Moonspear as side-passed lovers lost in the dark

@Kukutux if you have the time? <3

upon learning of wraen's condition, arcturus had initially felt lost in the dark. at first he had despaired, hiding well the emotions that plagued him -- but as time went on, arcturus realized at the bottom of his heart, he wished for his own children one day. to have what dirge and hydra had on the surface -- health, love, prosperity, pups.

arcturus was ashamed of himself for concluding, rather slowly too, that there was a midwife in their midst that just might solve wraen's problems. and so, he scoured the spear for kukutux covertly. he traveled silent, nosing here and there but deliberately keeping his actions discreet. the last thing he wished for was the mountain to know he was calling for her -- he had no joy in heartbreak, and did not wish for her to think he had other intentions for seeking her company.

always 4 u

the last weeks had passed in a blur of time and wolven faces, new scents, the overwhelming threat of winter among strangers.

the girl padded out of her shelter, testing the air hesitantly. she wished to be alone, and seeing no one else, slipped pale and shy into the weald.

no sooner had kukutux sequestered herself in the shadows than the dark form of arcturus came into her vision. he seemed to be searching for something; the duck held her breath and pretended to be engrossed in the bark of a nearby pine.

when arcturus came upon kukutux he believed her browsing. her waiflike figure roved between knives of thin pine fir, nose to the ground as if in pursuit. the mountaineer ducked his head and slipped between a grove of maple, tail swaying gently by his hocks.

"kukutux," the male announced, fancying for the briefest second (and chiding himself for seeming so insecure) that perhaps his presence was dreaded; he could not blame the sylph, not in the way he had left her. arcturus had seen for himself the hurt he had caused, and fumbled with a quiet intake of breath.

he loathed approaching only when he needed something, and smiled briefly to chase away the strange tension he found between them. he had never been one to beat around the punch, and so, dove right in. "andraste mentioned you possessed midwife skills. does that knowledge also pertain to fertility?"

his direct address could not go ignored, and so the young duck turned to face him, eyes demurely downcast.

there was nothing in arcturus' voice to suggest he was here for any other reason, and so kuktutux shifted her focus to what he had asked. it made her curious, for why would a man want to know the secrets of women?

there were some things he must never know, but arcturus was not asking after those plants. "yes," she said softly, jadeglow gaze lifting timidly to the beta's countenance. "but i know only two types that will work for y — for a man."

arcturus attempted to briefly hold kukutux's gaze - not in challenge, but in address. her eyes for the time being remained firmly groundside.

he nearly started at her reply. "what -- no." his cheeks flushed in edging crimson, the corner of his gums dimpling in a mix of mortification and humour. "not for me -- for a friend." realizing that pulled the scope towards him even more firmly, arcturus bowed his head with a sigh. his features softened as he met the verdant flush of kukutux's gaze.

he had little choice but to come clean now. "sorry. a female friend. she said her season has yet to visit her - and she is a few years older than me."

downcast eyes did not see the humour upon his face, and shame flashed its sudden beacon in her chest. she had misunderstood, shown her ignorance before arcturus once more.

tears of frustration pricked the back of her gaze, and then she turned it toward herself, the quick and hateful light. why was she this way? every small conflict, every tiny misadjustment; each sent kuktutux into a frenzy of shy silent sobs.

too weak. too sensitive.

she turned her mind to what he was asking, demanding that it stay put for a desperate moment. "we say a spirit has taken up residence in her ... igliaq and must be purged." 

a flick of her green eyes to his own. "the skin that bleeds upon the antlers of buck deer in the warm months. she must eat it. she must keep her belly warm with rich food. and she must eat wild raspberry leaves."

a low sigh; kuktutux pulled her gaze away. "but all these things can only be collected when it is true spring. she may not be able to attempt for children this year. and next may be too late." she did not wish to hurt arcturus, only impart the delicate and potentially disappointing nature of these things.

this was the second -- third, possibly? -- time arcturus had caused kukutux some form of hurt. he blanched to see her emotions so plainly read -- was he so uncouth, so cruel, that he was unaware of his presentation?

his own brand of frustration stirred - that he could be so brusque, and she so sensitive.

he wanted to console her, but refrained, bidden by some hidden taboo. kukutux's gaze lifted, and she spoke of spirits and the unknown. could wraen truly be possessed of spirits? he did not believe so, but held his tongue lest he spear kukutux again.

antlers, raspberry leaves, rich foods - all things out of his reach now. he was about to blurt but these i cannot find now, but she was already answering his silent thoughts.

arcturus found he cared little for these dark omens. he would try anyway. fuck fate and whatever infertility she had in store. "raspberry leaves - what do they look like?"

unsure of how to describe the leaf, kukutux straightened. "i will show you." turning her small body, the wolfess hesitated only a moment before setting off at a quick foxlike trot through the thick weald. she assumed arcturus would follow.

leading him to her ulaq, suddenly self-conscious of her cluttered hearth, kukutux ducked inside and reemerged with a strip of weathered deerskin. she lay it at his feet, and the stiff hide uncurled to reveal raspberry leaves of various sizes, now all dried pale with the winter. a step back; she glanced quickly to see his observation.

the ghost moved off. arcturus followed, mist purling from his parted jaws as they combed through the weald.

she slowed near signs of habitation. arcturus noted - but did not comment upon - the wares assorted near her densite. how lived in and full of personality the place seemed, compared to his drab and singular hole in the mountain’s face! arcturus suddenly felt dreadfully alone, a pit in his stomach as he inspected the leaves.

they were little to look at, but he would recall their shape with ease. where do they grow?

"the edge of streams. higher up, a little. where there is much sunlight," she finished upon a nervous twitch of her ears. arcturus was near unreadable, and kukutux still did not understand why he sought such specific things. why fight the way of nature? she was reminded that her first fire-time was yet to come, and that she must take advantage of the season, bear children to a husband now and do so every year thereafter.

if only such things were less complicated now, as they had been before. "arcturus," and the snowbird found her tones steadier than she had expected, "this woman? she is in your heart?"

streams and elevation. so they were waterbound. arcturus knew of several hidden runnels which flanked the spear’s rocky descent. he made note to visit them each independently come spring.

kukutux’s query was soft spoken, yet it drew his gaze from the mountain to her face, searching. could he trust her? would she betray his designs, either to his sister (who would surely disapprove) or to whichever man on the mountain stole her heart? he found he did not know her well enough to say bff for certain... and these matters were often dangerously close to the heart.

i am trying to help a friend. arcturus answered, tone flat — surely, kukutux would know he was not being entirely forthcoming.. but what choice was there truly? keep this between us. the mountaineer inferred, knowing now this would be the metric that colored their future interactions, and developed or destroyed their future.

he was cold in this moment, and not for the first time did kukutux wonder why arcturus seemed to regard her as so little. no one else in moonspear spoke in such a manner to the duck. but he was a ruler, an ostrega, and perhaps he would even be her family. moreover, he was a man, and kukutux saw the benefit in her deference to him.

she did not quail, not this time; slight ears folded back against the gentle dome of her skull in a singular nod. she would ask no more of arcturus, nor after the lie in his words, and she would heed him. silently the young healer waited to be addressed or dismissed, belly tensing with reluctance to continue on after this interlude.

for a dreadful moment, arcturus thought of taking these leaves himself. he was a beta, a leader, so why not? surely, kukutux would understand that his pursuits were of important design. that blade of greed passed through him quickly, leaving him ashamed to make light of someone else's work and preparation.

he nodded, unaware he had stung her once more. how very much like a true man he was in this instant, aware of no one else's feelings save his own. making to leave her dwelling, arcturus began to trace the rise behind her den with his eyes hungrily. it occurred to him before he left that he should thank her: turning around to apprise her with a brief glance, arcturus bowed his head and muttered a brusque "thank you," before he began his ascent uphill.

she did not openly watch arcturus depart, opting to glance upward surreptitiously at his retreating haunches. so odd a man. icy. indeed; a dark cloud.

little by little, kukutux turned her mind to other things more worthy and pleasant, though her cheeks burned to consider jarilo, who was never far from her thoughts.