Phantom Hollow The ghost of you is close to me

The beast moved along the borders, remaining vigilant in his goal to make sure that no stranger passing by would be confused about the fact that they shouldn't be there. He found his mind wandering to his mate a lot today. @Alarian was always on his mind, but Midar was worried about the way he had been acting lately, and so his thoughts filled any lull in distraction with anxiety over what could be wrong. 

When he couldn't focus on anything else, he finally gave up his patrol and set out to find his mate instead. He first checked the thicket that had been serving as a makeshift den for them while they were staying in the hollow, but he didn't see any signs of his lover there, nor did he pick up any fresh scent trails. So he moved on, nose to the ground as he searched for the scent he could pick out anywhere. He searched for a while before he found what he was looking for, and he followed the trail until he found the sad pile that was his mate near the river that ran through the woods. He padded over, stopping as he came to the other man's side. It made him angry to see Alarian in this state, and it was even worse that, so far, it seemed there was nothing the beast could do about it. So instead of trying to find something useless to say, he moved to Alarian's back, lied down, and curled around him before settling his head across his mate's shoulders and releasing a heavy sigh.

He's so, so tired. There is a heavy lethargy settling deep in his bones as of late, a suffocating exhaustion far too familiar for comfort — and truth be told, he doesn't know what to do. The demon is a familiar one, but its presence has scattered him far too effectively, and the accompanying apathy has done little to motivate him past it. So this morning he'd exited his den, flopped on the ground, and decided to stay there for... however long. The rest of his life, perhaps.
After what feels like forever, the sound of an approach causes him to tense, chest tightening in the moments before he recognizes his lover's scent. Midar, He murmurs, voice rough and cracking slightly. He can't find the strength to move until his mate settles, embracing him, and he feels some faint stirring of warmth through the numb haze. He whines quietly, raw and needy, and presses into his lover with a nip and a second whine bordering on desperation. Midar. He repeats, voice tremulous with an unspoken plea. Please make me feel something.

He wasn't sure what he had expected, but he hadn't been expecting to hear such a desperate sound from his lover. When he uttered his name, the pleading sound of his mate's voice tore at the beast, and there was no way he could deny him what he what he clearly needed. He hated feeling like he couldn't fix whatever was causing Alarian so much unhappiness; it made him feel out of control, and sometimes, he wondered if it was his fault. He pushed the thought from his mind and moved his nose through the fur on his lover's neck before wandering slowly up to offer a nip to the other man's jaw. I love you, he whispered into the soft fur beneath Alarian's ear. He never knew if it helped his lover to know how deeply he felt for him, but surely it couldn't make him feel worse.

He sighs softly, shivering slightly at his lover's gentle touch. The faintest spark of warmth stirs in his chest when Midar speaks, and for a moment he's silent, clinging to it desperately. He does love Midar, and it counts for something. It means he isn't totally broken, at least — even if this is all he has right now. I love you, He returns quietly, closing his eyes after a moment. I'm sorry.

He moved his muzzle through Alarian's fur, stirring up his scent and inhaling; he did it as often as he could, like an addict taking what he needed to survive. But, he paused his movements at his lover's apology. Why are you sorry? he asked, confused. Midar resumed his task, moving down his neck to offer gentle nips to whatever skin he reached under the fur. He could almost forget his worries over his lover's recent state while he was here curled around him and drinking in his scent. It was often like that when they were together, like they created some secret little world outside of time and space where nothing mattered except them.

Midar's affection is soothing, but his question has the opposite effect, and the conflict renders him silent for what feels like forever. The pause is suffocating, and his heart begins to pound in the space between his lover's words and his own. Because I'm — I don't know. Broken, He manages finally, swallowing. You deserve better. You should leave me to rot, he thinks, but he doesn't say that; he doesn't want to anger his mate, and he knows by now that the man will not give up on him. Even if he should.

With their close vicinity and the way the beast always seemed tapped into his lover's reactions, it was easy to hear the thundering of his heart in the silence that followed his question. His own heart sped up as he anticipated Alarian admitting to something he had done that might anger the beast. But, his admission wasn't like that at all, although he still found himself becoming upset. Don't, he said angrily. That couldn't be furthest from the truth. Fear of losing him and the need to quiet his infuriating words had him delivering a proprietary nip to the back of Alarian's neck. And, I won't ever want anyone else, he added, anger still painting his tone as he spoke. What did he need to do to make his lover understand that no matter what happened, he could never be swayed any other way but towards his mate.

Unfortunately, it seems he's already upset Midar. He tenses a little, but it's hard to truly feel hurt by his lover's anger, given the subject. He buries his face in Midar's fur in response to the nip, falling silent as he realizes he doesn't have a good response. It's difficult to truly believe him, but he can't argue; the last thing he wants is a fight. So he takes a deep breath and presses closer to his mate instead, trying not to think about how little he deserves to be where he is.

Midar didn't want to fight either, but he hadn't been able to help the anger that flared at his mate's words. Even when Alarian tensed in response to his anger, he hadn't been able to calm himself right away. But, then his lover relaxed and pressed further into him. The beast tightened his embrace, curling more around him. Midar wished he could make him see just how detrimental he was to his life. Alarian was his only anchor to sanity and without him, he wasn't sure what he would become. The thought made his throat tighten and his heart race as emotion he didn't quite understand swelled in his chest. I need you, he managed to say, the words quiet and rough. Why couldnt he see that?