Hideaway Strath How I wish you were here

attn: @Towhee @Phox

It was late evening by the time Niamh made it to the Strath, having crossed the river near the northern part of the pack's boundaries knowing that this was the only way that she'd be able to access the pack's hideaway location. She knew the area well, having explored it while living at the Plateau, and she agreed wholeheartedly that Towhee and Phox had found a safe place for them to raise their kids. This, then, was where she wanted to go, too. 

She was too worried to stay in the Copse. Finley and Elwood were the same age as Colt- and if Colt couldn't defend himself, she didn't expect her in-laws to be able to either. Eljay was a pacifist, and she teetered on believing that Wraen might be too- which meant that the only adult wolf in the pack capable of savagely defending their young was Niamh. Newly widowed, and without other strong, capable guardians she believed would be able to tear a trespasser to pieces, Niamh knew that there was no way her kids would be safe enough in the Copse. Even if it was a peaceful pack- look at what had happened to Colt. He hadn't asked for it- he'd simply been attacked, and by one of their former packmates...She couldn't trust that her children were safe there anymore, and she wasn't going to risk orphaning them by being the only young warrior in their midst. 

She made her way to the borders, the slim entrance that meant that the pack was protected on all sides but this one opening...This was the place to raise kids if there wasn't enough brawn in the pack to properly fight off intruders or dangers. She called out- knowing that Towhee couldn't hear, but believing that someone might tell her and point her to the borders if they heard, or if X heard, or if Phox heard and showed up first. She needed to make a new, safe life for her kids- and her instincts had led her here.

As a newborn, Towhee had often slept on her back, legs all crookedly askew and belly exposed to the sky (or the den's ceiling, as it were). She had long since grown out of preferring such a position, though on some occasions—when she felt particularly safe and sound on some deep, subconscious level—she tended to flop at least partially onto her back.

She fell asleep with @Phox sprawled near her head and one nearly grown child on either side. Secure in her nest of warm bodies, Towhee had rolled sometime in the night. By morning, @Figment and @Fennec had strayed off into the forest, their father too. The Kilonova blinked awake to a pale blue sky, soon obscured by a sharp beak and two wide, expressive eyes. Towhee just barely stopped herself from starting.

-"Damn it, X,"- she grumbled, slowly rolling over, giving the hawk enough time to bound off her. -"What's up?"- Towhee asked in a gravelly voice even as she used one paw to rub the sleep from her eyes, one after the other. She blinked unevenly, though she still somehow managed to catch the bird's message. She stared, blinked once more, hard and in unison, and swept to her feet with an echoing grunt.

-"Niamh?"- she shouted a little while later, as she closed in on the passageway. Her voice sounded strangely querulous, though Towhee wasn't to know that. -"What brings you to our humble home?"- she asked, smiling despite her strange tone. But as she came closer to her friend, it slid off her face as she read Niamh's body language, which told her something was deeply amiss. -"Is it—?"- The sudden lump in her throat prevented her from saying her godparents' names.

As soon as Niamh saw Towhee approaching, she had to bite her lip to keep it from trembling. She fought back tears and held her breath for a moment, trying to turn her nerves to steel and avoid breaking down. She felt a hard lump in her throat and had to swallow a few times before she was able to speak, and she had no doubts that Towhee knew something was up. She was better than any other wolf Niamh knew at reading body language. At first, Niamh assumed Towhee thought something had happened to Bronco and Nellie, so she shook her head. 

-"It's Colt."- She said. She felt an odd sensation then; half expecting for Towhee to respond with apathy, as she'd never really cared much for the relationship which had pulled Niamh away from Towhee to begin with. She hoped, though, that her friend would sympathize. It was what she needed. -"He was attacked by Kiwi. He died from his wounds a couple days ago."- She signed, her movements somewhat shaky from the emotions that overwhelmed her- a mixture of rage and grief.

Which one of them had finally succumbed to old age: Finley? Or Elwood? Somehow, Towhee couldn't imagine them dying one at a time. Surely when one went, the other wouldn't be far behind. So did it matter who'd gone first? But before she could wander much further down this inane path, Niamh spoke, putting all her fears to rest. Her godparents were fine.

She hated to admit it, yet she breathed a (thankfully silent) sigh of relief at the news. Of course, a heartbeat later, the horror crept up on her. Kiwi had attacked Colt, resulting in his death? That was enough to throw Towhee completely off course. Those were the facts, then there were the feelings. Although she couldn't even pretend to feel the loss, she could see the grief written all over Niamh.

-"Oh shit,"- she breathed, moving a step closer to Niamh, -"I'm sorry, Niamh. That..."- Towhee didn't know what she intended to say. She made a helpless gesture, then swept forward to press her shoulder against her friend's in a supportive embrace better known as a hug. There was something else she wouldn't want to admit: with the news of Colt's death, it felt like the wedge between them was gone, just like that.

She could only assume that Towhee's sigh- a means of releasing tension- was because she had been worried that Niamh's kids had been in danger, and that she was relieved that they weren't. But quickly enough, concern returned to her features, and Niamh leaned against Towhee for a moment- but didn't allow herself to sink into a completely vulnerable position. She pulled back and shook her head. 

-"Nellie and Bronco aren't safe in the Copse. I'm the only one who could protect them."- She said. -"Elwood and Fin are getting too old...Eljay and Wraen aren't fighters. I'm the only one in the pack that could stand a chance in a fight- and I can't protect a pack of wolves who wouldn't be able to protect my kids if something happened to me."i She admitted ruefully. As much as she did care for her packmates, nothing came before the safety of her children now. And they simply weren't safe with the others.

Niamh pulled back sooner than Towhee anticipated, causing the Kilonova to furrow her brow as she trained her orange eyes on her friend's lips. They were moving quickly, though thankfully Niamh signed as well. The furrow in Towhee's brow deepened.

-"Niamh, Niamh, breathe,"- the Kilonova said, firmly but gently, as soon as she could get a word in edgewise. -"None of them might be warriors but they're all experienced at defending their families and territories, even Eljay. Besides, there's strength in numbers. You guys will be okay,"- she reassured, wondering what on earth had become of Kiwi before thinking to add, -"as long as you take precautions, you'll be fine."-

If there was more to the story, Towhee didn't intuit it; she simply thought the freshly widowed Niamh feared for her children after what'd happened to her mate. And that was understandable. But surely the Firebirds would keep them safe, especially after what had happened. She frowned and licked her lips at that thought, still wondering about Kiwi's fate, although it didn't seem tactful to ask about it right this minute.

Niamh's heart raced for a moment, and she did her best to do as Towhee instructed, and while Towhee's words made sense, it would take more than one effort to talk Niamh down off her bridge. She was convinced that her kids would not be safe growing up in the Copse if she was the only one she believed was strong enough to keep them safe. She'd been away when Colt had been attacked- had she been there, the two of them easily could have fended Kiwi off. It was all the evidence that she needed that the pack wasn't strong enough. 

-"We don't have numbers. We have more kids than we have adults. Something's going to happen, Towhee, I know it,"- She said, and shook her head. Her lack of faith in her packmates was a problem. She shrugged. -"I don't want to take any chances."-

It was no secret that the Firebirds' adult members were outnumbered by their youth; it was the subject of many good-natured jokes. But when Niamh brought it up now, there was nothing funny about it. Nor was there anything remotely humorous in the subsequent statements. What did Niamh think was going to happen?

To Towhee, it sounded as if Niamh was speaking from a place of fear and grief, so it was up to her to play the rational and reassuring role. She was happy enough to do it. -"Niamh,"- she repeated, voice still low but solid as steel, -"I know it's hard to believe right now, after what happened, but you and your kids, you're gonna be okay. It was a—"- She almost said "freak accident," though it sounded like Kiwi's attack had been anything but an accident.

Rather than pick up where she'd left off, Towhee took a breath and said, -"Sit."- Her orange eyes flicked upward and she signaled at X, who was hanging out in a nearby tree. The hawk winged away and the Kilonova's attention returned to her friend. -"Just take a moment to sit and breathe. You've just experienced a serious loss. I know you're worried about your kids. It'll be hard on them to lose their dad. But you've got the Firebirds and us. The Frosthawks too. We're here for you."-

-"Accident?"- Niamh hastily finished, when Towhee's statement led in that direction. She grimaced and shook her head in denial of that idea. She opened her mouth to protest and add more to that statement, but before she could, she was told to sit, and she did so, promptly. She heaved a sigh, like a child who has been scolded, but has accepted that they were in the wrong, and had to listen to their parents explain why they were in trouble. The situation was very different, but she still couldn't find it within herself to believe that everything was going to be alright. 

-"One of our own packmates did this. How safe can we be if we can't even trust former packmates?"- She asked. A memory struck her, and caused her to weaken considerably. -"I was training her, Towhee. I trained Kiwi how to fight."- She motioned dismally. She shook her head, and bristled. -"I want her dead."- She said, before she added -"And I want her to suffer."-

Niamh sat, even heaved a sigh by the look of it. But the fight did not go out of her. She gnashed her teeth about the trust Kiwi broke, a sting which Towhee could feel even from her relatively distant vantage point. She couldn't help but remember the time her niece had attempted to attack her, during a rut with a stranger in neutral territory. The memory rankled, especially now. It also made her miss Niamh's admission about training the yearling.

But she didn't miss the part about wanting Kiwi to suffer and die. Towhee could certainly relate to the drive for vengeance. -"I know how you feel,"- she said and almost told Niamh, right then and there, that it wouldn't work. Even if she managed to kill Kiwi, it wouldn't bring her the satisfaction she wanted, nor would it bring back Colt. Towhee knew all this from her experiences with Screech, though she decided not to bring that up now.

-"Why did she do it, do you know?"- Towhee questioned gently, finally spotting an opening to get some more context on the matter.

She felt validated, when Towhee expressed her feelings, and Niamh believed her. Out of all the wolves that Niamh had met, none quite got her the way Towhee did. She'd forced herself to become more tame when she'd moved to the Copse to live with Colt- but in the end, it'd hurt her more than she could have ever imagined possible. She wasn't sure she believed that a pack could exist with such peaceful properties; not when the one who'd killed her mate was the daughter of the one who'd established said pack. Peace was an idea, nothing more. Strength kept wolves alive, not words. 

-"Completely out of the blue."- Niamh said. But Colt had explained it to her, what he understood anyway, as Kiwi's motives, so she shared what she knew with Towhee. -"She came back after having left the pack; he told her that Wildfire passed away, and she attacked him 'cause he was the alpha."- She said. Of course, Niamh didn't understand why Kiwi did it- all she could assume was that she'd been fuelled by grief. -"I dunno if she thought he was a usurper, or what. But she attacked to kill."- She growled.

There was no reasonable explanation, though surely there was an unreasonable one. Niamh explained how Kiwi had left, only to come back and find her mother dead and Colt in charge. Towhee could imagine what that must've felt like. It didn't excuse her actions, of course. It all reeked of projection; Kiwi had left and returned at the worst possible times and taken out her guilt on the first person to cross her.

-"I was a bitch at that age but even I wasn't as raging as that one,"- Towhee said without humor. -"Do you know what happened to her, where she went? Was she injured in the fight too?"- Surely Colt had gotten in some blows. Towhee might not have liked him, yet she knew he wasn't remotely a pushover.

But before Niamh could answer that, Towhee said, -"Although I guess it doesn't really matter. You could try hunting her down but it would probably be nothing but a waste of time. Take it from me: revenge isn't what it's cracked up to be. And even when you kill the bad guy, nothing says he stays dead."- Her eyes flashed, fiery.

Catching Niamh's eye and keeping her voice down, Towhee urged, -"You shouldn't focus on Kiwi or avenging Colt. You should focus on yourself and your kids. You should be around your family."- With a pang, she remembered that Colt was Finley's brother. This must be hard on her too. -"And your pack. If you don't feel safe, I'm always available to do some training. Young or old, anyone's welcome at Towhee's Boot Camp."-

The grove had been more or less quiet, and Phox had spent most of his days doting on Fig and Fennec, lapping up what little was left of their childhood. He promised himself he wasn't going to miss any of it if he had any say in the matter, and so far, he'd done a pretty good job of that (or so he hoped). Still, they were growing like weeds, and the two of them were getting closer and closer to looking like full-fledged adults every day. It was incredibly how quickly time went.

He had heard Niamh's call, but he'd been wrapped up in burying some food for the pack before he was able to answer it. Towhee was (unsurprisingly) already at the scene, and Phox nudged her shoulder in that ol' sibling way that he tended to do. He'd caught only the last bit of the conversation, so he deciphered what he could through the context.

-What happened?- he asked, hoping one or both could give him the TL;DR of what had gone down.

Naturally, Towhee had experience with revenge in spades, and Niamh sighed softly, resigned to the fact that her friend was right. As to Kiwi's condition- -"He might have done the same to her. She might be dead somewhere."- She admitted, given the fact that Colt said he'd nearly killed Kiwi. He'd been damaged enough himself, and had had others to take care of him- whereas Kiwi had no one. She still wanted to hunt Kiwi down, but it wasn't practical at all for her to go off on a revenge streak, not with her two children needing her. Towhee offered to help and she considered it for a moment- stowing her kids away in the Strath with Towhee, while she put in extra effort trying to maintain the borders at the Copse. In the end, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. 

-"If I'm to be honest, Tow...I don't want to live at the Copse anymore. I know I shouldn't turn my back on my packmates, but...I just don't want to live there. I feel out of place."- She'd only moved to the Copse for Colt, and while she was close with Finley and Elwood, it wasn't enough to make her feel like she was at home. -"I want to be here, with you and Phox,"- She admitted softly. Speaking of- Phox arrived, and she gave him a soft, sad look, and sighed softly, shaking her head when he spoke.

Maybe she should've seen it coming, though Towhee truly hadn't. She'd been too blindsided by the news of Colt's death to pick up any of the small clues. But now Niamh put it out there, verbatim: she didn't want to stay at the copse. The Kilonova assumed it was because it reminded her of Colt and everything she'd lost with him, though Niamh actually said she simply felt out of place. Towhee's lips twisted into a frown.

Before she could make a reply, she felt something bump her shoulder. For a split second, she thought it was X, returning with food as she'd bade her. But it was Phox. It was almost as if Niamh's mention had conjured him here. Towhee offered her fellow Kilonova a thin-lipped smile, wondering if he'd overheard anything. She assumed he hadn't, based on his blankly curious expression and his question.

Sucking in a breath, Towhee decided to save Niamh from having to repeat the bad news. -"Hey, so... Colt's dead. Kiwi attacked him and he died of his injuries. Niamh's concerned for herself and the kids. She says she doesn't want to stay at the copse."- Turning her face toward the pale she-wolf, she said, -"I know it's hard but they need you over there, Niamh."- And she didn't just mean that metaphorically either; with Colt dead, Niamh's departure with her kids might be the total undoing of the Firebirds pack.

He picked up on Niamh’s comment, but it wasn’t until Towhee explained why that he understood what was truly happening. Truth be told, he had never much liked Colt. He had tolerated him because he was Niamh’s mate, but Phox didn’t have any fondness for him. Maybe he should have been sad to hear if his passing, but he couldn’t conjure that emotion. He probably would have felt the same about Quixote. They’d just never hit it off.

-You can come here, with the kids, if you want,- he replied. He understood where Towhee was coming from, but Niamh would do what was right for her children, just as he (and Towhee) would. -Whatever you need.- He’d always had a fondness for Niamh, and that hadn’t changed even though they’d lived in separate places for quite some time now.

It hurt Niamh that Towhee didn't immediately try to trag her back to the Grove with her as soon as she'd said that she wanted to switch packs. Towhee was being rational, but that wasn't the Towhee that Niamh wanted in that instant. She wanted the impulsive friend that would want Niamh back by her side in her pack, so they could just go back to what life used to be like, and raise their kids together in that same way. Towhee explained to Phox what had happened in a manner that was so abrupt it hurt Niamh's heart...She felt it wasn't fair to summarize her pain in a couple short sentences, and then to go on and insist that while she was welcome, that the Copse needed her...And that she wasn't going to try and steal Niamh for her own. 

Phox voiced his opinion about her welcome as well, and she nodded solemnly. But she'd already made up her mind. She'd wanted Towhee to tell her she'd be crazy to stay in the Copse. To argue with her that she needed to move now and leave the Copse behind. But she didn't get that...And perhaps Towhee was right, but Niamh was too emotional to see it. She simply wanted someone to want her, to need her, and to pull her toward them- but she didn't want it to be her own packmates who were the ones doing it, she wanted someone she wanted to be the one pulling her close, and she wasn't getting that here. 

"Maybe you're right," She said dryly, trying to sound at least somewhat convincing. "We'll need to talk about winter...It might be an idea to band the packs a bit tighter, a bit closer, for hunting purposes...But yeah. I should probably stay in the Copse," She said, her tone fairly bland.

Once Phox understood the situation, he told Niamh she and her kids would be welcome here: whatever she needed. Towhee's lips pursed but she said nothing. What would become of their sister pack with Colt dead and Niamh and the pups running for the horizon? But she didn't get to dwell on it long, much less say anything, before the golden she-wolf appeared to resign herself to her fate.

She couldn't hear Niamh's tone, though Towhee saw the defeat written in her body language. She frowned, glancing sideways at her brother. She shared Phox's fondness for Niamh, though their relationship hadn't been the same since she'd left to be with Colt. It was some sort of ironic that she would want to come running right back to them the instant he was out of the picture, though Towhee didn't give it too much thought. All she was trying to do was strike a balance between supporting her friend and their allies in the copse.

She said nothing for a long beat before sighing (much louder than she realized) and deciding to change tack. -"Don't worry about anyone but yourself and your kids. Like Phox said, do whatever you need to do."- If that meant she stayed here or went back to the copse, now or come wintertime, Towhee supposed they could all work it out. She frowned sympathetically at Niamh, unable to guess what she would ultimately decide to do.

Phox nodded along as the two spoke, one after another. He wondered if she was going to rush right back now or if she had time to relax for a bit. He certainly didn't want to rush her. -Do you want to stay for a bit?- he asked, stepping to the side in an inviting gesture. -I could show you around if you haven't already seen the sights.- There wasn't that much to see, but maybe Niamh would enjoy a little bit of a tour. Even if she didn't end up moving here, it was likely she'd be back at some point. Phox glanced at Towhee, figuring she'd probably want to come along, too (unless she had something more important to attend to).

He wondered how Niamh would fit in if she did move here. He honestly didn't know what her kids were like. Had he even met them? Phox blinked, trying to remember what they looked like or even some sense of how many she had. It appeared he was following in his mother's footsteps in that regard, unbeknownst to him.

With her feelings slightly more under control, and her emotions dimming from a bright, furious flicker to nothing more than flickering embers, Niamh sighed. he would return to the Copse, as she hadn't exactly received the welcome she'd hoped for from Phox and Towhee. It was for the best, she told herself; for the best for her, and for Phox and Towhee, and for the Firebirds if she simply returned home and kept doing her job. They needed her- which should have made her feel important, but instead made her end up feeling as though she was pulling more weight than she ought to. She would have to sort out those feelings later; she had too much on her plate presently to be able to separate one stressful situation from another. 

Phox's offer was kind, but Niamh had already begun to withdraw- if not physically, then mentally and emotionally. She felt more tired now than she'd anticipated feeling, and simply wanted to return home, sneak away to her den and stay there for quite some time. -That's kind...But I should get back to my kids,- She said. She glanced from one to the other, giving both a sad, but meaningful look with which she couldn't help but portray a bit of her disappointment, though she'd intended to give them something more along the lines of an appreciative smile. Her features simply wouldn't cooperate and create a mask that it did not feel it was right to wear. -Another time, maybe...And maybe I could bring the kids for a visit?- She asked, putting in a small effort to seem somewhat optimistic and gracious, though it cost her more energy than she'd anticipated to brighten her mood.

Her brother seemed particularly eager to make Niamh feel welcome, which made Towhee wonder if she should feel chagrined for her more pragmatic take. But she couldn't bring herself to feel bad for being the voice of reason right now. Niamh might want the emotional support but Towhee would like to think her friend would appreciate her rationalization later, after her emotions settled.

Phox invited Niamh to at least stick around a little bit, maybe visit the territory. Towhee sucked in a breath and said nothing, simply looking to the towheaded she-wolf to see how she'd react. She turned down the offer, saying she needed to get back to her kids. Silently, Towhee praised this decision. The kids, as well as the rest of the Firebirds, needed Niamh more than ever right now. And she needed them. They were her chosen and created family, whereas Towhee and Phox were more along the lines of friends.

-"Of course,"- Towhee was quick to speak up this time. She paused before adding, -"Would you like me to walk you home?"-

Last one from me!

-That'd be great,- he replied. The three sister packs had always intended to bring all the kids together at some point, although the chaos of the coming months would surely put a stop to that plan. If he had known that Towhee was silently pushing Niamh away, he would have had a lot of questions. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, and Phox assumed that Towhee wanted Niamh here just as much as he did. Okay, that was selfish on his part, but what was new?

Towhee seemed to take the lead now, offering to walk Niamh home, which Phox took as his que to say his goodbyes. -I'll catch you next time,- he said, touching his nose to Niamh's shoulder briefly before stepping away to do whatever it was he was doing these days.

Towhee's offer stung Niamh a bit, considering the fact that she still wanted Towhee to demand that she grab the kids and stay with her in the Grove. Phox seemed optimistic, which made her think that he, too, thought she would be better off staying in the Copse, and that hurt as well. She looked from one to the other, but shook her head. -Nah. I can handle anything that gets in my way on my way home,- She signed, with false and hollow bravado, her attempt at humour failing her quite miserably. If Towhee didn't want her there, then Niamh didn't necessarily want her to walk her home. She felt disheartened, but still managed to pull on a small smile for Phox when he excused himself. She touched her nose to his cheek, and figuring the gesture was maybe a bit too gentle, she nipped him softly as well. That was a bit more in character for her, right? -See you soon,- She said, watching him walk off before she looked back at Towhee. 

She wanted to say so much. She wanted Towhee to say something, to tell her that she'd be mad to go back to the Copse, to the Firebirds, to the Blackthorns. She felt a pang of regret, having chosen to go and live with Colt rather than simply going with Towhee and Phox. She recalled the way Towhee had more or less exiled her, and wondered if maybe Towhee still felt that Niamh didn't belong with her and her family...But Niamh was still a mess of emotions, and she didn't want to have them spill out of her all at once, so she drew in a breath and approached Towhee, to bump her nose to her friend's cheek, and forced her tail to sway from side to side. Pretending that she wasn't as hurt as she felt. -I'll see you soon too....Better start training your kids to fight, 'cause Bronco'll give them a whooping.- She said, as she stepped back. She gave Towhee a wink, and flicked her tail as though to accentuate the point, before she gave her friend a somewhat curt nod, turned and trotted back in the direction of her empty home.