Blacktail Deer Plateau Colorado calls to me

Roaming had done the woman some good these past few weeks.  Prey was still scarce and the weather still harsh, but she found peace again descending on her as she walked familiar stretches.  She'd forgotten it in her time with Ankyra, her struggles in Rusalka, her frenzied search these past months.  Traveling had always been one of her true pleasures, even before Ironsea.

She'd returned today from a short trip to seek out food, and while she was empty, she first made to find @Nieve or perhaps @Khepri (assuming she knew he was here).  Sometimes days passed quickly.  It would be good to find how they were.  Her good eye tracked the edge of the plateau as she made her way up and back within the trees that dotted their claim.

tags especially welcome but this is open to anyone!

As fortune had it, Nieve was at the plateau's edge, watching the flatlands below, when Rosalyn emerged and made her way up the towpath. The golden girl was therefore waiting for her mother's appearance with a slowly wagging tail and a smile. Her ventures out of the territory had been completely fruitless—she wasn't a great land hunter and the river was, by now, completely frozen over—but she was in relatively high spirits anyway.

Minus the bit about things feeling weird in Rusalka lately, which is what she wanted to talk about. Hi, mom! she called out, padding among the trees with the intent of joining Rosalyn wherever she was headed. Can we talk a bit?

She found her daughter quickly enough.  The girl was always around, it seemed, unlike her siblings who seemed more and more prone to departing.  There was nothing wrong with their leaving, but Rosalyn felt a fierce and grateful affection for Nieve and her desire to stay with both she and Erzulie.

I thought perhaps we could,  she responded, stepping up to join her near the edge.  Rosalyn leaned in briefly, then smiled.  How are you, mija? She had some talk that she wished to get into as well, but it could pause briefly while Nieve spoke on what she needed.

Nieve took the opportunity to butt her shoulder affectionately against Rosalyn's when she leaned in, and with a soft chuckle, she answered, good enough. How're you? It seemed like just yesterday she'd been gone. The days blurred together since Rosalyn's return, not necessarily for good reasons, but she was glad to see her mothers back together again. Nieve was unlikely to ever see all her siblings together under one roof again, but Erzulie and Rosalyn were her strongest pillars. As long as they were okay, she was, too.

D'you feel like, she began, frowning with a characteristic scrunching of her nose, things are kinda bad around here lately? It was a feeling she couldn't articulate well, but one she'd felt for a while, pretty much ever since Reyes' disappearance. She couldn't place a finger on the cause of it, and yet she knew she was no longer content with Rusalka. She hoped Rosalyn would understand what she felt better than anyone else might.

It was a good answer, and an honest one.  Good enough, she replied back with a smile, though it faded some to thoughtfulness when Niamh went on to explain her worries.

Perhaps bad is not how she'd have labeled it, but something was off here.  She felt the directionless list of the pack as much as her own.  There were few here and she rarely saw them, none had loyalty nor ties to their family.  Perhaps it was their fault for isolating themselves - or perhaps the pack was changing.  Under Caiaphas it had been a machine driven to her whims; now it was adrift.

Your mother and I talked about this.  It was why I wanted to speak.  She wondered how the news would hit; Nieve was born into this pack and had never parted from it, to her knowledge.  She wants to move, but we do not know when or where yet.  It may be wiser to wait until spring.  She didn't know if they would - surely they could survive? They'd done so before.

If you could choose a home, what would you want it to look like? she asked.  Here was a fair offer, but she knew her daughter loved the sea.  She wondered if that, combined with Erzulie's own desires, would draw her back someday.

Under Caiaphas, things had been better. The coywolf disappeared when Nieve was still very young, but even she could recognize that things hadn't been the same since then. Raleska was no longer Beta. Illidan was no longer Alpha. Aningan had stepped into the role that an outsider sought to usurp... and had done nothing with the title.

The idea of leaving Rusalka felt wrong to Nieve, but the pack itself had felt more wrong for some time. In her opinion, they lacked leadership and they lacked camaraderie, two things that she felt made a pack strong. Without either of those elements, what was the point of calling themselves a pack?

I don't think things will get better here before then. I want them to, but... everything was better before, she admitted, a strangely melancholy thought coming from the optimist that was Nieve. But it was true. If she was being realistic, then nothing was likely to change. She was in favour of leaving sooner, no matter how hard it tugged upon her heartstrings to do so. I once told mama I'd like to live somewhere with a big river and lots of big trees, but not as many cliffs as the sound. She pursed her lips, then said, I think I'd still like that.

Everything was better before.. It was odd to hear Nieve say that and still be referring to Rusalka.  To Rosalyn, the pack had never been home, no matter how she tried.  Her daughter's words reminded her that, for them, there was no other home.  This was it.  She wondered if moving rather than making it work, trying harder, was a selfish move for them to make.  Having to consider that made her quiet a moment; another aspect of parenthood she'd not anticipated.

That sounds like a good start to look for, she confirmed, and made a mental note to explore the rivers inland.  She could think of a few joe, but the trick was to find one isolated.  History had shown what neighbors brought.

What was better before? she asked then, curious to know what had made the pack special to her.  Rosalyn knew what she sought in a pack, but so far all of her ideals had failed.  This time she had held a thought,  but hadn't approached Erzulie about it.  She wasn't sure how it would be taken.

I dunno, she admitted, swaying noncommittally to the side and considering the snow under her paws for a spell. I just felt like things were steadier when Raleska was the Beta and Illidan was the Alpha. It felt like a pack. It felt like family. Of course, back then, she had been surrounded by siblings and the world hadn't temporarily struck Erzulie with loss after loss. Her siblings mostly being displaced didn't help Rusalka feel anymore like home, but she couldn't help pointing a finger at the leadership, whether it was fair or not. Things had simply been better when it was Illidan and Raleska.

Well, to her it had. Others might argue that the pack was more unstable than ever when the yearlings ruled it; it was a matter of perspective.

It just doesn't really feel like home anymore, Nieve admitted, glancing at Rosalyn. Does that... Is that mean of me to say?

Rosalyn listened carefully and was a little surprised by what she heard.  Hm, she expelled with a small laugh, and smiled.  No, love, that isn't mean to say.  It's true.  She thought about it a moment, trying to choose the words to describe it.  She'd had so few homes, it was surprisingly difficult.

We have a family here.  You, me, your mother, Raleska.  And Aningan, he means well.  But a pack is only as strong as the community, and we have drifted.  I'm sorry for that.  She reached over and pressed her muzzle to Nieve's temple affectionately.  Have you made any friends?

Her siblings were gone now, and Rosalyn felt the ache of their absence, but doubtless for Nieve it was worse in a different way.  She'd grown surrounded by others her age and now they'd scattered while she remained, holding the remnants of their family together.  It was a lot of weight for a daughter to bear.

Nieve knew Rosalyn meant well, and she knew she was right, but there was still a tiny part of her that was beginning to chafe with malcontent. When Illidan was leader, their family was large. They had Erzulie and Rosalyn and Nieve and Raleska, yes, but also the black-headed Eyjolfur and Reyes and Clementine and Marisol. There were other cubs, too. One by one, they'd all drifted away, and day by day, Rusalka felt less like the family it had felt like to her before, and more like a collection of strangers. In fact, besides them and Aningan, there wasn't much left to the pack. Certainly no one she'd spent any time with.

So the answer to Rosalyn's question was, no. There isn't really anyone to befriend. She supposed she could make more of an effort to get to know Aningan himself, but it felt weird to her. There was a huge power difference between them and she still felt too much like an awkward, dumb kid to find any common ground with the Alpha. It would've been nice if that Cam guy came, she mused, but there's really no one here anymore.

It felt sad to admit, pathetic in a way. She wasn't upset about it, but there was nothing tethering her to Rusalka anymore save her mothers, and it was clear she no longer loved the pack like she once had. She loved Rosalyn and Erzulie and Raleska, but not the pack itself nor their territory. No doubt their distance from the sea was also partially to blame for that.

As much as Rosalyn would have loved to have had an answer to the discontent she heard behind the answer, they were all in much of the same boat.  She thought of Erzulie, too, and how irate she'd been lately.  Perhaps it was time she had words with some of the pack.  Not official ones; she had no plans to route any here from their places.  But if they did not move before the winter was out, it might not be a bad thing to see if any here were worth knowing.

She had a half answer, but as a mother she didn't fully like it.  I've made friends within packs, but I've also made friends without them.  She replied, recollecting her early days.  Many of the faces she'd lost.  If you are careful, maybe some friends could be found nearby?  

Now here was a side to parenting she hadn't anticipated.  It had hurt her to return and find so many gone, and that cut would never heal.  The chance that Nieve might choose to do the same now presented itself, but Rosalyn could not deny her daughter the same freedom she had loved.  She just hoped that, for now, her mothers were enough to bring her back home.

It was an awkward topic, not only for Rosalyn who wasn't sure how to navigate this part of parenting, but also for Nieve who didn't necessarily want her mothers meddling in her social life. She loved them dearly, but she wasn't prepared to face the depressing reality that she just didn't really have any friends of her own. There was Raleska, but the Gamma was moreso Rosalyn's friend that Nieve's... and there was Cam, but who knew where he was, or if he thought of her that way at all. Her siblings were who-knows-where.

Feeling a little rattled by the realization, Nieve shook her head and said, no, don't worry, I'm fine. It's not like I'm sad or anything. She put on her most winning smile as if to prove it. She'd lived a life without friends and come out none the worse for it, having inherited a lot of her parents' solitary traits without ever realizing it. She wasn't a recluse, per se, but she was comfortable without friends.

Well, at least she told herself she was. Have you been to a lot of different packs? she asked. Someone came here not long ago saying she was just trying to meet the neighbours. She came from some pack called Uriwa Gorblaha or something like that. It seemed kinda weird to me but it makes me wonder how many packs there are out there.

It didn't seem like a lie, but she still didn't like to see her alone here.  Rosalyn again silently lamented her siblings and their choices to wander.  She could not force them to stay, and did wish them well, but they'd left holes to be filled.  She would not press the issue, but let her advice simply stand.

I've known a few, but not been a part of many.  Most are very different.  She thought of how ill suited she'd been to Sleeping Dragon, and of the bad terms she'd left with that pack she'd stayed with.  The Flamebirds?  She didn't recall.

There are a lot around here.  I've not heard of that one, but it isn't a bad thing to know our neighbors either.  We want to know the type of wolves who are near.  She smiled a bit at the name; it sounded ridiculous.   Did she seem friendly?  Friendly was okay; aloof was best.  Rosalyn liked neighbors who did not come calling often.

From us? asked Nieve, or from each other? She let the second half of the question hang unsaid. She'd gotten the sense from Bhediya that Uaine Gorsedd—a name Nieve couldn't remember for the life of her—operated very differently. She still didn't understand the point of a council when there was a presiding leader who made the final decisions, but since it wasn't her pack, it was a question she was unlikely to ever answer.

Rosalyn indicated that getting to know the surrounding packs was a good idea, but for different reasons that Bhe had cited. Her mamá's logic made more sense to Nieve than Bhe's did, if only because Nieve was born into a reclusive pack that kept to itself. She seemed friendly, Nieve replied with a nod. She said she didn't want to push boundaries but when I asked if she would move her pack if she was pushing boundaries, she said she wasn't the leader who made those decisions.

She said they have a council but there's an Alpha who makes the final decisions. Seems redundant to me. All in all, Oo Gor (which was all she could really recall of the name these days) sounded like a strange pack. Nieve preferred Rusalka, even if it didn't feel too much like home lately. Not sure where they live. Over the mountains someplace.

From anyone, she confirmed, answering the unspoken question without knowing.  Every pack was a product of those within and therefore each was different.  They could hold similarities, but more often than not they told of vastly different viewpoints.  Most leadership she had vast opinions on; Rusalka was no exception.

I've not heard of a council, though many packs have seconds.  They advise, but don't make decisions.  Nieve would likely know this, but Rosalyn said this more for her own sake.  She was thoughtful on it.  I wonder how that differs.  Maybe it didn't.  Likely she was scouting us as well, seeing how we were.  I'm glad she left with a good impression.  Contrary to history, we don't want trouble here. she said with a wry smile, wondering if Nieve was in the know enough to appreciate the joke.  It wasn't meant to be a jab at Caiaphas, though one could certainly interpret it as such.  Just a comment on their fortunes this far.

Well, said Nieve, first she said the council makes decisions together, then she said the Alpha has the final say. It didn't sound the same as advising to me, but if one wolf can veto everything, why have a council at all? There was a lot more to it than the gilded Epsilon knew, and just because it didn't make sense to her didn't mean it was unreasonable. It was a different way of life, and to her, it was confusing. Contradictory, even. Regardless, she'd learned a lot from Bhe and that knowledge could benefit Rusalka someday.

She definitely didn't seem like she wanted trouble, Nieve affirmed, smiling at Rosalyn. She knew a little of Rusalka's history of mischief and trouble, but she shared Rosalyn's opinion: it was better to avoid trouble than to invite it. She didn't catch how it might be a strike against Caiaphas. She was too busy agreeing with the sentiment. What was your most favourite pack? she asked, stepping away in a wide arc to rub an itching shoulder against a nearby trunk before swinging back to her mother's side.

It does seem odd.  She wouldn't profess to know how other packs worked; hers had always been captain and crew, no question of who had final say in all decisions and who made them too.  The seconds knew where they stood.  

She did not have much to say on that, but she had more to say about the latter.  Packs I've lived with, or only met? she asked, a little teasingly.  I don't suppose I've met many in particular, but of all the ones I've lived in, Ironsea was best.  Saltwinter had held Vlad, but he'd been the only one.  We lived just south of the sound, on the coast.  Smokestep was the captain when we founded, but after he left, I led.  Your maman was Quartermaster, which meant she was in charge of the pack under me.  She hadn't realized how fierce her wife was, or how apt the role had been.  Even now she sometimes was surprised by it.  It was a family, for a while.  Like Rusalka to her, she imagined.  It was easy to look back and see the good after the fact.

Everything that Rosalyn said from that point on painted a picture in Nieve's head of a tight-knit pack with two strong leaders at its helm. The Ironsea of Nieve's imagining lacked the instability that Rusalka often suffered while also lacking the fractured quality of the pack at present. A family, said Rosalyn, and Nieve felt her heart soar at the idea of a pack so well oiled that every member, blood or not, was just like family. Where would she stand in such a pack?

Little did she know it was the pirate in her that all of this sang to—she had a little of Rosalyn in her after all, inherited no doubt from Erzulie, who wasn't so different when you really broke it all down.

How come you left and came here? Nieve asked. Ironsea sounded a lot like Rusalka, only potentially better than Rusalka was right now. If the pack still existed, Nieve was very sorely tempted to go and check it out. Her mothers must've had a very good reason for leaving if it was truly Rosalyn's favourite pack of all—and a very good reason for staying in Rusalka in spite of current affairs.

The question naturally followed.  Smokestep left to find his sister, who had disappeared.  He took a good portion of the crew with him.  We made do for a while, but when a bear came to claim the beach, we couldn't hold it.  It had been long enough that she wasn't as upset with the retelling, but she still felt nothing but contempt when she said his name.

That's what led your maman and I to Rusalka.  After that, Nieve knew the rest.  Well, most of the next.  There were parts they hadn't really spoken of yet, but would soon enough.

I'd have liked you to have seen it.  But I am glad you had Rusalka.  It was different but it was home; At least for Nieve, for a while, it seemed.

Rosalyn told of Smokestep's leave-taking from Ironsea and the subsequent collapse of the pack, the event that ultimately drove Rosalyn and Erzulie to band together with Caiaphas. It was a piece of her past that would always shape her, and yet, she would never know it herself. Nieve would later wonder about how life elsewhere might've been if that pack hadn't fallen, only to be unable to come up with anything tangible.

If you led before, mused Nieve, why don't you lead here now? She didn't know how stressful leading a pack could be, and she didn't know the detailed events prior to her birth, either. I bet you'd be a lot better at it than Aningan, the gilded juvenile opined. Nothing really against the Arctic leader, but he wasn't exactly a proactive one. If he was, maybe some of Nieve's wayward siblings would've been found by now. But then, if he was proactive and utilized more of the pack's resources to search for those who went missing...

Would they be spread too thin and fall, as Ironsea did?

This one was complicated.  Rosalyn's smile faded some, but she laughed.  You'd think I would want to.  But I don't.  She did not necessarily want to explain to her daughter why.  It was hard, as a parent, to admit your struggles and mistakes.  She'd own up to the obvious ones in a heartbeat, but the insecurities she held close were different.  She wasn't sure she'd even shared them outright with her wife.

Aningan is young, but he may learn.  We've had few troubles here.  And maybe, someday, you'll lead?  She posed it light heartedly, but her single golden eye did search Nieve a bit.  She wondered what ambitions her children who did not choose to wander held for the pack.

Her immediate compulsion was to ask why, but Nieve realized she didn't need the answer to that. Some wolves were made to lead. Others were made to follow. She believed that Rosalyn was the former, but if her mother didn't have any such ambition, it was no one's business to force her into it or even question it. So she stilled her tongue and accepted the answer at face value, although she was a little uneasy about the possibility that Aningan only held his rank because nobody else was interested in doing it themselves.

Again, not because she had something against the Arctic Alpha... but she worried for Rusalka sometimes.

Rosalyn's question came out of left field. Her blues lifted to scan Rosalyn's face with the same scrutiny the russet pirate was studying her with. Nieve hadn't ever really thought about it. I don't know if I would want to, she admitted after several long beats chewing on the idea. In a lot of ways she was like Rosalyn: not a meek sheep to follow blindly in spite of her gentler nature, but not keen on calling all the shots, either. Maybe one day, she could be good Beta material, if she ever wanted it, but Alpha? No, it wasn't something she particularly aspired to.

She was grateful that Nieve didn't press for answers, and she nodded in obvious understanding.  She'd just said the same, had she not?  Not all wolves were made to lead, though she thought any pack with such a level head would be lucky.  Sometimes it was the ones who thought they shouldn't that made the best leaders.

I don't blame you.  But if you changed your mind, I do think you'd make a good one someday.  She said, with a small nudge.  Then she chuckled.  All of this talk is making me restless.  How'd you like a run?  She took a step or two towards the open ground, and cast a challenging look at her daughter, suddenly playful.  She was old, but not so old she'd allow her daughter to win a race easily!

wrap?  I loved this ;.; <3

Nieve beamed, though she had nothing more to say on the subject. Even if she didn't think she wanted to lead, it was nice to hear that if that ever changed, someone thought she'd be good at it. Her mother was kind of obligated to think her daughter would be good at anything she put her mind to, but... details.

You're on, said Nieve, wasting only a single second before rocketing past Rosalyn. Her mother was bound to catch up to her sooner or later, for she hadn't yet grown into her long legs and wasn't the greatest at commanding them yet, but the brief advantage was met with a whoop of laughter as they ran together across the plateau.

Me too!