Blacktail Deer Plateau out of my mind

She took the words more or less at face value, but there was a feeling in her gut that they may be more than that. She pointedly ignored this feeling, as she felt it may make things a great deal more complicated.  "a little ironic, seeing as I'm grey." Her smile, however, expressed her gladness. Even though she considered beauty low on the list of her priorities, comments about it hardly hurt, especially coming from Aditya. And yet this thought stirred the feeling in her gut, and she banished it temporarily until she could reflect a little more on what, exactly, it meant. 

Aditya's next question surprised her, and she took it seriously, brow furrowing in thought. "I- never thought of it bluntly, like that. But I- I've wanted to lead since I was young. I want to be someone to count on, someone who'd never leave." The latter was inspired by first her mother's disappearance, and then later Khoe's. She had seen what that had done to her father, to her siblings, and promised never to do the same. Her gaze found Aditya's, and it's hawkishness had softened."My mother did that, up and left. And after her, Khoe. I'll never be like them." Her words became a little hard near the end, though she lapsed into thoughtfulness once more.
 "Sometimes, though, I don't know what I really want besides that. Is it okay, do you think? Not to know just yet?"  Motherhood was one of the things that she had thought of, and one of the things that largely repelled her. Her father wanted a family, that much was obvious, but look how fractured and splintered her's had become.