Dragoncrest Cliffs ❝i am❞ is set, delicate and detailed as an insect in amber to each child

@Blodreina

As the news of her expectancy breathed through Drageda like the tell-tale winds of spring, Aure continued to weave her way about the cliffs with as much poise as she could muster. The responses had been overwhelming in the best sense; and she frequently found herself blushing like a bride, to be married off into a society she finally wanted, needed, to be a part of. After telling Isleña herself, it only seemed natural to flit to the next female that the skayona felt close to: Blodreina, who she hadn't seen in quite some time. As such, there were various was as to how Aure would approach another with such finds.

With her Verx, and then with Blixen, it had been with a hesitant happiness. With the cocoa brana, she'd held nothing back in her rhapsodic ways; how radiant she had felt, braving her insecurities and this despondency with the copii soon to swell her belly. With how she would approach Blodreina... Aure didn't know, but the ivory female was sure that the gona wouldn't be as receptive to the slurring introduction they'd met under. 

So, coursing every which way, the Rhaesuian made sure to quell her much-ado-about-everything, and instead cultivated something more hushed in her presence. And when Aure finally noticed the imperious female, she huffed a soft "Suilad" as she neared. Despite barely knowing Blodreina, skayona worried for the blood-queen in the way she might, had she a sister and not a brother. Then again, it could simply be her horomones.

blodreina was a conglomeration of emotions. heda's death has dredged with it unrest that, honestly, the gona's been feeling some time as she nears her first cycle having blissfully skipped it the previous year. if she'd had hopes that she was defective and might never suffer through it ...well, she regards it's reckoning now with disappointment and resentment. yet despite the fact that she doesn't want it to befall her this year she can't help that she suspects that it will nevertheless; no more than she can help the ugly jealousy that someone else's had it before her and bears the fruit of it.

an outsider, no less.

that wasn't expressly true or fair. aure has earned her title and she is kru but she is still a newcomer to their culture and the fact that she carries the next generation of drakru in her womb rears an ugly amount of jealousy within blodreina. jealousy over being knocked up? blodreina wants to gag on it. wants to will it away. it wasn't like blodreina has a maternal bone in her body. she doesn't. she doesn't want kids. they're gross and needy. parasites, if you will. she wasn't gyda who was content to give up her status of shieldmaiden and queen for mother.

blodreina's black, leathery nostrils flared with the nearing scent of aure. she has isolated herself from the others as much as she could to weather the dip in temperatures. she hates caves and having to sleep in hougeda isn't her favorite thing. the first second the temperatures warm and she is confident she can sleep through the night without the risk of freezing to death she will return to her normal sleeping places — though they rotate frequently. any place far away from the closing walls and ceiling that threaten to suffocate her every night made worse by her insatiable jealousy. irrational as it was.

and it seemed that the catalyst of her envy seems very determined to find her because she does and blodreina is greeted by a soft huff of a word she doesn't understand by the lovely woman who smells like blossoming motherhood. it isn't aure's fault but that doesn't mean blodreina can just stop feeling it. there is a strong part of the gona that wants to act like she didn't hear her. to keep on walking. a cold shoulder was better than losing control of her quick fused temper ...wasn't it?

i don't know what that means, you know. blodreina snaps, irritable and huffy.

"It means 'hello' in my northern tongue," Aure hummed, coming to fall alongside the war-maiden with a soft trill in her voice. "Nothing terrible, I promise." Regardless of Blodreina's disposition, she cast a blithe, considering look her way, expression fading into something more quieter. Her mind wound its way back to when they'd first met, when the gona had expressed what her definition of "home" had been.

To say she was struggling to understand what the kru were going through was a bit... of an understatement. Yes, she knew grief, and knew what it was to mourn; but she'd never been abandoned in the wake of such seeming peacetime. None of her blood had ever willingly parted from her, relation or rank or no.

All the same, Aure tried to curve the conversation into something more... continuous. "Like every tongue, we have many words for many things. Anor - ze sun ; morchant - when shadows make themselves known ; ...naergon - to lament." The scarred crescent of her jaw flickered, and she glimpsed towards Blodreina once more. "I am not familiar with the way in which you are lost, doamna. Perhaps it is a crude blessing, in all of this. But... but I am here, whenever you simply need someone to listen."

aure translates it for her, informing blodreina that it is her native language's form of hei. she purses her lips in acknowledgement but offers nothing else; and it would seem her silence earned her a continuation of language lessons. blodreina is silent, giving aure half of her attention with a flick of her ear that suggests she is listening. she does not absorb the words the pale sylph speaks though. there was no kind way to say that she really didn't care. she is kru and if not for the fact that it was a necessary evil she wouldn't even bother speaking common. anyone who was kru born could speak it fluently and if they weren't then it was of her opinion that they'd learn. or they'd flounder and fizzle out. perhaps blodriena was of a much more traditional mindset when it came to her culture — and she liked to think that this mindset also grouped her own mother in with those she would consider outsider would soften the blow, make it seem much less personal because it could definitely be misconstrued into being taken personally.

no. you don't understand, blodreina agrees waspishly. we didn't just lose our alpha. our commander is so much more. they aren't just the leader of drageda. they are the commander of the kongeda. they rule all the clans. there are leaders for the individual clans to handle local issues and keep the hierarchy in order but they all answer to the commander. the commander is what keeps the kongeda united. we need a commander or the kongeda stands to fall as wonkru. it was so much bigger than just drageda.

and not anyone can be commander. the spirits of the past commanders must choose the next heda. only fos goufa's — single born children — are eligible. blodreina doesn't think she has to explain to aure how rare a single born pup is. there hasn't been a fos goufa born in drageda ever. there were two i know of from other geda's ...but who knows if they're still alive. if they are they have to fight one another to the death. the winner of sadgeda will then carry the spirits of the past commanders and become the next heda. for other packs the passing of an alpha is simple. it doesn't effect a whole nation of packs.

if you call yourself kru then you should know these things. you should learn our ways and preach them to your children. or else... there was no sense of staying in drageda as far as blodreina was concerned. become kru in it's entirety or get out ( this was why she made a terrible fleimkepa, lmao ). this is our way. these are things that you and all newcomers need to learn.

How Blodreina arced and hissed might've earned the gona an austere, argent eye — but, no, because it was true. Aure, not understanding any of this at all, neither flinched with insult or pressed forward with retort. Instead, she leaned up into Blodreina's words not unlike a voracious cursist, ears feathering to hear every word she had to say. How would the skayona even ask where to begin learning all of this in the first place, though? "Blodreina... thank you. I am only now finding some sembelence to all of this. When I was first initiated, I'd merely thought Drageda was..." — of a more primordial, sea-faring make — "...just one sect of its kind; not a part of several other clans. I never would've guessed these... gedas, in truth, are so... established."

She was a slow learner, it was true. But she learned; better to be late then never at all. Idly, she wondered if Verx's Trigeda was one of those clans... she'd inquire him later. Once she'd delved in the makings of a culture, there was no end to her quest for answers; for "why's this that way?", if you will.

And now, she needed to process all of this; let it sift through her mind and settle into nooks where the information could prove to be useful later on. "So, without this... heda, or fos goufa," Aure articulated slowly, tasting the words on her tongue, "Drageda, and, er, your other clans, are... left adrift, no?" Her silvered brow narrowed over an ever-pensive gaze, the flush of maternity paling for the time being. To her, the belief of letting superstition annoint the next heir was—wasn't too far from what Rhaesuial practiced, actually.

Aure rid herself of her momentary prejudice, lips pressing thin. How could she even allow herself to stumble to such a folly? "Then, there is no horizon in sight for us? Will Blixen not lead, at least for now? She... she was Antumbra's second-in-command, was she not?" Folly aside, it felt good to have some sort of lesson again; to let her mind enshroud itself this way.

the confession does not come as a surprise to blodreina. how many non-kru born know about the gedas in their entirety? how many know of kongeda? how much did it matter during peace time? probably not much. but their peace has been stolen out from under them with the commander's death. no doubt blixen has already dispatched someone to inform the other gedas and maybe they'd get lucky and find one of the fos goufa's to step up as heda. then again, maybe they wouldn't. i suppose during peace time it doesn't really matter. but peace doesn't last forever and newcomers should know the culture of the pack they are devoting themselves to.

basically. she admits. yes, blixen can lead but she can never be heda. she was not a fos goufa. the spirits of the past commanders will kill anyone that tries to claim the rank that is not a fos goufa. the packs and the kongeda won't crumble in a night, no. things will be alright for a while but the fact of it is, is that we need a heda. or the gedas will eventually turn on one another. turn on us even. she has heard the stories. she thinks then of gyda and gavriel in sangeda and how they are not as young as they once were and she worries for them, naturally. she worries how gyda will take the news of antumbra's passing — they'd been close once, after all.

Her ears curved back at that, brow narrowing towards the clans eventually turning against another. ”How long was ‘eventually’ ze last time something like this happened?” If whatever current peace would end in a few months, then Aure needed to begin thinking ahead. Beyond the delivery in April, and further; but should Drageda ever be... be turned upon, she didn’t know where refuge lay aside from her brother and his Wintersbane. But that would only be her last resort — she would remain alongside the kru, just as she had when she’d joined in the midst of their war.

The skayona wisped out a pensive sigh, gave a half-acknowledged curl of her thin shoulders. Anticipation for something was to come, and Aure had no idea what it even hinted at. But the nerves had begun to irk her, somewhat, and the prospect of April seemed so far from now; and it only added to the bit of frustration. ”Is there anything that ze kru can do to fight this stagnancy? This restlessness? I’m not recommending another war,” she sniffed, ”but there must be something for us to do to help Blixen; ourselves, especially.”

With a muted groan of wearied unease, the ivory she-wolf hobbled back into a stand and began to take long, stretching strides about their seating. It was only to work the stiffness — and grumpiness, ty reina — from her legs, but she still quipped, ”Tell me, what is your sea-word for pregnant? Surely whelps will bring some sort of light to ze cliffs again.”

bland post today fff sry

i don't know. blodreina replies honestly to aure's question. it would be easier, wouldn't it? to be able to put a time limit on the calm before the storm if they could not find atajar ...or any other fos goufas. to say for sure that they had x number of months before the tensions between the gedas held in check by heda would finally bow until they snap. but nothing is certain. spreading word of heda's death might be all it took. blodreina realizes that she didn't truly answer aure's question at all. what does the past matter? she wants to ask. the past could not speak for the wolves that rule and live within the gedas today. maybe their ancestors were more forgiving, more hesitant to move against their own ilk. or maybe they were more violent. nothing that we aren't already doing. all they could do at this point was wait and hope that atajar ...that a fos goufa was found.

for a short, blissful while blodreina had been so wrapped up in educating aure that she'd forgotten that the other wolf was pregnant ...and thus had forgotten that it sits like a weighted stone in her chest. jealousy spikes through her blood and contorts her lips as if she's tasted something sour. as it was there might've been some rise of bile. of course the peace within blodreina couldn't last. she was a woman born for war and war is all she knows. the physical battle and the warring of her own heart.

only a fos goufa would bring light to drageda. it is the cold, harsh truth exactly as blodreina sees it. perhaps the others would not share her stark and cruel view of things ( they didn't really seem to ) but if they hadn't learned by now that blodreina was ferocity given flesh then that was on them.

She'd known the answer even before it left Blodreina's lips; all they could do was what they already were attending to. Only to have some sense, some semblence of order that remained amidst such a loss. However, she hadn't expected the ferocity with which the gone bit out her next words -- which was peculiar of Aure, herself, given that Blodreina was everything but not-fierce. Beginning to gnaw at the inside of her cheek, the skayona told herself that Blodreina simply meant that only a singular child of the sea could amount to lead the gedas once more.

Even so -- "Verx; he is ze father. They are under his name." The maternal flush had crept away entirely, now, and Aure couldn't help but regard Blodreina a bit narrowly. She told herself that the gona wasn't saying what she feared -- that her children wouldn't be of worth for not being entirely geda bred-and-born. "Even if our whelps are only half-kru, they are still kru... even if I am not." All the same, that crass note the other female had been jawing with, it... it pricked at the wisps of fur along Aure's spine; made something inside her arc with a wary vigilance. But to protect what? To protect the worth of their children that hadn't yet to form within her? How Aure, for now, wished this one sliver of euphoria to be her light?

...Yes. Yes, it was exactly that, something restless decided. It was exactly the reason that her rainless decorum began to falter; and maybe it was her insecurities, or horomones; all three, or none at all.

blodreina regards aure with a coldness that borders her own confusion as to why the father is meant to mean anything to her. she hadn't recalled asking. unless she means drakru and blodreina gives a shake of her head, as aure's assumptions only prove how little she truly knows about the pack she calls herself apart of. what happened to the days when in order to be called kru you had to know the culture? the way things worked? you are wrong. despite that aure's assumption has her rankling — because, really who is a newcomer to shoot her mouth off and tell her, she who was born of drageda and raised all her life to be kru that she is wrong when said newcomer obviously doesn't even have the right information.

kru isn't blood. there is no such thing as half kru, blodreina says the word as if it is a foul thing that burns her tongue. you are either kru or you are not kru. and to bear the name drakru isn't something you inherit. you earn it. every man, woman and child has to earn it. i was first generation born into drageda and i had to earn the name. just as blixen and the others. being verx's children doesn't give them a free pass into anything. that isn't how it works here.

blodreina educates aure further, her annoyance and her jealousy — really this was aure's fault for even bringing pups up; blodreina'd forgotten about them and all was good — coming to an ugly paramount within her. and while i'm setting things straight, blodreina'd never been one to hold things back so why on earth should she ever start now? i do have a problem with your children. i have a problem that you who have only been in drageda for a month, maybe two at most, carry the next generation of drakru in your womb before women who have been here much longer than you. there should've been a pecking order and you, as a newcomer, as far as i'm concerned should've been at the bottom.

and there it was. it was out in the air. somehow, it didn't make blodreina feel any better. she was still jealous and bitter and angry and mourning; and in true blodreina fashion likely just severed all ties she might've been building with a woman that could've been a friend. but she couldn't help how she felt about it and in her opinion, it was better to be upfront about her upset than hide it away behind false smiles. if anything this brought a single and lonely fact to the forefront of blodreina's mind: this was why she didn't do friends.

No, the gona was wrong. It showed in the narrowing of the skayona’s brow, the bewildered blink; she hadn’t meant blood status at all, but rather, the status of where the children were born into. Perhaps Aure’d been thinking along the lines of some sort of ancestry, but had stumbled right into another lesson. Hers would be half-parts outsider, half-parts born of one who’d been accepted by the geda; that was what she’d meant. That when she delivered, the children would be acknowledged from having come from a warrior of their own, despite her not.

Her jaw fluttered, lips parted to correct herself, but Blodreina forged ahead. The more barbed her words, the more Aure felt herself bristle, and found it ever difficult to sit through this. Sit through someone who thought she wanted her bairns to have some sort of “free pass”, as if she were some idiot of a mother-to-be— her argent gaze flared silver, and she could feel the beginnings of indignation dance along her muzzle.

Aure never expected for everyone to be taken by elation when they heard her news, and this— no, she wanted to make it crystal-clear that she knew there were no “free passes” through life— And then she stopped listening, mind going numb, as I do have a problem with your children translated to You should’ve proved the worth you never had before bedding one of our own you peasant.

What she heard was that she was a stupid girl who knew nothing, u know nuthin jon snuh who stared at her stupid stars and would continue to know nothing, even as she spread her legs for a world she knew nothing of, but brought children into it all the same. That was how Aure heard it; how the words of reality staggered into the surreal labyrinth of her mind; even as she wanted these children more than anything, her long-kept depression began to sliver through crevices.

All of Lily’s own whisperings faded, as Aure faded, as the now-tatters of whatever self-confidence she’d written up for herself faded, too. And then her own, lethargic loathing came, riveling at the tender, hopeful parts of her. Porcelain skin drew taut over stark bones, like parchment snagging to the ripping point on some edge; the red of her was as dark as dried wax, as if the scars left behind were the traces of his false seal. She wasn’t enough; hadn’t been enough for the cliffs and those there, just as she’d known.

Either — she could sit here, sniveling and quite near the verge of tears... or she could forgive Blodreina for this not-lesson with as much thinning graciousness as she could. It took everything within her to keep from simpering, "Blodreina, bless your heart. If it weren't for the fact that you are at its own pecking order, then perhaps you'd have whelped long before I, no?" And she really tried. Really, she did; Aure wanted so much to delve into that hateful, frostful, abysmal recess of herself— wanted to hurt Blodreina with her words, too; wanted her to hurt for practically shitting on her unborn. It would be so effortless, too, in sneering so low if only to rise to her own defense.

But then, in the end, she concluded that if there was anyone who was going to shit on her, it was going to be herself alone. As much as she wanted to kneel to new lows... she could not. Could not, even as she stood here and allowed Blodreina to insult her so thoroughly.

Aure was only able to restrain herself, with such a rift torn through her, so her response ended up as an icy hiss: ”Forgive me, if I’ve come off with saintly airs by wanting share such news with you; my only intention was to give you some semblence of faith, regardless of your impression of me. It is a time for grief, however. I know now how mistaken I was. But you should know that light, no matter where it comes from, should be welcome.” but her eyes were dead and indolent, a frozen crease to her snout as she willed herself to tether her fury. Blodreina didn’t deserve it — and yet, she did, didn’t she? So was Aure, an outsider at the bottom of this dreamt-of pecking order, a fool or a faith by veiling what anger she had from the gona?

Since she could first wobble, Aure couldn’t ever make up her mind with everything she felt, and that was truer now than it’d ever been. She was euphoric, and then concerned, and now whatever boldness she’d made for herself now writhed under her warring, inscrutable insecurities. But she knew what she could do — who else she knew would take more heart to her news than the Blood Queen before her. 

The skayona drew away from the fitful she-wolf, forcing her eyes to lighten once more, and said nothing else as she made her way Home. It was over a crude, cold shoulder that she lowed, ”Thank you for your many lessons, Blodreina. I will never forget them.”

aure is understandably upset by blodreina's personal feelings on the matter of her pregnancy — that it shouldn't have been allowed to happen before more established members had had their children — and by her blunt dismissal of goufas on the way. how was more mouths to feed meant to help their situation? it would only mean more bodies if the other gedas took the death of the commander poorly. they needed a fos goufa and that was the cold, hard facts of it. it wasn't blodreina's fault that aure didn't like what she had to say. the truth rarely went over smoothly.

in the end, though, despite the words aure tosses at her, no doubt intending to barb and jab, blodreina is immune to them. she does not regret her words and is not apologetic for feeling how she does about the pecking order or lack thereof when it comes to pregnancy. perhaps aure would feel differently if the situation were reversed but blodreina wasn't half as good a wolf. if aure took her words in any way other than they'd been intended then as far as blodreina was concerned that was on the pale sylph and not the ex-wanlida.

it is good that you don't. if you want to be drakru then you have to be drakru. for blodreina it was as simple and as complex as that. as the pale woman turns and departs blodreina does not try to call her back. instead, she turns her back and continues on with what she'd been doing before.