Broken Boulder el torito

AW, but it is meant for @Delight!

It felt as though she were stuck in limbo. There were questions left unasked and of those which had been asked, answers were yet to be given. The truth was, Queenie didn't know why she was here anymore than the next. The children would have just as well, if not better off without her bearing over them, and she knew that they'd have thanked her for her absence in the long run. 

Then again, Queenie didn't care much for how they felt. She cared that they grew up strong and resilient, with every quality of a well-trained soldier. They were her legacy, and she would be damned if a little uncertainty ruined what that meant for her future. 

Sitting at the border, Queenie thought for a moment about when she'd become so selfish, but her mind quickly veered off to less solemn things.

queenie's sudden re-appearance and the following disappearance of his daughters has rattled delight hollow. part of him assumes that they have gone off with their mother -- he knows how badly her leaving hurt them, and would not blame them for that, as much as it wounds him -- and it is that which keeps him rooted, as if afraid to find out a different reality.

at the end of the day, we all know delight is a little bit of a coward.

his hopefully resigned theory is quickly tested, though, by a familiar scent once again haunting their borders. queenie. anger snaps within him (only she has ever moved him to the height of such passion) as he shapes his path quickly toward her, half-expecting to see brilliance and solomon obediently at her heels.

but they aren't, and the momentary flare of heat dies within him. unwilling to give up yet, delight approaches, his expression wary. "what are you doing here again," he asks, a dangerous edge to his voice tempered only by the barely-held-back uncertainty of their situation: he hates and loves her in turns, fears her and admires her, knows she has seen him at his very worst and very best and wonders if she feels the same -- and all the while, solomon and brilliance hang over him like ghosts.

Only slightly startled, Queenie stood and turned to face Delight, her muscles visibly tense. She didn't care about how intimidating he thought he was (rather, hoped) because she knew that there was nothing she could do to push him over the edge. It didn't matter how absolutely warped she had become; Delight didn't have the spine to hurt her. Queenie knew it just as well as he did. 

With a sigh, she flagged her tail and took a moment to bask in the silence. Not for you, she replied coldly, huffing as she turned her side to Delight. Not for myself, either, she wanted to say, but Queenie knew that she ought to keep the more intimate plans and plots to herself. Maternal instincts, I guess.

what had happened to them? oh, he knows: the question is purely rhetorical indulgence, a harkening back to their early friendship, before they knew each other. before delight failed her again and again -- truly, he can't hold anything against her, despite his anger. if there'd been no children he could never have been mad about her depature at all! it is only because of them --

maternal instincts. ha! "brilliance and solomon not enough for you? you've come back to steal mali from me too?" he asks, his voice oddly measured despite the obviously challenge in his words. he knows deep down she does not have them, but letting go of that is -- is more than he can bare at the moment. better to throw it back at her, dance a little longer, keep the music from stopping. because what happens when the lights come back up -- he's not sure what that'll do to him.

What are you talking about? Queenie snorted, not registering what it was that Delight was implying. She thought that this was just his display of jealousy; in her mind, he knew that his bond with the girls would never compare to her own, so she interpreted his accusations in a less literal sense.

And besides, if the kids were with Queenie, they'd have all been long gone by now. The Sanctuary was never a home for them before and it wouldn't be any longer, so long as she had a say in things.

her answer both confirms his fear and flashes irritation in him, as if she should know what he's talking about, as if time should be unstuck until he is made correct. only things never work that way and this is still the timeline he's on, the one where everyone dies or leaves, and most of the time he can't do anything about it.

but that doesn't mean he shouldn't.

dropping his pretenses, delight takes a step closer, his expression shifting into something urgent. "queenie," he breathes, "solomon and brilliance are gone. i haven't been able to find them. i thought -- that maybe -- maybe they'd gone after you. but if you don't know where they are..." whatever maternal instincts queenie claims to have, delight hopes they are real and active -- what was he thinking, waiting uselessly for his young children to return to him? he needs an ally in this and it can't be --

it can't be alarian. not after everything, not with where they are right now. and it can't be seabreeze -- perfect seabreeze who is doing so much for him, he does not need to further her burdens. 

so that leaves: the mother, who should be his companion in this -- but will she, is, of course, an unknown, and his stomach twists unpleasantly as he waits for her to react.

There was a sudden and visible fall to Queenie's shoulders, as though the pompous act she'd been putting on was to collapse at any moment beneath the weight of Delight's admission. If the girls were gone then it was undoubtedly his fault to some degree, but she couldn't help but wonder if her return had played some part in their apparent disappearance. What do you mean gone? she asked, eyes peering into his to see if she could pick out some deeper emotion. 

For a moment, she thought that maybe this was all some ploy to get rid of her. Maybe Delight and Alarian were plotting to have her run off on a goose chase for the girls while they high-tailed it to another hidden sanctuary. It was a brief thought; neither of them were sinister enough to think of something like that; not even Daddy Bruce would have done something so reckless. We'll have to go after them, Queenie blurted. There was nothing else for either one of them to say in her mind; it was cold and winter would soon be approaching. While she hadn't been around to see what they could do, she doubted that either one of the girls was good enough at hunting to last longer than a few days. 

The sickening thought of someone else, someone new stepping in to handle her girls passed through her mind. Queenie didn't even like the idea of Alarian having a hand in raising her kids, let alone someone who she'd never met; never had the chance to trust. She began to paw anxiously at the ground as she thought about where they might be, who they might be with. How long have they been missing?

delight doesn't answer; he doesn't need to. his face says everything, eyes searching queenie's expression for what he wants -- and then it comes, and oddly, it feels like a weight off his shoulders.

"you're right," the chancellor says, running his tongue against his lips nervously. her next question makes him wince but he answers honestly, rising to move closer to her. "a few days -- long enough that they could be -- hell, they could be anywhere." it is an admission of his own failure (why have you not left earlier, delight? sickness is no excuse -- you were bitter about queenie, you wanted to die in your bitterness.)

but the practical truth is -- of all of them queenie might be the best prepared to actually look for them. "we need to go," he says, more surely, "if -- if they were trailing you, we should trace your steps -- where did you go after last time..?"

that they were not pursuing their mother -- that they've just left, disappeared into the teekons like so many in his life -- well. he can't cross that bridge now. he may not cross that bridge ever.

A few days meant a lifetime. So much could have already happened, or have been happening, or been in the process of beginning to happen -- if they were going to leave, they would have to do it sooner rather than later. I stayed local, Queenie muttered, now pacing steadily back and forth as she thought up a plan, I spent a night south of here, but I came back the morning after. Maybe they followed me there?

"they might have," he agrees anxiously, scanning the horizon behind her as if they might manifest suddenly. the sanctuary is nothing to him in this moment, not even a consideration and he moves forward, parenthood taking precedence of anything else. he moves with queenie in the direction she's named, hopeful they will together find their missing daughters.

everything else will have to wait.