Broken Boulder woke right up to a brand new day
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He crosses the borders weary and worn, but alive — he's not quite sure how, really. The sickness has not fully left his body, but he can feel it abating slowly. He's still weak — still broken in many ways, and his limbs ache from his delirious trek into the unknown. He can't help but feel some small relief anyway.
Beyond his slowly-healing body, something seems to have settled within him. All the loss of the past months — losing Lennon, then his mother, then Ulf and Zamael and Eris... in a way, it's all driven him a little mad. But he's okay with that. Somewhere between suffocating under the weight of his sickly mind and body and being swept and beaten by countless unbidden waves of memory, he's found a way to make peace with it. Or, maybe that's just the sickness talking.
He howls for @Seabreeze, hoping she and @Delight will understand that he wasn't quite in his right mind when he'd wandered off. Or, more accurately, he'd hardly even realized he wasn't within the borders until he was freezing his tail off. Oddly enough, he still can't quite remember where he'd been.
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She had noticed Alarian's disappearance.  How could she not?  He was sick now too, and that meant that he was one of her patients.  Even though she had taken a mantle of leadership she hadn't been here long, and she didn't feel like she had the right or authority to command the pack should the occasion arrive.

Alarian had told her he'd taken trips out of the territory, but he didn't say they were without notice.  She'd blame it on the sickness.

She arrived with a worried look on her face, but at first glance he seemed fine.  Perhaps better than when he'd left.  She cocked her head.  Where'd you go?  Are you alright?

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
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Seabreeze answers his call promptly, and he's grateful for it, though some guilt flashes through him at the concern in her expression. He only pauses a moment upon hearing her questions, his own expression immediately apologetic. I'm sorry, He says, a little sheepish, but grateful she doesn't quite know him well enough to meet him with anger — or maybe she just isn't the type. Wouldn't that be odd.
I was delirious — I'm not sure where I went, He admits a moment later, shifting a little on his paws. But I think I'm a little better now. Who knows, maybe it was aliens. The joke falls a little flat, given his anxious state, but he attempts a smile anyway — the expression fades quickly. Did anything happen while I was gone?
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She feels nervous as she watches his expression crumple.  That isn't what she meant, and it wasn't the reaction she'd wanted.  It's okay.  It happens, sometimes.  She wonders who has been so unkind that he feels the need to apologize for being sick.  She doesn't know that his disappearances are chronic, but she might not feel any different even if she did.  You look better, and sound better too.

She looks behind her.  Lily is still gone.  The cats are still here.  I'm thinking of sending someone else out to find another territory for us.  She shrugs.  Nothing has happened, really, though.  More cats are dead.  I've started to move them to one spot so they're not just.. everywhere.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
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He nods slightly at her observation; he feels better, if only a little, though part of him feels selfish — as if he should have shared his sister's fate. And maybe it's true — hasn't he done more than enough to deserve it? But he is healing, as he always does, even when his body has been forced past its limit, and perhaps this is a crueler fate. One more well-deserved, even.
I would offer to go too, but — I can't leave now, He shakes his head slightly. Not that me being here does much good, either. He's always been kind of a shitty leader, hasn't he? But he'd never really asked for the role — or, maybe he had in a way, but that had been with Lennon at his side. He's not meant to be anyone's rock, anyone's stability, and sometimes he wonders if trying anyway is more selfish than anything else he could do; if he'll never achieve anything but the opposite of his intentions, those shy little things that are always so worthless in the face of all his fearful actions.
What was leadership like, back at Sunspire? He asks, thinking about Terance — and Seabreeze's display during the meeting. Perhaps he's lacking something — and nevermind if it's painfully obvious to Seabreeze, who has pretty much already seen the worst of the entirety of Bracken Sanctuary. She's already plucking dead cats from their common spaces, so he assumes she's a difficult woman to surprise. Or, he hopes.
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She understands.  She can imagine that they all feel useless, but none of them can afford to leave given half their members have succumbed to illness.  

"What was leadership like, back at Sunspire?"  Rigid, very structured.  Rannoch was a kind man, very set in his ways.  She doesn't know when that changed.  Perhaps Rannoch was still kind — they were always welcome back, weren't they? — but she'd never felt like she did here.  Not so at home.  Not so loved.  Terance, my.. ex-husband, is Rannoch's right-hand.

That was the kindest way to put it. Why do you ask?

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He nods as he listens, frowning slightly but trying not to show his — what is it? Not quite distaste... no, that's definitely distaste. But it's not judgmental; he just can't imagine trying to implement anything rigid or structured at the Sanctuary. It doesn't fit him — or any of his friends here. When she questions his interest, his ears tilt back slightly, a little embarrassed to admit the reason. Oh, um — I was never really in a pack before the Sanctuary, He admits a little guiltily. It's been awhile since I took over for — um, as leader, but... sometimes I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing — I thought you might have some... insight, maybe. Ugh, he's hopeless.

But Seabreeze isn't, he realizes as they talk more — far from it, actually. He comes away from the conversation feeling both inadequate and slightly in awe of the woman; it's obvious now that she's more than just levelheaded. She's probably more fit to lead than he is.