Lost Creek Hollow you listen to me you muscle-bound handsome adonis.

Liffey had been stewing for days. Well, in all actuality, she'd been stewing for a few months now. Ever since she and @Rannoch had begun discussion his return to leadership and the tiny shard of jealousy had embedded itself into her brain, she'd been stewing. And then, she'd been watching. Watching the pack make decision after decision about their future. Her future. More importantly, the future of her children.

She'd had enough. It was time.

The Frostfur matriarch stretched out langorously at her mate's side, feeling very much contented by the activity they had just finished (they had sex). @Gannet had been the latest lucky babysitter chosen to keep their litter company while the couple had stolen away for some very much needed alone time. She rolled onto her side to face her husband, taking a moment to gaze admiringly at him before she pawed playfully at his shoulder.

"Did I mention how nice it is to see you again, Mr. Frostfur?" Liffey asked with a grin.

Rannoch grinned, rapture pumping through his veins. "Oh?" he questioned in reply, smiling coyly. Rannoch remained flirtatious, despite his fatigue. "I don't think you did," he continued, "But, I must add, how nice it is to see you again, Mrs. Frostfur." He admired the splendor before him; Liffey was radiant, as always. 

"I'm glad that we're having more time to ourselves," Rannoch admitted, reflecting on how often they had been able to secure a babysitter for this children recently. The experience with their second litter was much different than their first. Suddenly, he flopped onto his side with an impish gleam in his eyes. "You've been putting me to work lately, too," Rannoch teased, pawing gently at Liffey's chin. 

"I like it."

Liffey grinned at both his words and the look of appreciation on his face as he gazed at her. She often felt so uncomfortable in her own skin, so awkward, so... lacking. Yet he'd always had this incredible power to make her feel right at home. It was like he filled the gap where her own self-confidence ended and made her feel whole. He made her feel strong, and brave. He made her feel capable, like there was nothing she couldn't do so long as she had him.

He was in the good boy club for sure.

She gave him an affectionate, sympathetic smile and gave a quick kiss to the paw he poked at her chin. "Aww, you poor thing. I can give you a break if you ever need it," she quipped with a grin, nuzzling against his paw with a little purr. She paused thoughtfully for a moment before continuing, this time with a more serious tone. "I do mean that, you know," she said, "Between dad duties, husband duties, and now you being the only capable leader of the pack. If there's some way I can help with the burden... I want to."

"You know that will never happen," Rannoch replied with a new-found grit in his voice. "And, besides, it keeps me in shape. If you weren't putting me to work, then I'd look more like a bison than I do a wolf," he quipped. "And I know you wouldn't want that. So, we'll keep to our regularly scheduled activities," Rannoch's grinned, knowing that Liffey would agree. 

What Liffey said next was unexpected, but not unwelcomed. "Yeah?"  he replied, rolling onto his stomach. "I'm not opposed to the help—especially since it's from you." Rannoch didn't hesitate to voice his thoughts. Liffey had led at his side before, and he knew he was capable. But, to him, the offer seemed to have come out of left field—he had been unaware of the feelings that she had festered for quite some time. "I don't think the others would be opposed, either," he added after some thought.

The moment she’d finished saying it, she’d realized she hadn’t been nearly specific enough. Liffey has left her intentions open to interpretation, and immediately upon realizing her error, found her brain fumbling to find the words to better explain. But, in true Rannoch fashion, he understood completely. She relaxed again and rolled onto her stomach to continue the conversation.

”Of course they won’t. With Terrance and Treason preoccupied now with their litter, it leaves you on your own to take care of things,” Liffey said, ”I think they’d appreciate the extra hand with the pack so they can focus on their kids. And since this year we have Deshyr and Breccan and even Gannet to step in with ours, it just makes sense for me to step back up beside you. I never meant to abandon my place in the pack forever.” 

Yes, but mostly for Terrance and Treason. Of course. Not because Liffey had always felt somewhat bitter about having to step down when she’d had her first litter, nor about the way her pack had been run without her say even though she had never stopped being Rannoch’s mate or the mother of his children and had never stopped feeling like this pack was theirs. Of course not those things. She’s a kind woman, you know.

Rannoch fell silent for a prolonged pause as he considered Liffey's statement at length. Ultimately, it made sense to him; they both knew the struggles that came with new children. Rannoch nodded as he came to his conclusion, and reached over to nudge his wife's cheek. 

"You're right," he replied. "It would not only benefit them—it'd benefit the pack as a whole." As far as Terance was concerned, Rannoch was conflicted, but he didn't voice his concerns; Liffey was his wife—his queen. "We'll have to talk to the others, though," he began, "But, I don't think there should be an issue. You are my wife, and I need you to stand at my side."

Liffey felt her excitement grow as Rannoch began to nod his agreement. She hadn’t really thought he’d deny her, but her old uncertainty and anxiety over putting herself out there in even the smallest ways had been provoked by the situation. But of course he agreed with her, because what was there to disagree with? She and Rannoch had been the ones to found Sunspire. This group of wolves was always meant to be lead by the two of them, and just because she had stepped down then didn’t mean she had relinquished any of her entitlement to the legacy she had been pivotal in building.

We’ll just overlook that word, entitlement.

But just as Liffey was nodding eagerly and preparing to further comment about how wonderful it would be, Rannoch pause, and in a single comment, threw her enthusiasm crashing into a black hole. We’ll have to talk to the others. It was such a reasonable, logical next step. Yet to her, it sounded like he didn’t truly have confidence in the decision. It sounded like he had doubts. It sounded like no.

Liffey visibly wilted, though she tried to stop herself from doing so. She knew she was being absurd, that of course they would need buy in from the rest of the pack. But then again, why? Rannoch was king and she was his queen, why did what the rest have to say matter? Because it did. But did it? Liffey found herself quickly overwhelmed by doubt and merely nodded as her eyes dropped to her paws, heavy from this new train of thought feeling in circles in her head.

As Liffey's expression began to deteriorate, Rannoch's felt a wave of guilt overcome him. "I need to tell him in person," he amended quickly, his eyes seeking hers, "This is a big leadership change, and I owe it to him to explain why this is happening." Rannoch's frown deepened and his mind began to reel; would Terance so easily give up his position? 

"But, we will lead at each other's side," Rannoch promised despite his innermost concern, his voice stronger. "You are my queen, and the rightful leader of this pack." 

"But, just in case this doesn't go as we anticipate, I will do my best to explain why this is happening. I do not want any violence, and will not resort to that," he rolled his shoulders—word-vomit forming in his throat, "But, we will take action, should we have to." 

Rannoch was a lot of things, but great with words was not exactly one of them. Liffey knew this and more often than not found it endearing, but today it was not one of those days. She felt him trying to catch her eye, but wouldn't lift her gaze to his. The more he spoke, the more uncertain and hurt she felt. She didn't understand why this would be such a big deal. It was her position. It always had been. They'd just been keeping her place warm for her. Where along the lines had that changed?

Liffey did look up quite abruptly to meet his eyes when he used the word violence. To say that it took her by surprise would've been an understatement. She stared at him, frowning in confusion with her jaw dropped slightly. Now she was just downright offended. "Violence? Why on earth would you even be concerned about that?" she demanded, "This pack was our dream. We were the ones who pulled everyone together after leaving Moonspear. Those that joined us were following us, not Terance and Treason. What leg would they even have to stand on to be angry about me taking back my rightful place? They wouldn't have anything without us."

Liffey stood abruptly and took a few steps forward, away from her mate. She was angry now, and feeling very resentful towards Terance and Treason even though they'd done nothing to deserve it. Well, at least Terance hadn't anyway. In any event, they were merely victims of misspoken conjecture, but reminding herself of that fact didn't calm the storm brewing in her mind.

Startled, Rannoch watched Liffey with his mouth ajar; he hadn't expected such a negative reception. "I don't know, Liffey," Rannoch replied, his voice wavering, "I just don't want to go into this unprepared—we have to consider everything going into this." He was growing tired—nothing he was saying was landing as he had indened— and frankly, he wasn't sure how to appease her. "Like I said, this is a big conversation. I know that it is your rightful place, but there is a chance they might see eye-to-eye." 

Rannoch then pushed himself onto all fours and took a step towards Liffey. "Liffey, please," he urged through a frown. "I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Rannoch tried to make it right, bless his heart, but Liffey was too far gone now. There was no pulling her back from the black hole she'd slipped into. She feared rejection more than anything else, so she rarely put herself in a position to receive it. She had thought herself safe with her mate in this conversation, but apparently she had been mistaken. She didn't belong in the leadership of this pack with he and Terance and Treason. She barely belonged in the pack at all. She was back where she had started.

"Forget it, Rannoch," Liffey urged him quietly, shaking her head, "It's okay. I just don't even want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to cause a problem with anyone. It's not worth it. Can we not talk about it anymore?" She attempted to look at him, but she couldn't lift her eyes far enough. She just wanted to forget this whole stupid, embarrassing conversation and go home to her kids.

"We should get back to the den," she said, trying to speak quickly enough to stop him from trying to continue, "They'll be getting hungry. We can stop and get something from a cache on the way." Liffey glanced at him before quickly look away as she stepped past him, headed off to do just what she'd said and leave her foolish ambitions behind.

Rannoch's efforts were futile; Liffey requested they drop the subject entirely, leaving Rannoch feeling defeated. "Okay," he agreed, his voice trailing as she began to suggest their next move. Rannoch wanted nothing more than to explain himself, but he knew that'd end poorly—just as their conversation had. 

As Liffey walked in the direction of the den, Rannoch followed slowly. There had to be something he could do to right this—to take her pain away. He had caused her dour mood, and he was determined to free her of it.

"Hey," he called suddenly, his steps ceasing as an idea came to mind. "Let's get away. You, me—the open road. We could take a trip to see your parents." Rannoch moved forward, closing the distance between them. "Deshyr and Breccan are more than capable of watching the kids, and the pack will be there to support them if they need it," his excitement regarding the idea was obvious, "We'll take the scenic route, stargaze... among other things." Rannoch cleared his throat and smiled—there were many things that they could do alone.  

He silenced his thoughts for a moment, allowing her a chance to respond. 

"What do you think?"

Liffey heard Rannoch pause and knew she ought to as well. She did so, albeit reluctantly, and turned slowly to look at him. She expected him to insist on discussing her bid for leadership, but he surprised her with a suggestion that actually brought some light to her moment of darkness. She looked up at him slowly, her features softening as she considered. The kids were awful young to be left alone still, but she trusted her older children to be able to keep them safe. And they had Gannet too, assuming he'd be willing to keep an eye on all of them for her.

"I think I'd like that," Liffey said uncertainly. It seemed like such an irresponsible thing to do, to take off on her kids like this. But she couldn't deny that she needed to get away. And she still wanted to give her parents news of their latest litter, and to meet Eljay's new family. Maybe even her own new siblings, assuming her parents had reproduced yet again by now.

She looked up at her mate and gave him a small smile.

"Yeah?" Rannoch replied, his voice constricted by his excitement. Rannoch hadn't considered the children or the rest of the pack, and he didn't put two-and-two together in regards to Liffey's apparent uncertainty. As far as he was concerned, he had made his wife smile again, and that meant everything to him. 

"It'll be great," Rannoch promised with a wave of his tail, closing the distance between them.

Rannoch looked relieved by her acceptance, which caused another shock of guilt to course through her system. She was being so terribly selfish, to act like this and to force her mate to deal with her. She looked at him silently for a moment, unable to understand how it was possible that someone so wonderful could love her the way that he did. It simply made no sense to her. What had she ever done to deserve to be his wife and the mother of his children? She was weak and miserable, and she was dragging Rannoch down with her.

Before she could follow that rabbit hole any further, Liffey stepped towards him and pressed himself into his chest. She reminded herself that while it didn't make any sense, Rannoch had chosen her. Wondering why only made her more undeserving of his love than she already was. She needed to just focus on being grateful for the blessings she'd been given, no matter how hard it sometimes got for her to see. So, Liffey nestled herself close and nodded softly to his ascersion, and hoped that this trip might help her resolve one of the many issues that had always kept her from being worthy of him.

Rannoch embraced Liffey's nearness; they needed this trip, as they had needed their sabbatical a few months prior. "I love you," he hummed before he moved to preen at the fur on her forehead. Liffey meant everything to him, and despite their occasional disagreements, Rannoch still believed that the sun shined out of her ass.

"When do you want to go?" he asked after some time, pulling away from his work. "I'm good whenever you are."

"I love you too," Liffey murmured as she sank into him. Being with him like this often made it feel as though all of her fears and insecurities were growing mute. He made them fade away and make her feel like she actually fit in this world. Today, though, it didn't quite work the way it usually did. That was how Liffey knew that she really did need this trip, perhaps more than she ever had.

"Soon," she answered, "Maybe in another week. Before we bring the kids out to the rendezvous site." She paused, considering. "They'll probably be livid over being left behind. Moving them will be a nice way to make up for it once we get back," Liffey said, another small smile quirking the corners of her lips.

Liffey didn't feel particularly good as Rannoch agreed and they began to head back home. She still felt suffocated by the blackness in her head and in her heart, but at least there was some hope of a little light poking through sometime soon. That would just have to be enough for now.