Stone Circle When You Think of Love, Do You Think of Pain?

Photo credit @Wilthking

Ever since it was announced that Greyback is Valette's new mate, Ira found her thoughts louder than ever. Usually, the mountain wolf was capable of managing her emotions, but it seemed a flood gate opened when her suspicions were confirmed. She had been keeping herself to the borders and outer territories hoping everything would blow over and her mind would settle, but days had passed and the thoughts only grew louder.

Her golden gaze lifted to the large stones that now stood in front of her. Ira wasn't entirely sure when her paws led her here, but she did not question why they did. This is where it had all started. Where she left behind her old life to start anew...and yet things were repeating. Despite everything that happened in her old pack, the challenges she overcame, moved past and left behind, anger was still buried. After everything she had experienced here in Easthollow, she wanted to let go, she wanted to forgive, but now she could only think of her fallen mother.

Ira knew how things had happened, she knew why and had to admit everything was done with good reasoning, but that would never change how she still felt abandoned. The mountain wolf was never one to open up to others, perhaps that's why she was here now. She stepped closer to the Mother Stone, looking up to its peak and spoke in a quiet voice. Give me strength, Mother. For I fear I may never forgive him if history repeats.

Being here brought back all sort of memories of Keoni. Nikai missed his sister dearly, even more so now that he was here, in the place they'd grown up, in the place that she lay buried. Nikai'd found a stick they used to play with that he had stashed somewhere in the territory and he brought it to the stone circle. Around the place where Keoni's grave was but it was now hard to tell that it was there at all, he placed the stick when he heard someone's voice. He couldn't make out the words but his interest was piqued.

Nikai opened his mouth to greet his pack mate, but when he saw the way she stood and looked and the murmur of her voice he waited for her to finish speaking. Only when she was done he greeted softly: Heya.

The arrival of the male went unnoticed. Usually, Ira was better about staying alert to her surroundings, but Nikai seemed to have caught her off guard. While his greeting was soft, the sudden words spooked the mountain wolf into movement as she stepped toward the large stone before turning sharply. Her fur bristled accompanied by a rising heat in her face as she looked over the stranger.

The dark-colored wolf was unfamiliar, although Easthollow's scent seemed to linger amongst his own. A new member? Faces had come and gone with winter and all the snow, and while she was not well acquainted with many of the new members, she was sure she had not seen him before. Yellow eyes trailed down his figure to the vacant space where a leg would normally reside. Easthollow was a generous pack, but she could only wonder what help he might provide with such a severe disability.

Ira tore her gaze away realizing that she still had said nothing and that her curiousity would likely be considered rude. The fur along her back slowly fell into place as she cleared her throat and gave a dip of her head in acknowlegement. Greetings... How much had he heard? Was he standing there for some time or had he just arrived?

It didn't surprise Nikai that the first thing she looked at was his leg. Everyone looked at the leg -- or rather, the lack thereof. It seemed he'd startled her, and Nikai looked apologetic as he shuffled back a short step and said: Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.

He hadn't heard all of what she had said, only caught words here and there, and honestly didn't really care for what the words were anyway; it wasn't any of his business. I'm Nikai. I'm Valette's son, but I only recently returned here. Is... Does a loved one of yours rest here? It was a bit of a forward question, perhaps, but Nikai knew that he enjoyed being around here because Keoni lay buried by these stones and he liked to just sit and talk to her, too.

Thought I replied to this the other day whoops

The female averted her gaze as Nikai apologized and introduced himself. Hearing that he was one of Valette's kids came as a surprise, she thought she had met all of them, but she did have several mates. Ira was not off-put by the question, she knew it was a burial site, and for some, a place of religion. Ira. No need to apologize, it's always a pleasure to meet Valette's family. She scanned the stones then the male's expression. Perhaps he had someone buried here? Valette's mother was, so there was her at least. No one lies here for me. I just thought I'd visit. Is there someone who brought you to the stones?

Nikai committed the name to memory - Ira. She must be new, or, well, relatively speaking. He had been gone a year, after all. It seemed that she'd integrated well though, considering how highly she spoke of Valette and her family. Even though Nikai'd not often called Valette his mother, he did often call himself her son; he knew it was not biologically so, but she and Steady had raised him and Keoni, and he was still grateful for that. Nice to meet you, he said to Ira. How long have you been a part of the pack?

And in response to her question, he nodded. My sister Keoni is buried here. I like to... This sounds a bit weird, perhaps, but sometimes I just like to sit and talk to her. Even though she'd never say anything back, Keoni's presence was soothing nonetheless.

Ira titled her head to the side as she thought back. She had joined at the end of summer so she had been in Easthollow for a while now. I've been around for a few seasons now. Long enough to see faces come and go. When Nikai mentioned his sister laying with the stones, she couldn't help but stare at the pillars. She couldn't say she felt a connection to the rocks, she really didn't, but she understood the sentiment of visiting a lost one. I do not think it is that strange. Perhaps she should give her condolences, but then again would she really mean it? It felt fake when coming from someone you just met. She did not know this man, nor his past and loved ones.

Nikai nodded, glad to hear that there were wolves who'd stuck around a bit longer. She was right, many wolves simply came and went. There was no one here except for Valette that Nikai remembered from when he'd lived here before, less than a year ago. A lot changed in a year. He wondered idly how Poppy was doing. She'd gone, too, and long ago from what he could tell. Do you like it here? he asked, though he imagined the answer to be 'yes'. But some wolves simply stayed because they had nowhere else to be, so the therapist slash coach in him felt the need to ask anyway.

As for her comment on the strangeness of talking to deceased relatives by their graves, Nikai smiled as she reassured that it wasn't strange. Nikai still missed Keoni, even though it was half a lifetime ago for him that he'd lost her. It had just been so sudden and abrupt. Her life had known much suffering, but instead of letting it bring him down Nikai always tried to live his life to the fullest, knowing it could be over any time.

It should not have surprised her to hear the question as much as it did. Truthfully, she had only been asked it maybe twice in her time here. Ira cast her eyes back to the Mother Stone as her face twisted with uncertainty. There is the good and bad, but mostly yes. I decided to stay longer than my visits through other territories. I'm not too sure why I stayed given the circumstances I was met with at the borders, but I have not really regret it or I would have left by now. Most people in the pack knew about her relationship with her father. It had improved for a while, but there was always that tension if they both were nearby. She wouldn't usually share this much, but he was Valette's son and would likely find out sooner than later about the current...family situation. Now that she thought about it, this meant the two of them were now siblings.

Still oblivious to the fact Ira was Greyback's daughter, Nikai smiled as she mentioned that she mostly liked it here and that she stayed longer than in most places. Oh, you're a traveller? he asked, a hint of excitement in his voice. I've travelled quite a bit myself in the last year while I was away from home. Keenie loved to travel. Nikai hadn't settled in many packs during his travels, perhaps, but he understood the itch to go out.

Then he realised that she'd mentioned something else. What happened at the borders..? Valette was always kind to everyone, unless they trespassed, in Nikai's experience. He was curious to hear about Ira's story, but glad that everything had worked out in the end.

She bowed her head in acknowledgment to the question. Ira never really considered herself a traveler, she was more or less just looking for somewhere she could settle, but her paws did itch for movement quite often. At the very least she had traveled for quite some time on her own, minus the brief stays with a few packs here and there. Yes, I left my pack over a year ago to find somewhere I belong. Finding a pack with the same kind of balance that would allow me to stay has proved troublesome.

The male's face seemed to twist slightly as he turned the conversation back to her joining. Something she'd rather not talk about, but it appears that he was not yet informed of her family. The roan woman sighed although it was not out of annoyance. Yes, the borders. I suppose no one has informed you that my biological father is Greyback. He was the one who spoke with me at the edge of the territory before Valette appeared. We are not on the best terms. Which only led the female to question once more why she even stayed in the first place. She could be far away from that man and never have to deal with this pitiful family drama again. Although that would leave Merrit alone along with a few other faces she'd rather not abandon for her own comfort at the moment.

Nikai really hoped that this place could be the place that she belonged, for Ira. She seemed like a nice person to him, and like Easthollow might be a fit. He hoped it could be. Then the subject veered back to the borders, which also showed why she seemed a little doubtful herself whether or not Easthollow was a good fit. Nikai couldn't help but wonder why she had joined even though she'd found her father, with whom she wasn't on good terms, at the borders, but he didn't ask.

Oh! No, I didn't know. Hmm. That complicates things. What went wrong between you and your father in the past? It was kind of odd that that made Ira a little bit like an adopted sister, even though they had just met. But he didn't mention that either, considering the strained relations between her and her father.

There it was. The prying question that was bound to come forth eventually. There were two options the roan woman could go with, tell him the truth or avoid her past. It suddenly occurred to her that, from past interactions, most likely were not familiar with the lifestyle she grew up in, so would Nikai even understand her confliction? There was more bagage there than she really felt like explaining right now, but perhaps she could avoid the topic of her old pack for now.

After another moment of internal debate she decided to speak, although Ira still refused to share any details aside from what was really important to make sense of the issue. My Mother passed shortly after my sister and I were born. Greyback abandoned us leaving us with adoptive parents in my Mother's pack. I was raised as a lie and as such received humiliation and shame for who my birth parents were. She wasn't entirely sure what dragged out that much from her to the male. Ira never fully gave her side to Valette in all their conversations too. Perhaps it was because they were family and Nikai would find out from someone else parts of the story in another light. Might as well share her piece now before she was labeled something else, right? It was a clean slate after all.

The female cleared her throat before continuing, I worked hard to earn respect and provide for my pack, but in a sense it was all ripped away when I learned the truth about my parents. Ira was mad, sure she had learned the truth and understood better now what really happened, but part of her had still not let go. Maybe it was something that would be solved with time.

Nikai listened as Ira started to explain about her past. He bobbed his head into a nod a few times as she explained. Nikai wasn't entirely sure he understood all of it: he got that she had been born to Greyback, who'd left -- he frowned as she said this -- and that her mother had died. But what he didn't understand was why she was raised as a lie and humiliated for that. Nikai himself had been adopted, of course, by Valette and Steady, but in his case it had made his life better. He would've surely died if not for them, and he had never received scorn for it. In a way, Nikai's story was a lot like Ira's, except he didn't know who his real father was and had lived a good life under his adoptive parents.

Why were you humiliated and shamed? I mean, uhm... There's no shame in being adopted, is there? Why would anyone put you down for that? And why wouldn't your hard work matter anymore due to who you were born to? Nikai frowned, feeling sorry for what she had to go through. He also wondered how Ira and Greyback got reunited, but he figured he'd asked enough -- if not too many -- questions for now.

Of course it had been too much after all Easthollow was much different than the pack she hailed from. If Ira had been raised here, perhaps she never would have felt the pain of her past. Pureblood seemed to be a term that grew to be unknown in these lands. Perhaps in most packs. I can not be certain, but the way of life where I grew up was very different. She let a short sigh slip through her lips as she tried to find a proper way to explain. My pack did not support bloodlines that were soiled by wolves outside our ranks. Greyback did not hail from my pack, only my mother. That made me unfit and an embarrassment to the Alphas who took my sister and me in as their own. Ira paused to take in Nikai's expression, perhaps give him the chance to ask any further questions if he was still confused.

Though he understood the pack's opinion he still did not understand how that made Ira an embarrassment to her adopted parents. What did it matter what one's blood was? It mattered what your family was. Real family ran deeper than blood. Nikai frowned for a moment, half a minute of contemplating.

Then, eventually, he said: Family is more than blood. If you're adopted, it shouldn't matter who your biological parents were for anyone. What did... How did your parents feel about it? Were they embarrassed, too..? Nikai said this delicately. He could not imagine a world where Valette and Steady were embarrassed of him and Keoni. Why didn't her parents stop others from treating her poorly for her biological heritage?

The roan woman could only shake her head. She likely sounded crazy as her previous way of life is very scarce in these lands. The whole point is that it did matter. If you mean my birth parents, I wouldn't know. Ira cast her gaze to the Mother stone with a saddened gaze. Thoughts pressed at her mind and threatened to slip, but Ira managed to bite her tongue. She suddenly shook her head of her wandering mind. She knew she was close to spilling too much now. After all, Ira has only known this man for a few passing moments now.

I suppose you most likely mean the parents I was raised under? My sister and I were not supposed to know of our blood and our birth mother was cherished in the pack...so we felt loved yes, but I would not be surprised if they too were embarrassed of their adopted kin.

Nikai indeed meant the parents she was raised under. He could not imagine Valette and Steady condoning himself being shamed in the pack. What a horrible thing to do to your child. Ira said that their birth mother loved them and was loved in the pack, but if that was so, why was Ira shamed for her heritage? Nikai had so many questions left, but he wasn't sure which one to ask first, where to start.

Sucks that you had to go through that, he said with a frown after a short silence. Then, after another short silence, he said: Valette isn't my birth mother either, but she's my mother. You don't choose your family, but your family often chooses you. I guess... I don't know if it's worth anything to you, but it seems like your birth father's trying to do better, even though he was never family for you when you were little. He's trying to be family now, it seems to me. It was precarious terrain, but if he wanted his pack mates to get along better, it was necessary to say it.

A gruff rumble hit the female's throat. She did not need to hear that her past "sucked", nor did she want to. Despite her hardships, Ira was still proud of who she built herself up to be, pureblooded or not. The scar she bore across her front leg was proof of what she had accomplished before leaving her birth pack. Nikai did have a point though, Greyback was trying and she was aware of his efforts. After everything that had happened though, her fire aimed at the old man was dwindling and the only reason she had to reignite it was for Valette.

I suppose you had luck on your side to grow under someone like Valette. She is a good woman. To be quite honest if it were not for Valette or her family, Ira would have likely continued on her aimless travels through the unknown. Funny how in the end the family she chose involved the family she tried to leave. Perhaps it was time to finally put aside her past if she was to truly leave it for her new family. I am aware of my father's efforts...perhaps I am too stubborn for my own good but I have my reasons.  I am working on forgiving him.

Nikai nodded when Ira said that he was lucky to grow up under someone like Valette. He realised this more and more each day. Especially considering that she was not his birth mother, and there were many out there that therefore felt that she might as well not have cared for him at all. Either way, it brought a narrow but happy smile to Nikai's face to think about. He hoped that some day he might do the same for others, should they need it. Having been brought up the way he was, Nikai would never think twice about adopting pups.

It wasn't really Nikai's business if she forgave her father or not, and so he didn't push further than just pointing it out. Nikai felt that since she was here, Ira must also feel in some way like she wanted to forgive him. Otherwise she'd just have gone elsewhere rather than stick with him. He just nodded and remained silent, then, after a bit of silence, said: It was nice to meet you. I wouldn't have guessed we have so much in common before this conversation. Nikai smiled. I should head off, but I'll see you around. He waited a moment longer before going off, unless she had something more to say to him.

thanks for the thread!

Ira almost slipped into her own thoughts as they both stood in silence. It was not until Nikai's voice echoed again that her eyes snapped up to meet his figure who was ready to depart. The mountain wolf did not mind that their conversation was ending, realistically she should be getting back to her patrols. In return to his parting words, Ira offered a simple bow of her head. Likewise, it was...nice to get that off my chest. She would wait for the male to leave before she took off herself, but before she did she would cast one last glance back to the Mother stone behind her.