Moonspear when i bled from the heart of the matter
All Welcome  May 22, 2019, 08:12 PM
Jarilo
Moonspear
Gamma
The chaos made him distant, but he was far from blind to it all.

He had been busy riding a long wave of restlessness for weeks now, and to have it all finally culminate here with his parents in opposition suddenly was shaping up to be more than he felt he could cope with. Before it had only been internal struggles--all related in him dealing with expectation, and growing up and older with all the responsibility that came with it. It had hit him hard, apparently, once everyone started going into heat and really upsetting the order around here. Now, that all paled somehow. Those worries were all but gone, then shelved for another time now that he had bigger and worse things to worry on--like all these unknowns.

So in the minefield that his family had become, he took it by the day, chancing every precious crumb of his mother's company when he could find her, and patrolling near his father sometimes--although towards the latter, he preferred to keep his distance more for convenience; after his stay away from the mountain that seemed like the real, worst catalyst, there was something there Jarilo could not place, and definitely something he didn't want to face.

But, the afternoon was wearing on and he picked down a path to the biggest creek he knew near after hunting with mom (and she had long since ghosted off on him, of course). Once there, he went in quick for a drink, and decided to rest his sore paws in the cold waters a bit.. although he felt guilty for it already. He loosed a heavy sigh, focused on the trickle of the waters, and set to trying to unwind anyway.

[Image: FTnkWJH.png]
June 07, 2019, 11:10 AM
Dirge
Moonspear
Alpha
Now that his hunting trail had gone cold, the sound of the creek ushered him in. While there were any number of rivulets that he could have chosen, the longest of these had its own charm about it. Running from the stonework on high and gently weaving through the forest beneath, the changing topography could not dissuade it to end a moment too short. While he had hoped to pick up another trail to follow to quell whatever craving whim Hydra proclaimed, what he found instead was a face that he had only seen briefly.

Like his sisters, Jarilo was a flickering shadow. Unseen and unheard in those recent days, Dirge was surprised to find him here and now, and realized he did not recall seeing the shadowy wolf in assorted company. It was enough to break his interest in hunting for now—Hydra would and could wait, he thought—and quietly make his approach.

”Seems like you've been keeping yourself busy these days,” and quite possibly because someone had to. The turmoil had them all at unease; he thought perhaps he would find solidarity in the lingering discomfort. ”Mind some company?”
June 11, 2019, 10:14 PM
Jarilo
Moonspear
Gamma
He relaxed very carefully, it seemed, letting some of the tension work through him then tell himself that it could flow away too on a current down the mountain. But, every ounce of zen he could force onto himself came like that--not easily, and he had to convince it to even halfway occur to him, even with the sound of the creek in his ears, and nothing immediately pressing down on him. Was it really relaxing at this point, when he had to work that hard to make it happen? Probably not.

Maybe over the din of this frustration, Dirge came as a strangely acceptable alternative. The water still felt good, though, so the peered at him from where he was still with a heavy sway to his tail. Yeah.. I've been trying to be, he answered after a beat, realizing how long it had been since he had just.. been, simply with a deepening furrow. Between it all, down to his restless sleeps and long dreams between his days spent worrying about the family around him.. its toll was catching him, finally. No I don't mind any, he breathed, almost thinking to say that no, it was good, the company was better. But I probably shouldn't stay here all too long.. Not that he could elaborate well on why. Are you busy today? he asked. Was he as worried about Hydra and the others as he was, too?
June 12, 2019, 04:57 PM
Dirge
Moonspear
Alpha
Along the water's edge, he reclined to his haunches and listened in. It was easy to do that and take in the sights, though for the most part there was nothing out of the ordinary he hadn't seen. Dirge may not have charted every inch of Moonspear, not wanting it to give up all of its secrets so soon, but the familiarity had worn in well, even here. Unlike his counterpart, he excelled at simply existing, letting life move at the pace it so desired—a difficult thing to do now, however, with all that ensued.

”Not particularly,” he admitted. ”I was looking to go hunt for Hydra later, maybe fill a cache somewhere, but I have time at my disposal for now. If you'd rather head off, we could always walk and talk.” At least he wasn't so busy that he couldn't deviate from the routine he had fallen into, nor did he think Hydra would fault him for spending a little time with Jarilo. Of her brothers, he was at least one Dirge had a decent rapport with. At least he didn't have to worry about being torn asunder with little provocation in his company.
June 13, 2019, 10:48 PM
Jarilo
Moonspear
Gamma
Though he listened, his sights slowly trailed from Dirge back to the flow of the waters--the ripples and the curves on the surface, but he didn't have any profound feeling about it since he felt like he couldn't even focus entirely. Too distracted, too wound up.. but exhausted from trying to keep up. That's good.. he eventually replied, happy that Dirge seemed pretty lax about it all compared to how Jarilo felt inside--which was just like a terrible, knit, burning knot. Sounds good. I guess I just feel shitty for stalling around too much with everything.. going on, he said, putting it mildly and made a frown to go too. But I realize there's only so much to be done about it from here.. he sighed, feeling like it was just a waiting game for him; waiting to find out more, or receive his orders. Something was going to have to give soon because even he felt that these long, drawn-out tensions were not sustainable and he feared he would have to put his alliance to one side versus another if it didn't resolve soon.

Anyway, he still didn't get up and only reached his neck out so he could lap half-heartedly at the water for a second. He sighed again before adding on: Hope Hydra's handling it all okay. I know she gets closer to our parents than most.. lately that kind of worries me, he mentioned, starting to shift himself then. Beyond how Hydra handled it, this wasn't something Dirge likely had much insight on.. and Jarilo knew that. Still... I don't know, he shook his head, for this was a heavier sort of mood than he wanted.

[Image: FTnkWJH.png]
June 14, 2019, 12:30 AM
Dirge
Moonspear
Alpha
”She's handling it the best she can,” he offered with a sigh. ”It bothers her, just as it does the rest of us. Though she has her litter coming to keep her occupied as well.” Where his offenses were more personal and along the lines of personal gain, he was aware of how deeply things cut for her. ”She takes the good with the bad,” he tacked on as an afterthought. He could empathize to a degree how bad the sting was, but they had spurred her into making decisions for herself. Of what the future might hold for her, and for him too. He had never abandoned the idea of stealing her away, though at the present doing so had its drawbacks. Children would certainly complicate whatever plans he held onto, but he would not risk doing something to harm their existence.

”But you shouldn't feel bad for stalling. These are turbulent times, especially for you and your kin. There's no harm in taking care of yourself while things cool down, and if that's a crime here too, then... I suppose I'm guilty of it as well.” He had not stopped his ranging here and there, the little ventures beyond the claim that Moonspear fiercely held onto. He wouldn't stop them, but he would come back within the day instead. If not for the children in her womb and their shared goals, he would have turned tail long ago he thought. But perhaps, just perhaps, the stress of all of this would prove its worth in the end.
June 17, 2019, 10:31 PM
Jarilo
Moonspear
Gamma
There were good parts to it, and ones that made him uneasy still. Of course Hydra could handle it with enough grace to navigate the stormy seas of their parents--he knew better than to doubt her outright. He still worried she may try to shoulder too much.. especially with the pups, which Dirge mentioned as a very fair distraction. Maybe that was another reason why he worried.. because he didn't want to see them caught in the crossfires of what may come, either. Or maybe they were a tipping point, somehow. He didn't know yet, maybe didn't want to have to know for sure. Really, I think that's the best any of us can do.. But he really hoped his sister stayed safe. And I hope it cools down a bit before they do get here, he said, trying not to eyeball Dirge about it but wondering deep down what he thought about it all; they were just as much his cubs too.

Anyway. You're right.. I know.. his ears splayed generously outward. Dirge had a point and it just drove it home more to hear it--he mattered too, and time for him shouldn't be wasted just because nearly everyone else was having a total fit of it in one way or another, somewhere along the great chain of things. Wanting to be there for everyone and simultaneously not in their way isn't easy, he sighed then smacked the water with a forepaw, and clicked his teeth at the droplets he splashed upward.

[Image: FTnkWJH.png]
June 18, 2019, 01:37 AM
Dirge
Moonspear
Alpha
He too hoped it would cool down before too much more time passed. He honestly thought it would, come what may. It was a difficult thing to predict, far too many involved and the variables seemingly endless. But he held fast to a confidence that implied it would as an agreeable note left him to Jarilo's initial statement. If it didn't, then they would surely work through that as well, whether it was with their words or their teeth.

"Sometimes the best thing you can do is give them space," or so he supposed. It was difficult even now for him not to go and track down Charon, to have his face to face. But he didn't need to because who would it satisfy? It seemed a plausible course of action to take, but Dirge knew better, he knew the answers that he would receive before he even got them. That much had been made clear to him. He wasn't even much of a blip on Charon's radar, which may have been a blessing in disguise.

"Things will cool down eventually," he went on to say, "we just have to wait it out."
June 19, 2019, 02:36 PM
Jarilo
Moonspear
Gamma
Maybe so, he agreed through a soft, almost resigned sigh. It was probably the case here, but he struggled on finding the right in-between for himself in actually feeling his assurances and giving everyone involved the space they needed--all without it becoming too much so he would feel disconnected. He was still green when it came to navigating strife of this magnitude. At least they make that easy enough to do, he shrugged his shoulders, then began to pull himself into a more upright sit.

After a second there spent scowling down at the waters, he started to move back from their edge, and turned his sights upon Dirge in full once more. He wanted him to be right, badly. With enough patience, this had to end. He kept that mantra close to his heart these days, too. I keep telling myself that, he said, though sometimes it felt like an empty promise, or one that he couldn't quite convince himself of entirely. Plus, mom does always tell us to be patient, Jarilo hauled himself up to stand, huffing softly as he did, and shook out his coat.

So, he had to listen, and believe. Not only was she his mother, but one part the alphaship to them all too. She wouldn't steer them wrong, right?

He had no way to know, not yet, and he was getting his mood all muddled up worse by dwelling on it too badly, even as he let a long pause hang there to signal his uneasy feeling. But, he was coping and it was slow going with him, someone who tended to slog through sudden change without much grace. I can help hunt..? he suggested lightly to Dirge to shift the subject--and try to help himself get up and moving again. Once he caught some momentum again, that should help. He hoped.

[Image: FTnkWJH.png]
June 19, 2019, 06:25 PM
Dirge
Moonspear
Alpha
Their mother was right to tell them to be patient. Even against his impulses, it was always better to be patient in any number of areas. But everything needed to be weighed on a scale and properly balanced, a thing that they all did in their own rights. What may have been patient for one was not for another, and perspective was certainly key. Dirge certainly didn't have all of the answers, couldn't have predicted what all would come to manifest in the days ahead. He had his eyes on his prize of prizes, naturally, but the road to there was difficult and lengthy.

For as much as he would have loved to turn tail and disappear into the wilderness, it wasn't that easy now. His lofty goals, his aspirations, they had complicated things. Again, the thought that children would complicate such things crossed his mind again, but he strove to be unlike his father. Charon could disapprove of him all he wanted, think so lowly of him that he ought not matter at all, and Dirge would in his own ways prove him wrong. He would not abandon his children; the only thing that would sweep him away now was the grim, icy hand of death.

Rising after Jarilo, he bobbed his head in agreement.

”Certainly. I wouldn't turn down good help, and you seem like you could use the distraction to take your mind off things. Hydra will appreciate it too.” Two wolves could certainly take down a deer with a little muster he thought, at least if they played their cards right. ”I've been tracking a herd that's been lingering a ways from here in the forest, perhaps we could start there. Unless you object,” but somehow, he didn't think he would.
July 07, 2019, 03:01 AM
Jarilo
Moonspear
Gamma
Embracing the mere thought of a change of pace with surprising grace, he chuffed his agreement. I'm glad.. and I could, he huffed. He wanted the distraction maybe too badly, and what was better than something he may as well make useful--not only for himself this time. He just wasn't quite sure how good of help he was going to be. Sometimes it depended on the day with him with distractions like these clouding him all up, but content enough to help out towards a purpose, he was pretty certain he could muster up something of passable quality.

There were not going to be any objections out of him on this one, especially if Dirge had been tracking them already. Hearing that much picked up his motivation a notch already. That already trimmed the work, then. Here, he readily deferred to Dirge's suggestion with a pivot and nod. Lead the way, he said, trying to look forward to getting his own nose on the situation soon too.

[Image: FTnkWJH.png]
July 11, 2019, 02:39 PM
Dirge
Moonspear
Alpha
And the lead the way he did.

Across the stream and into the forest, the pair were engulfed in their descent by the timber. Their conversation lapsed as Dirge made his way along familiar paths before forsaking them altogether to tear through the underbrush. It was better in this case to seize the opportunity of making haste, at least until they had reached the tipping point where such tactics were unnecessary.

It did not take long for that event to hit horizon, and the grounds leveled out in a matter of minutes for the short hike they made. It was there that he resumed his search, finding where the herd had been and where they had gone since. Here the ground was soft beneath their feet though not entirely devoid of stone, and both sight and scent guided him easily to follow in the herd's wake.

Soon thereafter, through a clever parting of wood, he spied them.

Ears cupping forward, his steps halted as he surveyed the expanse ahead of them, using what cover the area provided to keep him out of sight. He worried less about such for Jarilo, who seemed wraith-like enough to blend with deep greens and shadows alike. He sought the younger wolf with his gaze, pulling himself closer to formulate their plan.

”We've found the stragglers,” he murmured, ”what do you think? Worth the hunt?” The rest of the herd more than likely were ahead, somewhere in the dense wood. Tucked away with their babes somewhere neat and covered, somewhere that prying eyes would not find them easily. The deer were never stupid when they came across a territory chock full of wolves, at least not collectively.