she woke suddenly and violently, lurching to her feet and nearly colliding with a nearby sapling. it hurt, the dreams, and she spun violently, searching for a sun-touched pelt that would not be there. she gasped, breath catching in her throat, buckling and landing suddenly on her haunches. she was disoriented, confused suddenly without the clarity and logic of day. a memory, swift and sudden, not a nightmare but a dream, not a dream but a memory.
A few more minutes of scouting had the shape fall into her vision, a barely moving, brown-clad thing. Thinking that she had chanced upon lunch, she approached with a little more vigour. As she comes closer, she realized that before her, lay not a deer, or some other prey, but instead a wolf. Her nose wrinkled at the strong smell of salt as she approached, gaze finding the gashes quickly.
She squeezed her gaze shut as if it would banish the thought, ear flattened against her skull as the weight of what she'd done, what she'd lost constricted tighter around her chest than it had before. without the day to drive it away, the pain curled up tight in her chest, and she slid onto her underbelly, breath ragged.
the lump gave a rueful chuckle, smiling at her. "my apologies. i'm a little weary from travel."
unable to step closer, he wrapped his banner of a tail around his forepaws and wriggled it in greeting. "my name is aditya. . .but you can call me 'adi.' everyone does." twisting his head the best he could, he gave a short nod towards whence he came.
more thoughts came quickly then, memories hurling by as if they were fleeing a fire from where she'd pushed them all to a safe, untouched place in the back of her mind.
aditya smiled at dawn. "so you're grayday's daughter. does this mean you'll get to boss me around whenever you take over from him?"
keening whine escaped her, the final memory eliciting hurt she hadn't felt before. she tried to stamp back the thoughts, but it was like trying to hold back the ocean's tide. once, she'd chased Aditya through its waters, and now she wanted nothing more but to remain out of reach. she'd thought herself better than this, over this, thought she'd succeeded in stamping back the memories of when things were good and easy - if she remembered only what had gone wrong, what had soured, it made things easier.
the sudden desire for not comfort or warmth, but physical hurt, something to divert the floodwaters if not stop them. it was a terrible thought, and the wrongness of it was felt keenly, but she could not stop some desperate part of herself for wishing for it, suddenly, in the moment.
but exhaustion hit her with the next wave of memories, forbade her from seeking out hurt the way she had when things had first gone wrong. and so instead the huntress curled tightly around herself, waiting, hoping for the numbness to come and tide her out till morning.
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