Sun Mote Copse Thinkin' bout why we're here, and where we're goin

Something had been on Colt's mind lately, a niggling thought that had started even previous to his conversation with Niamh.  Through it, though, and his conversations with Kiwi and just general talk about Finley's kids... the thought had become a notion.

It didn't hurt to talk to @Wildfire about it.  He'd need to before anyway, and if she shot it down, then that would be that.  He wasn't about to get kicked over this.

He sought her out, and when he found her, approached slowly with a smile.  Hey Wildfire.  Can I talk with you about something for a minute?

Wildfire glanced up from the bone she was chewing as Colt approached. She had stolen a few moments to simply relax and enjoy the treat, though she didn't mind the interruption. Letting the bone settle between her paws, she pushed herself into a seated position and returned her pack mate's smile.

"Sure, what's up?"

Colt wasn't the type to feel nervous before a conversation, or the type to think much on what he was going to say.  He wasn't an idiot - but he was definitely a straight talker, and that didn't leave much room for nerves most times.  Except now, when Wildfire agreed, Colt had to pause.  He felt that same tight nervous feeling he'd felt talking with Niamh that night.  Maybe he should have brought her - but he wanted this to be a surprise, just as much as he wanted to be sure about it beforehand.

It's... about Niamh.  Things have been going really well between us.  He began, warming up to it as he thought about how true that statement was.  Getting away from the Redhawks had done wonders for their relationship so far, and while that was no guarantee, it was a hell of a lot to consider.  And I know she really wants kids.  I was wonderin, if things keep goin like they're goin... how you felt about that.  There wasn't a whole lot of assumption in his tone, just general curiosity.  He was asking for something he'd thought he never deserved to have, and if it weren't for Niamh, there was no way he'd even try.  She wanted his kids, though, and Colt knew on some level he didn't have a ton of time left to give them.

Her head tilted slightly at his opening. It seemed like a pretty personal subject, which made Wildfire extremely curious. Perhaps two seconds before he asked, she suddenly guessed what was coming next. Her insides clenched a little. Being in charge of these matters was going to be a true test of her leadership, particularly her ability to use sound judgment. Pragmatism wasn't one of her especially strong points.

She didn't know Colt very well, nor Niamh, and that was part of the problem. But from what she did know about him, she felt she could speak forthrightly. "I'm having a litter, plus I'm almost positive Elwood and Finley plan for one too. Truthfully, I don't know that we'll have the resources for a third." The Sovereign paused, drew in a breath, held it for a moment and said, "And I don't know either of you very well yet. Let's work on that. And maybe we can revisit later in the season."

Colt has asked outright and he appreciated the outright response.  No use beating around the bush.  What she said made sense - he had hoped, but just because he was Fin's brother didn't mean he had ever had her place here.  Her family didn't know him, or he them.  Have to ask to know where to start, right? he replied with an easy smile, hiding the (surprising) sting of disappointment.

It wasn't a no, but it wasn't a yes, and who knew when Niamh would hit her season? They might not have time to establish themselves, not if they were competing with two separate litters.  And not when his sister seemed determined to repopulate the wilds singlehandedly.

Anything I can do in the meantime in particular? He had zero experience with actually consciously moving up in a pack, and this was possibly his first time regretting it.

She wasn't sure what to expect as far as reactions went, though Wildfire braced herself just in case. She let out a breath when Colt seemed to take the decision in stride. She nodded and was quick to say, "Absolutely. I'm glad you brought it up, especially because of the various considerations..."

Colt wanted to know how he could better their chances, which was an expected and fair question. "Some of it's beyond your control, though I'd be more willing to hazard a third litter if I felt I knew the parents in question pretty well. I'd like to get to know both you and Niamh a bit better before I make a final call. And it wouldn't hurt for you to earn a trade and move up in the ranks, not just because it'll help the pack as a whole but it'll prove to me how seriously you take this endeavor."

Wildfire offered him a small smile, hoping he would take this as well as her initial answer. Her judgment wasn't particularly personal, though of course it very much was at the same time. For their sake, she hoped the Firebirds continued to flourish and that they made a name for themselves. There was still plenty of time to do that before the opportunity went away for the year.

Earn a trade, move up in the ranks.  Colt did frown a bit at that, recalling his conversation with Bruges.  He still didn't really see a point to putting a label to the work he did for the pack, but he'd likely discuss things with Niamh.  If this was something they wanted, he might have to.

I can... specialize, if you like.  He'd lived a bit of life, he probably already had the required knowledge for some.  The problem was proving it.  Never much saw the point, so long as I was contributing.  But I probably have some skills that could be useful. Officially, he wasn't even sure what the trades were, or how his skill set fit in.  

As to the other... 'move up in the ranks'.  He liked Wildfire a lot so far, but Colt wasn't the type to get super close to those around him.  He'd been a lone wolf too long, and his edges could be prickly; he knew that about himself.  Niamh would likely have no problem integrating herself once she really settled in, but Colt had a rocky history all around these wilds.  I'll talk with Niamh about it, see what she says.  And Fin, he decided silently, though he knew she'd likely give him shit for asking for advice.  Still - he hadn't realized how badly he did want this, not until Wildfire had declined it.

"I would," Wildfire reaffirmed, not sure how to respond to his other comment. It was a metric she could use to evaluate his rank, plus it was simply the most straightforward way to ensure he was pulling his weight. She almost shrugged, then caught herself. "I'm sure you do," she added with a smile. Maybe Colt wasn't a big fan of labels, yet she didn't for an instant doubt that he would carve out a niche, especially with fatherhood at stake. It was a win/win situation for himself, his mate, the pups they might bear and the Firebirds as a whole.

He announced that he would speak to Niamh, which was the natural next step in the process. "Okay. She seems great." Wildfire tacked on the compliment because it was true but also because she was curious about their status. "So are the two of you together? Mates?" Perhaps it was unfair of her, pregnant out of wedlock, to let this weigh into her decision. But the more stable the pair, the more likely they would make good parents.

He'd have to think about what he wanted to take then, once he talked with her.  He had a couple of ideas on things he could specialize in, but the thought of putting a label on the skills he used to survive still seemed odd to him.  He'd never put much thought into proving anything to anyone save himself.

For a question that should have been a completely natural follow up, it sure as hell took Colt by surprise.  A second later he realized that was stupid because of course Wildfire would ask that.  He'd just asked her for permission to maybe have kids?  But he still found himself at a loss for how to respond for a moment.

Not right now, he replied honestly, with a small and somewhat rueful shrug.  I mean... it's going well, and I'm considering.  But I don't want to rush it this time, you know? It might be dumb thinking that, especially when they were already talking about a family.  But right after he'd asked her had been when things went south last time, and he wondered if maybe it was the whole mate thing that cursed him in all these other situations.  He didn't want to ask again lightly.  He wondered if Wildfire would count that as a black mark against him, considering everything they'd just spoken about.

It struck her as a little odd that he would request permission to breed with Niamh, then say he wasn't trying to rush into things. But beyond the judgment she'd already given, it wasn't really her business. Hopefully they were a little more solid by the time they were given the green light to procreate, whether that was later this season or perhaps next year. She didn't realize this might be their one and only chance, which might've swayed her decision a bit in their favor.

"I hope everything works out," the Sovereign said, aware that it was a platitude, though the sentiment was genuine. "The three of us should get together sometime for a hunt, have a meal together. Does that sound good to you?"

He nodded.  Thanks.  And, thanks for listening.  That sounds really good, actually.  They'd have to plan on something.

He debated internally as he dismissed himself and turned to go, wondering whether he really should tell Niamh he'd even asked.  They'd talked idly about it, but made no real plans... what was wrong with waiting until next year?  You, some voice said internally, and he could suddenly feel the years weighing him down, adding to the cut of disappointment this conversation had inspired.

He'd tell her.  They could decide what to do from there.

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