Swiftcurrent Creek I wanna see the world when I stop breathing

@Lainie, this is so terrible im sorry

The woman once again found herself indulging in the sun just outside the entrance of the den. Never to far away, to weary to even think of heading any farther, not with her two, one week old pups inside. Even so, she did need a break every so often, and this was one of the chances.

Full from the pheasant Kavik had brought her while she was napping, Lie digested quietly. Her thought wandering, avoiding all the topics that only brought about her sadness. Although, there were a great many to avoid.

She couldn't hide away anymore, not when she knew how sad Polaris was now. She still hadn't talked to Papa or momma, she didn't know how to talk to them about these things when she didn't even know the names for these feelings! It was like...anger and sadness and physical hurt in her heart and shame and fear and so many other complex things. So she focused on learning the entire pack territory, she walked and hid and rested and explored and at night time returned to the den. She had done this for so long that she was certain she knew it all and once again the boredom hit and the emotions struck her down. She wanted her Maman, she wanted to go to her and cry and snuggle and confess she'd seen it all. The physical force of the emotion sent her running, tail tucked against her belly as she found Maman laying in the sun. She stopped and stared at her, big puppy eyes pooling with tears as she sniffled and stood there suddenly unable to go a step further. Her ears flattened and she whimpered softly "Maman...I'm sorry I didnt stop it" she said and hung her head as the emotions surged and she began to bawl "I was scared Maman, I'm sorry" 

SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT

Having only just settled Rosalie hadn’t thought one of her children would find her so fast, alas being mother to six children meant much of her time was taken by one child or the next. At first a smile came to her lips, which slowly dropped hearing not only Lainie’s tone but also her words.

“My dear, what are you talking about?” Considering their age Rosalie couldn’t be sure of what her daughter was referring too. It had been almost a week and a half since she had seen Lainie, the youngest litter taking up much of her time. A kind and empathetic look was directed at the young girl, before Lie flicked her head telling Lainie to come closer. “Come closer Lainie, start from the beginning. What happened?”

She didn't know.

Lainie had thought Maman was mad because she hadn't come to see her and neither had Papa or Momma. Her spouted more tears at the realisation that she hadn't even been noticed, feeling bad about it for some undiscernable reason. "Z..Zephyr h...hurt our n..new sibling and I watch-ed. I didn't k...know he would do that i just wanted t...to follow him! And then I ran away when y...you were screamin and nobody has come to see me and ive been hiding" she was sobbing so hard that almost every word was stuttered through a hiccup or broken by a sob or sniffle. She flattened her ears and refused to come any closer, not even looking at her Maman in fear that she would be considered bad for not trying to stop Zephyr.

Her breath caught in her throat. This was not a conversation she had expected to have until much much later in Lainie’s life. In fact Lie had hoped she would never have to explain the circumstances of Manon’s death to anyone, especially her eldest children.

Slowly her jaw fell open, and Lie was at a lose for words as tears gathered in her eyes. Forcing herself to take a deep breath, Lie looked away as she closed her eyes. Tilting her head to the sky, a single tear fell. I thought I had run out of those. She thought remorsefully.

Taking several breaths, Rosalie tried to think of words that might comfort her daughter. Anything at all. But her brain was stuck, and she was at a lose for words. A long pause drew out between the two until Lie realized her daughter was still cowering before her. A sob pulled from her lips, as she shook and dropper her head from the sky, looking at Lainie tearfully.

“Oh Lainie,” She started, still shaking her head. “baby, don’t apologize. None of that was your fault. I’m sorry you had to see that, I’m sorry you’ve been alone.” Suddenly Lie realized what a terrible mother she was, she couldn’t protect any of them. Standing slowly, Lie approached slowly, hoping to pull the little girl in for a snuggle, but knowing all her children’s tendency to run.

"but I could have done something" 

The words surfaced into her brain but she didn't say them, instead burying herself into Maman's fur and pressing to her as if she could hide deep inside the woman's coat forever. She slowly got a hold of herself and her sobs turned to shaking breaths and then silence for a few moments "Is it bad that I want Zephyr to come home?" she asked softly, lifting misty green eyes to peer up sadly at her Maman. 

Sorry for the crappy response

Wrapping herself around the girl as she cried, Rosalie joined her with her own tears. Sharing their grief, the grief of a sister and a mother, supporting each other as family always should. Lie held Lainie close until the girls sobs turned into hiccups and shaky breath.

Through her tear-filled gaze Lie gently shook her head at the girls question. “No sweetheart, it’s not bad that you want her to come back.” Although Lie wasn’t sure of her own reaction if the time ever did come when both her children returned, she did know that she wanted them back. The world was to treacherous for young pups to wander without a parent.

“You two will always be siblings, no matter what happens, you are still family. And despite everything, family needs to stick together. Right?” Lie offered her best smile, trying to show the brave face her daughter needed to see right now.

If Maman wanted them back too then she definitely wasn't weird. It was soothing just as it had been when she found out Papa was sad too. She sniffled once more and then gave a shaky smile, looking a lot brighter in expression than before. "I...Met the girl baby. My little sister" she changed the topic out of nowhere as kids sometimes did and gave a wag of  her tail "What's her name? When can she come out with me? I love her!" she gushed, the remaining sadness falling away as she spoke about Morena.