Sun Mote Copse Sometimes the weight of the world is too much

@Chanel 

Two weeks had passed since the Hideaway strath had opened it's doors once again and everyone, who had been trapped inside, had been free to leave. Except for those, who did not return. While Wraen felt sympathy for Towhee, who had lost almost all of her pack, her heart was heavy for the loss of Elfie. It was difficult not to feel guilt over instigating the very idea of sending him there. If she had delayed it for whatever reason, maybe he would be still here. Sour and easy to annoy, but alive and well. Now - though she refused to accept it - it was very likely that the boy had not survived. There was no other way to explain his complete disappearance. Just because there was not a body to prove her darkest suspicions, did not mean that he was alive. 

A tiny glimmer of hope was the only thing that kept the Sovereign going. She had not yet faced Eljay for the fear of rightful anger and resentment towards her and, while she focus on all the other duties that needed to be fulfilled, she managed to avoid the despair that was lurking in the shadows. But on the evenings or the moments, when she was on her own (and beyond courtesy and job, she kept mostly to herself nowadays), she thought about Wildfire's son, who had been so full of life and promise and who had been reaped so cruelly from it. Too soon, but, when does death come right on time? 

Wraen knew many gods by name and deeds, but was not particularly religious. She had claimed to have a firm belief in herself only. Yet at the moment it was not enough. The dark, stary sky above her, the moon looking down at her did not give either answers or support, but then she thought that with them up there... they had to see everything that was going on. Therefore she closed her eyes and sent a prayer to them. To watch over Elfie, wherever he was, and to guide him home safe and well.

Chanel, having been a newcomer to the group and generally disconnected due to her lack of familial ties, was uninformed on the situation. She had noticed an influx of new wolves, a couple of new scents marking the area here and there. She had not spoken to the new members yet, and she made a mental note to herself, that sometime soon she should acquaint herself with them, out of politeness if nothing else. 

As she was a bit out of the loop on the histories of the packs, as well as uninformed on the members of the grove, she was therefore unaware that many had not made it into their pack. Many had dissapeared or taken off. Chanel had no idea the toll these events had taken on her fellow members. The girl was blissfully unaware.

She was on an evening stroll, when she caught a scent upon the air. It was Wraen, her leader; it had been a little while since she'd had a conversation with the woman and so she followed it to find her. But when she found her, the woman's eyes were closed. Chanel knew what this was, prayer, and although she did not follow a religion of her own, she respected beliefs enough to stay silent. She waited some moments until Wraen's eyes opened from prayer, before letting out a soft chuff of greeting.

Wraen was unaware that she had a company, until she opened her eyes and met Chanel's cheerful and warm gaze. Circumstances had been such that the Sovereign had not spoken much to the girl ever since accepting her in the ranks and showing around, therefore she was unaware of, how the young she-wolf was doing or whether she had made any friends among the pack wolves. Looking back, this was probably the worst time to join the Firebirds, because one tragedy after another struck them and there was hardly anyone here, who had not lost someone dear. Now she was in that group as well. Elfie's disappearance had hit her hard.

Yet there is a silver lining to every rain cloud, and once again Wraen's sad expression eased into a light smile and her green eyes filled with warmth and kindness. Something about Chanel made the tight knot in her chest ease up and for a moment the troubles receded in the shadows. Dandelion in the spring. A promise that life goes on, regardless of, how heavy our losses are. "Chanel, how are you doing?" she asked the dainty girl, truly glad to have her company for a while.

Chanel noticed the change in Wraen's expression upon her arrival, and though she did not know why the leader seemed solemn, her shift towards warmth soothed the yearling's heart. "I've been alright. I've met several of our members, and the territory is just lovely, despite the famine." She did not have much to report, she felt. She had found herself strolling through their land and the surrounding territories, but nothing particularly eventful had befallen her. 

It seemed that Wraen had greater stories to tell in the past few weeks, just from a look at her aura and prayer. Chanel paused a moment before asking of Wraen: "And, you, Miss Wraen? Have you been alright? My apologies for watching, but, I saw you praying. Is there something you are wishing for?" She said, her voice full of genuine concern. She did not know much about prayer, but she believed it was for wishing, for requesting things from a god. Her understanding of religion was a bit simplistic.

Wraen thought it odd that in a world that had given her nothing but hardships, misery and more challenges, Chanel's stream of life was still bubbly and happy. That she could go around, meet new faces and feel grateful for the home she had been offered, even if it was shabby, cold and gloomy in the eyes of the Sovereign. What could there be possibly to feel glad about? Yet, maybe that was, why the girl was here now. So that Wraen could find it out.

"There was a boy of ours - Elfie - he is son of Eljay. Shortly before Towhee's pack got trapped inside the territory, he had gone over there to begin mercenary training. Fate had other ideas. He was alive and well during the time the entrapment lasted, but he was nowhere to be found, when the passage-way opened for the Asterism grove wolves again," Wraen said. "No one knows, what happened or where he is. He was a particularly dear student of mine," she said, smiling fondly, but now her gaze was sad. 

"Therefore I turned to all gods out there, whoever can hear me, to look out for him. And bring him home again, if possible," she finished and looked up at the sky again. It seemed cold and distant, not very likely that either stars or moon would do anything for her.

Chanel's generally cheerful exterior grew solemn, as Wraen spoke of her loss. Not her own son, but her student all the same. With Chanel's lack of life experience, she not fully comprehend the pain a loss of a dear student could cause, but she imagined it must be very painful. Her heart hurt for her leader. If only she knew how to comfort her or make things better, but she knew not. She could only offer what words came to her. 

"Miss Wraen... I am so so sorry, for your loss. I could never understand the pain you are feeling." She paused, and decided that she should not end her words on a sad note. She was a hopeful girl, perhaps should could evoke hope in the hearts of others. She saw no reason to firmly believe someone was gone if there had not been clear evidence. It was a bit idealistic, but this sort of mindset had carried her through life so far- and she had not lost her bright spirit yet. 

"However. I believe that your student will return home. Perhaps he is on his way home right now, with your prayer keeping him safe. You must hold tightly to your hope," She spoke. Perhaps it was not appropriate, for the lowly girl to advise her own leader like this. But it hurt her to see other people hurting, and she wished that Wraen would not lose her own hope or give up on searching.

If only hope was enough to bend the fate the way you wished to. Wraen sighed in resignation, but appreciated Chanel's attempt to make her feel better nevertheless. The Sovereign doubted that this would ever happen, but, why not believe it, while the young comrade was around? She knew well that after the girl would be gone, the sorrow would engulf her again, making her lie sleepless and in deep contemplation. But for now she would try very hard to keep herself together. 

"Lets hold onto that thought," she replied with a weak smile. Then got to her feet and stretched. Sitting around for too long would benefit no one. Thinking process worked better, when moving. "We can make a round along the borders," she suggested. Niamh had recently returned from her journey and the leader wished to give her hard-working sergeant-at-arms some rest. "Just to make sure that all is well," she explained and beckoned the girl to join her. 

"So, who have you made acquaintances with so far?" Wraen asked.

making an assumption that her thread w/ bronco will lead them to converse :P

She nodded to Wraen's proposal that they round the borders, stretching her own legs and following beside the woman, matching her pace. 

She pondered for a mmoment as Wraen asked her who she had met. She had exchanged greetings with several, but spent time with few, and she had yet to have a real conversation with the majority of them. "I had some fun meeting Sugar the other day. Really sweet and smart, that girl. Then, I met Bronco as he was hunting," she paused, "and Sugar introduced me to a few others but, I haven't really spoke with them yet." She confessed.

Actually, her time since joining Firebirds was a bit lonely. Most of the members were adults a lot older than her, mature and experienced, or children a bit too little for her to be besties with. Chanel was still in search of a girl her age who she could be friends with- a girl who was similarly lighthearted as her, she would hope. Despite not hitting it off quickly with anyone yet, she had kept a positive attitude. The people here were friendly and hardworking, like Wraen herself, and the community atmosphere was good. She was glad that she had come upon this pack before any other, she knew there were certainly worse possible situations to be in.

Sugar Glider was a nice girl - now that Wraen herself had spent more time with the young, inquisitive Blackthorn girl, she had learned to like her better. Not that she had ever felt any dislike towards her. Rather a mix of curiousity and a puzzled, polite indifference towards a person you do not know that well. Had the Sovereign been aware of the exact circumstances the first meeting between Chanel and the aspiring little healer had taken place, she would have been very amused. 

"Sugar Glider is an aspiring healer," Wraen explained, though, since the girl took pride in her chosen trade, it was very likely that the comrade already knew that. The other acquaintance - Bronco - was of a different sort. The boy was in that annoying adolescent stage, where he rebelled against all authorities and questioned their orders. And was a broody know-it-all, who rolled his eyes in frustration at all well-intended advice. She thought that someone as young as Chanel could be a better "adult" company than the rest of adult people.

"I think that you would get along famously with my younger sister Maia," Wraen suggested. "She is travelling currently," and here we have to note that the Sovereign would have felt very disappointed, if she had known that her best friend had been in the vicinity just recently, but had not come to say so much as a "hello". "But she is a happy-go-lucky, positive person. Loves stories, adventures and - yeah - well, take it with a grain of salt. It's a proud older sibling talking here," she chuckled.

Chanel nodded with a laugh, "Yes, she made her trade quite clear." She almost thought to mention what she had found the girl doing, but decided against it, figuring it would lead her to end up exposing her own involvement. She did not know that Wraen would have only been amused, rather then especially disgusted. She did not want the woman to have a sour impression of her. 

As Wraen mentioned a younger sister, Maia, Chanel's ears perked as she listened intently. Positive and happy-go-lucky- yes, that certainly sounded like the type of girls Chanel got along well with. And with tales, of romance and adventure? She was sold. "She sounds absolutely fantastic! Those are the type of people I like. Oh, I do hope I could meet her in the not-too-distant future... how old is she?" She inquired. Not that she couldn't be friends with an old wolf, but, most best friends she had made in the past had been close to her in age, and on some level she believed it to be a factor.

"Oh, she is," Wraen nodded in agreement. Chanel couldn't have chosen a better way to get in the Sovereign's good books, because she was proud of all her siblings, no matter, how far away or estranged their relationship with some of them was. She was happy for Terance's achievements in life, even though she had not spoken to him for a little more than a year. She wished well to Sarah, who she had not seen for more than two years and with whom she had not got along. In short - while personal relationships could be difficult and complex, Wraen was loyal to her family and would never take insults aimed at anyone of her kin lying down.

"Two, I think," Wraen made a guess, but, when it came to Maia, age had never really mattered. She could easily see them being the same in old age. One being super-optimistic, full of life, energy and getting into mischief and the other more laid-back, amused nonetheless and teasing the hell out of her. "Maia is very easy-going and very likeable. I believe that you will get along wonderfully," she reaffirmed her earlier statement. "I do not remember, if you told me, but do you have siblings?" she asked out of interest.

Two, Wraen told her. It was a good age for her to be friends with- a little older, but not so much that it would make a major difference. Chanel felt eager to meet her one day indeed. Next Wraen asked about Chanel's own sibling situation. She wondered how to address this question, but decided to be straightforward about it. "I was the only girl of my litter. I am told, I had two brothers, born alongside me-" She paused for a moment, a bit awkwardly, before continuing. 

"But, well... my family is a bit old fashioned. They wanted girls and boys to... 'know their place', and so we were raised separately. I, alongside my female cousins- and the boys, on their own, I assume with my male cousins. So, I don't really have siblings- none that I knew well, anyway." She sighed, a tad of dissapointment evident in her voice.

Yes, she had been privileged- but she was also raised under this sexist mindset, that girls had to do this and boys had to do that and that the girls could not be friends with the boys. It was a drag, to never know her littermates. Who cared if they were boys? They could've been good friends for her all the same. Was it so wrong, for a lady to roughhouse? Certainly she had been told stories of warrior princesses, so it didn't make sense- that she should have to be some perfectly behaved girl. She didn't agree with the way her parents had done things, and it was part of the reason she left in the first place.

"Oh, wow, I had never heard about raising children this way," Wraen felt genuinely surprised and intrigued by, what Chanel had told her. She came from a small, nuclear pack, it was hard for her to imagine that either of her parents would split their litter at birth and send them to grow up elsewhere only to fit certain criteria. Sure, it would have been fun to meet other girls besides Sarah in her childhood, but she did not see, how would such a move benefit the unity of the pack at all. Just as the father needed to know the name of their child, so did siblings needed to know and see each other. 

Speaking of Sarah, however... Wraen's smile turned into an amused chuckle. Her sister was the least girly girl she had known and the very idea that she would be raised alongside other girls would make her climb walls. She was definitely not someone, who would accept sticking to certain ideas about gender roles. "By "old fashioned" you mean they also raised you differently? It is hard for me to imagine that in the wilds, where we all encounter the same challenges and circumstances, regardless of gender," she pointed out, "there should be any practical reason, why one or the other should be taught a different mindset."

Chanel felt a little wave of shame wash over her at Wraen's surprise, at the strange way her family had done things. She didn't conform to it at all and it was part of the reason she left. But now she found herself in a pack, still conforming even if she didn't intend to- she avoided bloody and nasty things and kept her language clean and polite. She had trapped herself into a cage, which from she wished so desperately to break free. But initiating change could be difficult. 

"Yes. I don't think there is a good practical reason either and that's one of the many reasons why I left. They tried to tell me I had to be polite and well behaved, and neat when making a kill, and so on. I think they believed I would spend my life holed up by that mountain, living out my days alongside family. But that lifestyle wasn't my thing." She sighed uncomfortbly with a slow shake of her head, and brows furrowed at the thought of the strangeness of her childhood. And here she was, spilling it all onto her leader! But it seemed the woman didn't mind. Chocolate eyes turned back towards Wraen's emerald ones. "I'm still wanting to break free from the way they raised me. But I don't know how to live any other way and it's difficult, to shove myself into getting my paws dirty or voicing my true opinions all the time." She told Wraen.

Wraen laughed merrily at Chanel's explanation: "Well, in this part of the world being polite and keeping your opinions to yourself is called diplomacy. And I - as a leader - have an image to keep up, even though I would swear gladly from time to time."

"Though on the matter of speaking your mind - being bluntly honest - to other people... it feels tempting to do so, but in reality it never quite works that way," she grew serious, remembering her turbulent relationship with Terance in Sunspire. "I used to do that not once, but many times to my brother, with whom I shared relationship. It broke our relationship and we have been estranged ever since," Wraen told and looked in the distance thoughtfully.

"So... while it is good to voice your concern or dislike, you should present it in a kind and polite way," she concluded. "Especially, if they are people you have to continue to live with."

Chanel listened closely as Wraen explained there were benefits to staying polite. And as the woman shared an anecdote of her own, Chanel's expression grew a little more solemn, reflecting Wraen's own seriousness as she shared of her estranged relationship with a brother. She decided that the woman was very wise indeed- each of her words held something to teach Chanel, and the girl felt she could learn a lot from the leader. 

She was not sure exactly what to say then, and was quiet for a moment, before speaking up once again: "I am sorry about your relationship with your brother. But thank you, for telling me your story. I think there is a lot I can gain from your wisdom," She told her honestly, feeling humbled by Wraen's lesson and life experience.

"It's alright. He has a family, he is happy," Wraen replied, though she did not know for sure. Certainly Terance was better off without her, some relationships just did not work out or they faded after a good start. People came in and out of her life and over the years she had grown more at ease with those, who had left, and nurtured the friendships with those, who she felt wished to stay. 

"I think that you should not feel ashamed for, where you come from. What matters is, where you go from there. So - you will find the way in your life that works the best for you," she finished. "Take it one step at a time."  Then Wraen thought that they were done with philosophical stuff for the time being and could turn to something more practical. Like... "Do you enjoy travelling?" she asked. "Because I am looking for a person, who would wish to become a scout for us. I do my best to walk far and search for possible food sources, but with all of the other duties, I would like to entrust someone else with that job. The description involves frequent journeys, exploring, possible adventures and meeting new people."

Wraen closed up their conversation about the path of life- and then, she asked her about her opinion on traveling. Before Chanel would answer, the woman explained that she was looking for a scout. She described the trade as one with journey, adventure... meeting people and exploring... It tugged at her. Here she was- a girl who had come so far from home, looking for her own path in life, looking for adventure- would she take this opportunity? Of course she would. She wanted to travel and meet new people- it sounded unfamiliar and unpredictable, and that appealed to her. She wanted to break out of her cage, didn't she? 

"I would love to! It sounds delightful! I had already been thinking about what trades I should pursue- since I didn't really have especial talent anywhere particular. But if I could explore and meet new people while helping Firebirds- well, it sounds like a dream." She sighed thoughtfully, warm eyes twinkling as she smiled, hoping that this was her permission to travel the lands.

Wraen had hit the jackpot - it was a true joy to see the girl's eyes light up in excitement. "There are two lines of work here that we need - one is associated with ranging the hinterlands. To seek not only possible places for scavenging and hunting, but also taking notice of movements of prey," she went into details. "We could walk to the coasts one day, I could show you the spots I frequent, when I have the chance, and which are worth checking in case ocean has brought something valuable to the shores," she thought about the dead sea-lion that she and handful of other packmates had feasted on.

"The other is about collecting information about, what happens in the other parts of the valley. If there are new packs forming in the vicinity, what are established packs doing elsewhere. It will take a little more cunning and not telling the person outright, where you come from and what your intentions are. Rather being friendly and inquisitive and memorize everything people say," Wraen went on. "If there is any unrest or trouble brewing, I would want to know that as soon as possible. Our pack is alone here, but this can change, if the lack of food grows worse," she finished.

"Sleep on it and we can meet another day to scout together and discuss any ideas or your own plans you have regarding the job," she finally offered.

last post from me I think :>

As Wraen went further in depth on the trade, Chanel's mind drifted to how she would enjoy to see the coast. The beach in her imagination had dazzling white sands and blue, blue waters- she would look forward to seeing it with Wraen, even if she would end up disappointed when her imagination did not match reality. Still- exploring the Hinterlands more completely sounded interesting. 

The second part sounded equally enticing- but more exciting, more adventurous. The part that involved meeting new people, getting an idea of what other packs existed on the landscape, and which spots were the origins of trouble. Already, her mind wandered to the possibilities. But as Wraen said, she would have to be careful- keeping her identity a little masked, being a little mysterious and a little cunning. 

Finally, Wraen told her to sleep on it and that the two could meet another day. Chanel nodded thoughtfully, smiling at her leader as her imagination continued to run wild. "Thank you so, so much Miss Wraen. I'm so looking forward to this. I won't let you down!" She chirped optimistically.