Jade Fern Grove Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#1
Private 
It was too quiet here, like the snow had muffled all the forest sounds and all he could hear was the sound of water running somewhere in the distance. @Alarian had been gone for a while, and Midar found that he didn't like being here alone with his racing thoughts and the suffocating silence. He could still remember his flashback vividly but was unable to really understand all that was going on; it was utter torment. He'd almost rather not have that stupid piece of memory; it only made things more confusing for him and stoked the rage inside him. He had calmed down considerably since his moment of panic and confusion, but his mood continued to be mostly shitty as he curled on himself in the small bed he had made by digging a Midar-sized hole in the snow. It wasn't super comfortable, but at least it was a little warmer. 

The barely noticeable sound of footsteps in the snow pulled his head from where it rested on his legs, and his violet gaze scanned the trees for the source of the sound. He didn't have to search for very long before the flash of dark brown against the white announced the return of his companion. The beast watched him approach and drop his bundle of leaves near Midar's face. He studied Alarian silently while he caught his breath; he seemed disheveled, but Midar was far too emotionally exhausted to ask about it, so he just waited quietly for instructions. It would be nice to not be in physical pain anymore at least.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#2
i am so blessed to rp with u ❤
The sight of Midar through the barren trees had released a tension he hadn't known he was holding in his chest, and as he comes to a halt a couple feet from his lover he feels a heavy exhaustion settling over him. Relief, too, though the feeling is muted. The bundle of leaves falls from his jaws and unfurls, spilling tiny black seeds across the snow. He pauses, focusing on calming his pulse and steadying his breathing before he speaks.
Eat um... three seeds, He says after a few moments, voice soft. And another in a little while if you're still in pain. With that, he flops unceremoniously onto the snowy forest floor, exhaling deeply and watching his breath unfurl in soft clouds. He's quiet for a few moments, just breathing and fighting waves of shivers. The last few days have taken a toll on the fragile amnesiac, leaving him feeling hollowed-out and worn thin. He wants to inquire after his lover's well-being, offer some kind of comfort, but he's so tired he's certain he'll fall apart just from the effort of speaking again. Perhaps the worst part is that he isn't sleepy at all, so a nap is out of the question; he's just exhausted.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#3
<3


Midar watched the seeds scatter across the ground in front of him and looked up when Alarian began to speak. Looking back down, he considered eating more than three but quickly decided he would do as his companion instructed; he looked tired, and so Midar felt bad causing him more distress anyway. He leaned over and used his tongue to swipe up three seeds into his mouth before swallowing them. If they had a taste, they were gone from his mouth and on their way down his throat before he could note it. His gaze rested on Alarian's shivering form. Thank you, he said, the words coming out a little scratchy. He was pretty sure he hadn't said really anything at all since he woke up from his forced unconsciousness. Then, the beast slowly got to his feet and using his front paws, dug more snow out of his make-shift bed to widen it a little more. Every forward and backward motion of his legs irritated the wounds and made them throb, but he was motivated by the promise of the seed's eventual pain relief and by the thought of his companions warmth against his body; that was the whole purpose of his getting up and jostling his wounds in the first place--Midar wasn't going to let him shiver in the snow. When he had made the hole just big enough to fit them both snugly, he lied back down and looked at Alarian, waiting for him to come lie next to him.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#4
His ears perk as Midar rises, curious gaze following his movements. He doesn't understand at first, head tilting slightly as he tries to figure out why his companion is digging. It makes sense after a moment, though, when his sluggish brain finally catches up. He inhales slowly as Midar settles back down, catching the expectant look and willing himself to move. It takes another beat to find the energy. He moves slowly when he finally does, arranging himself next to the man carefully so he's not brushing any wounds.
A soft sigh slips from him as warmth spreads from where they touch, and he rests his head on his paws. I missed you, The words surprise him, slipping out without warning or forethought — he hadn't even realized he'd missed him until he said it. Suddenly he feels shy, awkward, as if he's just spilled the contents of his soul in three thoughtless words. He swallows, biting back the urge to launch into some rambling explanation and hoping Midar doesn't think he's — too much.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#5
At first, he wondered if Alarian would join him at all, unsure what his hesitation meant. Maybe the beast had scared him with his strange memory episode and responding panic attack. Maybe he though he was too much to put up with. But his worries were soon forgotten as the other man got to his feet and eventually curled himself up beside Midar. He felt the spreading of the warmth too, and it soothed the emotional turmoil inside just a little--enough that some of the tension left his body. His companion's words seemed to mimic the way he was feeling; it was like now that he was here, sharing is heat with Midar, it felt like it should always be that way. It was kind of scary, but also comforting, and he offered a few soft licks to his Alarian's ear in return. He paused briefly to add, I...missed you, quietly and somewhat hesitantly before applying more gentle licks to the other man's ear.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#6
He closes his eyes at the warm feeling of Midar's tongue over his ear, shivering a little and relaxing under the touch. The words that follow spark a slow-burning flame in his chest, a growing heat he doesn't have words to describe. It's not desire; in fact, the feeling is almost entirely foreign to him. He feels content yet restless somehow, as if standing at the precipice of something... big. Something he doesn't really understand, and isn't sure he's ready to.
I hope you know I'm still mad at you, He murmurs playfully to distract himself, turning slightly to fix his good eye on his lover. The handsomeness of his features strikes him unexpectedly, and he's overwhelmed by a familiar wave of self-consciousness, gaze averting a moment later. Super mad. He adds unconvincingly, leaning closer to kiss Midar's cheek gently. His pulse picks up a little, stomach fluttering as he takes in the man's scent. At this proximity, he's certain Midar could ask anything of him and he'd give it readily, mad or not.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#7
He stopped his affection to meet Alarian's gaze as a low chuckle rumbled between them. He closed his eyes in response to the kiss before opening them once more to raise an eyebrow at the other man. Well, I guess I'll just have to make it up to you, he replied teasingly. In truth, it would probably always be this way; there was no way he would stop taking life as payment for injustice, which meant that this wouldn't be the last time he would be coming to Alarian with wounds that needed tending. It also meant it wouldn't be the last time he would try to soothe the other man's anger while trying to convince him that it was all okay. Eventually, he would just have to except that part of Midar's life was killing others, and it wasn't likely to ever change. He kept all that to himself right now, though. He didn't want to ruin this moment with harsh, intruding reality; he just needed to be here and feel contentment for just a little while longer whether he deserved it or not. Midar resumed his task then, switching from licks to light grooming of the soft hair at the base of his companion's ear, hoping to expel any lingering anger if there was even any left at this point.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#8
His already-racing heart seems to stumble over itself at Midar's chuckle, skipping unevenly and leaving him lightheaded. He blinks at his lover's words, a faint smile pulling at his delicate scarred features. For a moment he doesn't respond, gaze distant. His eyes close slowly with the gentle grooming behind his ear and he exhales softly, perfectly still under Midar's affection. How do you plan on doing that? He murmurs belatedly, tone distracted and fond. The answer matters very little to him by now; it's only reflex to keep the conversation alive.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#9
The question brought him from his relaxed, almost trance-like state. A warm, peaceful feeling began to spread through him; it was something he couldn't remember ever feeling before, but he was beyond caring to find out where it came from right now, glad to feel something other than pain and coldness for now. I'll give you whatever you would like, he answered softly against the other man's fur. And it was mostly the truth, barring only a few certain things he could promise no one, not even his lover. He continued grooming behind Alarian's ear, stopping to draw in the other man's scent before moving down a little to the side of his neck, feeling mysteriously euphoric. Alarian's scent and the warmth of his body along the beast's were intoxicating enough on their own, but Midar seemed hyper-aware of both things right now, especially as the throbbing from his wounds was dulled enough that it didn't dominate his thoughts anymore.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#10
A shiver runs down his spine at Midar's words, and he sighs quietly, eyes still closed. He goes silent, finding he has no request; there is nothing he would ask for that his lover has not already given him. He only wants the man's presence, his affection — and maybe he likes hearing what few sweet words Midar gives him, too. He allows silence to settle between them for a time, though the medic in him stirs before long; How are you feeling? He murmurs, tone gentle now.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#11
He didn't take the beast up on his offer, just fell silent--pliant against him as Midar continued his grooming; showing his gratitude through affection. The question paused his descent down his companion's neck, and he drew in a soft breath. I'm feeling much better, he replied. The pain had eased even more, and he felt like he could fall asleep right now, but he wasn't ready to end this moment quite yet. The last few days had been complete turmoil--more than most of his fucking days, and he wanted to remember feeling like this later when he knew everything would come rushing back to weigh him down again. Eager to prolong their time here, he began grooming behind the other ear, content to keep this going for as long as Alarian wanted.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#12
He's pleased to hear his lover is feeling better, and it shows in the faint smile that tugs at his lips. He turns after a few moments, carefully burying his face in Midar's fur with a soft whine. Another shiver runs through him and he presses closer, suddenly assailed by images of grey fur and flashing fiery eyes. Bile rises in his throat and he swallows it back along with thoughts of Saarthal; he's determined he won't ruin this. He doesn't know yet what the encounter truly meant, if it meant anything, but he knows this means something to him — maybe more than it should, though he can't bring himself to care.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#13
He stilled, allowing Alarian to move and press his face into his fur. Midar felt the shiver and pressed closer, wrapping as much of himself around the other man as he could, misreading the shiver to mean he was cold. Completely unaware that anything was wrong with his companion, he released a long, contented sigh and rested his head on whatever part of his lover was closest. He began to think about how he didn't want him to leave and go back to his pack, leaving Midar to return to his alone. The darkness inside the beast wanted to know where Alarian was at all times--always have him near so that everyone would know that the scarred male was his. Precipitously, the words formed and pushed to be spoken. I want you to come back with me. he uttered, almost too quietly to be heard. He kept his head where it was, tensing for the no he was sure would come, and the anger that would be the beast's response.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#14
The feeling of Midar wrapping around him brings unexpected relief. He releases a soft breath, revulsion dying down to only a faint flicker of discomfort as he takes in his lover's scent. He doesn't expect him to speak at all, so the sound of his voice surprises him for a moment before he registers the words being spoken. His ears fall back against his skull immediately, chest tightening a little. I — He starts instantly, then cuts himself off for a moment as he pulls away slightly and considers his words. When he does speak, his words are soft and uncertain. I can't just leave my pack.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#15
Midar tensed at his response, and he lifted his head to look at the other man. Can't or won't? he asked flatly, the sting of rejection pulling the rage from where it been lying dormant inside him since his memory episode. The question had made him somewhat vulnerable, and that was something Midar didn't handle well. He fought the urge to say more, thinking he might regret it if he said something hurtful that he didn't really mean. Still, he didn't understand why his pack mattered so much. Did he not want to be wherever Midar was? Maybe he was reading things incorrectly, even so, it was too late now--the beast considered the man his, and there was really no telling him any differently.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#16
A familiar fear arcs through his chest when Midar tenses against him, and he pulls back a little more. The flatness of his tone is cutting, his implication even more so. It's not — you don't understand, He says, frustrated and slightly nervous. They've done so much for me — they saved me when I lost my memories. Even if he wants to, he can't just run off with some guy he met out in the middle of nowhere. He owes Easthollow his life; how could he abandon that?
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#17
The words were like cold water on his anger. He hadn't known that was the case, and it was about the only reason he could logically understand, being that he had a similar problem--only no one had been there to take of him when he woke up without his memories. The beast sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again to rest his violet gaze on his companion's face. I can understand your loyalty to them, he started a little more calmly than before. I just-- Midar stopped, looking away, feeling too exposed by just thinking the words he wanted to say. He wanted to tell him how much he missed him when they were apart, but no matter how much he tried to urge the words from his mouth, they wouldn't come. His shoulders dropped and he eyes remained on anything but Alarian, afraid his lover would read too much from them.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#18
He doesn't expect the words to soothe Midar, but his relief is almost palpable when his lover calms; still, guilt gnaws at him as he watches his reaction. He sucks in a breath when he looks away, leaning closer instinctively. I'm sorry, He murmurs, burying his face in his lover's fur again and muffling his next words. I wish I could. He wants to say more; he wants to tell him that he understands, that he feels the same way, but the words stick in his throat. Instead he presses closer to Midar, overwhelmed with guilt and longing. There's a different sort of guilt nagging at the back of his mind, too — the guilt of wanting to leave Easthollow to be with Midar — but he can't deal with that right now too. There's only so much he can handle.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#19
Alarian's touch pulled his gaze back towards the other man, and he drew in a deep breath through his nose, hoping his scent could steady him a little. The words, although meant to help, didn't really help that much. If that's true, then why deny us both what we want? he asked, trying to remain calm. He hadn't missed the way Alarian had responded to his initial anger, and even though he was still a little upset with him right now, he didn't want to push his lover away again. He understood the loyalty, but no one would keep him safer than the beast. I can't trust some pack I don't even know with your safety, he added a second later. Plus, he also couldn't ensure that his packmates held no doubt that the other man belonged to Midar. It was best for all involved if Alarian just came with him. He didn't even care anymore to try and be suspicious of the intensity of his feelings--but then, he wasn't really in the business of denying himself the things he wanted.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#20
Midar's response only intensifies his guilt. He sighs softly into the other's blue-black fur, chest aching a little. He doesn't want to argue, and he certainly doesn't want his lover upset with him — but Easthollow is the only home he knows. They'd been there for him before he'd even met Midar, likely the only reason he'd recovered at all. He can't imagine abandoning them, especially not even knowing where he intends on taking him. Explaining that feels pointless, though; he's certain all the other will see is the rejection, no matter what he says. So he falls silent instead, still tucked against his lover and feeling suddenly fragile; as if any small word or movement might shatter him into a million shards.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#21
He had to breath in deeply again against the silence he received from the other man. He wanted him to just agree to what they both clearly wanted, and it wasn't in the beast's nature to give up when he desired something. He tensed a little, unsure what do or say. He was mad at Alarian, but it was clear that losing his temper would get him nowhere. After a few minutes of uncertainty, he finally released a frustrated sigh but relaxed once more into his lover. Just tell me you'll think about it, Midar said quietly, lowering his nose to tentatively touch the other man's face, asking for his attention and hopefully his consideration of the beast's request.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#22
Silence settles between them for several minutes, heavy and uncomfortable. He can feel the tension radiating from Midar, and it makes him nervous. Yet he's surprised again when his lover seems to relax with a sigh, and he feels a stirring in his chest at his words. I will, He promises without a second thought, heart jumping at the gentle touch to his face. He lifts his head to pepper Midar's muzzle with soft, affectionate kisses, hoping to soothe him further. All he wants is his lover's affection in this moment; he's exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and he needs something to take comfort in.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#23
The words placated him for now; he could go from here and be temporarily content knowing the Alarian would at least consider joining him soon. The kisses further served to erase any lingering anger, and Midar closed his eyes, forgetting about whatever was in the future for now. A small smile formed on his face, and he reached down to nuzzle Alarian's cheek. The last few days had been hard on them both, and he too just wanted comfort. So, he resumed his initial task and moved up his lover's jaw to gently groom below his ear once more, hoping he could make the other man forget his momentary loss of temper.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
1,293 Posts
Ooc —
Offline
#24
He sighs softly as Midar resumes his affections, leaning into the touch with eyes half-closed. He's quiet for several moments, basking in the attention as long as he can before the strange tug in his chest overwhelms him. Midar, I — He swallows and falls silent again, uncertain what he means to say. Something nags at him, lurking under each thought and urging him toward... something. It's unknowable, he's sure. He's never quite felt this way before, and he finds it thrilling and unsettling in equal measures. He wants Midar as near to him as possible, yet the thought makes him feel... almost as if he might burst, and somehow he can't decide if that would be good or bad.
287 Posts
Ooc — Hela
Offline
#25
For a while, they were both quiet again, Midar content to ease both of their stress though his tender grooming, and Alarian apparently content to receive his affections. He was entranced by whatever was happening between them and the way he felt being here right now as if neither of them had any obligations or responsibilities pulling them in separate directions. The words made him pause his task, and he gently nudged his lovers cheek. You what? he asked, soft and curious. He wondered what he had been about to say and why he had stopped himself from saying it? He offered another gentle nudge to Alarians cheek, urging him to speak whatever was on his mind.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts