Duskfire Glacier I am 90% crap

In the end, he was still learning his role. He was sure his lack of enthusiasm had been witnessed by most in the last little while. Missing pack hunts, and avoiding packmates, and completing patrols in a solitary manor. Siarut could admit to himself that he felt guilty. He wasn’t nearly the person he had thought himself to be. Something he hoped he could change. But he wasn’t so sure.

With a deep sigh, Siarut began his morning patrol. The weather had started to cool their surroundings fasted than any other part of the Teekon Wilds. The clouds overhead spoke of snow coming soon, and the temperature barely pushed 10 degrees. Not that the brute minded. Alas this was a good way to see the new recruits and their ability to handle the season. His favorite season. Taking a deep breath of the crispy air, he continued on his path making sure the border was well scented.

She had left the borders to check on the ridge in the early hours of the morning before the sun had even risen. That was her favorite part of the day, especially now; it was cold and quiet--two of her favorite things. She had recently met a particularly irritating male on the ridge that bordered the glacier, and she wanted to make sure no loners decided to loiter there. It was when she was crossing back over the borders that she picked up Sia's scent. She stopped, looking in his direction for a minute, unsure what she wanted to do. She was restless and in a perpetual bad mood lately, her almost constant patrols not providing quite the outlet for her excess energy like they once had. A conversation with her older brother might give her a little bit of distraction, though. Plus, she needed to talk to him about Bracken Sanctuary and her plans to travel there and meet with the leaders, so she began walking in the direction of his scent trail.

She followed his scent along the borders, deducing he must be on a patrol. As she came up behind him, she let out small chuff before coming up to his side. Morning, she greeted, giving him an affectionate shoulder bump as she spoke. It had been a little bit since they had patrolled together and discussed things, but whatever his reasons for being distant lately, she knew she would forgive him. The forgiveness she so stubbornly withheld from everybody else, she freely gave to her family.

He wasn’t surprised to hear Takiyok’s voice coming up behind him, and her affectionate nudge was accepted with a head rub of his own. “Sister.” He smiled softly at her, turning his to look at her in a better light. He was happy to see her. It had been to long.

“How have you been?” Although he had been distant, it wasn’t a reflection of his relationship with his family. No he had missed the connection he had with them, and secretly worried about what they might say about his absence.

She shrugged a little at his question. This was the point she would normally offer some surface-level response just to fulfill the obligation to answer the question, at least with most wolves; not with Sia, though. She felt like she could answer him honestly. I've been...restless, she answered, shrugging once more. She hadn't left the glacier or its bordering lands since they first arrived here. She had been a good leader, making sure they had food and safe borders, but now she needed to do something for herself, and the only thing she wanted was to go on a scouting mission. She wasn't being completely selfish, though; if her mission went well, they could be on their way to an alliance, which benefited everyone.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye as they walked. How have you been, brother? she asked quietly. And although she didn't come out and ask where he had been, the question was implied. Had she done something to push him away or make him feel like she didn't want him around? She wouldn't be surprised; most didn't really care for her spiky personality, not that she gave a fuck what others thought about her, her family exluded. That was why she worried she maybe spoke her mind one too many times, or questioned him too much. She kept her worries to herself, though, wanting it to be his choice to confide in her and not because he felt compelled to ease her anxiety.

He was glad to have kept his wound from his keen sister’s gaze. At the moment only Tahani knew of the injury, and Sia was glad she hadn’t told anyone. It bothered him, and he knew that if his littermate saw him up and about she would berate him for sure.

But this was something he needed to do. To make sure that everything was running smoothly over the last few weeks. He was more grateful for Takiyok, even as she revealed her restlessness. Nodding his head slowly, Siarut could understand her itchy feet.

Giving a small smile, he was trying to think of a reason for her venture from home for a short while. Perhaps Tak had thought of a reason to go, he would wait for the young woman to state her piece.

Her other question however brought him pause. He hadn’t thought of a viable reason to tell anyone of Ceara’s existence. After they had left Blackfeather, Siarut had no intention of ever seeing the woman again let alone telling his family of how heart broken he had been. No there had been no reason to divulge his pain, not when they all had so much on the line. Now that he had been away for a few days, and had returned with an injury Sia wasn’t sure what tell his second.

Looking away from the alabaster woman Siarut continued to scent to border, stopping ever once in a while to spray his scent on the scarce tree or bush, or leave a claw mark on a tree. It felt good to continue the mundain for once, not to think of his emotions to closely. “I’ve been better.” It had perhaps been the only time he had admitted weakness to Takiyok. Shivali and Tahani were used to it by now, Takiyok he wasn’t so sure. But he needed his sister now more than ever. Despite what he had originally thought.

Taki followed suit, rubbing her scent on things as she passed. The ground was pretty much ice at this point or she would have found soft dirt to leave paw prints in. She had been about to bring up her scouting plans, but his reply temporarily pushed the words from her mind. Her eyebrows drew together in concern. What's wrong? she asked, worry apparent in her tone. He rarely let her in when he was having problems, so the fact that he admitted to anything now meant he was either having a really tough time, or that he was beginning to to see her as more than his baby sister. She would be lying if she said it didn't irritate her that he still saw her that way, but she understood the need to protect family; she was protective of those she considered hers as well.

Making sure to keep his gaze a head, he shook his head slightly. He gave a sigh before glancing at his mirror beside him, “It’s not important anymore.” For once he truly believed it, Ceara wasn’t important to him anymore. Their relationship, good or bad, romance or friendship was through. Siarut would never see her again, and if he did there were no words to speak between them.

Clearing his throat, he tried to move on to his sister’s restlessness. “What are you thinking?” Siarut referred to her itchy feet, and he assumed his little sister would go along without the chick flick moment that was bound to happen if he brought up his love life.

She raised an eyebrow at him. It was obviously important enough to mention and to make him feel bad, so why did his walls go back up when she pushed for more information? It was frustrating, but she didn't push. If he wanted to talk about something, she was here, but she wasn't going to attempt to force it from him. Okay. If you decide you want to talk about whatever isn't important, I'm here, she offered.

The question was a welcome change of subject, probably more for him than her. She nodded. Not long ago, I met a wolf on the ridge, she started, a scowl briefly painting her face at the memory of the annoying encounter. He mentioned a pack close by called Bracken Sanctuary. I'd like to go check it out. It's only a couple days travel for me, she explained. Her travel pace was intense, and she got places quickly and with little time spent taking breaks. If they seem worthy, I was thinking we could eventually form an alliance, she added with a shrug. She would need to make sure they weren't a pack of weaklings or something, but it seemed worth it to form good relations with their neighbors, especially since she didn't particularly care for Morningside.

           

 
Their was a hint of frustration in the edge of his sisters voice and he instantly felt sorry for not sharing his wounded heart earlier. But at the time it had been so much easier to detach himself, rather than confide in anyone. Now that it had affected his duties and his relationships he could see that he had made a mistake. But being the dunce that he was Siarut wasn't sure how to fix it.

He could merely nod at Takiyok's offer. He opened his mouth to say something, but was quick to snap it shut clenching his jaw. He would continue to endure.

The change of subject was the perfect opportunity to bury his own feelings and focus on the pack and the decisions required of a leader. The bears interest was peaked at the mention of a pack nearby. Takiyok was naturally the best choice to go, although he had reservations about her quick and often unfiltered tongue there was no one else he could trust with such a task. An alliance was an important diplomatic advantage, one which could help them as winter dawned.

Looking over his shoulder he stop, pausing their patrol. This conversation was not one for idle, multitasking. And while he would never admit it, he was growing tired. "I think it's a good idea." He had yet to fully face the Malguk, but he slowly nodded as he thought over the logistics. "Don't forget to be diplomatic." He couldn't help the gentle jab, and threw a smile at the younger wolf.

It worried him slightly that she might be leaving while he was still weak. But he was silently appeased by the presence of the other adults. She was his security net, and sometimes it was hard for him to let go. Clearing his throat, "When will you leave?" There was a thickness to his voice that conveyed only the subtlest amount of worry.
 

 

He nodded at her offer but still did not confide in her. It was not surprising, but she hoped in the future he would take her up on her offer and let her in on his issues. He would need to learn to be honest with her if they were going continue to lead the pack together. She offered a nod in response, but otherwise dropped it, not wanting to push too much.

Taki stopped walking when Sia did and offered him a teasing eye roll when he reminded her to be diplomatic. Hey, I'm usually just being honest, but don't worry, I'll keep my not-so-nice thoughts to myself, I promise, she said with a playful shoulder bump. She wouldn't say it out loud, but he was right; she did need to keep herself in check. She wouldn't have Sia to play good cop, so if she met the Bracken Sanctuary wolves with her normal surly attitude, she was sure to ruin any chance at an alliance. She could handle this, though. She knew how to keep her brash judgments to herself if the situation called for it. 

Subtle it may have been, but she heard the worry in his question and assumed it was just the worry of an older brother for his younger sister. I planned on leaving in a few days, she replied. As eager as she was to be travelling again, she still worried about leaving. She couldn't help it; she had grown quite attached to the glacier and was a little anxious about not being here to see for herself that everything was in order. She had a few things to do before leaving and she wanted to inform Shivali and Tahani that she would be gone for a few days as well. I won't be gone very long, brother. No need to worry about me too much, she offered, the statement similar to the one she had spoken to him right before she left to find Tomkin and ended up discovering what was now their home. 

She moved close to offer a comforting nuzzle, drawing in his scent-- the comforting scent of her family. There was something off about it, though, and she tensed. The malguk took few steps back, giving her brother a once over. You're hurt, she said. I smelled it on you, she added, anger filling her face. The wound must be older, or she would have scented it right away, and it must be in an area that was easy to hide, because she had not seen it the entire time they were talking. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for his explanation and wondering who would be added to her shit list.

           

 
Agreeing to a good plan was easy, and Siarut was glad to have such a worthy sister. She clearly had everything under control, something that Sia was grateful for. Nodding along, he was able to hide a slight wince at her shoulder bump. He would do his best to try and not worry, but he would not deny his worry in words. No, i was his duty as a big brother and now as a leader to worry. He could only roll his eyes at her statement, who did she think she was talking to again. He gave a her a small smile though, to show he was truly annoyed.

The bear quickly tried to think of a reason to stop his sister from coming to much closer. But ultimately he ran out of time, he hadn't expected anyone to get so close as to smell the blood that still clawed at his fur. Her accusatory words bit at Siarut's resolve. He refused to look at his stubborn siblings, but relented. Turning to face her, there was no doubting the thick scab that had formed on the left side of his chest, ironically over his heart. Still keeping his green orbs fixed on anything but his pale family member, Sia's voice grew thick and heavy. "It's not important anymore." He mirrored his previous sentence.


 
Common
Inuttuk

 

When he finally turned to face her, she saw the scabbed over wound on the left side of his shoulder. She exhaled loudly at the sight, feeling her anger bubble inside her chest. Her eyes narrowed when he said it wasn't important anymore. That was it; she was tired of this shit. Don't fucking tell me it's not important, she said through clenched teeth. If our roles were reversed and I was standing in front of you with a wound, wouldn't you demand an explanation? she asked, angry and somewhat pleading. She searched his face, her eyebrows creasing in concern but her expression still holding some of her previous anger. Why won't you just tell me what's going on? she asked, shaking her head in frustration. Why was he making her force the words from him? I'm not a baby anymore, Sia. I'm a leader, too, and I have a right to be told the truth. she added, her tone losing some of it's heat. She looked away, not wanting to him to see how much it hurt that he still refused to see her as an equal. After everything she did for this pack and all the responsibility she so willing accepted without complaint.

           

 
The anger was almost a relief to him. She had a right to be angry, and it made Siarut feel bad. His guilt gave him a sick satisfaction in knowing that someone was angry, when he found he couldn't be. His face scrunched, flinching, as her words struck home.

It wasn't until his broken voice cracked the surface of her rage, that he was shocked. Siarut hadn't thought of his silence in such a way. He hadn't held back for the sole reason that she was his younger sister whom he wished to protect. No he had done it for selfish reasons, he was guilty, ashamed, afraid, and heart broken. "Tak..." He whispered, taking all of his courage to look at his sister. "I'm sorry if you felt that way." He took a deep yet shakey breath. "You are a leader, and a good one at that. Definitely better than me." He gave a sad smile, trying to lighten the mood through a self-deprecating joke.

"You have grown into someone that I can always depend on. There is no other person who I can trust as deeply, as I trust you." This was not how he wanted this conversation to go, if Siarut could have it his way, this conversation would never happen. "I didn't tell you because..." Another heavy sigh rippled though his lungs, "Because I was ashamed, and...." The bear had turn away, "sad." He barely whispered his last word. Surely Tak could see that he simply had been to embarrassed to reveal his true emotions.
 

 

Her assumption had clearly been wrong, but what conclusion was she supposed to draw from his silence? She shook her head at his praise, a pained smile crossing her face, but lifting her gaze to meet his. Normally she craved praise from her older brother, but she wasn't quite ready to let go of her anger.

Taki closed her eyes and sighed when he explained that he trusted her more than anyone and continued to praise her. She felt the same about him, but his words confused her. If he trusted her so much, then why be so tight-lipped about what was going on? When he finally admitted that his withholding had been from shame and sadness, she opened her eyes and looked at him with only the concern of a sister. Wow, she felt like a complete asshole. Here she was so concerned with how this all affected her that she had missed her brother's pain. She was closer to him than anyone; she was supposed to pick up on things like this even with his attempting to hide it from her. Had she not been so wrapped up in her own feelings, she may have noticed he seemed off, or maybe she wouldn't have; she still felt like an asshole. 

She moved closer to him and sat down. I'm sorry, Sia, she said quietly. I'm the worst sister ever, she added. Why are you sad and ashamed? Taki asked, attempting to meet his gaze if he would let her.

           

 
Her final question wasn't unwarranted but it still caused a flinch to roll over his body. Full fledged and obvious, Siarut couldn't stop the reaction. "This was my fault." He sighed, while not self inflicted, it was his words and anger that had gotten the better of him. "I pushed someone to hard. Clouded by my emotions, my words struck a cord and this was retaliation." He indicated to the wound.

He wasn't sure if he should back track his story or not. "I....I never mentioned Ceara, I hadn't thought that it was appropriate when we were leaving the Woods. With Kove and Tomkin, it just never seemed right." He gave a shrug, "I never thought I'd see her again, until a few weeks ago." Takiyok could see how that encounter left him. "Man you would have loved her Tak." He couldn't help but reminisce, even if it was painful. "I asked her to join us. To come to the glacier with us. To be with me...." The man trailed off, offering another shrug. "Wasn't meant to be." At some point his head had dropped, and his olive eyes stared at his paws, thoroughly embarrassed.
 

 

Her eyes narrowed again at the implication that his wound was inflicted by a someone. When he further explained and revealed that the someone was a girl, she felt her anger returning and all she could think was that some bitch hurt her brother. She contained her fury, though, and let him continue, silently taking in all of the details. 

Apparently the girl was named Ceara and they had some kind of romantic relationship while they were all still in blackfeather woods. It was the first she was hearing of it, and she was so preoccupied at the time that she wasn't surprised she had missed it, although her brother seemed to be pretty good at hiding such things. Taki huffed and rolled her eyes when he said she would have liked her. Maybe so, but now all she wanted was to rip her throat out every time she saw the wound on Sia's chest and even more so when her brother's words made it clear that the girl had left emotional wounds as well. She stood and paced, unable to control herself and the rage she felt at seeing her brother in pain. Shit, Sia she said. Does she live close? The malguk asked, glaring and stopping her pacing to sit back down in front of him. She wouldn't necessarily seek this Ceara out, but if she happened to run into her, it would be on. 

She pushed her anger away for the time being when she noticed how dejected he looked. Don't be ashamed. Shit happens. If she was stupid enough to let you go, then she didn't deserve you, Taki offered, her expression softening as she spoke. She moved to touch her forehead to his cheek in an attempt to offer comfort, unsure how else to help him but wanting more than anything to never see that look on his face again.

           

 
The rage bubbled just under the surface of his sisters pelt, so pent up was the emotion that she found the need to pace. Back and forth, back and forth, parading in-front of her brother. He wasn't surprised by her question, and Siarut quickly shook his head. "No. She lives past Blackfeather even." The man wasn't exactly sure where her family called home, but he knew it was much farther than he wold ever need to travel again.

He tried to let her comforting words settle, trying to let them absorb into his psych. But sadly there was nothing his sister could say that would make him feel worthy of another's heart. It wasn't a wound that she could help heal, while he loved her deeply, this was something that a different kind of love had to fix. None the less, he rested his head heavily upon her own, letting him forget for a moment. Basking in the love of his little sister.

"Thanks Tak." Sia smiled, a turned his head to give her forehead a proper lick.