not cold," she said and with that she approached the lifeless bodies of her children and touched them gently with her muzzle, as if not wanting to wake them up.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Blue Willow - April 09, 2015
Blue would never ask such a question, when a mother lost her children. Not ever, how cruel was it to ask a mother what had happened and why. A mother would always blame herself, even if it wasn't her fault. Blue realized she should probably say something like that to Osprey, so she did. She knew how critical Osprey was, she had noticed with time. That Osprey was actually very sensitive, she just hid it with stories, and jokes and fake happiness. Osprey it isn't your fault you know. It isn't. That was all she said.
When her friend mentioned they would get cold, Blue said nothing just nodded. Yes we don't want them to get cold. She too brushed her muzzle gently across them, and she set to the task. She would do the majority of the work if she could. You get them ready, make sure they are tucked in Osprey. I'll dig. Blue did not know what else to say, she didn't know how to say anything. She could not take this grief, at all. She could not make her feel better she couldn't. This was a pain that may never leave.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Osprey - April 09, 2015
Blue willow had meant well by saying that the death of the four had not been Osprey's fault, but the statement had quite different effect on the she-wolf. She looked up at her friend, who had come to stand near her, in question and then, as the words finally reached her and hit her understanding, she recoiled in horror. I did not want them... the thought repeated itself over and over in her mind, making her more afraid by a second, until they found the missing link of the chain. ...and they died. Had she taken more care of herself from the very beginning... when it had got hard, things would be different now. This... this would not have happened.
The healer said something else, but the words were lost to Osprey, because the rain had turned into a heavy down-pour and because it suddenly seemed that the world around her - so old and familiar - had suddenly turned into a foreign and hostile one. She watched her friend work with a blank expression, not daring to leave her spot or even move. If she did, the world would collapse.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Dante RIP - April 09, 2015
Dante cameo, don't mind me. Only post, I meant to get this in earlier but you two are fast ;)
Dante had noted something to be off that morning, but had no way of knowing what that thing could be. He could count, though, and as he knew the time to draw nearer the closer and closer he lingered to their sleeping space, though he did patrol if only to prevent the both of them from going crazy. He grew more anxious as well, his mind cursed with logic and running through everything that could go wrong. Internalized, these worries wrecked a havoc on his mind and sleep, though he wore it well. Quieter than usual, perhaps, but this was not entirely unheard of for him.
Today he lingered even closer than the norm, though not so much so as to know anything that was happening. Only to be within easy earshot should he be needed. Though he mean to be hunting, instead he simply paced uneasily for a time before angrily wrenching himself from the state to actually track some prey. He could do nothing by simply worrying, yet he could not shake the feeling that something was not right.
He would return later, with food in the form of an unlucky hare, though Blue's presence would warn him from intruding early. He was not Osprey's mate, and his status as a male friend instinctually did not feel enough to allow intrusion on this despite his fears and desire to know what the healer was doing there. So he would leave the food, lingering a bit further away to await summons. As he did, however, it was too much to simply sit. So he left to take care of some business he had been putting off, suddenly with a narrowed focus.
slight edit to indicate he is now off to talk to Koda >> little out of the blue but necessary
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Blue Willow - April 11, 2015
Dante is near correct?
.
Blue watched in grief as her friend, began to shut down. She was anxious now, and she had not meant to harm her fragile state. She had been trying to preserve it. Now she simply dug, and said nothing. Her heart somewhere in the vicinity of her toes. It was terrible, this ordeal, and Blue was at a loss. She knew had it been her, nothing could have been said, to help her grief. She imagined it was the same way with Osprey. It was not Osprey's fault that she had fell ill, sometimes babies just took too much, and even the much that they took, was not enough.
Blue was unsure what to do, but she did know Osprey needed Peregrine. Lifting her blue grey muzzle to the sky, she howled out for @Lasher . He could run and get Peregrine, of that she was certain. She tilted her head and sighed softly, going over to Osprey she nudged her. come along Osprey let's snuggle these little ones. One more time. Then she waited.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Lasher - April 11, 2015
the scent of blood and birth and milk assaulted the beta male's nostrils as he heeded blue willow's call and drew near, in time to catch sight of dante's departing silver form. "osprey," he murmured in a pained voice, eyes falling to the tiny bundles.
he could not imagine the woman's pain, and a low cry broke unbidden from him as his heart rent and tears leapt to his eyes. knowing well why he had been summoned, and acceptant of this, taltos stood by, awaiting further instructions. his status as blue willow's lover leant him the right to be present, yet he felt a slight glissade of unsurety, though he remained.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Osprey - April 16, 2015
Minutes ticked slowly by, as Osprey watched Blue willow working, as she sensed the arrival of another. With the corner of her eyes she saw Lasher coming to stand next to his lover and saying something, which she did not register. It was then the healer that spoke, telling her to say good-bye to the deceased little ones, who still lied in their bed made of moss, but now their bodies were soaked wet and they were cold.
She got to her feet, went over to look down at them once more, feeling completely lost at, how she was supposed to act now, what words were there to be said. If any at all. She felt completely numb, her body physically being here, while her mind was traveling miles away. Osprey sighed and without looking at either of the betas turned and went away. Feeling that as long as she kept moving, she would somehow be able to escape the sadness and grief that was about to overwhelm her.
ooc: this is the last post from Osprey. You two can fade this out in your next. Thank you for participating!
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Blue Willow - April 20, 2015
Blue watched Osprey go, but she did not follow. She sighed, again it was up to her and Lasher to bury the bodies of the young. She sniffed once, and slowly strode towards the little ones, now cold and stiff in their death's embrace. She nosed them gently, and whined softly. How she wished she could, just breath life back into them, however she knew she could not. Nature had wanted these little ones for some reason. They were not important enough to question why.
Can you help me Lasher? Then perhaps go for Peregrine? I think Osprey will need him now more than ever. Blue blinked again, and with a gentle mouth, she lifted the first little sandy child. Carrying the babe to the new cradle it would have, beneath the earth. She gently placed it in and went back for another. They would continue this today, then perhaps Blue would go on a nice run and cry until her sobs were spent. For this was a heartbreaking affair.
RE: I'll hold you inside me till the moon has gone and the sunlight come - Lasher - April 20, 2015
his eyes ran with water as well; he moved close to the willow, and began to lift the babes to their final resting place. as tortured as the task made him, he knew she suffered doubly so, and osprey was surely tormented beyond words. making a mental note to follow the woman and see that she did not do anything drastic, lasher helped to cover the children with the wet loam, a shaking sigh shuddering forth from his breast.