Sun Mote Copse The corner bar, it just seemed right so I pulled up

Colt had done his due dilligence in visiting the Redhawks, and whether he'd learned anything from that exchange is pending.  He'd been making the rounds, solidifying the pack's resources, and had even (potentially probably) recruited a new face to their sorely lacking number.  All in all, first week? Doin alright.

But there was something he'd been meaning to do for a while, and now that some time had passed, it was time.  He needed to have a check in with his nephew.  Out of all the wolves there, Colt felt keenly the familiarity as Eljay's situation so echoed his own, and he remembered the dark place he'd spun to those days after.  It wasn't a place he liked thinking on, but hard to avoid it now.

Eljay? He glanced in the den, where he figured he would be.  Fin had the other kids off it seemed, so even better; they could talk without worry.  Hey kid.  How's it shakin?

It was tough to motivate himself to do anything, and whenever he did, it was all completely focused on his children. Eljay would feed them and play with them, though it was hard to put his heart into it. He knew with every thing he did that they knew that he was unhappy, and not matter how hard he tried to grasp onto everything, it was simply too much to hold on his own two shoulders. Even the tiniest pebble right now felt like an impossible thing to lift up and carry, and Eljay was continuously torn between grief for losing the love of his life, which he had only just really found in that way, and guilt for not taking better care of his children.

Everyone was gone for the moment, which left Eljay feeling both at peace and even more anxious. But his children deserved some happiness and he was pretty sure his parents were better at giving them that than he was right now. When he heard Colt's voice Eljay's stomach twisted nervously. Interacting with anyone had become difficult now that his anxiety reigned supreme, ever since Wiffle's death.

Hi Uncle Colt, Eljay said politely as uncle Colt poked his head into the den, though he had no idea how to even respond to the question posed. How's it shaking was probably something like how are you and how are you was the one question that made Eljay want to burst into a million tears and just burrow his face in a pile of mud or flowers, whichever was nearest. He managed to keep it together fairly well, lifting his head with twitching lips, though no answer came. Because he had no answer. None that anyone wanted to hear, anyway.

Eljay didn't answer his question, but that was hardly surprising.  Fucking hell, that look was familiar.  He'd lived it, thought it would kill him, survived it, and moved on.  But there was a piece he hadn't had, and now that he was a parent, it was a piece he could be grateful to have missed that first time.  Eljay didn't get to self destruct as he had.  He didn't have the luxury.

Colt didn't press, but did look at him for a long moment before sighing and sitting down.  Alright.  He didn't know if this was even something Eljay cared to hear about but shit, it was the only thing he could think to say.  If his nephew told him to get lost he would, but otherwise, maybe it would help somewhat.  If nothing else, it might give him some space to do with Colt what he doubtless hadn't been able to with his kids.

Not many know this, but Niamh wasn't the first woman I fell in love with.  I had a mate before her, few years ago.  He began, introspectively quiet, looking out the entrance towards the trees outside.

Eljay leaned his head down on the ground again as uncle Colt joined him and seemed to silently accept the lack of answer. Eljay's anxiety nagged at the back of his head when uncle Colt let out a sigh that he was being a bother again. He'd worked so hard to try to be a better wolf, a more useful wolf, and in the end, he was still just a bother. Living with his parents, needing the pack to take care of him right now... It was downright embarrassing, but Eljay also didn't have the energy to crawl out of that pit.

Uncle Colt started telling a story. Eljay just lay on the ground of the den, the only sign that he showed of listening an ear perked towards his uncle.

Eljay didn't tell him to shut up and shove off, so unfortunately, he'd have to continue.  The only soul he'd ever told this entire story to was Niamh, and even she not everything.  There were certain things you just didn't dwell on when you lost someone and found someone new.

Her name was Nell, and when I met her the first time, she didn't want to give me the time of day.  Said she saw right through me and knew my type.  Only problem was, I didn't know hers.  Managed to talk her into agreeing to travel with me, and before I knew it, I couldn't imagine a day without her in it.  Never felt anything like that before her.  He was lost in the memory of it now, expression distant, looking out.

Why she agreed to be my mate I'll never know, but we had two of the best months of my life that far before she took sick.  She had just started mentioning kids, thinking maybe...  Shit.  His voice caught a second.  Even now, two years later, it could still flatten him like this.  Moments like telling the story now, or hearing Niamh offer their daughter her name.  Love never really left once it settled in.  It was quick, just like this.  One day she just fell, out on a hunt.  Said she couldn't feel her legs.  Next few days she faded away.  Wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink, by the end couldn't even talk.  It's the worst feeling I've ever known, not being able to do anything to stop her from going.  I lost it for a while, and I still don't think I'm the same wolf I was before it happened.  There was some shit in this world you came out of that couldn't do anything but change you.  This right here; probably one of those things.

He glanced at Eljay, bringing it around.  I'm not offerin sympathy, because I remember I didn't want it.  But I am gonna say this.  If you need to cry, kid, then cry.  Or if you want to talk about it, yell about it, I'm here.  Don't worry about your kids or the pack, because we know, and we understand.  And maybe your kids just need to see it's okay for them to feel it too.  Everyone had a breaking point, and while Colt wasn't a wolf who wore his heart on his sleeve like his nephew, for once he didn't see Eljay's sensitivity as a weakness.  Here it could be a strength, because it would help them all to heal a little faster than wolves like Colt, who tended to bury things.

Eljay listened numbly to the story that uncle Colt told him. About a girl he used to know that he loved a lot, and who died. Eljay frowned through the story, though it was hard to say what he was feeling. Eljay didn't really know how to respond. He was supposed to cry, but he'd been told his whole life that he shouldn't cry. He'd been shunned and bullied and disliked for it. And now uncle Colt was telling him he should?

Okay, Eljay said demurely, though he didn't really believe the words. He had been trained too hard to believe all his emotions were weakness, and especially now that he had children of his own, Eljay didn't really believe his uncle's words. Even if his uncle would stick to them, the rest of the world would still look at him with judgement in they eyes, like they always had. Maybe even his own children might, a thought he hadn't had before but that now suddenly plagued his anxiety.

That was really all Colt had to say.  He'd known Eljay might not take it, but it was the best he had.  He wanted his nephew to know that he got it, wasn't about to judge him, and was there to talk if need be.  What happened next was up to the kid.

Okay. he echoed quietly.  He let the silence sit for a while, then added, and if you ever need help with the kids, feel free to drop them by.  I know you got your mom here, but Niamh would love to watch them. He smiled a little jokingly about throwing his mate up for volunteer like that.  And so would I.  

This right here was his job now; not only making sure Eljay was okay, but also making sure he had what he needed to get back on his feet.  And that his kids had what they needed.  Not only was it part of his place as uncle, but as alpha too.  Shit.  He wondered how Eljay felt about that but it didn't feel right to ask right now.  Hopefully he'd let him know at some point if he took issue with it.

Eljay just wished he knew something more eloquent to say, but he just really didn't. He had no idea how to wrestle with any of this, and he certainly didn't know how to do it while raising two babies. All he could think the whole time was - what if they die, too? He wouldn't be able to handle it. Thanks, said Eljay when Uncle Colt offered that he and Niamh could watch them if need be.

I just...

Eljay fell silent, not sure how to finish that. He looked away, at the ground, because that was all that stopped him from breaking into a sobbing mess right there. What if.. What if they get hurt, too? His voice piped to a squeak at the end of that, and Eljay bit his lip as he looked away, keeping his gaze trimmed on the ground.

There were things here, as Eljay cracked, that Colt felt he should and shouldn't say.  Too bad he didn't know which was which.  So as usual he said what was honest.  

They might.  Things are going to happen you can't do shit about, I guess, but if you assume otherwise then you just hit them as they come.  You know enough to do more than most could.  

Colt felt that fear, now.  He'd fight to the death to protect his kids but if they got hurt, there was jack shit he could do to make that right.   He'd be dependent on others, but that was the upside of bein in a pack, wasn't it?

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Eljay didn't know what to say in response to Colt's words. Uncle Colt's words had some wisdom to them perhaps, but they weren't very reassuring in that moment. Eljay just really needed to know that everyone was going to be okay. He swallowed thickly and ears folded back as he frowned. It wasn't enough to reassure Eljay. I want to be alone now, he managed to bring out, and after Uncle Colt had left, Eljay would finally dare to burst into tears and start crying for a while, until the tears had run out.

Maybe it wasn't the best thing to be said, but despite what his trades might imply, Colt was no expert.  Eljay was, to Colt, a kid still who couldn't always jive with the real world.  But now that he was a dad, the real world was what he had, and much as that sucked, the uncle had little doubt he'd rise to the occasion.  It was what a dad had to do, and a Blackthorn could do no less, even one as different as Eljay.

Alright.  Fair enough.  Colt stood and stepped away without argument, barely pausing before ducking out and leaving Eljay to it.  He was here if need be, but he wouldn't press.  There were other things to be doing as well.