Heron Lake Plateau Dude, you were hallucinating sheep on the road.
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#1
All Welcome 
Towhee felt like catching up with @Cinder and @Tywyll today, though a twinge between her legs reminded her of an uncomfortable fact she'd been ignoring lately. To be fair, recovering from the bobcat attack had taken up much of her attention span lately. She'd honestly forgotten all about the strange lump for a few days. But with her face on the mend now, the Beta couldn't simply ignore it any longer. It didn't really hurt, it just felt very weird.

So instead of stopping by her godparents' den, she began tracking @Raven. Towhee knew her sister was plenty busy lately, between adapting to her new duties (leadership and pending parenthood) and bandaging up all the maladies around here lately. She sort of hated to bother her about something like this. But the Beta knew the medic would want to take a look and Towhee herself really wanted the peace of mind.
-Signing.- | "Speaking." | -"Signing & speaking."- | "Mouthing (inaudible)." | Thoughts.

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Before her ascension to alphaship, finding Raven was sometimes a difficult undertaking. The little healer was somewhat introverted as it was, but add to that the fact that she'd spent most of her time in obscure corners of the middle of nowhere hunting for plants and experimenting with ones she knew little about, and it was nearly impossible to find her some days. But now that she was one of the leaders of the Redhawks, she felt obligated to make herself available to her packmates. Not only that, but with everyone getting themselves hurt lately and with Screech in his comatose state, she felt she needed to be close by in case anything happened that required a prompt response.

The trail that Towhee tracked led her toward the lake, where the heavily pregnant alpha female lay sprawled on her side, dozing in the sun to the soothing sound of the water lapping gently at the rocky shore. Raven saw her sister approaching and greeted her with a wide grin, tail thumping the grass behind her. "Hey there, Tow," she said, pleased to notice that the younger Redhawk's face seemed to be healing up nicely.
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The scent trail led her to the lake shore. The moment her eyes clapped upon her older sister, Towhee hesitated. Raven was so pregnant, plus it looked like she was trying to relax. The Beta continued moving toward her, albeit slowly, deliberating whether to bring up the strange bulge at all. It didn't help that the thought sent a flush of heat creeping down the back of her neck now that she had actually approached the medic.

-Hey,- she signed, managing a tight-lipped smile as she haltingly took a seat beside Raven. There was a long, pregnant (pun intended) pause before Towhee decided to just out with it after all. -I don't mean to be a bother but could you look at something for me?- Even as she signed, she glanced around the immediate area, feeling her embarrassment deepen. Ideally, she would've liked to go somewhere more private for this particular examination, though she was already asking enough without requesting the expectant mother get up and move too.
-Signing.- | "Speaking." | -"Signing & speaking."- | "Mouthing (inaudible)." | Thoughts.

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-"You're never a bother,"- Raven signed as she rose into an upright sitting position. -"What's going on?"- She felt a touch of concern for her sister, but since Towhee didn't seem to be in an immediate panic or anything, she didn't let herself succumb too much to her worry. She did notice how the beta had glanced around before saying anything, though, and knowing her sister as well as she did, she understood the meaning behind it. -"We can move someplace else if you'd like,"- she commented then, all too aware that their location put them squarely in view of anyone else who might happen to pass by this area.
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When Raven suggested they move elsewhere, Towhee argued with herself. Why was she so bashful about this? Why couldn't she simply lift a leg and just show the medic the damn thing? It was so tempting to take her up on her offer and find somewhere more secluded. But after a moment's deliberation, the Beta glanced at Raven's rotund sides, sighed extremely loudly and shook her head.

-No, that's not necessary,- she said. She paused, then lowered herself to the ground beside her sister, rolling most of her weight onto her left hip. After another cursory sweep—the coast was clear—Towhee then hiked her right leg into the air, effectively exposing herself to Raven.

"There's a bulge right beside my hoo-ha," Towhee said, orange eyes now gazing blandly across the lake. "I'm not sure if it's super visible, so feel free to poke and prod. Sorry," she added, feeling bad for Raven for having to stick her nose in Towhee's crotch.
-Signing.- | "Speaking." | -"Signing & speaking."- | "Mouthing (inaudible)." | Thoughts.

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Sorry for the hold-up. Needed a break for a few days!

Raven wasn't at all bothered by the circumstances. As a medic, this wasn't the first "hoo-hah" (a term that made her smile) she'd seen up-close and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Despite her penchant for the occasional crude Redhawk humor, she avoided making any sort of joke or crass comment so as to spare Towhee's dignity in the moment. She was quick about her examination, keeping her senses on alert for the approach of any unwelcome visitors.

She poked and prodded a bit, noticing that it didn't seem to pain her sister at all. Initially she'd been concerned that it might be a tumor, but the more she looked at it, the more confused she became. It looked like...well...Quixote had two of them, and they were kind of fun to play with. >_> She sat back, a puzzled expression on her face, and motioned to let Towhee know that she could lower her leg. "Um, Tow..." she began, not quite sure how to say it without sounding insane. -"It looks kind of like...a ball."-
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No worries!

The Beta could not hear the hesitation in Raven's tone as she withdrew following a quick but thorough assessment. Towhee gladly clapped her legs together again and sat up a bit to face the medic, curious to hear her thoughts. Upon noticing the pensive expression on Raven's face, the yearling's heart began to thump more heavily in her breast. Her body stiffened as she braced for bad news.

Raven signed slowly and Towhee blinked even more slowly in response. -A ball?- she repeated. It was her turn to look puzzled. A ball... of what? Then it hit her like a frying pan to the face. -Wait,- she gestured, movements hurried and a little spastic, -a ball, as in a testicle?- Assuming the caretaker made some sign of affirmation in response to this clarifying query, Towhee just stared at her for a beat, mouth slightly ajar.

Finally, she gathered some of her dozens of thoughts together to formulate another question. After a surreptitious glance around to be doubly sure no one was "overhearing" their conversation, Towhee hunched closer to Raven and, in the ptero variation of whispering, made small, jerky movements as she signed, -Is that even possible? What does it mean? That I'm a... a dude? Or something?-
-Signing.- | "Speaking." | -"Signing & speaking."- | "Mouthing (inaudible)." | Thoughts.

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Raven was thoroughly baffled. How was this even possible? It could be something else, but it sure looked unmistakably like a testicle, albeit smaller than normal. She remembered Pantaleimon then — a girl who had been born with a boy’s body — and figured that maybe Towhee had some...lesser form of that same condition. In a weird way, it sort of made sense. Pan had more or less been at peace with who she was, but Raven wondered how Towhee would feel about it herself and she was careful about the way she worded it.

-“No, you’re definitely a girl,”- she replied, her motions mirroring Towhee’s: secretive and a little hurried. Despite this new development, Towhee was still very much equipped with female anatomy. ”I used to know a wolf who was a girl, but she was born with the body of a boy. I think this is something similar, but not quite to the same extent.”-
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Raven quickly reassured her, though she also provided an anecdote that didn't sit well with Towhee at all. Her face screwed up in baffled disbelief. How could a wolf be born in the wrong body? It made no sense to her. But she didn't ask any questions about this other wolf, much too caught up in her own identity crisis.

-I don't have a dick,- she pointed out almost defensively, -so how can I have a ball? And don't guys have two anyway? Are you sure that's what it is?- Realizing that she was barraging her older sister with questions which bordered on incredulous, as if doubtful of the woman's skills, Towhee frowned and signed, -Sorry, I just... I don't get it.-
-Signing.- | "Speaking." | -"Signing & speaking."- | "Mouthing (inaudible)." | Thoughts.

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Towhee was somewhat defensive in her response, all but calling Raven's expertise into question, and honestly, the healer didn't blame her at all. Raven herself had absolutely no idea what was going on here, and she was just as stunned as Towhee at the weirdness and potential implications. -"I don't either, to be honest,"- she replied, a perplexed look on her face. -"I mean...I'm not 100% certain that that's what it is, but I don't know what else it could be."- She had ruled out injury, infection, irritation, or insect bite -- there was no pain, swelling, oozing, or other symptoms of malady. It was possible it could be a tumor, but it didn't look like one to her. It was soft and squishy, with the same weird sort of firmness that balls had. With a slow, uncertain shrug, she went on to add, -"I guess it could be just a random lump. But that's an awfully weird place for it to show up."-
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The caregiver didn't seem entirely confident in her own diagnosis. Feeling frustrated and uncomfortable, Towhee took a breath and reminded herself not to lose her patience with Raven. She was an extremely gifted medic and it wasn't her fault if the Beta was rocking some crazy medical anomaly.

-Let's say it is a testicle,- Towhee signed after a moment to calm herself. -Then I don't have to worry about it, right? I can just ignore its existence? Maybe it'll even go back wherever it came from?- she couldn't help but add hopefully. -You said yourself that I'm still female, right?- There was a tension in her face as she asked this. She needed the validation. -Like 100% female. Right?-
-Signing.- | "Speaking." | -"Signing & speaking."- | "Mouthing (inaudible)." | Thoughts.

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Raven did her best to remain calm in the face of Towhee's distress -- because truthfully, this whole thing disturbed her as well. After all, while Towhee was Raven's sister, she was also her child in a way. Those possessive maternal feelings would never go away, no matter how old Towhee got. The red-tinged girl had nursed from Raven's own body, had learned and grown under her loving tutelage and watchful eye. The responsibility had been shared with Finley, sure, but that didn't diminish the relationship between them, at least not from the medic's perspective. And it was never easy for a mother to be faced with such an aberrant, identity-disrupting development in one of her children.

-"You are absolutely, 100% female,"- Raven responded, nodding to emphasize the words as she signed. Truly, Towhee could be whatever she wanted to be. She could let this influence her identity as much as she wanted. But she felt like Towhee really needed the reassurance of absolutes right now, so that was what she gave her. Besides, the female bits were the ones she'd actually been born with. -"It may or may not go away, but it doesn't change who you are. Honestly, it's not even that noticeable. It's pretty well-hidden in all your thick butt fuzz."- Things like that didn't just appear overnight, and Raven had never noticed it before now despite her frequent interactions with the beta.
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She let herself be mollified, for now. Later, her attitude toward this development would decay; it would become something of a watershed moment for Towhee. But right now, she looked into Raven's earnest eyes, the color of blooming sunflowers, and felt properly reassured.

She rolled her own eyes fondly at Raven's comment, then paused for a beat before signing, -Well, I guess... that's that then.- She shrugged. -I'll let you get back to your relaxation,- Towhee added with a tight smile. She moved forward to lick her sister's cheek. -I'm gonna go see if Tywyll and Cinder want to play.-

But when she disembarked, she didn't head toward her godparents' den. Instead, she began plodding toward The Roost, only to slow and hesitate. She then switched directions again, headed toward the borders. She wanted some time to think all of this over and a nice, boring patrol was just the ticket.
-Signing.- | "Speaking." | -"Signing & speaking."- | "Mouthing (inaudible)." | Thoughts.

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She wagged her tail at her sister's kiss, and nodded as Towhee mentioned she was going to go check up on the Blackthorn kids. -"If you need anything, I'm here,"- she signed, figuring that it would take the beta some time to sort out her feelings on this new development. As she watched Towhee disappear, she felt the pups move in her expansive belly and grinned -- it was still such a weird feeling! Lying back down and rolling onto her side, she closed her eyes and, after a while, drifted off to sleep.