Broken Boulder you were born on a dare, but you were born ready

There's still the faintest hint of a border, even after so long and being buried under cat piss and early snowfall, and the scent of it sours his stomach as he crosses the invisible line into his old home. His skin crawls with the aching familiarity of the place, but he tries to keep himself settled. He's still a little surprised @Korei Julia had agreed to accompany him here; the last thing he wants is to upset her, even if he's already feeling nauseous fighting back memories of his last visit.
But as his agitation grows, even this slips his mind. This was a bad idea, He mumbles, more to himself than anything, but beelines for his old den anyway, expecting Korei will follow. He knows the chances that his herb storage has survived the cold are slim, but anxiety balls up and rolls wildly in the pit of his stomach anyway as he draws nearer. If his stash is destroyed or gone, it means he really has almost nothing for the winter. He can't help but dread the discovery — it just feels like more than that, somehow, though he can't pinpoint it now.

Korei Julia had agreed as soon as he had asked her to come. Sure, she was nervous to go but chances were there would be things for them to find yet. Even if it brought back...memories. She nudgd her nose to his cheek as she caught up to him once he got to his old den. "Anything?" she asked, looking in.

He sucks in a breath, tensing as he peers into the den — and releases it harshly as he's met with a sight he'd more or less expected. Much of it is gone, and what isn't gone has been destroyed by the frost. He has nothing — healing is the only skill he's able to offer Easthollow, and it's worthless now. And what's worse, he'd dragged Korei out here for nothing.
Nothing, He says, voice flat. His next words come out more acidic than he intends: This was stupid. Guilt begins to gnaw at him almost immediately, but he turns away, taking a few deliberate steps away from his friend. He sucks in a deep breath, eyes closing, and tries not to think about how worthless he is.

Korei with sad eyes and a sigh looked to Alarian as she heard his answer. There was nothing left here. And then he was going away from her. She stood there for a moment, thinking over things. Everything they once had here, gone. With some slow steps, Korei finally turned to Alarian.

And slowly, she approached him. "Ali? You...you going to be okay?" she asked, coming up beside him.

Agitation bubbles under his skin like acid, turning every muscle in his body rigid with each moment he allows himself to stew in the unfairness of it all. Korei's voice suddenly grates on him, and irrationally he's reminded that he might not be in this position at all if not for her. He would not have needed to join a pack if she hadn't followed him, would not have had to return to measuring himself by his usefulness and finding he comes up short every time. Shut up, he thinks, full of venom and black bile now, you have no right. But he only sucks in another breath, ragged this time, and waits for the feeling to fade.

Korei was given no words, no comfort from Alarian as she usually expected. And it made her more worried as she stepped closer, hearing his breathing. "Ali?" She paused for a moment, a rather long one before coming her closest, ears back as she went to rub against him, to give him some comfort at least. Thinking maybe some company would help him.

The feeling doesn't fade, though; the crawling heat under his skin burrows deeper like thousands of burning spiders seeking refuge inside his bones, and for some reason he thinks of Lily, and it's not anger burning a hole through his chest anymore but he doesn't know what it is. He can just barely feel himself hyperventilating, can feel cold air rushing into his lungs and his chest expanding, but he hears nothing over the static crashing wrapping itself all around his skull. He sees nothing, just for a few horrible seconds — and all he can think is that he should never have come here.
Then there's something touching him, pushing him, hurting him, and he snaps. It happens too quickly to realize there is no hurt, there is no crashing, there is only himself and Korei and the sickening taste of blood on his tongue. All at once the heat leaves him and he's stumbling backward, cold rushing in to fill him with icy clarity. He pitches forward slightly and retches, choking — I'm so sorry, — and then his legs are moving again, fumbling, striking rocks buried in the snow as he scrambles backward again, then finally turns to flee. He doesn't look back; he doesn't even see where he's going.

Korei pushed her fur to his, but she never saw it coming. A flash of white, and a pain at her side. Her shoulder bled, turning her white fur red. Some blood came, the wound was not too bad. What was worse was the sense of fright, of doubt. Her indescribable sense of dread that filled her heart as soon as she let out a yelp, moving quickly away.

Her mind warned danger. To move away from the danger, but her heart wanted to stay. "A-Ali?" But...he was gone. And there she cried. Not for the wound, not for the fear. For once more, she was left alone and began to head back to Easthollow, the only place she knew.