Phantom Hollow It's been a little cold and not outside

for @Mal

Everything had changed so much, and so many terrible things had happened. She didn't know how to process all of the emotions she had; it had all overwhelmed her so much that she had started to become numb. Numb and bored. So she had left the hollow to explore even though she knew her mother would be upset if she found her missing. Monarch didn't care. She didn't want to be in the mountains anymore; they were falling apart and there was too much pain there. Before she knew it, she had wandered much farther than she ever had before. Actually she had rarely wandered, especially recently, but the last few days, an unavoidable and growing restlessness had settled in her chest and she couldn't ignore it any more. She might return home eventually, but she wasn't sure when, and she didn't really care to think about it right now.

This hollow was very different from the one she had come from. It was dark and cold and way too quiet, but she wasn't afraid. At least that's what she kept telling herself. She padded softly over the dead leaves that lined the forest floor, noticing that the snow had fallen some here too. She wasn't quite as excited about it now, mostly because it just made things seem more creepy. The cold didn't bother her thanks to the thick coat she had inherited from her mother, but the creepy made her a little on edge, like something could jump out and attack her at any minute. With a deep breath, she shook off the feeling and kept walking, hoping to find the way back out of here.

This place had already proven to be pretty barren in past trips.  Still, he ended up here again following a rabbit, but it had disappeared like, well, a ghost.  He'd give it another hour of looking around for its trail before heading home again.  One good thing about having your own forest and not a huge pack was that well, less mouths to feed meant the food could be stretched out more.  Missing this particular meal was annoying, sure, but it could be way worse.  As it truly became winter, it would matter far more.

Right now, Mal would rather be back under his pines, especially since all the intrusions and other misbehavior by other pack wolves had made him pretty paranoid about leaving it for too long.  Not to mention, it was always empty here, so nothing was gonna happen.  At least so he thought until a pale figure caught his eye.  For a moment he thought that it was that same kid he'd run into like three times, but something didn't seem quite right about that.  Hm.  Squint.  Whatever.  Experimentally, he called out, Hey? and took a few steps in her direction.  Given the way things had gone in the past for him, if it was the same girl, she'd probably start yelling at him.  Mal was keen to try out more speechcraft-type things, but that needed a new subject.  And him to figure out what to do in the first place.

It took everything in her not to jump at the sound of the stranger's voice; it practically reverberated off the trees in the silence, or it felt like it did to her in her heightened state. She paused mid step and studied the man with her usual suspicion. Hi, she replied warily, turning more to face him. He was interesting-looking; she had never seen a wolf colored the way he was, but then it wasn't like she had seen many wolves outside the pack she was born into...the pack that hadn't felt like home since her dad had died. She looked around a little nervously, although she tried to hide the feeling behind a shrewd mask. Do you live here? she asked, assuming that was the case since he was here. Although she had left the hollow to quell her restlessness, it didn't immediately dawn on her that others might leave their homes for the same reason. Because she was never one to keep her thoughts to herself, she quickly added: I hope not; it's creepy. If it was his home, he should definitely find a better one.

It wasn't her.  Thank goodness.  Some other kid who didn't seem quite so aggressive, as he remembered her behavior back at Diaspora's borders.  That pack had changed enough that he didn't recognize the scent either.  At her question, he smirked, having to agree with her opinion on this place.  Certainly not one of his favorites, nor was his last encounter here.  Nah.  My forest is back there. A flick of his muzzle, back over his shoulder. Was following a rabbit, it's gone.  This place is weird like that.  Shrug.

And it was easy enough to turn the question back to her.  This was one of two areas where he was fairly sure that he wasn't gonna run into anyone -- they simply weren't pleasant. Why're you out here?  Not exactly a place to go sightseeing, and I don't... think there's any packs right nearby?  He didn't seem entirely sure about it.  Some howls had slightly shifted positions, but he hadn't exactly wandered too far to go find out exactly how much they'd shifted.  He had better things to do as long as they stayed out of his way.  The ones who stayed away were the good neighbors, and he wasn't going to risk destroying that balance.

Her eyebrows lifted. Your forest? she questioned. You have your own forest? She wondered if it was similar to how mom and Mahler always said the mountains were theirs. Well not anymore. They wanted to leave, she heard them talking about it. So maybe thinking something was yours didn't always mean it was actually yours. She hadn't seen or scented a rabbit, but then she hadn't really been paying attention to whether or not there was any prey around. Food was scarce, and she had pretty much just accepted that she would be hungry most of the time. Oh, well, I didn't see it. She glanced around, his implication that things disappeared here making her a little nervous.

At his question, she shrugged and turned her focus to a rotting stick on the ground, pushing it around absently with her front paw. I don't know, she offered after a moment. It wasn't like she was going to tell him her life story or anything. Or about all the shit that had happened, which be the only way to explain why she was here in this weird forest with no plan or direction. I just...don't want to be at home anymore, she added, keeping her focus on the stick, watching as the end disintegrated beneath the weight of her paw. The thought of returning to Diaspora made her want to run even farther in the opposite direction.

At this point he was never sure if he should be incredulous at the fact nobody seemed to believe him about the whole pack thing.  Seriously. But he'd certainly take confusion over the utter disrespect that seemed more common.  Still, it wasn't like he was flipping out or anything about it, just pretty matter-of-fact.  Well, yeah.  That's where I'm making my pack. -- Some of the packs in the area keep being complete twits about it, they must think a new pack appears out of nowhere with like fifteen people already or something, and if you don't have some huge obligatory group, you don't get to claim anything ever. Eye. Roll.  Seriously, they must have forgotten how their packs started.  It starts with one person, then they ask someone else, repeat.  He dismissed that expression and went back to listening to her.

His ears tipped back slightly for a moment. That's a sort of familiar feeling.  Sort of.  Except he was always very direct with his hatred.  He had a very distinct breaking point when it came to Elysium. Was she there yet?  Was it similar to Cam?  Either way, he didn't seem too keen to share either, but he did have a bit of a warning, Look, whatever you plan...  If you're gonna keep wandering this way, I'd be careful.  I've run into some pretty sketchy wolves recently.  Maybe they've just gone nuts because the earthquakes or lack of food, they just plain hate me, or whatever, but they certainly weren't live and let live types.  The Nightwalker weirdos especially.  He wasn't keen on figuring out where their pack was.

Monarch studied him curiously as he spoke. Starting a pack seemed like such a big task to take on, and from the way he talked about it, it sounded like he hadn't had an easy time of it. Yeah, well most other wolves suck from what I've noticed. And life is shitty to you no matter who you are and it doesn't seem like anyone has much say in that, she replied, swiping at the stick so hard that it flew a few feet in front of her, breaking into pieces as it slammed against the trunk of a tree. Anger had been her constant and unwanted companion lately, and it bubbled to the surface now in her momentary loss of control. She recovered quickly, though, used to hiding how she felt from those around her, and turned back towards the stranger.

Monarch took a seat as he issued his warning. She bristled a little. I'm not a baby; I can handle whatever is out there, she said, tilting her chin up some. Of course, she was lying; she didn't know the first thing about what was out there or whether or not she was properly equipped to handle it, but she was still just as stubborn as ever. Thanks, though, she quickly offered, deflating a little. He was only trying to help, right? I'm—Simmik, by the way. She wasn't sure what had possessed her to give him her northern name; she had never used it before now. But Monarch just didn't feel right anymore. She wasn't the same. It was a huge and confusing conclusion to draw for someone so young, but since when had life given a shit about how young she was; it still stole her dad from her regardless.

It was a club he didn't exactly want to have to welcome people to join, but such was life.  Gallows humor.  I'll top you on that one, by having the people who had a say in some parts of life just not give a damn.  They probably would've preferred I died in my sleep as a whelp so their pretending I didn't exist would be fact.  To say my life has gotten much better would be a lie, it's just been different varieties of bad. Just a little more tolerable.  And yet still everything centered around disrespect.  Why?  What about him screamed that he was a fool and unworthy?  It was incredibly unclear.  But if what Mahler had said (exact wording now hazy) about people deserving respect was true, there were very few in this world that he'd met who actually deserved what they were demanding.  In comparison, Mal asked for little.  He did not ask for wolves to beg, he just wanted to be treated with a tiny bit of decency.

It was probably a good thing her next reply was a bit more drawn out.  He probably would have said something pretty dumb (in several places), but on reflecting decided to leave it out.  Or at least rephrase so he probably wasn't insulting anyone aside from himself by accident. Well, I won't doubt you're probably better prepared than I was when I left.  Still a hell of a lot of stuff I'm still figuring out.  He shrugged.  Mal certainly wasn't gonna claim to be perfect, and there was a lot of education he had to backfill more from trial and error than anything.  I'm Mal.  Uh.  Neverwinter is the name of the forest I'm in.  Do you introduce forests like that?

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. That's shitty, she replied. It seemed like had been burned pretty badly by someone who he thought he could trust. She wondered who but didn't ask, deciding it was too personal a question. At least she could say that anyone in her life that she trusted hadn't ever treated her badly. It made her feel kind of guilty for leaving, but not guilty enough to return any time soon, unfortunately. She knew her mom would be upset, and she felt bad about that too, but she felt suffocated by her memories when she was with Diaspora, and she just needed a break. Maybe more tolerable is all we can hope for, she said glumly, her slender shoulders rising some with a shrug. She'd settle for more tolerable at least, and she didn't hold any hope that things could be much better than they were now; his words only solidified that theory for her. Guess it's better than being dead, right? she added darkly. She at least still wanted to live her life...just not at home—not right now anyway.

She shrugged again at his comment about her preparedness. I don't know, you do have your own forest, which is more than I can say for myself, she pointed out. His name was Mal and his forest was called Neverwinter. That's a strange name for a forest, she commented. What's it like there? She supposed he had to like something about it if he was willing to make it his own and defend it from others. She wondered if he needed help? Maybe she could offer? Not that she would be a ton of help... She held off for now, wanting to hear more about the situation and form more of an opinion about him. No sense in tying herself to someone she might end up hating. So far, so good, though.

Hey, if she asked, he'd happily badmouth Elysium, it was a hobby at least.  Someone some day needed to tell him that they were gone, but at least for now he was sure they were lurking there waiting for him to wander too close.  That and he was back to waffling on whether Okeanos (and maybe Ibis and friend) would ever come back.  Maybe they were dead.  Mal nodded, It should be possible for things to actually get better. I just don't know how to get there yet.  But yeah.  I'll take tolerable and alive for now if that's the best I can get.  How much of his ongoing misery was his own fault? How much was luck?  What did he really want?

How did he describe the forest?  It was just someplace that he thought was good and so far the place itself hadn't proven him wrong -- it was other breathing creatures that caused the most trouble.  It's nice and quiet.  Lots of pine trees -- they keep it warmer there now, which is weird, but I guess the fact they catch what snow's happened so far helps.  Used to be a bunch of deer but they ran off.  Hopefully they'll come back when things settle down.   People didn't seem to come by too often until just recently -- I think if things go back to normal, we won't have to hunt outside the territory much at all. I mean.. Right now I've got a whole forest, and with not a ton of people around it hasn't been awful even if things are hiding or gone. Shrug.  It was one of the good things about it not being a full pack, probably.  I think it's a pretty good place like.. based on what's around it too.  A bunch of places that aren't super great for hunting and walking easy, so that's probably why people didn't bug me too much until they had to.  Only problem is the farther neighbors, but I've said that already.  And that was definitely a tangent that he would rant about if he didn't catch himself.

It should be possible for things to get better, should being the key word there. But she was far too cynical at this point to think that things getting better was at all possible. From what she had seen so far, things were just always going to be different degrees of shitty. Yeah, same here, she replied, when he stated that he'd take tolerable and alive. She guessed things had been tolerable for the most part, with intermittent times of just fucking terrible, but she was definitely happy to be alive. The memory of her dad, his eyes vacant and his blood everywhere flashed into her mind then along with the way his grave always made her feel so hopeless. She pushed the memories away before they could sour her mood anymore than it already was. 

The forest he described sounded nice. She especially liked the bit about how isolated it seemed, at least that was what she concluded when he said not many wolves lived there. It sounded like there had been some issues with neighbors lately, but that didn't diminish her interest. She was no stranger to discord. Food was scarce everywhere it seemed, but surely it wouldn't stay that way forever, and if his forest would eventually have an abundance of prey, then that was even better. Her face wrinkled in thought for a few moments as she decided how to word what she wanted to say. Well I could help you defend the forest, she offered with a shrug. For as long as she could remember, she had been told that she and her brothers were meant to take over Diaspora and protect their dream, so why couldn't she do the same thing somewhere else? I mean, if you need it, she quickly added, wanting to make sure there was no obligation on his part. She didn't need pity or handouts; she could make it on her own. But his forest sounded like a nice change of pace, and his outlook on life seemed to similar to hers, so they would probably get along okay.

Okay.  He'd been planning on saying she could stop by whenever it was they parted ways, but apparently she was way more eager to leave her past behind than he thought.  Maybe that was because he'd always gone back because of his sister, even if he didn't want to, and only broke that habit when she was gone too.  I could.  I could definitely use the help.  If you want.  Honestly he was probably still finding it weird when someone actually wanted to help him out of something other than guilt or obligation.  And he did look grateful, even got a wag or two of his tail despite the doom and gloom.

I don't know why, but out of everyone who's stayed, even for just a little while.. I don't know if any of them would really like.. Do any real defending of stuff.  It's just been me.  Well, ok.  There were a couple who he wouldn't have asked to fight in the first place, like Cam (who he still imagined as a little pup instead of how big he must be now), and Cèilidh because she was nice to him so it made more sense to him to protect her.  Assuming she stuck around, he hadn't run across her in the past few days at least but he was kinda broody sometimes.  Okeanos?  If he came back, Mal just guessed he wouldn't fight unless someone was gonna die or something.  And I'm probably better at bluffing than fighting at this point. Understatement of the year, kid.  For all his threats he'd made through his life, he'd bitten another wolf exactly one time to prove a point.  But he was also unscathed, so he had to be doing something right in his decision-making

She didn't know why, but she hadn't expected him to accept. Maybe because she was a stranger or because she was young. But he did accept; he even seemed happy about it by the way he offered her a few wags of his tail. Her tail swished some in response. I do, she replied, standing up a little straighter. I haven't done much defending, she clarified. But I'm willing to learn, and I used to patrol some where I came from. Best not to start this off with him thinking she could do more than she actually could. She was just glad he had taken her offer seriously and not treated her like a child. 

Well, I actually intend to help, so you won't have to worry about that. Maybe that's why he was having so much trouble with other wolves: his packmates weren't helping him defend his forest. Well, she didn't offer something if she didn't plan to follow through. Her mother was always loyal and honest, and even though they rarely got along, she still admired those traits in her. She wanted to be like that, to always follow through. She shrugged at his last words. If that works, then I don't see it as a bad thing, Monarch replied. Maybe half of defending was just acting like you could do something. She wasn't afraid to fight or anything, but it seemed kind of logical to avoid getting hurt if at all possible. 

So how many others live in the forest with you? she asked, curious about who else she would be meeting once she arrived there.

They were both in a pretty similar place mentally.  Mal was practically the patron saint of rejection at this point, so anyone willing to actually give him a chance was welcomed pretty much with open arms and probably way too much honesty on his part than was smart.  He bobbed his head in a nod, I've just been figuring stuff out by trial and error and like.. Logic I guess.  I had to learn to hunt on my own, so this'll be the same thing, I guess.  Having more people to share the load and practice with would definitely make stuff go faster.  Actual practice hunting with someone other than that one random guy, or practicing fights that were more than just wrestling with his sisters before his childhood prematurely ended.  Another couple people and things would probably stop feeling so stretched and weird when it came to just taking up space on the territory.

See, the numbers question was where Mal thought that Simmik might think he was a fool.  Everyone else seemed to think he was stupid or something, but again, packs didn't just appear out of thin air.  Um.  Kinda depends on how you're counting. There shall be a bit of erring on the side of caution OOCly here, as Cèilidh may be reactivated eventually as she has in the past? Dunno?  Can always say she's been out of the territory hunting or something and then didn't return sometime if she stays inactive. Cèilidh has been around, so one for sure.  But there were three more that vanished when the earthquakes happened and stuff.  See, Ibis and... pause.  Ereshkigel?  He'd heard the name like three times and it was starting to get a little blurry mentally, Well, that last chick had just joined, Ibis had brought her in, and then they went off wandering, but that's when the big earthquakes happened.  They didn't come back.  So then Okeanos went to find his sister, so he's gone too.  Haven't found a sign of any of them anywhere since.

So what did that mean for them?  Did he count them as here or gone?  One wolf disappearing wasn't a big deal, but when three associated ones disappeared in a row it felt like a conspiracy.  Or they just had uber garbage manners.  When I went looking for my sister and a new home and stuff, I'd come back after like a month or whatever to check in.  It's been like a week more than that now...   His ears flipped back for a second.  He was more concerned about Okeanos than Ibis, and didn't give a hoot about Ereshkigal at all.  And honestly even his concern for Okeanos sometimes flipped to 'screw that guy, he's probably hiding back in Elysium' on a whim.  Maybe he's still searching, maybe they're dead, or maybe they're cowards and not gonna say they aren't gonna come back -- but there's definitely not enough people to go look and defend the territory now.  Honestly, he thought it'd make Ibis (and to a lesser part, Okeanos) the biggest hypocrite of all if it was that last part -- for all her harping about Mal being rude, it was far more rude if she was just ditching them so he's trying to hold down a whole place for people who weren't gonna come back. If it turned out that was the case, he sure as hell wasn't gonna be nice if he saw her ever again.

Her eyes widened a little in surprise when he informed her that he had just been learning things on his own. Getting along with her mom had been quite a challenge, but she could at least be grateful that she was willing to teach her some things. Not much so far, which meant that she was now in the same boat as Mal as far as furthering any skills she might already have, which weren't many to be honest. But she was smart and adaptive; she could learn what was needed. And maybe he could learn even more while teaching her. 

So, from what she could tell, there was only one other wolf with him in the woods; the rest seemed to have indefinitely disappeared, and he didn't seem to know when or even if they were coming back. She though maybe there would be more wolves than that, but she didn't really care that much other than feeling a little more pressure to figure her shit out. She didn't care for most other wolves, and the less there were for her to meet when she arrived at the forest, the less she would risk offending when it became clear that she didn't much care what others thought about her. Well, that's kind of shitty that they just disappeared, she replied. Maybe they had been trapped or hurt in the earthquakes, but she was more willing to believe that they just took off or found something they thought was better; she was reluctant to trust that others rarely thought beyond their own selfish needs; she certainly didn't most of the time. But if she promised loyalty to someone, then she was going to keep that promise at least.  

It sounded like even when he left home to go his own way, he would still return periodically, which was more than most would do. Guilt swelled in her chest at the thought. She knew her mom would be worried; maybe she should at least let her know she was alive. Once she was settled, maybe she would go back home and check in as Mal had put it. She wondered, though...The place you returned to...is that where the ones who didn't care about you live? because that seems like too much consideration for them, she observed, clearly without running the words through any kind of filter. But she was just trying to understand why—if these were the wolves who treated him badly—he would go out of his way to check in with them. He seemed to have arrived at the same conclusion as her regarding his missing members, though, which was good; no sense in waiting for someone who probably won't come back. You're probably better off without them anyway, she replied with a shrug.

People disappearing was a running theme in Mal's life.  Though he didn't say it aloud, though he was happy that Simmik was willing to come along, he was very aware of the fact she could wander off to not be seen again like the rest of them.  My other sister was still in that pack until I went back the last time.  Still don't know where she went, and nobody else there was gonna care enough to know.  I wanted to make the pack for her originally.  The only constant person in Mal's life was himself, and he was alone.  His sisters were missing, and there was the possibility that all his blood relatives were dead.  Ibis and Okeanos were from there too.  I'd have told them to piss off but Okeanos was all saying he totally understood the Elysium people were wrong and he was gonna stick around and all that. So it sounds weird for him at least to bail... But maybe he's actually just as awful as the rest of them.  Mal had been willing to give Okeanos a chance (Ibis had done a good job wearing out her welcome, on the other hand), but the longer he was gone, the less happy Mal was going to be if he ever returned, especially without reason.  Maybe all of Okeanos' attempts to be kind were lies, in which case Mal had been right to keep him at arm's length.

I only regret I hadn't left sooner.  That's the only thing I had control of that might have changed things.  Maybe he'd still have one sister then.  But now there wasn't much he could do to change things.  It was what it was.  But this is life.  If the people who want things to be easy don't stick around, it's probably not much of a loss.  He looked over his shoulder a moment, then back to Simmik.  Want to head back to Neverwinter?  It was that or he'd eventually end up just going through his whole pathetic life story, and it was a tale he was starting to tire of telling.

So he had gone back to check on his sister more than to check in with the ones who had treated him badly, or it seemed that way from what she could tell. Monarch could understand that; even now she wondered how her siblings were. She hoped Ego and Mesa were okay, and even if Stag constantly got on her nerves and seemed to go out of his way to terrorize her, she still would do anything for him. So she didn't blame Mal for going back and checking on his sister or for trying to create a pack for her. She nodded her head, offering him an expression of understanding but not offering any information on her own family. She didn't want to dredge up painful shit; not right now anyway. When he spoke of the missing members again, she shrugged a little. He probably is; most are. Or she assumed. She didn't actually have many experiences to compare, but she just naturally assumed the worst in others, especially after life had dealt her such a shitty hand. 

Yeah probably not, she agreed; anyone who expected life to be easy was probably just really dumb, and those were't the kind of wolves you needed in your pack. When he suggested they return to the forest, Monarch nodded. Yeah, let's go, she replied moving closer so that she could follow in whichever direction he headed. Without even one wistful or regretful look back towards Diaspora, she began to walk. She didn't regret her decision, and she didn't feel sad about it; she felt free. She hadn't even realized how suffocated by grief she had felt in Diaspora until now when she offered a different way to live. Maybe she would feel differently one day, but she didn't think so. She loved her family, but she wanted to find out who she was away from them and maybe finally heal from losing something so important to her.

Your choice on archive here or one more post on your part!

Mal probably needed a better way to tell his story without it sounding like a total pity-party or a disjointed mess.  Despite the fact if things had gone well in his life in a different universe, he would have actually been okay at telling stories, right now he was bad at it.  Some other lifetime.

C'mon.  Best way over is... he turned and glanced over the horizon.  This way.  And he started walking that way.  They'd be able to hit one of the game trails (even if they didn't exactly have as many hooved beasts traveling them right now).  Either way, despite whatever negative situations had put both of them in the position of leaving their respective birth packs, Mal was fairly certain that he'd at least be able to make sure that the future would be better.  He couldn't help Brillo or Solomon but he could at least try to provide for the ones who were worthy of his time.  He'd build the pack he wanted, and to hell with anyone who thought he wouldn't be able!  Together they could prove the world wrong.