Blacktail Deer Plateau I just need to get it off my chest

WARNING: Long post ahead. This is possibly??? PPing because I'm assuming they just let her do her thing. Also maybe timeline-breaking unless we agree this all happened after every other thread right now because her reaction is so... strong. Just PM me if either of you has an issue with this, but in reality, she didn't actually DO much. It's just a lot of introspection mostly.

Grezig kept her eyes downcast, feeling so nervous that she wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She felt wrong. This felt wrong. She’d made a terrible mistake asking Kavik to do this for her, even if Liri was all right with it. She had half a mind to get up and leave right now, call the whole thing off. She even lifted her head, looking at him, but then Liri appeared and she lost her nerve. She hated this. She did not know how to handle these emotions, having never handled them before. What the fuck did people usually do in this situation? All she wanted to do was throw up. She looked at the two of them—the perfect couple—sitting side by side and hated herself for ever bringing any of this up in the first place. So what if she wanted kids? This was crossing a line, and she’d known it, somewhere, from the very beginning. This was—

’What’s this about then?’

Liri’s voice, innocent as it seemed, was like a slap in the face. Grezig physically jerked her head away, feeling foolish and embarrassed and angry. Why had she thought this was ever a good idea. The guilt ate at her insides like she’d been infected with some flesh-eating worm. It bored a hole through her stomach and prevented speech. Her eyes stung.

’Before I get to why we're all here, I just want you to know that I love you, and you're the only one I will ever love.’

Grezig relaxed for a moment, hearing Kavik tell his mate that he loved her and only her. Good. This was how it should be. Good, good. But no. Not good. Because Grezig… Grezig had feelings for him also, feelings she did not previously know she was capable of feeling. 

’I want to know how you would feel if I fathered Grezig's children in the spring.’

Her eyes stung even more. She kept her face turned away.

’There are no feelings between us—

White noise—a high-pitched whining roar—filled her ears at this statement. She sucked in a breath, meant to steady her only, and it became a sob in her chest. She stood, eyes bleary with tears that threatened to spill, and turned to the two alphas—the two wolves she trusted the most in the entire world—the two wolves whose lives she had almost possibly destroyed in this one selfish act of much more than just wanting children. She wanted Kavik. But she would not break either of their hearts just to save her own. “No,” she said, the sound rough in her throat. A command. Angry. “No. I’m sorry. I’m—

She looked Liri in the eyes first, trying to convey that she had never meant… for this to happen. She swung her head forcefully to look at Kavik then, his green eyes, strong body, somber-faced just like she always was. She opened her mouth. “I—I can’t. I don’t…” The word she wanted to say, the one starting with L, caught in her throat as if she’d inhaled a spiderweb. “No,” she said again, and then she turned and stumble-ran through the trees, her paws catching on every root in her path.

At some point she fell, and there she remained.