Wild Berry Meadow Gentle Giant
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After making sure that everything would be covered during her absence from the Firebird nest, Wraen had pursued her plan to travel as far as Kintla flatlands. She had made most of her journey along the way - stopping frequently, scouting, investigating promissing tracks and looking for any signs of herds. There was a somewhat faded trail of rotting meat that she could follow all the way from the Moonspear to the Greatwater lake, but - once at the exact place, where the fight at the Cornucopia had happened - there was hardly anything left of the moose. Few bonest, strips of skin and antler was her gain. 

Feeling a little bit disappointed about this, she deliberated on either going to the Sunspire or turning westwards again. In the end she decided that staying on a solid ground in open space would be a smarter decision. So with no particular aim in mind, she walked through the meadow from where Blackfeather woods were in sight, and continued her search for smaller game.
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Sakhmet had disappeared. There was only one real reason why she would be out this far from the other meadow, and that was it. Maegi didn't know when, nor why, though she realized now she hadn't seen much of her daughter since Anansi's death. It must have affected her terribly—

Oh, Jaes! She should have been there for the girl! Should have run after her, instead of pining over a son that would never return. Now she was missing two children, and she feared it was only a matter of time before Sobek vanished again, too.

Despondent, she trudged through the field, only half-paying attention to her surroundings. She had paused near a berry bush and was about to sample its contents (maybe they'd help her get numb, like the poppies) when the other woman came into view. Her tongue retreated from the fruit, and she circled 'round the shrubbery, hobbling toward the stranger instead.

Except. . .not a stranger. Maegi had seen her before, she thought. Those verdant eyes weren't new. She gave a wearied chuff, tail flagging, and said, Have you seen a dark brown girl with pale eyes?
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Long ago Wraen had learned to recognize Blackfeather woods' wolf smell, fear it and despise it. Now, however, when a white pelted girl called out to her and approached her, the Sovereign did not associate her scent with her former enemies. Even if there was a vague familiarity, she did not catch it and therefore greeted hte other in the same kind and polite way, she received most strangers. 

"Can't say that I have," Wraen shook her head in negative. "How long has she been gone?" In an instant she thought about the meeting that had taken place several weeks ago. Former Drageda man had been searching for the criminal, who had assaulted his son. Could there be link to that event and this disappearance?
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Her shoulders sagged at the woman's response. I don't think very long, she said in a small voice, loath to admit that her eye over the children had not been as sharp as usual. We just moved from the forest out to the open land. A couple of our members were. . .c-crushed under falling trees.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. Not here, not now. Chin up, Nona.

We've met before, Maegi said, peering curiously at the other wolf. At least, I think we have. What pack are you from? The smells along her pelt were completely unfamiliar, even if her appearance did give off a vibe of familiarity. The Melonii was fairly adept at remembering faces, and usually could put a name to them. They must have only crossed paths briefly. . .
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"I am so sorry to hear that," Wraen told the girl sincerely and could imagine her pain. Losing both Wildfire and Colt to disease had been difficult enough. Being driven away from your home and having people die in the process was even worse. 

She kept polite interest in her expression, when the white she-wolf suggested that they had met before. This made her look back briefly at the files of people she had encountered in her almost four years of life and, unfortunately, even if Maegi were among her chance-acquaintances, her photo and description was already faded and unreadable.

"Perhaps we have," she replied with a smile. "But with age my memory becomes leaky. So - we could introduce each other again. I am Wraen, Sovereign of Firebirds. And you are?"
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Maegi dipped her muzzle in quiet acceptance of the condolence, unable to form a response. She was tired of speaking of trees and death; that was Jaes' realm, particularly the latter, and a realm of which she had much to learn. She was not yet prepared to grapple with the stark reality of it all.

Introductions she could handle. I think we met close by here. Maybe by the lake? I'm Maegi, of Blackfeather, she responded. She could give her title, but why bother? The Nona, with all her recent failures, didn't feel like much of a leader right now, anyway. She would just be lying to herself, even if it wasn't outright deceitful. 

Where are the Firebirds? Maegi asked, curiosity piqued. It wasn't a pack she had heard of, and, again, none of the scents that Wraen carried with her were at all familiar.
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"Maegi of Blackfeather, it is my pleasure," Wraen replied truthfully and let her gaze slide over the other girl's features, wondering, if she had anything to do with the beasts that Redhawks and Moonspear had waged war against. But all she saw was a girl just like her. There was a long jagged scar that reached from the corner of her mouth and upwards - the Sovereign wondered, who had been so cruel to do such a thing to the white she-wolf. What struck her the most was the general aura of tiredness about Maegi, making her look older than her years. 

"Firebirds are located beyond that mountain range," she beckoned over her shoulder. "There is a patch of lovely, sun-lit forest and there me and few others reside," she explained. "We have been there for almost a year," she added. "
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Maegi followed where Wraen gestured, brows lifting slightly. Fairly far for her to have traveled. She'd only been that way once before—the disastrous run-in with the Redhawks. She felt her ear sting and saw the shadow of the tall, dark woman before her; could have cursed, if she was alone.

That sounds nice, she remarked, returning her eyes to the other's face. Have you had any problems with the earth shaking? Trees down, or rivers running dry? Maybe it was isolated to here. Maybe the daedra really were out to get Maegi.

Her ears cupped forward, a little anxious as she waited for Wraen's reply.
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"From what I have seen and what you tell me now - this seems to be problem affecting entire wilds," Wraen replied. "We experienced some quakes, there was a rock-slide near a river, which changed its course entirely," she listed. "Luckily for us, no falling trees in our forest," this was a valid point to think about in the future. The Sovereign had thought that they were safe, when - in fact - she had been walking past and among the possible danger that had been right in front of her nose.

"Large game is virtually absent as well," she added. "Hence, I came this far to see, if things looked better here. But they do not, right?"
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Maegi wasn't relieved, per se, to hear of Wraen's own problems in her home across the mountains. . .and yet she was. At least these quakes didn't seem to be isolated to here. Divine punishment could be ruled out—well, divine punishment specifically targeting Maegi and her home, anyway.

No, it's not better here, she agreed. There's no game here. Even the smaller animals have been scarce. Her brow furrowed as she looked at the traveler, expression utterly perplexed. Have you ever seen anything like this? Maegi asked. Heard of anything like it? It's been the strangest time. . .

It ran completely counter to the natural order of things, and Maegi wanted to know why.
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"Like this - no, but I have experienced hard times in the past," Wraen told and her experience let her be a little bit hopeful about the future prospects. "I was born, when this place was hit by a famine. A swarm of insects had appeared out of nowhere and had destroyed every green plant that was around. There was no grass, trees were stripped bare, the large game migrated and the small game became almost non-existent. There was nothing," she shared, what her parents had told her.

"My parents left with us, still very young, in tow and, when I returned, the land was reborn again," she said. "I lived in a pack last year that drained all resources of the mountain months after settling there and, when I returned there few months ago. Conditions had improved," she went on. "So, while I have no idea, what will happen in the future, I know that sooner or later all bad things come to an end. It's a cycle really."
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Maegi listened with rapt attention to Wraen's story. She had never heard anything about a locust famine—it must have been well before her time, and it wasn't as if she had parents that would pass along the story. The lands had recovered, apparently. . .and would do so again, if the cycle held true. She hoped Wraen was right.

That's fascinating, she said sincerely, voice a gentle murmur. Kind of like how winter always turns into spring. Had Blue gone south without saying goodbye? She desperately missed her grackle companion, although she didn't blame him for heading for better circumstances. He would be back when the flowers bloomed. Hopefully.

She cocked her head. So you don't think it's some sort of punishment by god, or gods, or someone like that? Maegi asked, not caring whether she sounded naive by doing so. It was a genuine question, true to her beliefs; nothing could sway her from attributing the divine to earthly events. So many bad things have happened to me lately, I thought—I thought it might just be the world getting back at me, for all the terrible things I've done.

But it's everywhere, she continued in an awestruck whisper, eyes dancing along the horizon. The shaking. No food. It must not just be me, but all of us. Is it? She returned her gaze to Wraen, her expression less that of a curious child and much more a shrewd priestess, testing the faith of her flock within a sermon.
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"Life always finds a way," Wraen nodded, agreeing with Maegi's conclusion. Take the sentinels, for example. She had not been there, when the forest had burned down, but she visited the place from time to time now and saw, how everything was rebuilding itself slowly. Wraen would never see the proud guardians of the forest stand tall and proud again, but rebirth was not about making things exactly the same again. It was about change as well. 

Maegi asked about the wrath of gods, and Wraen found nothing wrong in that. Endearing really. "Well, if you wish to point a paw and name someone guilty - gods come in very handy," she mused. "If they are wrath-ing at you already, what harm would justified anger do to them?"  Wraen's own relationship with religion and beliefs was pragmatic one - she took from them, what she needed (read, entertaining stories), but did not bother about them much in the meanwhile. They had pretty much left her be and she did not bother them either.

"Whatever you have done, I do not believe that you have been singled out to make all of us suffer," she told her warmly. "There are many things in life that you can control, but there are even more things that are beyond our grasp and understanding," she told. "I do not know, why all of this is happening. It might be so that there is no "why" to begin with. And in a world of chaos - just as it is now, it helps me to live just one day at a time. I try not to think or worry about the future, I focus at the job before me."
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She frowned, disagreeing with the concept of anger toward Jaes. How could she be, anyway? Jaes knew better than Maegi; Jaes was the master of the order of things. To blame them would be foolish, and likely earn her more bad things. The daedra, on the other hand. . . (but then, they had established themselves as false gods.)

There has to be a 'why,' Maegi pushed back, a little frustrated. It couldn't just be random. Somehow, that made it all even worse. My son is dead. To think that he is because things are just chaos, well. . .I don't like it. For whatever reason, she felt better thinking that his death was a punishment for her misdeeds, rather than a twist of fate. Or the absence of fate altogether.

The future thing, she could agree with. Maegi didn't focus much past the day-to-day. She found herself mired much more often in the past, which was also probably not ideal— What do you believe in? she asked, wondering what kept Wraen going through all of this.
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People invent their gods to understand the world better. Because the very idea that there is no reason, no structure, no driving force behind the life itself, is horrifying. The same way they talk about afterlife, because an idea of not existing in any plane, is just as scary. Wraen had come to these conclusions on her own accord and had accepted them. In a way this was her religion. Chaos and non-existence being the faceless gods. 

"Death does not make any more sense than being born does," Wraen remarked. They were one and the same thing really. You became something from dust and to dust you returned in the end. "I am sorry for your loss and I have no explanation, why this happens. But the fact that everyone goes through this - whether it is a young child, a beloved parent or friend - does not make your pain any less," she said. Asked, what she believed in, Wraen had to think. Maegi would not like her philosophical answers, she needed something that felt real. So, it was true to say then, that... "I believe in myself."
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Everyone, yes. Everyone suffered loss. But no one, at least in her eyes, as much as Maegi. The bodies kept stacking up; the list of missing grew longer with each moon. And yet, still she lived, in spite of it all. Why her and not her son? Her friend? Her uncle, her mentor, her father?

You believe in yourself, Maegi repeated, struggling to grasp the concept. Once, she'd had faith in herself. She believed she was on the right path. Pious little Maegi, serving the Melonii gods, guarding her beloved forest.

No more. Too much had gone wrong. So she believed Wraen must have had quite the charmed life to still believe in herself, and not anything beyond that.

Well, best of luck with that, she continued after a pause, not without wryness in her voice. Still, it was something to ponder. Maybe good fortune would return to her if the faith she'd once had in herself could be cultivated again. She didn't know how to go about doing that, but. . . Maybe. Just maybe. You're very positive, after all that's happened.
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Wraen sensed the sarcasm that laced Maegi's words and furrowed her brow in brief confusion, then thought more about, what the girl had said and why. Neither of them knew much about the other - so, each spoke of experience that other did not know. She felt that, if she clarified to her companion, she could make her understand, what she had meant.

"My belief does not have from positive experiences," she said. "People fail you. Siblings, friends, acquaintances, strangers... sooner or later you realize that there is only one person, on whom you can fully rely on and that is you," there was an edge to her voice, as she said this. She realized that she was not entirely fair to others. "When you do not expect much from either people or gods, you do not feel the disappointment. You can think clearer, you can function better," she said.

"You do not have the question - why did it happen? - you accept that it did and move on," Wraen paused here, letting her words seep in. "You should not pity the dead, Maegi. They don't give a damn anymore. Pity the living and above all those, who live without love," it's not Me's quote, but one of J.K.Rowling's, that the narrator and Wraen have always believed to be true and thought it was very fitting here.
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But what if you can't even rely on yourself? went her unspoken question, feeling the ball of ice settle and grow in her stomach once more. She kept quiet, though, hearing Wraen out. Trying to glean something from it. It was fundamentally different from her normal train of thought—especially the part about not asking—

'Why?' has always been what I've wanted to know, about everyone and everything, Maegi chimed in. She paused, and then shook her head. But maybe you're right. Maybe it's unknowable. Maybe it doesn't even matter. 

Chaos. No cosmic order, no divine law. Just a stalwart belief in oneself and a willingness to forge on, to not look back. It seemed ludicrous, to her. . .but it was a different perspective, and for that, she was grateful.

The Nona dipped her muzzle briefly. Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about, she said, sincerity ringing clear in her voice. Where are you headed after this?
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Wraen did not suffer from a mental illness, she did not even know that such malady was possible, did not know, what it meant not to have trust in oneself, not have control on one's actions. Therefore she could not fathom, why her advice did not fit Maegi's situation at all. That there was experience behind the girl's distrust in the concept altogether.

"Sometimes you are happier living with not knowing the whole truth," was her final remark on the subject and then she shifted to the next inquiry. "I will probably go home. Though I would have liked to go beyond the Sunspire mountains to the next valley, I am not at leisure on, how long can I spend time away from my pack," there was a hint of longing in her voice, as she said this, but it was gone soon after. She was glad to have a home to return to. Even if it was a little lonely one. 

"Forgive me asking, but I am curious - what are the "why"s you have found answers to?" she asked, not willing to let go of an interesting partner in conversation.
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Maegi nodded, understanding. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you home, she replied, wondering—hoping—that the wolves of Blackfeather felt similar about her presence (or lack thereof). She was about to bid the scout farewell when the query came, taking her aback. That. . .would take some thought.

Usually things I would have been happier not knowing, she responded, shrugging. Why did my mother want me dead? Because her brother raped her and she ended up with me. Why do so many hate Blackfeather? Because my family has done many terrible deeds.

Another wry expression, but this time it was accompanied by a smile, tinged with sadness at the corners. So maybe you are right about living day by day and not worrying about cause and effect, Maegi remarked. Because I'm not really sure I want to know the why behind Anansi's death. Maybe it's just better being. . .random.

Something different to consider. Something that alleviated the pain, if only by an infinitesimal degree.
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Wraen paid attention to Maegi's speech in stunned silence. Fate had been merciful to her and in her eyes the world was good and great. She had known about bad things happening to other people through stories, through rumours, but not even in her wildest imaginative journeys she would have guessed, how dark the origins of the girl had been. There was nothing she could say that would not sound as blasphemy. Maegi's experience was not her own, she could sympathize, but would never be able to step in her shoes.

But the girl was not asking for pity, she would probably feel offended, if Wraen offered such, therefore she focussed on the last part of the speech. About Anansi's death being totally random. "I think that the fact that you loved him and remember him is the most important," Wraen said after a thoughtful pause. "To the world he was just another cub, who did not survive. It's that randomness you mentioned, but it would be far worse, if he had left this world with no one to care for him. Without having a single day of his life, where he had felt needed and adored." 

"In the big scheme of things we are nothing but specks of dust in the chaos. But the individual matters and makes a difference," 
she mused. "I have never met my grandparents or the myriad of aunts and uncles I have out in the world, I will never have a chance to do so, but my mother's stories have kept them alive for me. My mother is dead now and in this very valley, where she spent most of her adult life, there is no one left, who remembers that she even existed. But she is alive for me," her voice quivered a bit, because even a year later it was sometimes so hard to admit that neither Osprey, nor Dante were in this world.

"There is no way that will make your pain less acute than it is now. It needs to be felt. But I healed, when I told myself stories. I would be alone and speak to my mom and remember everything we had gone through, recall the favourite moments and I told her, how much I loved her, how I missed her, how sorry I was that we never met each other again," she spoke, now looking down at her paws. "Over time I realized that my mom is neither in paradise, nor in any other world. She is here with me. You see, it is not a "why" that is important, but it is love that makes the difference. If you have truly loved someone, they are immortal."
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Maegi always had enjoyed the stories of others, but it had been a long time since she was as rapt as she was now, hanging onto Wraen's every word. The woman had a strange way of both hurting and healing, of opening the wounds in her heart and then mending them once more. A burn, a salve. A harbinger of things past; an angel of things to come.

When the traveler had finished, the Melonii's eyes had filled to the brim with tears, a lump formed solidly in her throat. She dipped her muzzle down and swung it away, let the glittering drops fall, quietly. After a moment, she sniffed, and nodded solemnly. Thank you, she murmured.

Her bicolored eyes found the verdant green of Wraen's. Thank you for your wisdom. I will keep your words with me. . .and my son, too.

If Maegi had known at all Wraen was associated with the Redhawks, she would have been flummoxed. Or perhaps not? After all, Colt had been one of them, but kind. He'd saved her life, cared more for reunion than revenge. If Maegi ever came to know this woman's true affiliation. . .it may not change her mind, after all.

I hope you have safe travels home, she said fervently, a smile finding its way onto her face again. Sincere, this time, if still utterly sad.
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Wraen saw the tears and felt the emotion in Maegi's voice and wanted to reach out to her, to caress and tell that everything was going to be alright, even if it did not feel like that now. The burden of the world was on the girl's fragile shoulders, beaten and tested by so many bad things throughout her early life, that the sovereign wished she had been there at the time to step in, to stop it, to protect her from all harm. She believed and felt it more keenly now than ever that all children deserved to be born in a safe world, where they would be raised in love. They should not be suffering for their parents' sins and mistakes and take their sadness, anger and hate as their own. 

It occurred to her that there was no way that she could help Maegi. Everyone walk their road of life alone. Newborns go through the pain of birth alone and greet the world with the first, victorious scream and at the end of their life - whether it has been short or been graced by many years - they stand in front of the death alone as well. And the only thing Wraen could do, was to pray for this young woman, so that among all the hardships and unjustness of life she would face in the future, there would be happiness interwoven too. That thin golden thread shines brighter against a dark and simple fabric after all.

"You have a good heart, Maegi. Take care!" Wraen smiled at the Blackfeather girl. "And I hope we have a chance to meet each other again." 
 
A quote I love and, what I think is very fitting to conclude this thread, which was an absolute delight to co-create with you.
"When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.
I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.
When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.
Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world."
Unknown monk, A.D. 1100
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beautiful <3 thank you so much for this amazing thread

I pray that we will, Maegi responded, and dipped her head in grateful farewell. She would stand and watch the woman depart, feeling utterly, indelibly changed by the conversation that had just taken place.

Her faith had not been shaken, no; it had somehow grown stronger, even withstanding Wraen's own contrary opinions. What was within her now was a sense of acceptance—a peace. A knowledge that she couldn't have changed what had happened to Anansi, that it was a cruel, random occurrence.

Perhaps the wisdom would eventually help her absorb her second son's death, as well. At least in part. The Nona waited until the Firebird had disappeared over the horizon, and then shifted to return to her own place.